My daughter misses my ex

[ChrisC81]

Hello

 

I have a 5 year old daughter who was very close to my ex. We have been apart for almost 2 months now and have not talked, he just walked away. We were together almost 3 years, and she is always asking about him and wanting to know why she cannot call him. He is all she remembers. She has even cried and its breaking my heart. She does have a father in her life, but they had a special close relationship and it boggles my mind how he has not even asked about her or even texted to check on her. What do you think? Should I be telling her something specific? Should I let her call him, without me getting on the phone at all? I think he is afraid to call or text because he doesn't want to speak with me, but I know he must miss her. Please share your thoughts. Thank you.

[HuffmanMontana]

Hello

 

I have a 5 year old daughter who was very close to my ex. We have been apart for almost 2 months now and have not talked, he just walked away. We were together almost 3 years, and she is always asking about him and wanting to know why she cannot call him. He is all she remembers. She has even cried and its breaking my heart. She does have a father in her life, but they had a special close relationship and it boggles my mind how he has not even asked about her or even texted to check on her. What do you think? Should I be telling her something specific? Should I let her call him, without me getting on the phone at all? I think he is afraid to call or text because he doesn't want to speak with me, but I know he must miss her. Please share your thoughts. Thank you.

 

The problem is you and him are broken up. What do you expect him to do? If there's no chance for reconciliation you should leave him alone so he can heal. Chances are despite who wanted the breakup--his heart has been broken twice.

 

I think you're best bet is to make sure your daughter knows that he loves her and he's still her best friend but him and mommy aren't friends so he can't come over. If you allow her to contact him--you're just prolonging her sadness too.

 

I could be wrong but that's how I feel.

Edited April 8, 2013 by HuffmanMontana

[SalientPoint]

I would talk to him and tell him what you told us about how your daughter misses him and let him make a decisions on whether he still wants to be a part of her life. I would take your personal feelings out of it completely and just state the facts about your daughter, how she misses him, she wants a relationship with him etc, and see if he's game. You could be right that maybe he still wants to be a father figure to her but doesn't know how to talk to you about it, or maybe he's done with both of you completely, which totally sucks, but is one of the really hard/unfortunate parts about dating with kids sometimes. I hope it works out for the best!

[ChrisC81]

Tisk Tisk

 

I don't know what happened between you and the father. I would hope there wasn't separation because of something petty.

 

I feel sorry for your daughter. Why don't you focus on creating a stable environment for her, instead of bringing all this hurt into her life?

 

Hopefully you understand that these continual relationships, and break-ups, could have a negative impact on her development....

 

 

This is the first man I have ever brought around my children. I didn't want him to leave, he left me. So it wasn't my choice. I thought we were getting married and that I would not have to deal with dating while raising my children. Unfortunately it didn't end up that way, so I am just trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and now my daughters.

 

Her real father and I split years ago due to his inability to stop cheating. He is still involved with her, but she became very close to the man that I was just in a relationship with. Like I said, she is the only man she has ever seen me with, so I am not trying to bring hurt into her life. But thanks for your input.

[Seachelle1]

Can you call him and have him sit down with her and you and together explain to your little girl what is going on?

 

He is an adult. He needs to be caring about the most vulnerable person in this situation: your little girl. If he won't do this maybe you can find a therapist to talk through this situation with your little girl.

 

love does not exist: your comment was pretty condescending. You don't know the situation and assuming like that is not helpful to anyone.

[ChrisC81]

Can you call him and have him sit down with her and you and together explain to your little girl what is going on?

 

He is an adult. He needs to be caring about the most vulnerable person in this situation: your little girl. If he won't do this maybe you can find a therapist to talk through this situation with your little girl.

 

love does not exist: your comment was pretty condescending. You don't know the situation and assuming like that is not helpful to anyone.

 

Thank you. I felt his post was very judgmental. As if I am hoeing around while being a mother. I was with this man for 3 years, and the only serious relationship since her dad. So, I am not sure what he was insinuating there. Furthermore, if it was up to me, we would have worked things out.

 

Anyway, I am not sure about a sit down talk, only because we have not spoken pretty much since it ended. I think he's trying to cut all ties because he thinks he has to. I am just trying to figure out the best way to go about it, because she's hurting and I want her to feel like he cares about her, which I know he does. I thought maybe if she called him without me involved, she could at least hear his voice and let him know she misses him.

[2sure]

Your daughter isnt going to be able to stay in touch with him, and soon she won't even want to. But still, a short sit down between the two of them would be nice. So she knows he didn't leave because of her. Life has changes, but she should know it doesn't mean it's anyone's fault and it doesn't mean he doesn't care. She should be able to call him just to reassure herself.