High Standards, Good or Bad?

[xxoo]

The thing about physical standards....

 

You can find someone who meets all of them and feel nothing special for them (outside physical attraction).

 

Most people inevitably fall in love, by virtue of proximity, with someone different from their "checklist"....and then they don't care about the list anymore.

[ltjg45]

Do I have high standards?

 

At first, I would say, "Yeah." I mean I never entered a relationship at all and I'm 26.

 

But when I look at a dating site and can friend over 400 women, some of them even older than me, I wonder if my standards is really as high as I thought it would be.

 

My standards is really simple too.

 

1. Don't be bigger than me in weight.

2. Don't smoke.

3. Don't drink heavily.

4. Don't be cruel.

5. Have respect for others, including those who are your enemies.

6. Have some form of an active sex drive. My preference is virgins although I can be "easily trained" if you want.

7. Be both dominant and submissive in bed. (Yeah, that is a dream right there.)

8. Have no children.

 

The only one that is not required off of that list is #7 only because I can't tell what kind of women she is sexually just off of dating.

 

Maybe even #8 depending on how she has handled her kids. If they run around demanding things from me and they expect not to get chewed out by me afterwards, then I'm out of here.

 

I do know this much: I have seen hundreds of attractive women that, at first glance physically, I would have no issues being with for the long term. Just that later on, almost all of them has shown that they have one of these deal-breakers that I can't stomach.

[hppr]

thank you for your input, I understand where you are coming from and you make a good point, my hardest goal in life is just to find a girl that is not looking for marriage and it's difficult. As for the tall, dark and handsome thing that was just something of me saying I'm imperfect, that's all.

 

No marriage? As in you want an open relationship or you just aren't sure about the whole marital institution (but still practice monogamy when you date)? The difference there is a very big one and probably part of your problem...

[hppr]

You sound pretty passive so whatever your standards are, more assertive men will get to those girls faster. That's the real reason why you are single.

 

Yeah above all else as a guy you gotta be assertive. If you're passive and hoping that a girl will notice you for your career or good nature it probably won't happen. It's the same for men and women, you can't just sit and wait and hope for the right one to come along.

[Disillusioned]

Two different mentalities are at work here.

 

One is the serial dater who doesn't know what he or she wants, and doesn't care, because usually all they want is to have quickie sex and then throw the other person away like an empty beer can. If and when they do settle down, they still have that "any port in a storm" mentality, and they almost always end up breaking up or divorcing, and becoming bitter about it.

 

The other is the kind of person who knows what they want, knows what turns them on and what doesn't, and they see no sense in meeting people they have nothing in common with. These people are goal-oriented, and this makes no sense at all to the serial daters, who are mostly pleasure-oriented and who live for the moment.

[samsungxoxo]

Yeah yeah yeah, whatever man. You list all these criteria your potential mate has to meet, but trust me, you're going to meet some women in your life that make you throw all of that out the window.

 

I used to think I liked taller blondes with long hair, then I met a fantastic brunette with short, curly hair that made me the happiest man in the world for many years.

 

Thing is, you can't exactly control what you're attracted to. Sometimes it just... happens.

This is basically the same as saying ''settle for what is out there available for you at that moment'' but I understand the OP.

 

I too look for qualities in a man and will not be happy with just settling for the first thing I find. I think one can direct his/her future but you would have to search closely.

 

I don't want kids either. At least that's easier to find in a man than vice-versa.

[austyre]

I've met some beautiful girls in my lifetime. We're talking about 7 to 10's. Surprisingly, I've had a really good shot at them too, but I never took it upon myself to do something about it. it was not a lack of confidence, it was that I really have high standards when it comes to girls. You see, you could say that I'm picky, and I mean very picky, but in the end I just want the right girl for me. I don't just look at hotness of a girl, but personality, how tall she is (5 10" to 5 6" is perfect), she can't be too blonde, nor too black in the hair, no fakes, as in parts of the body, no big teeth, some girls have big foreheads than others, don't like that, and she can't smoke, is a light drinker, does not want kids or marriage, and my list goes on, so yeah, I'm highly picky and have way too high standards for a girl, however most of my friends told me that I will never have a gf or meet anyone to these standards I speak of, they were wrong, I actually met 3 girls at a certain point in time and had everything I was looking for. The only problem, they had bf's, so despite my pickiness and standards, I was still able to meet girls that were ideal for me, what do you think of high standards and about picky people when it comes to choosing the opposite sex?

No problem of having a standard list but what do you mean by ''high'' is open to interpretation what you think might be high could be low on someone else's chart it is really relative to yourself

[LeGenDary_Man]

maturity

Check

 

respect for women

Depends

 

not a liar

Check

 

not being overly selfish and thinking about other people more than once in awhile

Check

 

Well...hello me....

 

Apparently those standards eliminate most men

WT?

 

thank you sir, despite my insane standards, my main concern is finding a woman that just does not want to marry and not have kids, this is a tough one for me, mainly because look at society today, in my view, this is not a good time period to have and raise children, there is too much going on and besides, there are far too many humans on this earth anyway, but thanks for your input.

You fear marriage or the responsibility that comes with it? Or you fear the consequences of a divorce if the marriage doesn't works?

 

As far as your standards are concerned, you better look for an attractive sex-doll. Sorry if this sounds...

[ForeverHopeful1]

I can't blame you for wanting certain things, BUT I can only hope when the perfect woman comes along, you don't go mucking it up with this high standard stuff. She may not be your perfect 10, but she may br perfect for you and compliment you wonderfully. Just keep your heart open.

[tbf]

I'll be the first one to tell people never settle. But I'm also the person who tells people to stop whining when they have a long list of criteria.

 

If you're in Comp engineering, I'm guessing math is a strong suit. If you've ever taken a stats and probabilities course, it's time to do some maths and figure out the probability of finding a woman who has six toes on the left foot, a dimple in the north quadrant of her body three inches below her clavicle and four inches from her armpit and only one long hair in the middle of her right buttock.

[hppr]

My standards are:

 

maturity

respect for women

not a liar

not being overly selfish and thinking about other people more than once in awhile

 

Apparently those standards eliminate most men

 

Well, if you want a man who is widely attractive and ambitious then yeah, he probably won't have those qualities. But if you're willing to go for a man who is on the same level as you are in practical terms then I think you'll find there are lots of men out there who have those attributes.

[trevzilla]

my standard is if I'm physically attracted to someone and can have a decent conversation with them, I'll ask them out. I don't think that's high standards, you just have to date people you're attracted to. Hanging out with a woman I'm not attracted to is called friendship.