Lover97 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months but I love her so much. I've been in longer relationships but have never loved any of them this much. Of course with love comes jealousy. I cannot get over my girls past. When I'm with her I'm fine but when I'm not and have time on my hands I can't stop thinking about it. She has been with 2 people in high school and her first year of college she was with 4 ppl. They weren't one night stands, they were actually people she thought she would end up being with. She's not the type to be with anyone if there not going to make a commitment because she stopped talking to them for that reason. Me and her had sex after a little over a week but we were literally hanging out for about 5 hours everyday before we did. I need help getting over her past... Its not really the 2 in high school that bothers me. It is the 4 people she was with her freshman year of college that bothers me. 6 is not a high number but i still get jealous. Someone please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 She is the woman you love because of her past. Everybody has a past! Don't hold it against her! All those experiences has helped her be the person she is now. This really is your issue and you'll ruin your relationship with her if you can't let go and stop stressing out about ex' boyfriends from so long ago and getting jealous of her past!! STAY in the now. What counts is today! Not yesterday. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 What's your number? Does it bother her? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 There is only one thing I can say. Who is she with? You or them? Get over your insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lover97 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Ive been in a 3 year relationship before so how in the hell are you gonna tell me i don't know what love is? Im in love with this girl so who the **** are you tell me i'm not? i don't need your ****ing opinion if your gonna try and tell me how i feel. **** outta here Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 I would try to help you if you would answer my question. Go run around the block to burn off that aggression and then maybe you can have an adult conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months but I love her so much. I've been in longer relationships but have never loved any of them this much. Of course with love comes jealousy. No - it doesn't. There is no 'of course' about it. And your jealousy is founded on insecurity.... I cannot get over my girls past. When I'm with her I'm fine but when I'm not and have time on my hands I can't stop thinking about it. Boy - YOU do have a problem, don't YOU? She has been with 2 people in high school and her first year of college she was with 4 ppl. They weren't one night stands, they were actually people she thought she would end up being with. She's not the type to be with anyone if there not going to make a commitment because she stopped talking to them for that reason. So you know she's a keeper but the guys who dated her were flakes, right? Me and her She and I.... Are they not teaching English where you are? had sex after a little over a week but we were literally hanging out for about 5 hours everyday before we did. Oh yes, I can see how very serious this got in such short a time.... I need help getting over her past... Its not really the 2 in high school that bothers me. It is the 4 people she was with her freshman year of college that bothers me. 6 is not a high number but i still get jealous. Someone please help me. I would see a counsellor because such jealousy issues are rooted in self-esteem/insecurity problems.... Ive been in a 3 year relationship before so how in the hell are you gonna tell me i don't know what love is? Im in love with this girl so who the **** are you tell me i'm not? i don't need your ****ing opinion if your gonna try and tell me how i feel. **** outta here .....As is being super-defensive and swearing at someone on a forum when they (quite rightly) point out that Love develops over a period of time, but the lustful electric feeling so dominant in any fresh relationship cannot really be called that. There's no need to be rude. People have offered you opinions, so snapping back in that way, is both inappropriate, and frankly, worrying. You seem to feel emotions - 'Love', Jealousy, Anger - in the extreme. And to be honest - that's really actually not healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Ive been in a 3 year relationship before so how in the hell are you gonna tell me i don't know what love is? Im in love with this girl so who the **** are you tell me i'm not? i don't need your ****ing opinion if your gonna try and tell me how i feel. **** outta here I am trying to understand why her past, longer relationships or not, are such an upsetting thing to you. Suggestion gently here, seek some counseling so you won't feel so insecure and intimated by her past. Seems you're worried you won't or can't measure up to her past boyfriends. The thing is, she's with YOU and that is a plus! Try focusing on the positives and the future rather than the past. Don't leave. Don't let someone run you off of the boards. You need help, so focus on the more helpful advice and ignore the advice that doesn't help. Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 It sounds like youre treating her very unfairly here, and she may get to a point where she thinks bashing her head against the wall would be more fun. So do yourself a favour and get some counselling. Figure out why this is really bothering you so much when she hasnt done anything wrong. You yourself can rationalize and see that 6 guys isnt something to be upset about, so figure out why you are actually upset here as you have given us no reason to believe you have grounds to hold this against her. Please know, this has nothing to do with her. This is all you and you will push her away if you continue to feel this way, or act this way towards her. You dont sound like you want to push her away but if you cant get over her past then it may be a deal breaker for you, and perhaps you should look for women who have never been with anyone. Her past is also something she cannot change and probably wouldnt if she could. Our past is our past. You are her present... so be a present! Dont be a pain in the butt. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 If I was dating a guy and he was freaking out about my past, it would be a major red flag and I would probably end it. It would only get worse. It is one thing to feel a tinge of jealousy occasionally, but honestly, you're jealous of ghosts. And that is odd. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months but I love her so much. I've been in longer relationships but have never loved any of them this much. Of course with love comes jealousy. I cannot get over my girls past. When I'm with her I'm fine but when I'm not and have time on my hands I can't stop thinking about it. She has been with 2 people in high school and her first year of college she was with 4 ppl. They weren't one night stands, they were actually people she thought she would end up being with. She's not the type to be with anyone if there not going to make a commitment because she stopped talking to them for that reason. Me and her had sex after a little over a week but we were literally hanging out for about 5 hours everyday before we did. I need help getting over her past... Its not really the 2 in high school that bothers me. It is the 4 people she was with her freshman year of college that bothers me. 6 is not a high number but i still get jealous. Someone please help me. I have had sex with many, many people--people I have been in love with and people I have not. I have had sex in front of other people and with multiple people at once. Let's just say I've been around and back again. I would seriously consider breaking up with someone if they made my sexual past into an issue. I enjoy sex, and no one can make me feel ashamed of that. My past has made me who I am today, and I need a partner who can accept every aspect of that past. You have nothing to feel jealous about. She has chosen you, not them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 She wasn't living in a shoe box before she met you. Hell, I've been with 3 rebound girls in the last 6 weeks. Doesn't mean I'll care any less about the next girl I date. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly24 Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Why would you be worried about how many? Based on what you've written, she was in monogamous relationships for a time with each man. None of them worked out; they usually don't when your young. So what's the issue? It's not like she was married four times and in each marriage she cheated on her husband at the time. Now that would be reason to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 I think OP has retreated and is metaphorically speaking, possibly licking his self-righteous wounds, because he didn't expect such a unanimous thread of posts advising him that his attitude needs addressing...? maybe....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lover97 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Share Posted April 15, 2013 Nope.. Im just taking the first step in the right direction by getting away from forums and stop worrying about other peoples opinions about me and my girl. I admitted that I have something wrong with me because the past shouldn't be an issue and i'm working on that right now because i'm not gonna let a little insecurity get in the way of this wonderful relationship me and my gf have. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 My advice to you still stands, I hope you do get some counseling to help you cope with your jealously issues. they won't go away on their own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Nope.. Im just taking the first step in the right direction by getting away from forums and stop worrying about other peoples opinions about me and my girl. I admitted that I have something wrong with me because the past shouldn't be an issue and i'm working on that right now because i'm not gonna let a little insecurity get in the way of this wonderful relationship me and my gf have. I'm sorry if you didn't entirely like what you read, but the fact that opinions were pretty unanimous, well...I hope it at least gave you food for thought. My advice to you still stands, I hope you do get some counseling to help you cope with your jealously issues. they won't go away on their own. Ditto that...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 When people hold wide differences of opinion on moral issues, no matter how much you feel like you're in love, they are likely to be an issue at a later time in your relationship once the newness wears off. You're still just dating - but if you decide that she IS the one for you, then you need to be clear with yourself about your own moral judgments. Because if you still judge EVERYONE else by those standards, then you still have a standard in your mind that your partner has broken. Not passing judgement on YOU, or your own personal value system. I've had a lot of partners, and I think sex shouldn't be this huge taboo that some societies and/or cultures have made it. But that's just ME. So I could never stay with someone that had such a negative view on my behavior, whether or not it was his business. I've seen people use this in arguments against the other person after many years there is this resentment still there. Be clear with yourself that it's inconsequential. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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