Author kaitracid Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 So why on earth are you doubting yourself? Her kids will follow her example. They will gang up on you, abuse you. You will be left with nothing. They will suck all the emotional, physical, FINANCIAL and mental good right out of you. Eventually they damage she does to you is irreversible. You will eventually leave, but many years will have been lost. You will end up bitter and angry wondering what the hell happened with your life. You will only get to see your kid, god knows how many times a month. Knowing all the while your kid is being raised by a fc#king nutjob. You can see what is ahead. Today you just swerved around the train crash. Now we have to keep moving steadily along the track and not reverse back into the crash. how do i cope with the jealousy? she is a very attractive woman & she can quite easily get a man how do i cope with the fact, she could be sleeping with other guys soon, or dating other guys Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 how do i cope with the jealousy? she is a very attractive woman & she can quite easily get a man how do i cope with the fact, she could be sleeping with other guys soon, or dating other guys Come on man! You have got to be kidding me with this? Who gives a monkey's nutsack! You need to get your issues resolved. Forget about her! So what if is attractive? Seriously mate your thinking is VERY miscued. She can treat you like a stray dog, take you for everything, but as long as she is attractive and ****s like a porn star everything is good. I am starting to think you need more then the help of this site (i.e. a professional). Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaitracid Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 i will focus on myself... i know i have dodged a major bullet over here. she can do what she wants.... i will never know about what she does anyhow. the most important thing is.... i finally put an end to her bull**** and it was me, who ended it.... not her Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaitracid Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Come on man! You have got to be kidding me with this? Who gives a monkey's nutsack! You need to get your issues resolved. Forget about her! So what if is attractive? Seriously mate your thinking is VERY miscued. She can treat you like a stray dog, take you for everything, but as long as she is attractive and ****s like a porn star everything is good. I am starting to think you need more then the help of this site (i.e. a professional). mack05 in your case, was it you who eventually did the dumping? or was it her Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaitracid Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 when a woman calls a man names such as... a fairy, a woman, a girl, or a mouse what is she trying to do? i used to find these insults very offencive, as it felt like she is attacking me as a man Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 when a woman calls a man names such as... a fairy, a woman, a girl, or a mouse what is she trying to do? i used to find these insults very offencive, as it felt like she is attacking me as a man What does her intent/motive matter? It's wrong, period. If you felt emasculated by the things that she said or did, embrace that as something you will not accept and let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 (edited) mack05 in your case, was it you who eventually did the dumping? or was it her I dumped her, she dumped me. It went back and forth. We decided to take a break and during that break, I realised I did not want to be with someone like her and told her. I told her what needed to change and she just put all the blame back on me. She then made the final decision. With my crappy self esteem, I kept going back for more abuse. I broke NC a few times hoping she would finally take some accountability and responsibility for her behaviours. She never did. Also broke NC cause like you, I didn't think I would get anyone hotter. I know now just how dumb that is!!I am you and your ex is my ex more or less..That is why I am going to help you through this. She met someone new right after we broke up and I went off and healed for a year. Worked on my flaws. I feel so much better within myself now. I see her for exactly who she is. She is not a genuine person. Maybe it's her fault. her families. Don't know, don't care. It's not my job to fix her. I forgave her, hope she is happy, but other then that I couldn't give a monkeys nutsack what she is doing. Over the next year making plans on more travelling cause I love it so much. Could be Canada. Also planning on going to Brazil (Florianopolis) for the world cup next year and maybe stay there until the Olympics. Exciting times. Life is what you make of it. You are still young. U freed yourself from the shackles today. It's now really important to keep them off. Edited April 10, 2013 by Mack05 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 (edited) What does her intent/motive matter? It's wrong, period. If you felt emasculated by the things that she said or did, embrace that as something you will not accept and let it go. Have you been at the end of this kind of abuse geegirl? It is not as easy as you suggest it to be, to simply let it go. The person at the end of the abuse has many things to deal with. Amongst them are 1) Why did they tolerate this behaviour for so long. 2) Because their self esteem is so low, the damage an abuser does is severe. It adds significantly to the negative self image of the person on the receiving end. For anyone who has ever abused someone, please don't ever do it again. You really don't understand the damage you do to someone's psyche. It's cold, callous and ignorant to simply suggest 'get over it' or 'let it go'. If only life was that easy. Kaitracid I am a year out of my last relationship and while I have come along way, I am still not ready to date again. I still haven't come to terms with not only the abuse, but the others things that made my self esteem evaporate. Recovering from abuse, rebuilding self esteem takes time. It's actually a really rough journey but it has to be done mate. If I can do it, so can you.. Edited April 10, 2013 by Mack05 