I'm not sure if she's a friend or more. How should I read this girl?!

[piper]

[font=arial][/font][color=black][/color]I need some help gang! The story gets a little long, but I'll do my best to keep it concise. Here goes:

 

One of my hobbies is playing the bagpipes, and I play in a pipe band. I've been in the band for 3 years, and have been friends since I joined with a girl. She's really cool. I've always thought her to be a little flirtatious with me, but never gave it much thought. She seemed to be like one of the guys and we hung out together whenever we went to competitions. Here's where it gets interesting. My first year with the band we went to a competition in NY, and stayed in a hotel for two nights. My buddy was along, and he slept in one bed while I slept in the other: with her. No hanky panky took place. Keep in mind that she had a boyfriend all the while, and I'm not really one to move in on another man's territory. The following season, she and I roomed together on a 5 day trip/competition to Canada, in a room with 1 bed, and, oh yeah, she was engaged to this dude by now. He's something like 10, 11, 12 years her elder, and she's 5 years my elder.

 

Anyway, I'll try and keep it short, but for the past 3 years that I've been in the band, on long trips we invariably end up sleeping in the same bed together. She makes hotel arrangements for these trips, and she's the one who has us staying in a single room together. Hmmm... She's given me backrubs, which rocked because she's good at it, and there have been instances at competitions where we're watching other bands and she'll lean up against me, put her head on my shoulder, or I'll lean on her and put my arm around her and she'll grab hold of it and pull it around her. She sits close to me at the bars when we go to them sometimes, and she's laid in bed, quite close to me even though the bed is queen sized and we could stay on our respective sides, and twirled her hair quite a bit, which is apparently a sign that a girl is interested according to body language "experts".

 

Here's the real kicker: She's a free spirit, never meant to be caged. She's said it herself, that she'll probably never marry. She and her fiancee have had fights recently, and she's stopped wearing the engagement ring, though she still lives with the guy. She even talked a little about getting out of the relationship. Problem is, not only does she live with him but he's very financially independent, and she's financially independent, while I'm a college student with barely a pot to whizz in, if you know what I mean, though I don't think that she's that kind of a girl, though it certainly doesn't help my situation.

 

Also, we have the same musical interests, including playing the pipes, and she's into the shooting sports, same as me. We both have said that it'll be a LONG time until we're settled down enough to POSSIBLY tie the knot with someone, oh, and she knows how and likes to work on cars (how sexy is that?). Whenever we part, whether it be leaving a bar after band practice or parting after a road trip together, we hug, and it's not just a quick friend hug, but a sincere one. Basically, the sexual tension between us is so thick that you could cut it with a chainsaw!

 

My question is a bunch of little questions: Is she simply a free spirit who thinks nothing of this? Is she possibly looking for a way or a reason out of her current position? Is she interested in getting to know me on a more personal level than what we're on already? I'm pleased and very fortunate to have her as a friend. We correspond frequently during the week via e-mail, as well as seeing each other on a weekly basis at band practice. I see beauty in her, both outside and in, and I appreciate the fact that she's a butterfly that you can hold in your hand and look at, but as soon as you start to close your hand it flies away. She's an awesome girl, and I don't want to jeopardize what we have between us already, which I guess is friendship.

 

I've pursued the lover route with friends in the past, and it went sour, so of course I'm a little gun shy. Furthermore, we play in the same band together, and I don't want things to get weird between us, or have the whole band looking at us funny, though, to be quite honest, if it did pan out into something then I really wouldn't care what anybody thought.

 

I know the score, in that I'm not falling head over heels for her, but I've had all of these signs thrown at me, or so I think, and because of me loving our friendship, I've resisted them with the quiet reserve of a monk! Well, sort of. Anyway, we've got another comp. coming up, and she's offered to me to stay with her at her parents' house that weekend, as it's close to the competition. Her parents will more than likely be away and her boyfriend, er, fiancee,er, whatever he is will be in Europe. That's another thing: he travels a lot, and doesn't talk about his feelings, which is why they have fights. I'm just so confused, I don't know whether to tell her exactly how I've seen things, or whether the next time she throws one of these body language signs at me I should just go for it and plant one on her and see what happens, or should I just forget it and remain a friend and friend only. How should I read this girl?!

 

I'm curious to get some feedback from y'all. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Lil Honey]

Wow! What a spot to be in! It seems that no matter what you do, you have the potential to lose out. If you make an unwanted move, you lose her friendship. If you don't make a move, you could be losing out on a good relationship.

 

If you two are close and can talk about "anything," I'd be tempted to find out more about her boyfriend and where he lands in her life. Since she is supposedly engaged, that should be the starting point of how to proceed. Or not proceed.

 

LH

[piper]

[font=arial][/font][color=black][/color]That's what I was thinking. She can be a little vague sometimes. I like to think of her as a riddle wrapped in an enigma. :-) Anyway, I was thinking that ultimately that's the best thing for me, emotionally, and I just need to pry it out of her. It's just thinking of a tactful, yet non-threatening, or I guess non-pushy way: Smoothness is I guess what I'm looking for.

 

I'm thinking along the lines of slowly and gently getting the information I need to make my decision from her, using subtle techniques, rather than just coming right out and saying, "Okay, what the heck is going on here?!". Easier said than done!

 

Thanks for the feedback. If ya have anymore, keep it coming.