SECRETANGEL Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 ....Warning.. Long and Explicit.... Hi All, Your not going to believe this.. First let me say that i've been good girl. Havent done anything to put my marriage or anyone elses on the line. Whenever i have felt like it, i write about it, get it out of my system, and go about my day. Friend and I got to see each other and it went well. We hugged, laughed, it was nice to see him. We decided that even though reading about what could happen is fun and is a safe outlet, it cant happen, bottom line. If we were not married though he states there would be no question what his actions would be. He considers me a fun, smart and sexy woman but more importantly we are friends and we are not going to wreck it. Now, If you remember, i mentioned in my initial post that my husband leaves me home with the baby often to go to heavy metal shows. He's been drifting further and further into the lifestyle and no wishes to have a piercing. Even though i have my misgivings about him leaving me, i try to comprimise and make his arrangements and be understanding. I've been feeling that he keeps alot of feelings from me. We used to talk all the time, now there are just questions i've learned not to ask anymore, becuase he flares up then shuts down. Ive been trying to explain to him that i've been feeling really good about myself lately and love having all the extra energy, ive lost 30lbs since may/04 and excersing. Im trying to really take better care of myself for myself and so he can feel good about having a beuatiful self confident wife. In the midst of all this, i been trying to get to make love more often, but he says he is tired. and he doesnt understand why i'm feeling this way. and i have to beg for him to kiss my straight on the lips and hug me for more than a minute. Its as if sometimes he wants me and sometimes he doesnt. Im sorry i think he is very sexy and loving, why shouldnt i want him any chance i can get him? i thought that was healthy in a marraige? bear in mind we went from sex 4 times a month to 2/3 times a day for a week at time.... Now this is when it gets interesting... You know you just get that feeling that something isn’t right... doesn’t want to hold me, kiss me, have sex often, money is disappearing.. etc..... Well i found the following emails, yes i have his password, its a trust thing....go figure...some is explicit sorry moderators but i don’t feel i can edit them... What should i think or say now, cuase i want out at this point.... Dated 9/14 to some woman that he hangs with often. hey i need to know if gina has a ticket or if your sure you guys can get in to the locobazooka...cuz i already have yours just in case...do you need me to get ginas tik also....just in case? i just wanna make sure everything goes smoothly. meredeath email me or sumthin to make sure your ok....i read your away message about your not feeling to well...if there is anything i can do...you can count on me. bye luv....mi rubia querida (mi rubia querida, means my blond cutie, or my blond sweetheart in Spanish) Dated 9/15 to a girl ive never heard of. wsup mami!, im not doing well, but soon i will be ok. i am gettin a divorce in about 3years..its on the down low tho..she dont know about it yet. im workin a new job, its daytime hrs and weekends and holidays off. its stressin abit but what hospital job isnt? my son is doin better not ttall tohere yet, but he has improved he can say some sounds...he can stand abit. i missya girl whatcha been upto? still in penn? my cell is still *****..if you can gove me a number to call you and the times lol bye babe Dated 9/15 to the same woman in the first email im sorry you had to see that ****er wit a chik. your better off without him. i know whatever they say it still hurts......you will move on....you deserve better...your nuthin less of a queen. and dont let anybody make you think your any less goddamit. and i dont belive he ruined you. you know not all the gys are the same...just far between. sometimes i cant stand girls...girls are the devil..lol.....but i got to know you....and your stirring me up emotionally. and i like it. anyways if you need time to yourself i undertsand....but im a call away....whatever you need...do not hesitate....i wanna feel your pain...there always room for misery here in me...especially you meredeath. dont worry you will be out soon...and if you need my help on that to speed up the process...you ****in tell me "josh i need you and your money now!" and i guarantee i will be there for you. your too precious meredeath.....i hate seeing you hurt. f*** that niggah hope that bitch he was with give him an std and dies...maybe that was abit harsh but **** it. i know he couldve talked to you about this event but if he didnt tell you that he didnt want this realtionship to go further after 6 yrs together....what do you expect. expect the unexpected sometimes. **** my ****in life partner went out to do her pedicure all geared up....and came back 5hrs later all tired n ****...and her toes wasnt done...it ****in hurts...but this is what it is. **** her! i dont need her! but my son does...and you know if it werent for him...