When did you give up hope?

[Decorative]

How did you manage to hold it together at home through all that? I managed to keep myself together (barely) all day yesterday, stomach full of knots, and then burst into tears & sobbed the second I got into my hotel room. Thankfully I had this trip because I was getting increasingly paranoid, anxious, depressed, and angry this weekend...didnt think I would be able to hide it from H.

 

Gently..... Is this how you want your life to go?

 

You deserve so much more than this. So much more.

[movingon45]

aaargh this reminds me of why I broke up with my ex college bf and now ex MM. There were no promises made, we were just flirting through text and then had 3 instances of PA. So one day we were flirting through viber because he was out of the country and we just made jokes about me joining him. I thought it was a big step, so I didn't take it seriously. But then my friend (the only I trusted with my A) encouraged me to do it just to get it out of my system once and for all.

 

So, I texted him to ask if the flights that I found would work. No answer for 3 days, and yet I saw on Instagram (he asked me to follow him) that he liked some photos, so I knew he was online. 3 days later he texted that he only got my message now that he's back in the country. When I said about the instagram, he denied it and told me to check when he last posted a photo. True enough it was 3 days later, but I told him that I saw that he liked some pictures. He asked me what photo it was but I said that I can't remember and I don't have a proof because it happens in real time.

 

We had huge fight about this because he said that I'm calling him a liar and that he was hurt. He then said that his phone did not work for 3 days because it was thrown in the tub. WTF!!!! So I ended it right there.

 

I told him that maybe it's God's way of saying that we better end this game. NC after that for a month I think but I missed him and contacted him. His text responses were cold. So I thought that it's time to end and we can never be friends.

[stevie_23]

and that's what makes it so hard to move on. You not only lost a lover, you also lost a friend. You lost someone forever.

 

Yes. I have only got one other ex and we're best friends, so it has always been foreign to me to break up with someone and to just NEVER see them again or speak to them again.

 

My ex-MM and I cannot be friends. Firstly because of his wife. She knows who I am obviously so I can't get anywhere near him and haven't tried to. Secondly because of us. The nature of us. We WERE friends as well as lovers as well as "spiritually married" as well as everything else. And we would always just go back to that kind of bond, no matter what. And we can't do that. So we can't have anything at all. It's very sad.

[Mycatsnuggles]

how to move on?

 

For myself I had to weigh the costs and benefits of the relationship. It satisfied so many "needs" for me I continued in the relationship even when our physical contact diminished from 3 times a week to once every other. At so many points I had to weight the pros and cons until finally the cons out weighed the pros. OM did receive a few emails where I stated enough was enough and I needed more contact but each time I caved.

 

If you don't want him to disappear again ignore at least two of his attempts to contact you. Always drove him insane the few times I did this. The most we ever went without contact was once for 7 days, and yes he had a plausible excuse. But its a EMA unless your married also and have a full life outside of him, get out now.

[Lillyfree]

 

If you don't want him to disappear again ignore at least two of his attempts to contact you. Always drove him insane the few times I did this. The most we ever went without contact was once for 7 days, and yes he had a plausible excuse.

 

if you need to play these sorts of games, is it worth it?

 

it would just drain me more ...

[BrokenPrincess]

if you need to play these sorts of games, is it worth it?

 

it would just drain me more ...

 

Lilly, in theory I agree with you, but you know what? In reality I kind of agree with this. It's not that different than "The Rules", remember that? Affair or not, making yourself not completely available in the early stages if a relationship (which by nature of the A beast is a prolonged state), it seems to be the dance that men respond to.

[Lillyfree]

Lilly, in theory I agree with you, but you know what? In reality I kind of agree with this. It's not that different than "The Rules", remember that? Affair or not, making yourself not completely available in the early stages if a relationship (which by nature of the A beast is a prolonged state), it seems to be the dance that men respond to.

 

oh, i agree that it works. and i agree that you shouldn't be completely available - but not because you're playing a game, you should be busy living a real life.

 

i dislike games so much however, that playing them would frustrate me quicker than MM's lack of attention.

[TurningTables]

Broken, I am sorry you are hurting BUT,(forgive me I'm about to get real with you)

Why are you settling? This is NOT right and this is not love or friendship. Don't kid yourself. How dare you let someone do this to you? Disappearing without any word and leaving you hanging? Don't you think you are worth so much more than this? Someone who felt cares and loves you would not make you hurt like this. It's cruel and very selfish.

Please take this time and think about the advice given here. It's time to cut your losses and move on to someone who will be yours and yours alone. Yes, it's going to hurt, maybe for a long time. But soon you will look back and he will be gone from you and them you can truly move on.

(((Hugs))

[Lillyfree]

Being married already makes her incredible unavailable.

 

The reason the MM does not call is because he is also unavailable due to his marriage.

 

By definition the affair relationship is about fleeting moments and is unrealistic to expect more.

 

The real question is why the OP clings to this. What is lacking in her? How is she able to contain the incredible sorrow in front of her family and husband? Why does she chooses a non-authentic existence with a husband she despises and feels repulsion? Why does she has a need to do all this unhealthy behaviors?

 

It is ALL her choice.

 

exactly pierre.

BP already has a life. she's got a husband, children, enough to keep her unavailable without having to play immature games with MM.

 

the sad thing is (and i've been there before) MM takes priority over her real life. to him however, his family comes first and BP is getting crumbs.