Relationships and Faith

[aliqayyum]

Regarding Teengers , i got a nice article , it really helpful even for elders as well.

 

Dating Issues for Teenagers Daughters

 

But faith is really important for every relation, you should communicate with him!

[pie2]

Christian life is not something you do while you are on this earth to keep you busy.

Its a serious thing. Its about eternal life. Working on yourself to have eternal life at the end. Preparing yourself for heaven.

 

Its having faith also when things are going hard. And keep your faith even when you

dont understand or know what to do.

Your salvation is more important then any men.

So marriage should be united in Christ. It have to be someone that you can

pray with and that together you go for Jesus.

Cause if its not, the person can bring you far from God.

 

Cause his focus is not on heaven or God. Or Christian values.

But on the things of earth , having fun doing everything the earth have to offer.

Maybe you can read the book : We have only just begun . Writer: Nancy van Pelt.

Its a Christian writer. she also have other books about dating and marriage life etc.

 

Well said, Cherry . The book you mentioned seems interesting...thanks!

[dichotomy]

My faith has been up and down. I met my first wife, an atheist when I was on a down and thought it did not matter to me. I was hurt badly in that marriage.

 

When I sought to get married again, I thought I might benefit from choosing a devoted christian as I had begun my return to the faith.

 

I assumed this would meant a person less likely to be flawed or broken in their life, relationship or marriages. In other words I assumed they would be "better" as a partner than non Christians

 

Of course I learned that being a Christian has little to do with being better or sinning less, or being more faithful or devoted. Christians are just as flawed as others. There can also wife differences of opinions among Christians as how to live and love under God. However, I still believe it was the right choice for me as it at least provides some frame of reference for us.

[angel.eyes]

Agreed. I almost married a wonderful Muslim man once, but we didn't walk in the same path. It hit me one day when I was listening to the song Isaiah 6 by Todd Agnew. It's one of my most favorite songs but he didn't like it because he didn't believe the same. That's when the "unequally yoked" verse hit me and I realized, "What am I doing?" I knew he wanted to raise our future children as Muslims but it didn't sink into me until that moment that I don't want to raise my children as Muslims. I want them to have the freedom to choose whether to follow Jesus Christ or not. I don't want them being pressured by their Dad to follow a man (Muhammad) who I don't follow or have any desire to follow.

I agree. I want my children to be exposed to Christianity. I don't see this being an issue with my boyfriend. He'll be supportive of that I'm sure.

 

 

That's beautiful and I'm so glad that you have a lot of strong Christian marriages around you!!! I do too, though I am a natural rebel and have learned the hard way sadly that being a Christian is a daily journey and that it's really important for people to walk together on a journey, not apart yet married together.

It's funny, but suddenly a couple of years ago, I was surrounded by great models of Christian marriage. Right at the time, I started to feel I wanted to get married! Seeing good role models in action really made me understand why this is so important, and prompted me to rethink my whole stance on the issue.

 

In terms of rebelling, sometimes we are just like Jonah. Rebel all we want, we'll still end up having to acknowledge and accept what God wants for our lives. He loves us and knows what's best for us.

 

 

I will pray for you. I know it pleases God that you care about His will for your life.

Thanks for your prayers! I need them.

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for sharing your views and experiences. It sounds as if you found someone compatible with your needs even if she doesn't share your specific beliefs.

 

Have you always been an atheist? Or was this an active decision you made at some point in your life?

 

Being an Atheist, I generally find I cannot date someone of specific faith. Reason being, they always want to "save me" or "convert me."

 

I keep an open mind, but the reality is, christians, muslims, and anything that relies on strict dogma generally aren't my cup of tea. I won't ever go to church with you, I won't be married in a church with you, I won't ever alter my beliefs for you. IMHO, it's not worth the frustration, to date someone who has these beliefs.

 

Thankfully, the GF is a Unitarian, and thus, doesn't have dogma. They accept anyone of any belief or unbelief. Although I'll never go to the church with her, she doesn't heckle me about it, because it accepts everything as valid.

[angel.eyes]

I was raised in a very Reform Jewish household. Not particularly religious. Also, my family is mixed religion, my grandfather being Jewish my grandmother and her family being Catholic. Same with my aunt/uncle. Same with my mother and her ex husband.

 

I consider myself spiritual, not religious. I believe in God and have a relationship with God but I don't particularly live life according to the Bible, I just live to be the best person I can be.

 

That being said, I've only dated Catholic/Christian people. For some reason I've never come across a Jewish person to date. People I do however stay away from because it rubs me the wrong way, are athiest/agnostic people.

 

Interesting. I hadn't given much thought to my past dating pattern. Most people I've dated have either been "cultural" Christians (believe in Christmas presents, Easter egg hunts, and chocolate bunnies) or Christians who were at least as serious about their faith as I am. It wasn't a conscious decision since until a couple of years ago, I didn't worry about a guy's faith. There are certain personal qualities and values that are important to me, and they tend to have them.

 

I have dated guys with other beliefs of one kind or another over the years, especially in college and grad school, but now that you mention it, I've never dated someone who was atheist.

[angel.eyes]

Thanks. I agree with everything you've said. I'd add a third thing to that list. I'm also allergic to hypocrisy, which is somewhat related.

 

Had to look up Lee Van Clef. No, nothing to do with him or a Western, I don't think. It's silly, really. It's one of my boyfriend's nicknames for me. I have brown eyes, so there is nothing special or unique about them. But he thinks they're very beautiful. He has a few special names for me that really make me melt. This is one of them. He's a really good guy, which has made all of this especially hard for me.