****. im sorry. i know you want to let it out..just do it in a way... p.s. i see what i can do about ginas tik bye love BTW: he bought the ticket for that girl $66 Can i scream now? 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arcadia Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 im not doing well, but soon i will be ok. i am gettin a divorce in about 3years..its on the down low tho..she dont know about it yet. Okay... that sentence right there is ALL i would need to see in order for me to divorce that man and never look back. What are you waiting for? He just proved what a jerk he is right there! **** my ****in life partner went out to do her pedicure all geared up....and came back 5hrs later all tired n ****...and her toes wasnt done...it ****in hurts...but this is what it is. **** her! i dont need her! but my son does...and you know if it werent for him...****. im sorry. and what is that all about? Is he talking about you? This looks like bad news.. i think you need to get out fast. he is obviously more interested in these others girls than he needs to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 See a lawyer and find out what your options are. You may not want to divorce him yet, but prepare for the worst anyhow. When I confronted my H with all the evidence of his internet escapades, I had already been to the lawyer's office. It's comforting and calming to at least have all the information at hand. I think in retrospect that it was because I was calm that we were able to put things back together. Believe me I wasn't at all serene when I found all that crap on his computer!!! I'm sorry this happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 15, 2004 Author Share Posted September 15, 2004 Arcadia, Yes, he's so eloquent isnt he? I went out 2 nights ago to get a manicure and pedicure. Yes, i looked nice. If i feel good inside, i want to look good outside. Yes i was gone a long time not 5 hours though, i saw my friend afterwords (nothing happened). Im was on my period and i had cramps and took medication and it knocked me out. I can see how it might of looked odd. But it felt so good to be out of the house. p.s. i did some investigating.... turns out the girl "merideth" stayed at the same hotel he did. and have a bank statment where he purchased Liquor from the day he checked in. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 How old is your husband, BTW? I'm just curious as he seems to be fond of gangsta slang.....ghetto speak-whatever you want to call it. If he's over 18, he sounds rediculous. What I suggest you do is gather up every posession he treasures-and put it in a large cardboard box (disclaimer, there are to be NO LIVE POSESSIONS in this box) Then, grab some gasoline, pour it on (being careful not to splash yourself in the process) and light a match. This should be done, in the evening for maxiumum effect. Preferably as he's pulling into the driveway. Oh, and you'll have the locks re keyed by this time-run into the house and lock it behind you. Then, start throwing all his OTHER crap out the nearest second level window-if you live in a rancher, add all these things into the burning pile. Your kid will be staying at a trusted relatives, so is in no danger of being scarred by the insults you yell out the window at him. Then, get on the phone and call his parents. And yours. Actually every one he knows. And if your lawyer won't let you do that, burn his favourite things secretly. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 hee hee Spock Your man thinks that you're cheating on him: You go to have a pedicure, you're gone a long time, you spend time with your "friend" You come home "tired" and your toes aren't done! He's talking crap behind your back, because he thinks you're cheating on him. He's planning to divorce you when your son is old enough because he thinks you are cheating on him! Why does he think that you're cheating on him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 15, 2004 Author Share Posted September 15, 2004 ------>Spock Here is the timeline.... He is 30 and I am 29. Known each other since 19 and 18. We've been together since 20 and 19. not including a split we had when i was about 22 Got back together when i was around 23, married when i was 26 ( 4/21/01) . Had the baby at 27 (7/12/02) Ive never heard him talk like that ... It makes me sick. We live in an apartment and both of his parents are deceased. for the rest of the fiery suggestion.... I have begun the research process into this Merideth Person, but im going to play the stupid wife a little longer. Im going to stay loving and supporting no matter how much it hurts... becuase im going to give him enough rope to hang himself... Im installing a keylogger before he gets home... im going to collect as much information as i can. Over our vacation im going to see if we talk and hopefully all the love will make him feel like opening up due to guilt or something. At least that is what i am hoping. I have a friend who is a private eye... im sure i can call in a favor.... --->MONDAY I think its becuase im feeling so good lately, trying to look nice, cleaning the house more, being more alive i guess. Listening to music outloud... But i NEVER leave the house, i leave once and im cheating... but he can go to shows everyother weekend and during the week, and i cant say a word. Imagine.. im alone from 7am to 4pm and then from 7pm to at midnight or later. and i've been faithful...I engross myself in the baby and the internet and work...ok ok.. i go to chat rooms once in a while, but thats it. