Ladyjane14 Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Can't blame you for that!!! lololol But if you have to control a man to keep him, why keep him at all? We can't make other people into who we want them to be, or get them to give from their hearts what isn't there. You know, you put your friend in your husband's place to some degree. Husband can't be your friend like he used to, because someone else is already ahead of him there. He's doing the same to you, by putting someone else in your place. Now either you can both stop, recognise your behavior as destructive and emotionally dividing to the marriage, and get your butts into high-gear to repair it; or get away from each other and get on with your lives. If you do go your separate ways, I would caution you still to drop the friend. You'll end up ruining his marriage too if you don't. (You sound like a good-hearted person, and that would be more guilt than you need in your life.) And if you do split up, you're going to have to put a lot of energy into learning how to co-parent your child. That will take precedence for awhile over building up new romantic relationships. Wish you luck, hon, you have a tough situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SECRETANGEL Posted September 17, 2004 Author Share Posted September 17, 2004 I dont want another relationship. I just want the one i had. But we've been having communication issues before i touched base with my friend ( i only see or hear from him, every 2 or 3 years). Husband admitted to it last night... Im always willing to work it out... But i just called the lawyer and will see him this afternoon to discuss my options. The baby is number 1#, husband says he wont take any possessions, becuase he knows the baby needs them all. Just seems to me that he has been thinking about seperting for a while, and wanted to surprise me with it.. Thats not cool.... Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 You're right, that's not cool. You know, for the longest time my H pushed and pushed me. Like he wanted to be such an a-hole that I would be the one to be the bad guy and ask for a divorce. That way he could just be a victim, and I would be th bitch who ruined his life. That's the way I saw it anyhow. When it did finally come to that and I had already consulted with the attorney and told him it was over, he discovered that a divorce wasn't really what he wanted. That might not be the case for you. When an ultimatum is put on the table, you have to be prepared for it to go either way. I looked back on your '1-Day' post. It looks like he may have been hoping you would screw things up, so that he wouldn't be the bad guy. That might be reading too much into it, but maybe not. You two appear to have drifted apart in your daily lives. Just because you are seeing a lawyer, doesn't preclude the idea that you might still work it out. You both have to be willing to sacrifice for the marriage to work though. He needs to either give up the concerts, or take you with him. He needs to accompany you to things that you enjoy as well. And maybe you should both consider getting the internet out of your home for awhile. You can't communicate with each other when you're both talking to other people. Just some ideas. Post again and let us know how your appointment went. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts