Theory: girl reads a lot = red flag?

[ChessPieceFace]

Reading has always had a spotless reputation. Teachers, parents, intellectuals, the media all claim reading is ALWAYS a positive thing. And yes, if you are reading classics, if you are expanding your mind or vocabulary, it certainly is. However, even though almost all reading has some positive aspect, I believe it can also be a huge red flag with girls.

 

Browsing dating profiles, I see a truly inordinate number of girls who are "addicted" to reading, "couldn't do without" their books, and it's led me to really analyze why all these "mentally enriched and intellectually enlightened" women have to troll dating sites looking for men. I've come to the conclusion that many of these women are addicted to romance novels, and consequently their unrealistic expectations on love and men have led them to their lonely state.

 

My friend calls romance novels "emotional pornography." He's a really crude and cynical guy, so a lot of the stuff he says I just shake my head, but over time I've come to realize the truth of that statement. If you look at what men want from sex, and what women want, you would HAVE to conclude that for women, the closest analogue to pornography IS indeed the romance novel.

 

I know a few girls IRL who read a lot of romance novels and they are VERY similar. They can't keep a stable relationship; they have unreasonable expectations which lead them to throw out good men; they are self-centered, selfish, vain and immature. The personality and the addiction to romance novels correlate VERY well in my experience.

 

It's well-known that most guys use porn, that it's normal to WANT it but also that it's dangerous to abuse it and can easily lead to relationship problems. I really believe the same is true for women and romance novels, and maybe women would be wise to consider this parallel.

[Anela]

I don't read romance novels, unless you count the occasional Time Traveller's Wife-type story.

 

The type that is written in this fashion: "I could feel his love for me hardening against my thigh," holds up the shorter leg on a table (and I never read that book: someone else was responsible for it being here, and she laughed her way through it).

 

I always have books with me, fiction and non-fiction. If that's a red flag, then there is no hope for me relationship-wise.

[Treasa]

I'm re-reading The Silmarillion. RUN FOR THE HILLS, MEN!

[reaver]

http://www.viewfromtheblueridge.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/facepalm.jpg

 

No words. No words, OP

 

 

EDIT: Didnt you say several times us women should accept their guy will watch porn? And that we need to just "get over it"?

 

Why are you allowed to have your porn, but I cant have mine?

Edited April 10, 2013 by reaver

[dasein]

Well you have to choose your poison here. Whom would you prefer, someone who spends time reading and likes to go out 1-2 nights a week? Or one of the fabulous princesses who start pouting and whining if they don't go out 4 or more nights a week in pursuit of some fabulously hollow social life that revolves around clubs and drinking? IME the former are far better, even if they are reading garbage. Also better than the ones who can't miss or tivo endless reality and ego fluffing female talk shows. So IMO the trash readers aren't that bad.

 

I don't like women's general reading taste, when I go to the "bestsellers" section, and know it's mostly towards a female audience, I'm like "they -read- this crap?" But then guys sit and watch sports and read their own kinds of crap too. One line I have is tabloids. Have dated several educated, well-employed women who buy that stuff, and have learned I'm not compatible with women who have a "celebrity gossip" view of life.

 

Choose your poison, and IME a reader of any sort is not that bad a poison compared to alternatives.

[ChessPieceFace]

EDIT: Didnt you say several times us women should accept their guy will watch porn? And that we need to just "get over it"?

 

Why are you allowed to have your porn, but I cant have mine?

 

Completely wrong. I said the impulse and desire to watch porn are normal. And almost always when I say that, I will follow up with the well-known fact that porn can be dangerous and damaging to a relationship. There's a parallel with romance novels you refuse to recognize or admit.

 

So far we've got a bunch of deeply-offended girls trolling my thread, ignoring the obvious parallels between romance novels and porn. And as we all know, women are holy and blameless. In their behavior, choice of recreation and especially when they troll your thread and insult you. Blameless.

 

Looking forward to the more sensible responses.

[Anela]

Completely wrong. I said the impulse and desire to watch porn are normal. And almost always when I say that, I will follow up with the well-known fact that porn can be dangerous and damaging to a relationship. There's a parallel with romance novels you refuse to recognize or admit.

 

So far we've got a bunch of deeply-offended girls trolling my thread, ignoring the obvious parallels between romance novels and porn. And as we all know, women are holy and blameless. In their behavior, choice of recreation and especially when they troll your thread and insult you. Blameless.