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Well, in that case it sounds like he's putting blame on you to make himself look good. In that case, call in your PI friend, play nice wife for a while, and see if he does "hang himself" make sure he can't find the key logger, and did you check the cookies? That might help some Try talking to him. Tell him that you noticed he's been distant lately, and you wanted to know if something was bothering him. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayman Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 SECRETANGEL , A keylogger is grate but if he's IMing her you will only get one side . If he's IMing I would sugest NETNANNY Chat monitor . Only 19 buck's .The keylogger was how I found out my girlfriend was kissing on a 17 yearold and she's 29 . I got the net nanny program and I now see every thing . And thanks to some one she worked with that called me to snitch on her that's what put me on guard . Hang on to your self . Remember you are smarter than him that's clear . And for God's sake make him use protection when you have sex . The last thing you need is to get a STD or have another baby with him . Your life will go on and when you make your break you will feel better about your self . Blessings to you, Peace out Jayman Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 15, 2004 Author Share Posted September 15, 2004 ---------update------------ keylogger has been installed. It logs EVERYTHING in ANY program in the computer, both sides of ANY message, it decrypts passwords. I mean it really tracks every single mouse click, and key pressed, it it happens on the computer, its going to catch it. and its super stealth. LOVE IT! $34.95 Called the "Perfect Keylogger" www.blazingtools.com Its been featured on TechTv, God im glad i remembered that show! The program doesnt even appear in the start up menu, task menu, it renames all its own files, screen captures and emails or ftp everything to you at any interval you set and/or based on certain keywords you enter..... The only way you can make it appear at all is by pressing a set of buttons at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 This does NOT sound good at all. GET OUT NOW. These things can get very nasty and dangerous. Gosh. Who needs enemies? Youre sleeping with the biggest one of all. This guy is scary. OK. Go ahead and get all of the evidence on him if you can play it COOL. But do everything to make a clean break away from this horrible situation. I am so sorry you are having to go through this emotionally. And it will not get easier -- probably for the next year or more depending on how "MESSY" things evolve. Be careful NOT to provoke him into violence towards you and also, you need to NOT become out of control in front of him. This is likely to turn very abusive: Emotionally (as now) and possibly physically. Be careful, be smart, and seek protection FAST. Netalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 People, The $hit hit the fan last night.... Ill post the details in a little bit... So much to say... Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 I am patiently waiting! Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 IT'S BEEN TWO HOURS, AND I WANNA KNOW!!! I'M DYING HERE!!!! POST PLEASE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 I downloaded this program before and it showed up in my start menu and is too easy for a user to find.... maybe I did something wrong - don't know.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 I'm sorry ive been trying to gather my thoughts and emotions and really trying to absorb everything that was said and happened. This isnt easy.... after installing the keylogger, he came home, he was tired, he went to bed with the baby. I signed on to AOL. I have her name on my buddy list, and on her away message she has my name and says, hi im on the phone right now. I was like wtf! and i had to talk to him, it couldnt wait to the weekend. So i gently woke him and told him that i loved him that i needed to talk to him. and asked him if he was cheating on me and if thought i was cheating on him. He said that no, he isnt cheating but that he belives that either i have already cheated, or am on the "road" to cheat. I affirmed to him that i wasnt, and havent. i never raised my voice. He says that he sees it, and he feels it, and i should just admit to it. He brought up when i cheated before we were married, and he says that he sees the same signs,, him not being around.. etc... ResevoirDog1 if you out there, he was hurt by my request, and he feels less like a man, and know he feels he cant pleasure me. Whats worse is that he didnt understand the request, he thought i wanted some crazy three way... Honestly, just going out and doing something im not supposed to is what i really would have preferred. But no matter