2sunny Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 failed: Its divorce: now i give up: Life is nothing And this surprises you? That floors me - that you didn't realize it! All your friends told you she wasn't making effort for the M to reconcile - most everyone here told you hat seemed real. I'm sorry you're sad. Try to get busy living and moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 And this surprises you? That floors me - that you didn't realize it! All your friends told you she wasn't making effort for the M to reconcile - most everyone here told you hat seemed real. I'm sorry you're sad. Try to get busy living and moving forward. i think that he needed to get to this point, think he's done the right thing by trying to do what his heart wanted..me now has closure...now its time to think with his head turning points are needed, now matter how you have to achieve them ... you'll get there Tom now that you have direction 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tom amoss Posted June 10, 2013 Author Share Posted June 10, 2013 What I find so upsetting is, how on Thursday can she say our marriage was worth it and make an effort, then on Sunday be totally the opposite. Want divorce, and added for effect she hasn’t loved me for 10 year. YES 10 Years, What’s that all about, how can someone can lie for 10 YEARS! Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 What I find so upsetting is, how on Thursday can she say our marriage was worth it and make an effort, then on Sunday be totally the opposite. Want divorce, and added for effect she hasn’t loved me for 10 year. YES 10 Years, What’s that all about, how can someone can lie for 10 YEARS! Cold and heatless...sadly it's just taken some time for you to see this, nothing wrong with that cause you love her. At least you know, which is why it's a good thing that you have seen her and have now got direction that you needed and deserve...given half the chance I think my H wold have left me hanging, I listened to his words and saw his body language...I knew he was mentally gone and understood it wasn't worth trying to fight for him anymore. Unfortunately this has set you back many steps keep strong Tom Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 What I find so upsetting is, how on Thursday can she say our marriage was worth it and make an effort, then on Sunday be totally the opposite. Want divorce, and added for effect she hasn’t loved me for 10 year. YES 10 Years, What’s that all about, how can someone can lie for 10 YEARS! Can you elaborate on what she said - why she came to this conclusion now? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 And this surprises you? That floors me - that you didn't realize it! All your friends told you she wasn't making effort for the M to reconcile - most everyone here told you hat seemed real. I'm sorry you're sad. Try to get busy living and moving forward. 2sunny calm down a bit ok? i understand your tough love approach but what you are saying is a bit over the top imo aM 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 What I find so upsetting is, how on Thursday can she say our marriage was worth it and make an effort, then on Sunday be totally the opposite. Want divorce, and added for effect she hasn’t loved me for 10 year. YES 10 Years, What’s that all about, how can someone can lie for 10 YEARS! tom she`s playing games with you and sorry , but it`s a game where you will lose all the time she has said she`s done? accept it from what she has said aM Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesandy Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) What I find so upsetting is, how on Thursday can she say our marriage was worth it and make an effort, then on Sunday be totally the opposite. Want divorce, and added for effect she hasn’t loved me for 10 year. YES 10 Years, What’s that all about, how can someone can lie for 10 YEARS! 10 years.. you are lucky, my ex told me when she left that she didn't love me for 12 years and stayed only for the kids.. ouf.. punch in the stomach.... I can feel you pain Tom... Move on..... nothing to do in that case... it is not like she said she loved you but not since several months... 10 years means she realized there is something better outside... may be another man... but not that permanent or that close, so unsure, explaining her steps forwards and backwards... I don't think she is playing a game. I think she has realized she can be happier outside the M but not 100% sure she can make the move.. depend on her mood.. Edited June 12, 2013 by Bluesandy Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 10 years.. you are lucky, my ex told me when she left that she didn't love me for 12 years and stayed only for the kids.. ouf.. punch in the stomach.... Same thing happened to me. I've come to realize it's a common thing that WSpouses do in order to comfortably obliterate their past and jump into 'greener' pastures. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Same thing happened to me. I've come to realize it's a common thing that WSpouses do in order to comfortably obliterate their past and jump into 'greener' pastures. I've noticed that those estimate are tripled and often quadrupled. There may have been the seeds planted at the time mentioned. Ah, Hell, I don't even think that is true. They just aim as far back as they can to make their exit all the more justifiable and put that last nail in the coffin. