Turning from amicable to ugly

[Scoobydoo7513]

I'm not even sure where to begin here. I was with my first husband for 13 years, married for 6, no kids. He really is the love of my life but for details I won't go into, we divorced about 4 years ago. Heartbroken, young, and stupid, I met a guy through mutual friends, we hit it off, I moved him into my home 2 months later and a year later we had a quick quiet wedding in my grandmothers back yard May28 th.

 

That July 19th my 30th bday, we went out to celebrate and my husband went on to get very drunk. On the way out of the casino, he started kicking the elevator panel and security hopped on and escorted him off. While they had him across the car for a search, he was being incredibly disrespectful both to me and the officers and said horrible things to me including calling me a c**t and telling me to FO and die.

 

At that point I knew I made a mistake but I stayed. (Yes I know stupid). I hoped things would get better and i could help him but we have now almost been married 3 years. I have brought up divorce but I'm scared of him. The police have had to be called multiple times and they can't stand him, he got arrested this past December for a domestic violence charge against me.

 

Finally a couple weeks ago he agreed to grant me the divorce. I'm on a plane now flying back to get it taken care of but last night and today he is pulling his old tricks and is back to wanting to contest.

 

Like I said I wanted this to be amicable and we just leave what we came in with. I bought my home in 2001, it has been in my family since 1974. Now he is trying to tell me that if I file he will make things miserable. I have become very Ill over the last few months and just want to start the healing process.

 

Between his nasty calls, texts, and emails last night, should I play hardball back? We have no kids. I have my vehicle fully paid for, my house paid for that I only pay property taxes and insurance on, and boat which I had long before I knew him also paid for.

 

He on the other hand has a 12k car that he owes almost 18k on, has never owned a house in his life, he has back taxes going all the way back to 2006 in the amount of 110k (I paid his 2005 off back when I was still working). When i met him he was making 1600 a week and i got him a job About 2 years ago making on average $200k a year. Once he got that job he asked me to quit my j so like an idiot, I did.

 

Like I said I was ready to just have a no contest divorce but now with the things he is pulling I'm considering letting him have it. I paid for my home so he never put money into that but he has been paying for our food and utilities. Since I have been out of work for two years and it will take me a little while to build biz back up I'm now considering asking for 2500 a month spousal support for one year and if he keeps fighting I'm considering letting the IRS know how much he is really making and where to find him. We file taxes separately so it won't affect me.

 

Part of me doesn't want to go that route but he has hurt me and my family so much and I just wanted it over quick and as painlessly as possible.

 

Any ideas?

[od_dear1]

If it is making you ill, you must get someone legal involved. You should not feel scared. I have been called some horrible things and taken it, because I felt controlled.

Save every single voicemail, text, email, letter and use as evidence. Saying he will 'make life difficult' for you is a threat, perhaps not physical, but psychological. That is unacceptable.

 

Do whatever you need to do to get shut of him and him as far away from your life as possible. He sounds like a complete head-case.

[Wickedgurl]

Is the house in your name only? In most states what you came into the marriage with you leave with. Get an order of protection and get the hell away if you can and only come back for court appearances and insist upon a police escort to and from court. Or if you have the funds hire a private body guard. Your safety is paramount. Three years entitles him to very little. And the violent history works against him as well. Believe NOTHING he says in regards to what he will win. He's talking out of his ass. BELIEVE him if he threatens to hurt you and take appropriate steps. Good luck

[CC12]

Have you hired a lawyer yet? Do that first. He/she can tell you what you might be entitled to and which of his legal threats are actually things that you might need to worry about.

 

Does he still live in your house? Is there any reason you need to be in contact with him at all? If not, I'd say don't ever speak to him again. Restraining order is a good idea, and probably won't be that difficult for you to get at least an immediate, temporary one based on all the documented domestic abuse. Actually, start with that. Then get a lawyer.

 

And as far as asking for alimony and getting him in trouble with the IRS, I probably wouldn't do that. It's easy to want revenge against someone who has been so terrible to you, but I'd rather it just be quick and over rather than prolonging his presence in my life.

 

Anyway, try not to ever speak to him again. Let your lawyer talk on your behalf.