 

Looking forward to the more sensible responses.

 

My comment wasn't sensible?? I wasn't offended, I'm amused, but I answered your question honestly.

[Treasa]

So far we've got a bunch of deeply-offended girls trolling my thread, ignoring the obvious parallels between romance novels and porn. And as we all know, women are holy and blameless. In their behavior, choice of recreation and especially when they troll your thread and insult you. Blameless.

 

Looking forward to the more sensible responses.

 

My response was sensible. I don't think that girls who pursue healthy interests should get involved with someone who generalizes the way you do.

[ChessPieceFace]

My response was sensible. I don't think that girls who pursue healthy interests should get involved with someone who generalizes the way you do.

 

You provided no evidence to why being addicted to romance novels is "healthy." You resorted to personal attacks rather than debate.

 

Note the distinction - if a girl is reading classics or sci-fi, that's good. If she's reading romance trash, that's bad. And when a girl posts in her profile "I read a lot / am addicted to reading" I will certainly assume the latter because the latter is much more likely. Just like if I could view a secret number of how many "movies" a guy watches per week, and the number is high, it's a safer assumption that those are porn, rather than that he's a legit movie addict.

 

So, how many copies has "50 Shades of Grey" sold so far?

 

Well you have to choose your poison here. Whom would you prefer, someone who spends time reading and likes to go out 1-2 nights a week? Or one of the fabulous princesses who start pouting and whining if they don't go out 4 or more nights a week in pursuit of some fabulously hollow social life that revolves around clubs and drinking?

 

If woman A is reading romance novels, then neither. That's a false choice. Women can only read romance novels or go clubbing? Come on.

 

I don't like women's general reading taste, when I go to the "bestsellers" section, and know it's mostly towards a female audience, I'm like "they -read- this crap?"

 

Exactly. And then the question is - WHY do they read that crap? And the answer is that it's emotional pornography, designed to appeal to their base nature just as porn is designed to appeal to a man's base nature.

 

If a woman is reading classics or sci-fi, or anything that's NOT emotional pornography, then that's different. I just don't believe it generally to be the case.

 

Expected more open-mindedness rather than an angry lecture from Levar Burton. Didn't know why I would ever expect that, LOL. Seriously... either you all missed my point or you're just parroting dogma without thinking. My point once again, is that while reading is generally "good", it is not above reproach; that there can be bad reading! That there is a popular trend among women to read romance novels which have an overall NEGATIVE effect on their life and relationships, in my opinion.

[reaver]

Completely wrong. I said the impulse and desire to watch porn are normal. And almost always when I say that, I will follow up with the well-known fact that porn can be dangerous and damaging to a relationship. There's a parallel with romance novels you refuse to recognize or admit.

 

So far we've got a bunch of deeply-offended girls trolling my thread, ignoring the obvious parallels between romance novels and porn. And as we all know, women are holy and blameless. In their behavior, choice of recreation and especially when they troll your thread and insult you. Blameless.

 

Looking forward to the more sensible responses.

 

I am not deeply offended. I just find your hypocrisy to be quite amusing. I read romance novels from time to time. I mostly like fantasy, fiction and mystery. Most of the time the romance is in a mystery or fiction novel. I dont buy into romance novels though. Its just for fun, ya know?

 

Although I will agree with you that girls that are obsessed with reality TV such as the Bachelor and a ton of other similar shows, TEND (I say tend, because not everyone is like this) to be princess high maintainence girls. My first college roommate watched probably around 10 reality shows and oh boy, was she a treat. My mother watches one now and then, and she is not high maintainence. Similar to how if a girl reads a romance novel from time to time, its not the end of the world.

 

The dasein guy above me...hes a hypocrite too. He enjoys using women for sex and leading them on but thinks less of them for reading romance novels. He doesnt have much of a moral high ground to stand on.

Edited April 10, 2013 by reaver

[Harradin]

Surely if a woman is a fan of reading would be a plus? It shows that the woman is relatively intelligent unless they're reading children's books or something. I would take a woman reading to be a plus, romance novels or not. :S

[tbf]

So you've come to a definitive conclusion based on nothing but guesswork?

[Treasa]

Well, now I'm reading a book on female serial killers and how some of them got away with it entirely, or at least for a very long time.

 

*flips page*

 

Huh. Interesting.

[wisernow]

Wow! Thanks for the laugh. I really thought I couldn't be surprised by crap on this site. Congratulations. If you go to grad school this would make a great dissertation topic.

[candie13]

There is some truth to what you're saying... maybe more than you realize . There is a lot of crap literature out there and yes, to the average reader, it is HARD to form what I call "an acquired taste" without the basis of a sound education.

 

Two observations from my side:

 

A. DOUBLE STANDARDS

Indeed, I must agree that novels will create these expectations as to how the ideal man should look, behave, be, inherit, perform, etc. How about men? Doesn't society equally promote this image of thin, heavily-breasted, tall, always-horny women? Ideally self confident and with a knock-out job? And no, I DO NOT MEAN NOVELS, I mean stuff from FHM to Playboy... that is in reach everywhere and a lot more hurtful/effective than the novels which set a certain level of expectations... because it keeps men watching for that type of woman, irrelevant whomever they may be dating / seeing / marrying... not fair at ALL. So while I agree that the novels in themselves are wrong to read everyday, what's going on, IRL, from a magazines perspective, is MURDER for the average women (btw, do any of these male magazines promote marriage and kids or encourage "male conquests", where the victims should also look, act, behave, perform in a certain socially acceptable / approved way)

 

B. BEYOND READING

You assume that whatever girl says she loves reading, she'll be digging in romance novels. I'm a fan of Stephen Hawking (Lucasian Professor in Mathematic), I find Eric Berne fascinating and... occasionally, I will read some self help book by Osho and other similar. Plenty of women with even more weird tastes in reading. Now, what do I agree reading may be a red flag? Because those women think. Analyze. Compare. Maybe even look for something specific - beyond just a man to date, f*ck and marry. So yeah, choose a girl who says she "loves reading" and you may not get your laid back, relaxed woman, going with the flow, but someone who is asking herself - and those around her, questions.

 

I completely understand why some people would find that unsettling. If you don't like that, you would be right to avoid women who like to read (btw, I drive my my current date insane with my conclusions and analysis - I am not even aware of doing that, it's automatic...)

[dasein]

If woman A is reading romance novels, then neither. That's a false choice. Women can only read romance novels or go clubbing? Come on.

 

No, wasn't my intent to suggest all women are either or, but rather to suggest that in the grand scheme of things, reading trash-lit is not that great a vice. If that's the worst thing about her, well IME you have yourself a definite good bet, don't let he go. Of course make your own choices based on experience. You did ask for opinions though, and you are attributing character traits merely to what someone reads. There's some truth to it, as all generalizations, but they can be misleading also.

 

For example, I dated a self-professed reader who had bookcases full of books, good books on all topics. She hadn't read many of them and digested fewer, just had them mostly because she thought it good for her image. In the end she didn't know jack about jack, complete idiot. Appearances both ways can be deceiving.

[dasein]

The dasein guy above me...hes a hypocrite too. He enjoys using women for sex and leading them on

 

Cite this or admit you are a liar, I do neither of these things, nor do I advocate them here or anywhere. Sick of this kind of crap on LS.

[serial muse]

Let's see if I've got this straight.

 

You assume that women on dating sites who claim to love reading read only (?) romance novels, and that the evils that romance novels do is in fact precisely why those particular ladies are on there in the first place, "trolling for men".

 

Side note: Since you're on there too, "trolling" for women, basically what you're saying is that you don't want to be a member of any club that'll have you.

 

But anyway. You're determined to go with your assumptions, and have categorically rejected any objections raised in this thread. I mean, that's cool. Hey, it's your love life at stake. I honestly don't see why you wouldn't just want to engage in a discussion with someone to see if it's a match, rather than assuming the worst right off the bat, because it's quite obvious that no, not every woman who says this is reading these novels you despise, and it doesn't do YOU any practical good to assume this thing that you're hell-bent on assuming.

 

But who cares? Humble common sense can feel awfully wimpy compared to angry theorizing, which has the dual virtues of feeling empowering (superiority! it rules!) and keeping you from ever actually risking yourself. So, theorize away, I guess. What difference does it make to them, what you think of them?

[ChessPieceFace]

Well, now I'm reading a book on female serial killers and how some of them got away with it entirely, or at least for a very long time.