what i said, it just uglier and uglier. I affirmed to him that what i write about is all fake ( he's never read it though). That my friend and I have never crossed that boundary. He said that becuase i write it, means im thinking about it, and that means im going to do it... he punched the concrete wall when i told him i saw him the day i got my nails done..... I told him that he was a respectful man and never has done anything out of line with me, that calmed him down a bit.. Note.. the line... "he is just a friend" ... really doesnt work... he said he felt like packing up the baby and leaving....that night.. That i always hurt him, always put him down, always shut him out, and that its my fault that i dont go out or have a life or friends. I offered counseling, he got upset, he said all that stuff is Bull$hit. He says he wont stop going to shows and trips and if i didnt like it, i could divorce him ( i think he said that out of painful place ) Well, if dont want to go with me, ill go, becuase it would be nice talking to someone who is non-judgemental. God, I wish he was more agressive with some things, all the freakin responsibility for certain things go 110% on me. im leaving out a bunch of stuff in between...my mind is realling....i want to get so wasted, but wont.. baby needs me. he was repulsed by my touch...and that he can barely make love to me know without thinking me with someone else ...but i calmed him down... He says that he doesnt divorce me becuase he loves me, he is just so hurt be everything.... He says that he doesnt comprehend the stress im under. He says that he doesnt believe i have memory failure due to it. ( proven by md) He says he doesnt like this other side of me, hes afraid.... I told my friend everything that happened and asked him if i destroyed my life, and this was his response : c'mon now this is not all one sided no matter how much he's putting the blame on you, I don't know what your relationship is like but I doubt you are solely responsible for the trouble its in now. what you both need to do is take the time to talk and work the **** out instead of pointing fingers (that goes more for him). I doubt whatever you did is bad enough that would warrant his behavior. If a person is interested in making it work they can.... If there using things as an excuse to continue with a behavior they know will not help the relationship then in that persons mind they are already decided. look stop dwelling in misery over this, u are the one trying to work things out, your the one trying to be reasonable. The problem is he doesn't want to work things out because he enjoys playing the victim and have who ever he's talking to stroke his ego while he's portraying you to be this big heartless bitch. Oh poor me, poor me. thinking that way wont solve ****. If he wants a divorce its because he wants to bale because being a husband and father may be not what he expected but u know what you have to step up when u take that responsibility. so what he's doing is making it seem like you drove him to whatever he's doing, u the heartless bitch of a wife. its a lie men make themselves believe to justify the dirty **** they do. I should know I have done that before. Its easy to do and u know what we always find some woman thats willing to come to our "rescue". don't blame yourself for his actions, if ****s bad he should be straight up and say ****s bad not go to some bitch that he takes out and spends money on while u sit at home alone with your sick child. Don't be a fool secretangel try to work it out but, u cant just be taken for granted either. You know now that ****s better between me and ev we go out everywhere together. Things can be solved if both parties are willing, the only thing is it seems now he enjoys being the victim to much to even try to fix things. I wish I could give you the answer, but the bottom line is if he doesn't want to work things out then u need to start planning a life without him. --------------------------------- See he has never been with anyone else. He doesnt have fantasies, he thinks they are BS too. He doesnt know what its like to want someone and not be able to have them, becuase i have been all he has wanted. WTF! i just wanted to let go a little bit, do things out of charector, dress up for him, write for him, dance for him.. pretend hes a stranger.... engross myself with him to the point that i can pretend am someone else even.... have him call me over the phone... I wanted him to pick up on that side of me that wants to come out but doesnt becuase i just dont know how on my own...I know this is TMI, im sorry... Im going to get blasted for this. My friend... he knows how to bring that side of me to the surface.. and he has never touched me, EVER! why the hell cant my husband! why isnt he interested? My friend sees that other side of me as fun, while my husband is detested by it? And if his wife was going through something like that, he'd just hold on for the ride (no pun intended) Its taken me YEARS to even admit that i could write! Im probly not making any sense, im sorry. 