What now?

[memomma]

My husband and I have been having serious problems for several years now...no abuse, infidelity or financial issues just the unavoidable fact that we do not talk to one another. Days will go by without a word being said between us. Tension swirls through the air the majority of the time we happen to be in the same room together. Relations between the two of us are so infrequent that I'm tempted to say they are nonexistent. Basically we've become two people who share a house and nothing more.

So.....that being said. I've made a decision to end this nonsense. I'm seeing an attorney this morning and will see what my options are. I think what I'd really like to do is to have a trial seperation of sorts with the agreement that we seek counseling as a couple during this time. Maybe give it a year to work out....if possible....our many differences. I don't know if this can be a reality or not. I really don't see him being cooperative and moving out of this house without a HUGE fight. That is one major reason I've delayed making this decision, I know he's going to dig his heals in and make things difficult.

I'm not saying it won't be difficult. I just wish we could calmly and rationally recognize the fact that if we are not able to work together as a couple to resolve our HUGE problems then we should just admit this marraige was a mistake and move on.

Last night, after a week of silence, he reached over in the bed and hugged me. Remember, I've got this appointment scheduled in the morning and now he decides he wants to "reach out to me." That's what he said when I asked him what was that all about. The day before he had called me a liar when I confronted him about a blatant lie he was caught in involving one of my children. Anyway.....blah, blah, blah......if I keep going into all the details it ends up sounding just like that to me. blah, blah, blah.

It's the same thing over and over and over. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of trying to figure him out, explain his behavior to my children and I'm tired of being neglected and continously having to be the one is who forgiving and willing to put things behind us in order to go on.

I asked him......again......if he would go to counseling. Nope. Won't even consider it. I feel like he has left me no choice but to consult with an attorney for divorce. I think if he had been willing to say yes then I would have been willing to hold off making this decision. Now I kind of feel like I've forced my own hand. I have to do something because this nonsense has become unacceptable to me.

I feel sorry for him. I know he's miserable and will probably work himself into having a heart attack with all the supressed anger he exhibits. I just don't think it's my responsibility to fix him. I'm willing to work with him but not for him.

Okay....enough venting on that subject although to me it's a big one. thanks for listening and pray that all works out for me and for him as well. Despite all of our problems, I wish him no harm and truly would like to see the man be happy.

[Papillon]

You both deserve happiness. It doesn't sound like much of a marriage to me, and it's such a sad, typical example of the oft futility of modern relationships.

 

I would have done this long ago, but obviously because you have children, it makes it enormously complicated. If you plan on getting a divorce, do it while your kids are still young and can work through it more easily.

 

Good luck, I'll be thinking about ya and holding thumbs.