Family problems may be preventing relationship!!

[kym160671]

Hi!

 

Please bear with me, it might be a long story but I would appreciate any advice at all!!

 

Recently my ex and I have been discussing the possibility of getting back together; I get the feeling she wants to get back together and so do I - especially since neither of us wanted to break up with each other in the first place.

 

The following paragraphs are background reading to the story. If you don't want to read them then just skip down to the paragraphs at the bottom of the page which are in bold!

 

We had been going out for nearly 3 months although we had been dating for a month previous to that also, which made the relationship seem even longer. We had the most perfect relationship, we loved each other and wanted to spend every minute together. However, at the time we first started going out - she was a devoted christian and I wasn't. I was on the fence when it came to beliefs - I had been an atheist for the past few years but I still had a belief that God did exist. Before I met her, I would regularly go out drinking and would curse in nearly every sentence, however, I was a moral person - I have never hit anyone in my life and never would and I respected the law. Things started to change for the better however when I met her - I stopped drinking and cut down the cursing - not because SHE wanted me to do it, but because it was ME who wanted to do it - I didn't want to lose her.

 

I never went to church with her, although, I don't think she wanted me to go in the first place - yet we were both fine with that. However, one Sunday evening she told me she needed to talk. The following day we broke up over the phone. She said she could no longer go out with me - and it was because of what was said in church. I realise now that it was one verse in particular which brought this on -

 

"You are not the same as those who do not believe. So do not join yourselves to them. Good and bad do not belong together. Light and darkness cannot share together" (2 Corinthians 6:14).

 

She said that she needed to get stronger with God, and unfortunately that meant ditching me.

 

I was devestated and so was she. She cried on the phone while telling me - I knew she wasn't lieing; she wouldn't - Her religion is very important to her. She still wanted to be friends...

 

At the time I was really angry at her. I thought to myself, how could anyone put their beliefs before a person they cared about so much. I didn't know what to do - I talked to my family and my mum - they were almost more annoyed at her than me. They were persauding me not to be friends with her and were saying things like 'obviously she never loved you, if she can do that to you'. I was in such an emotional state that I was just accepting what they were saying. I told her the following day that I didn't think we could be friends, that I never wanted to see her again and said that she never really loved me - that really hurt her and made her burst into tears again. A day or so later, my head was beginning to clear and I realised just what I had done - I had told my best friend that I never wanted to see them again. I rang her and apologized and explained why I did it and luckily she accepted my apology and we agreed to be friends!

 

Just before we had broken up, I was having thoughts about becoming a Christian - I was planning to tell her before the break-up occured but i never had guts to even mention a single word to her or anyone else about it. Even though we broke up, I was still having those thoughts and the break-up spurred me on. I asked her what the chances would be of us getting back together if I became a christian and she said she couldn't see us getting back together. I was devestated - but I still wanted to get saved. That's when I realised I wasn't doing it for her. Although I was wanting to become a christian, I still had some atheist views on things and was still confused about things. I got in touch with a friend, whose father was a Minister and I agreed to meet with him. We talked and he managed to sort some doubts out in my head. At the same time I was looking at various christian websites in order to find answers to my burning questions. The minister invited me to a church meeting which was taking place the following Sunday night in which he was giving his testimony - and if by some strange co-incidence, it was at my ex's church and she would be there so I warned her in advance that I was coming. I believe God spoke to me that night and by the end of the service I thought I was ready to be saved ('saved' is a word used for becoming a christian). After the service I talked to her - and told her that I thought I was going to get saved that night - I was shaking and she could see it. We talked for a good while and somehow the subject got back to out relationship - I asked her about the chances of us getting back together again if I got saved that night - but it was still the same response. However, I was still determained to do it. I found the minister and talked to him - and got saved that night. As I was getting into the car at the churches car park - she walked out, I ran over to her and gave her the news, she smiled and gave me a hug.

 

Later that week - there was a church mission/service taking place at her church - I didn't think she'd be going but I was going anyway. Turns out she actually was going to the meeting too.

 

After the meeting was over, she sat down beside me and we talked for a while. She was her usual bright, happy-self to begin with but there seemed to be something bothering her, as the conversation went on, she got quieter, and began to look sad - I knew there was something up. We said our goodbye's and I left but her emotions that night were bugging me. I sent her a text message asking if everything was okay. She replied and said that she missed 'having someone to hold' and that she 'thought she was getting over me, but she's not'. I rang her, and we started talking about us, she said she was confused and she didn't know what she wanted - we've been ringing each other every night since then, talking about us and the possibility of getting back together. She said that she was worried about certain things if we did get back together but I managed to ease nearly all of her fears - apart from one. My family. I could have lied and said that my family were okay with her, but I never lied to her and I'm not going to start now.

 

When we were going out, we would go to each other's houses regularly and we got to know each other's parents really well. My parents really liked her and thought we were a perfect match. They loved her....until she broke up with me - they seen how devestated I was and took that to their heart. They don't even want me to be friends with her, and although hate is a strong word, I honestly believe that they do hate her. After telling my ex-this, it really upset her and she's been really depressed the past couple of nights on the phone. I am worried she's having second thoughts about us getting back together because of my family!

 

At the minute we've decided that we should meet up as friends and see if anything happens - but I'm really worried that my family is going to prevent any relationship!

 

If anyone has ever experienced problems like this or can give advice in any way, I'd really appreciate it.

[Moose]

I think it would be a terrible error on your part if you don't persue this relationship. Your family has a right to be upset for someone hurting you. But, they need to forgive as well. Since you've been saved, forgiveness will come easier to you. I don't know where your side of the family stand as far as their faith, but, they shouldn't be a factor in your relationships.

 

Your ex shouldn't be too upset either. You need to comfort her and show her that just because your family isn't going to be the happiest bunch of campers for a while, that your love for her isn't going to waiver because of it. Your family will get over it eventually.

 

Your story was pretty close to what happened between my wife and I when we were dating. Her religion and background with her family was extreme when it came to their faith. She was, Backsliden, when I met her and of course we were having sex before marriage. When she became pregnant, her family didn't want her to have anything to do with me at all. She wouldn't marry me because she didn't know for sure that I was saved. For this my family had a hatred for her. It wasn't until her 8th month of pregnancy that she asked if I was saved or not. When I was able to tell the exact day, time, and place that I accepted Christ, she immediatly told me she'd marry me.

 

My family held a great deal of resentment because they felt that being saved was the only deciding factor for my wife to tie the knot. It wound up being only one. We've been married now for 17 years this December......longer than ANY member of my family has EVER been married. And it's for that reason that my family now understands that she was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

It'll take time, years even......but your family will get over it......don't let them deny you of a perfect relationship with her.