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Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 after you install it.. go to the taskbar, and they is a little icon that looks like a bar graph. right click on it, choose hide icon, if you need anymore help, just email me. Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 BTW on AOL AIM you can put %name or something so that when someone looks at your away message, it will automatically put their name in, so it looks like a personal message. Is that what you meant? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 no. i never contacted her and when i placed the mouse pointer over her screen name her away message had my name on it.. Husband says that because he used my account sometimes.... and the dsl kicks in so fast that it logs in under my name.... That wont happen anymore, ive unsaved and changed my password. He didnt belive me until i showed him. edited to say: he was very protective when i typed in - HI. he doesnt want me to confront her in any way, she doesnt want me and her to argue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 17, 2004 Author Share Posted September 17, 2004 this program is freaking amazing.... Im catching convo's he is having with some girl that is dying to see him..fpr some weekend. He says how upset he is that i know that he wants a divorce.. she says she dont want to wrapped up in the drama, doesnt what the wife calling her. he types to someone else how im not taking no for an answer... Its right what my friend said.. he was just waiting for me to screw up to give him a reason to. the best damn 35$ i ever spent! he is f()(*)( clueless... we talked again a little last night... blah blah,, i love you... i know you havent physically cheated... maybe its me too... i dont feel right anymore with you... i wouldnt take the baby from you... i still would like to go to ac for the weekend....the baby needs it.. even its raining.... Dont touch me.... Your hard to talk to.... you dont listen.... I feel like im bailing on you guys, call me a woose... This man is so freakin conflicted.... he is sleeping on the couch.... I dont need this crap. going to keep collecting data.. and then im going to sweep his world out from under him with it. Praise God for this message board!!!! I know that my posts are long and sometimes ramble... but thank you all for listening... I need to know how to tap his cell phone.. any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Sheba Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Yikes! Just get it over with, don't you think? Why collect more, you have enough? Get rid of that man. It obviously a race between you two to the finish - why give him a head start? Go see a lawyer - immediately, directly. Find out your rights and obligations, make a plan with the lawyer so that you do not lose out on what you ought to receive. Then, do what the lawyer says! Incidentally, I feel for the man too, if he knows that you are writing erotic stories to another man. How painful must that be for him? I think that you have "cheated in your heart", that you are TRULY unsatisfied with your husband and you should each go your separate ways in search of fulfillment. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 <=======thinks Sheba is exactly right! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 17, 2004 Author Share Posted September 17, 2004 <==== thinks both of you are right.. I dont want to rush this.. Ive found the other girls number, and in process of verifing name and address. have her cell and her home... he's been calling while im asleep... need to get things in order... dont want to jump the gun... i need to keep playing oh sad wife that still wants him.... I still love him though... Im thinking about canceling the vacation, i need the money for the lawyer.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Lots of lawyers have free or low cost initial consultations. Don't let the money stop you from getting the information you need. And do you love him? Really? It's a hard question, I know, but you can't proceed in any direction until you answer it. You're the only one who knows whats in your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 17, 2004 Author Share Posted September 17, 2004 Yes. I love him, i love our little family. I love what we had. I miss his smile. I miss his friendship. Im just always made to feel like im responsbile for it all good & bad. But im not the one planing some interstate meeting.. I dont care how innocent it MAY be.. you asking for trouble alone in a hotel room with a sad man, lonely girl, possibly alcohol. Phone records show he's been calling since at least May/04. His sister told him that at one time i mentioned that if he goes to another long distance show i will divorce him. Well he said that i might as well divorce him, becuase he is still going to go.. He would put that above our family. Thats selfish and inconsiderate. I remember when he went to a far concert last year.. thats when the baby was having really bad seizures.. and i was home with him... alone... He says he feels bad about that... but he still goes...blah blah He has $300 in concert tickets in his drawer... and thinking about Dr. Spocks idea..... Link to post Share on other sites
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