Do I have the right to be upset? Or am I being too emotional? Facebook Issue...?

[frazzled12]

I confronted my boyfriend on liking some pictures and becoming fans of athletic and toned celebrities on facebook, which he does on a daily basis. He said that he has his preferences. I said what did he mean by that and he said that he appreciated the muscular and toned body whether man or woman.

 

I feel upset, almost like he indirectly told me he does not like me. He has in the past suggested for me to work out but I told him I did not want to feel force that I wanted to do it when I am ready. I am not overweight, I have ideal weight with just a bit curvy but that is all. I am feeling insecure, is this a reason to worry?

[Eggplant]

There are so many guys who are partial to curvy women. Why waste your beautiful hips on a man who really pines for muscular women? How deep into this are you?

 

I wouldn't say anything about the Facebook, but watch how he looks at you. You need a man who lusts after you. If this one doesn't, find one who does.

[pcplod]

I confronted my boyfriend on liking some pictures and becoming fans of athletic and toned celebrities on facebook, which he does on a daily basis. He said that he has his preferences. I said what did he mean by that and he said that he appreciated the muscular and toned body whether man or woman.

 

I feel upset, almost like he indirectly told me he does not like me. He has in the past suggested for me to work out but I told him I did not want to feel force that I wanted to do it when I am ready. I am not overweight, I have ideal weight with just a bit curvy but that is all. I am feeling insecure, is this a reason to worry?

 

So, if you get upset about it, what is it going to achieve for you? Will it make you feel better about yourself? Would you have preferred that he lied to you about it? Or at least bent the truth a bit? You say that you are not overweight, just a bit curvy. At face value that might seem like a contradictory statement. Is it? Apart from this issue over his frankly immature use of Facebook like this, how does he treat you generally and is it genuine?

 

If I were to suggest to you that a mature man does not vote for 'hotties' on Facebook even if he is single, never mind hitched but that despite that you are seeking to have your cake and eat it, so-to-speak, and are trying to be somewhat controlling in order to maintain your somewhat fragile self-esteem, would that be completely unfair?

 

PS. There is a small hard core of fetishistic men and women where the man deliberately fattens up the woman so no-one else will be sexually attracted to them and sometimes to such an extreme they actually physically can't move without assistance. And these women let them do it to them. Tell me why such extreme behaviour is not a sign of being completely *ucked up? Please.

Edited April 9, 2013 by pcplod

[Got it]

I am a bit confused by this. Why would his opinion on facebook likings mean he doesn't like you?

 

There are many women who lust over Brad Pitt, I doubt they are with BP look alikes.

 

I think we all have our opinions, interests, etc. If you feel that he is not accepting you, then that is one issue. If you feel that you may not fit all the boxes and that is causing your insecurities that is a different issue.

 

What has his actions shown you with how he treats you? Has he shown that he cares about you? I think you should look to see if there is a pattern of issues or if you are stirring up trouble.

[Almond_Joy]

....I think you're being overly sensitive. He told you he likes that type. He shouldn't have to suppress his preferences just because you don't look that way. I could see if he was being blatantly disrespectful by ogling other women when with you in public or something. They're just fb pics, and of people he's never even met and probably never will to boot. Let him look.

 

Also, if you don't want to change your body to suit his preferences find somebody who appreciates you just the way you are. That's not going to happen here and you will always feel uncomfortable or undesirable by him as a result.

[frazzled12]

....I think you're being overly sensitive. He told you he likes that type. He shouldn't have to suppress his preferences just because you don't look that way. I could see if he was being blatantly disrespectful by ogling other women when with you in public or something. They're just fb pics, and of people he's never even met and probably never will to boot. Let him look.

 

Also, if you don't want to change your body to suit his preferences find somebody who appreciates you just the way you are. That's not going to happen here and you will always feel uncomfortable or undesirable by him as a result.

 

Thank you I realize I am being overly sensitive and just need to enjoy my relationship. Thank you again for your advice, much appreciated.

[Almond_Joy]

Wanted to come back and emphasize the last part of my post. If he expresses disinterest or distaste for you because he prefers another body type, that can come through in how he expresses his affection for you. If you're confident enough to take that in stride then hats off to you.

 

Me, I can't stand the thought of being with a man that doesn't appreciate me as I am on all fronts, including body type. I think it will be hard for you to enjoy the relationship if he only tells you he wants something else.

 

I'm not saying you can't enjoy the relationship, but I think this triggered your anger because you don't feel appreciated as you are by him. That is a problem that I think stems from the overall relationship dynamic. If he complimented your body or lusted after you the way he looks for other more athletic women I don't think the fb thing would have triggered any reaction from you at all. I think you were overly sensitive about the fb pics, but not about how you feel overall. If you don't feel desired by him, that's a problem.

[standtall]

Oh jeez..are you kidding me? Your being way, way, way oversensitive.

[frazzled12]

Oh jeez..are you kidding me? Your being way, way, way oversensitive.

 

I really feel my relationship needs work, otherwise, I won't be in such predicament. I agree, I am being oversensitive it is true.

[blueskyday]

This is one reason I don't like Facebook! Creates problem! The underlying need you most likely have is to be above all other women. You need to feel desired, and special. He shouldnt ooo and ahh over other women, in any medium. Relationship 101!

[frazzled12]

This is one reason I don't like Facebook! Creates problem! The underlying need you most likely have is to be above all other women. You need to feel desired, and special. He shouldnt ooo and ahh over other women, in any medium. Relationship 101!

 

Thank you well said! Great words of wisdom.