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 They just aim as far back as they can to make their exit all the more justifiable and put that last nail in the coffin. In our one disastrous MC session, she was asked how long she had not been in love with me. It extended back to when we got married, like 14 years previously. I asked, "Why did you marry me in the first place?!" and she couldn't answer. The further I get along in Life, the more comfortable I am with the idea that "Sh_t happens", as simplistic as that sounds. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Tom, back on April 11th you said that "it's the old wife I love", since she is gone forever the only thing keeping you in your pain is you. The sooner you realize you hate the new wife, the one that is here and now and forever, the sooner you will get through this and start your healing. You can not make your old wife come back, you can't make her love you again and you can't nice her back into your marriage. First thing you may want to do is take some cooking class's, you need to be able to take care of yourself. Time to close that book and start the new Tom amoss adventure novel. The world is a big and exciting place and I can vouch for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 The further I get along in Life, the more comfortable I am with the idea that "Sh_t happens", as simplistic as that sounds. is that another way of saying "life`s a bi*ch and then you marry one" ? aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 is that another way of saying "life`s a bi*ch and then you marry one" ? aM ha! No, man, but I know what you're saying. I, for one, refuse to believe Life's a b*ch. Not even a wrong pick can sway me from my innate optimism. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) ha! No, man, but I know what you're saying. I, for one, refuse to believe Life's a b*ch. Not even a wrong pick can sway me from my innate optimism. yah i know what you mean, hence the big grin at the end;) i agree sh*t does happen , and i also think it`s meant to sorry for the TJ tom aM Edited June 13, 2013 by aMguilts 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesandy Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) I've noticed that those estimate are tripled and often quadrupled. There may have been the seeds planted at the time mentioned. Ah, Hell, I don't even think that is true. They just aim as far back as they can to make their exit all the more justifiable and put that last nail in the coffin. You are probably right.. She sent me I love you messages till one month before the split when she left for her boss, she told me she didn't love me for 12 years.. very disturbing, but I think you are right, it is a way for her to take off the guilt... Edited June 13, 2013 by Bluesandy Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesandy Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Hi Tom, no answer for a while... how do you feel... Courage André Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tom amoss Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 we are now selling the house. its over. wish i had better news, i had so many hopes we could sort this. but she is now like an ice queen. I still cry, but now i am releived as well. i look forward to life being kind to me. Tom Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 we are now selling the house. its over. wish i had better news, i had so many hopes we could sort this. but she is now like an ice queen. I still cry, but now i am releived as well. i look forward to life being kind to me. Tom It will, Tom. It will. Don't despair. Live one day at a time. Many people here in LS have gone through ordeals like yours and even worse. And they're still alive. Most of them are even better than they were before. That's why they are here. To help other people like you. One day you'll probably be here too. But this time not in search of help or advice. But to help and advise others. Have faith and remain strong, bro. You are not alone. You have two adult kids. Ask them for support. They will not desert you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nervous Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 we are now selling the house. its over. wish i had better news, i had so many hopes we could sort this. but she is now like an ice queen. I still cry, but now i am releived as well. i look forward to life being kind to me. Tom Keep posting Tom. I've just read you're story from the beginning on and off over this evening and I feel your pain. My wife suddenly left me 3 weeks ago. She managed to stay the first week after she dropped the bomb. Stayed with her sister the 2nd week and then moved into a rented flat this weekend! That devastated me. She even took our dogs. Her stuff is still around. Most things are the same in here. I have begun to accept she may not be back. I'm about 3 years younger than you and also live in the UK. I also work for the same company as my wife. I identify with your story. So keep posting because it's helping you, me and all the others on here. Link to post Share on other sites