 

*flips page*

 

Huh. Interesting.

 

I'll add that to my red flag list, I had forgotten about that book type. Thanks for the reminder.

[Standard-Fare]

I don't get the leap from "Loves to Read" to "Reads Only Romance Novels."

 

I mean, feel free to attach a red flag to a woman who says she loves to read ROMANCE novels, if that's where your prejudice lies. And even though I don't completely agree with you, I admit I see where you're coming from. I also get a little wary of grown women who choose that as their sole reading material.

 

But it's really stupid and insulting to assume that every woman who loves to read is only reading that trash.

[Got it]

Sorry all, I'm a chick and I do think there is some basis to the red flag around a fanaticism around romance novels. Now I am not saying it is all women but I know women, my mother, a friend in college, etc who really bought into the hype of these books. Shoot when I was young I did and expected my poor boyfriend to jump through amazing hoops all the time because they did it in the books!

 

So while I don't agree with the rest of the logic by the OP, I want say that while I would want someone that is a veracious reader, I want to see a well rounded subject matter.

 

And I am more than okay with serial killer books. I have read a number of them myself. It is remarkably easy to kill someone and cover it up. *cue music from Psycho*

 

I love to read, it helps me when I am stressed and I love how a book can just take me away. I don't understand how others don't feel the same but oh well. Lots of colors in this great big coloring box.

[ChessPieceFace]

A. DOUBLE STANDARDS

Indeed, I must agree that novels will create these expectations as to how the ideal man should look, behave, be, inherit, perform, etc. How about men? Doesn't society equally promote this image of thin, heavily-breasted, tall, always-horny women?

 

So the answer to society and porn's objectification of women is to immerse yourself in romance novels until you're equally damaged? Where is the double standard you refer to, cause it's certainly not on my end. Yep, I use porn, and do advocate it ONLY as better than having nothing your whole life OR better than going to a prostitute. But I'm also the first person to say it's damaging and I should know. Also, again, not against recreational reading. Am against romance novels as an addiction.

 

So on the contrary, the double standard is demonstrated by all the women who screamed at me when I brought up the parallel.

 

Thanks for admitting there is a parallel of some kind. There are also multiple aspects as you point out. 'Fosters unrealistic expectations' - definitely true in both cases.

[Anela]

So the answer to society and porn's objectification of women is to immerse yourself in romance novels until you're equally damaged? Where is the double standard you refer to, cause it's certainly not on my end. Yep, I use porn, and do advocate it ONLY as better than having nothing your whole life OR better than going to a prostitute. But I'm also the first person to say it's damaging and I should know. Also, again, not against recreational reading. Am against romance novels as an addiction.

 

So on the contrary, the double standard is demonstrated by all the women who screamed at me when I brought up the parallel.

 

Thanks for admitting there is a parallel of some kind. There are also multiple aspects as you point out. 'Fosters unrealistic expectations' - definitely true in both cases.

 

Why make the jump that any woman who mentions that she loves reading books, HAS to be talking about these romance novels, though? It doesn't make sense to me, or others here.

[ChessPieceFace]

Why make the jump that any woman who mentions that she loves reading books, HAS to be talking about these romance novels, though? It doesn't make sense to me, or others here.

 

I didn't say "has to", I said indicated. I didn't say "jump ship", I said red flag.

 

With all the reading you guys do, not sure where the reading comprehension skills are at...

 

Again, if porn were as socially acceptable as romance novels, and in that universe a guy's profile said he was "addicted to movies", I'd assume there's a strong chance those were porn movies. But in the real world, no guy would ever put an "addiction to porn" or even "hobby of watching porn" on a dating profile.

 

Yeah, it would be pretty easy to just ask a girl "so, what kinds of books have you read?" or perhaps look at them if she's listed any. But the point was also to have a discussion about perceptions and habits, to have girls really analyze what they're putting into their minds. Fat chance I guess.

[M30USA]

While I think it's a big jump to say that women reading, in general, means they are addicted to "romanc novel porn", I do think you are correct that women tend to find "porn" in different ways than men. I think by simply turning on the TV set and seeing most movies/shows, women are sucked into a world of false ideas about what relationships should be. All the men are knights in shining armor who do everything right. Only honest women will acknowledge this.