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaitracid Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Have you been at the end of this kind of abuse geegirl? It is not as easy as you suggest it to be, to simply let it go. The person at the end of the abuse has many things to deal with. Amongst them are 1) Why did they tolerate this behaviour for so long. 2) Because their self esteem is so low, the damage an abuser does is severe. It adds significantly to the negative self image of the person on the receiving end. For anyone who has ever abused someone, please don't ever do it again. You really don't understand the damage you do to someone's psyche. It's cold, callous and ignorant to simply suggest 'get over it' or 'let it go'. If only life was that easy. Kaitracid I am a year out of my last relationship and while I have come along way, I am still not ready to date again. I still haven't come to terms with not only the abuse, but the others things that made my self esteem evaporate. Recovering from abuse, rebuilding self esteem takes time. It's actually a really rough journey but it has to be done mate. If I can do it, so can you.. i appreciate your advice mack05 i know it is going to be a very difficult period for me... it's hard to explain, even tho i know deep in my heart it will not work, we still keep going back for more this is the 3rd time we have broke up. i know i am going to struggle real bad Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 i appreciate your advice mack05 i know it is going to be a very difficult period for me... it's hard to explain, even tho i know deep in my heart it will not work, we still keep going back for more this is the 3rd time we have broke up. i know i am going to struggle real bad This is why I will stay on your thread mate. I understand what you are going through. I also understand just how important it is to break free of this woman. Once you do you will feel liberated, especially when you notice yourself making real and genuine personal progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaitracid Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 i was told, it's easier being a dumper... does not feel that way at all Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 i was told, it's easier being a dumper... does not feel that way at all In your case, it isn't because you're totally invested in her. It's as though you're forced to make a decision, while right for you, still a hard one to make because you "love" her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaitracid Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 In your case, it isn't because you're totally invested in her. It's as though you're forced to make a decision, while right for you, still a hard one to make because you "love" her. it actually feels harder, being the dumper in this situation... as you are forced to finish someone you still love, also there will be the moments when the doubts will start creeping in, on wether i did the right thing this so badly sucks Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 it actually feels harder, being the dumper in this situation... as you are forced to finish someone you still love, also there will be the moments when the doubts will start creeping in, on wether i did the right thing this so badly sucks Yes, that is what I said, in that it is harder for you because your were forced to make a decision to end it with someone you are invested in and still have feelings for. Yes, the doubts will creep in. It's normal but as I said, write -- the reasons why you did it, focus on how it made you feel and try to visualize how you would expect to be treated by your girlfriend. Everytime you start to romanticize this woman, pull yourself back to your reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaitracid Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 having a terrible day with it today Link to post Share on other sites
Damsel in Distress Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I don't envy you So sorry it's a hard day. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 having a terrible day with it today I'm sorry it's a difficult day for you. You're breaking the attachment and along with that, hopes and expectations that have now become your dissappointments. It's going to get much harder but you have to stay the course. Imagine someone breaking an addiction, that's how you will begin to feel as you move forward. We've all been through it, so know you are not alone with these feelings. One minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. It will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaitracid Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 i think about all her negative points... but still can't help but love her Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 i think about all her negative points... but still can't help but love her The thing is, when I asked you what is it you love about her, you said you didn't know. I don't think this is love but you trying to break a toxic attachment, dependence on her. In any case, what you feel is normal. Negative points or not, the heartbreak will be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 i think about all her negative points... but still can't help but love her Some books that will help you mate.. 1) How to break your addiction to a person 2) The Power of Now 3) Getting past your breakup. You can get these books on Amazon. Because the relationship was toxic it is harder to detangle from. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) You don't love her at all, you love the idea of having regular sex with an attractive woman and you love it so much you have licked the s--t off her shoe for a long time. I really can't believe you went back with her this time after what you described in previous threads about her. And I still have a hard time thinking you're 37 and not 17. But yeah, you need to set up boundaries for what you will not accept as behavior from another person and stick to them. You don't have any right now, which is why you let her abuse you and treat you like crap. Edited April 11, 2013 by Simon Phoenix 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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