hayewils Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Hey Tom, I also look forward to life being kind to me.. When all we do is work and take care of our families, to try everything we can to make a better life for them and ourselves.. I am at 3.5 months and feel a lot lot better. Still think of her every day, every waking moment is on her.. I wish we weren't her but, we are. All we can do is continue forward in our lives.. Make the best of what we have right now. Although I miss my wife like crazy, I understand that she was very unhappy and wasn't in love with me. I can not make some one love me, I can not make some one want to be with me.. What I want today is, to take care of me and what is at home. I have my kids, my dogs.. my home. I am looking forward to things Ive wanted for a long time. looked at a new truck today, very nice.. also interested in buying a boat, I love fishing so, a good boat would be great.. even being pulled by that new truck im looking at.. ive decided that, even though I can not make her love me or be here.. im not gonna hang around waiting and moping anymore. life is to damn short to die to damn young.. You are still alive!! Own it, take it by the horns! make it yours!! Scott Link to post Share on other sites
Bluesandy Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 Hi Tom, take the life one day after another... I got one scoop, you know my wife went away from me and my 3 daughters with her boss 4 months ago. I found out last week, they had a big fight because he was too jaleous, he beat her, they split and she reported him to the police, he got arrested to his job as a high position banker, they will go to court this week and he lost his good job apparently. For now, my wife is desesperated for what I know, but I won't make any move.. Still with the great girl I have met 3 months ago, the honeymoon is better everyday with her, so I am not in a hurry... Will see how things will work out.. Now she is alone, she makes pressure to see the girls more often, so I can see her more often around the house, that I don't really like since I have applied NC for 4 months... Courage Tom, sometimes, life gives you a strange direction... So you never know... Just hope and take care of you, things will get at the right position around you when ready... Link to post Share on other sites
hayewils Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 Tom, How are you doing. Havent heard from you in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tom amoss Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 Hi everyone. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. Well its just over 5 months now. In lots of way I have not moved on at all. Spent hundreds of pounds on counselling and even hypnosis. I see-saw from desperately wanting her back, to ,OK she’s never coming back, but just look at me, my life. I have nothing to live for. One day out of 5 I may get a goodish day, where I can think more positively, but it’s a big fight to maintain it. Deep down I know she will never return, but to get hope, a fire in my belly for life, OH I so desperately would love to find that. What doesn’t help is I’m still working with her on our business, its still only via email, so haven’t see her for a while, but that connection is still there. Its not easy. Plus I work from home, so feel trapped here. I would have thought by 5 months I would have made some progress,but my emotions and loss and grief are just as painful as there were. Any advice on getting hope for life, a future, or just blanking her from the mind? Thanks Tom Link to post Share on other sites
Nervous Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 Tom Sorry to hear you're still in pain over it all. Have you got financial affairs settled and a new place to stay? It appears I'm heading in the same direction as you. After 2 months, I have the solicitors letter and heading for a settlement. My wife's friendly at the moment, but it's in the back of my mind that she will change when she gets what she wants. Then what? I don't know if I can have her back after all this. How to cope? If I'm honest I miss her company (or is it just any company I miss). I too spend a lot of time at home alone. I do a lot of housework, watch a lot of DVDs, read a lot of books. I'm sure you've done this too. The loneliness is crushing sometimes during the week, but I get out with friends and relatives at the weekends. I keep thinking about how to meet someone else and have looked at match dot com. But I haven't gone through with the join up because it doesn't feel right. All advice says we just need time to get through it. I am at the point where I can accept this is over some days but not others. It's a rotten feeling. Trying to find a way back into a social life isn't easy either and I'm not 100% sure I want a busy social life in the first place. It's so confusing. You're 3 months further in than me. How do you keep yourself amused? There must be some aspects of living alone and having free choice that you enjoy. All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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