 

I can see what you are saying. Yeah, we are all imperfect, but there are some personality characteristics that carry more weight than others. For example, I can not tolerate an unforgiving person. That's just one trait I do not want to deal with in another person (Matt. 6:15; 1 Peter 3:7; 1 John 4:20). That's also one that is high on God's list; and someones ability or inability to forgive is a good indicator of their spiritual growth. I don't care if they have the whole bible memorized, if they are unforgiving, they don't have the love of God in their heart. Forgiveness is important to me because there will be disagreements and the last thing you want in a relationship is someone that holds grudges and you have to walk on egg shells.

 

One of my fav parables about forgiveness

 

 

Selfishness is another one. Being in a relationship with someone like that is draining b/c it is always about them and their wants and needs. The other person always puts you last and it makes you question your value. Giving of yourself is never reciprocated and makes you wonder why even be in a relationship? I've been there haha

 

Good for you for sticking to your guns! For me, I refuse to compromise. But I have never minded being single so maybe it is easier for me. I would rather wait for the right person and remain single until then. It's less stress and you can be more productive. I trust God 100% and in the area of relationships I will wait for his guidance. I pray that God will show you what is best for you. If you feel comfortable, please keep us updated!

 

PS: What does your moniker mean? Any reference to Lee Van Clef haha doubtful, but I had to ask

[angel.eyes]

Regarding Teengers , i got a nice article , it really helpful even for elders as well.

 

Dating Issues for Teenagers Daughters

 

But faith is really important for every relation, you should communicate with him!

 

Thanks for the article. Yes, aside from dealing with parental consent, the issues are relevant regardless of age.

 

I do communicate with my boyfriend. One of the challenges is how to communicate my concerns without seeming critical of him or giving the impression that I am not happy in our relationship...or that I am somehow a better person because I practice my faith. I'm not questioning whether he's a good person or boyfriend. Well, I am. But not because I don't love him or think he's a great person. He is. It's just whether we could have a future together. I don't think he realizes how much this bothers me, but at the same time, I don't want to seem like I've given up and am walking away.

 

I probably sound very scattered and confused right now, but posting and verbalizing my concerns have been very helpful in getting me to think and see things more clearly.

[elplague]

Thanks for sharing your views and experiences. It sounds as if you found someone compatible with your needs even if she doesn't share your specific beliefs.

 

Have you always been an atheist? Or was this an active decision you made at some point in your life?

 

It was an active realization. After trying the whole born again christian thing, and finding that every step of my life was to be overseen by someone I myself could never see, I became disenchanted. Coupled with the lack of evidence and a few other things, and I bailed out. This was around 10 years ago.

 

I found that it's an insidious and deeply obfuscating practice, and I didn't want any part of it.

[BetheButterfly]

It was an active realization. After trying the whole born again christian thing, and finding that every step of my life was to be overseen by someone I myself could never see, I became disenchanted. Coupled with the lack of evidence and a few other things, and I bailed out. This was around 10 years ago.

 

I found that it's an insidious and deeply obfuscating practice, and I didn't want any part of it.

 

It is interesting how people have different experiences. I have found having a relationship with my Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ to be wonderful and extremely precious to me.

 

I do not find that it is "an insidious and deeply obfuscating practice" but rather I find my relationship with God to help me with all my other relationships, including with my parents, sisters, husband, friends, and even strangers. Why? Because Love is important to God, and it is important to God that people love each other!

[elplague]

It is interesting how people have different experiences. I have found having a relationship with my Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ to be wonderful and extremely precious to me.

 

As long as it helps you in your life, then go for it. Nothing wrong with that. And you don't seem the evangelist type, so I doubt you're demanding others to convert, which is meritous.

 

I do not find that it is "an insidious and deeply obfuscating practice" but rather I find my relationship with God to help me with all my other relationships, including with my parents, sisters, husband, friends, and even strangers. Why? Because Love is important to God, and it is important to God that people love each other!

 

I, however, do. Love may be important to your interpretation of god, but the religion as a whole only seems to pay lip service to it. We've had this discussion before and I don't necessarily want to rehash it, but I find it highly dubious and ridiculous when Christians use the whole "they aren't Christians" argument, in specific regards to instances of directed killings at god's word in the past.

 

The same can be said of Westboro, for instance. By definition, they -are- christians, and -will- go to heaven. I cannot accept that type of ideology, demagoguery, in anything I am affiliated with. I won't have it. But christians everywhere, afraid of the broader implications of Westboro's practice, will claim "They aren't acting out of love, and thus, are not christian."

 

My beef with that is simple; the book they follow says they are. The book I've read says they are. And thus, they are, christian.

[BetheButterfly]

As long as it helps you in your life, then go for it. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Thanks. I don't need permission but I appreciate you understanding that it does help me in my life. I am of course not perfect and I have a long way to go in growing in my relationship with God and with others, especially those who don't like me, but God's commands to love are a wonderful guide.

 

And you don't seem the evangelist type, so I doubt you're demanding others to convert, which is meritous.

 

No, I don't seek to convert anybody. I truly believe that only people who are "enabled" by God can come to Jesus (John 6:63-66). Because of this, I see no reason to attempt to convert anyone to my belief.

 

 

I, however, do. Love may be important to your interpretation of god, but the religion as a whole only seems to pay lip service to it. We've had this discussion before and I don't necessarily want to rehash it, but I find it highly dubious and ridiculous when Christians use the whole "they aren't Christians" argument, in specific regards to instances of directed killings at god's word in the past.

 

If Jesus Christ, the founder of Christianity, said to his followers to kill others, then I would agree with you. However, he said to love one's enemies. Now, that is very hard to do. I am by no means perfect and still have a long way to go in loving my enemies. It's a process, which is what Corrie ten Boom learned and taught due to her experience in being persecuted by the Nazis. However, I would never think of killing anybody who didn't believe like I do. That is really sad.

 

People can say they are a follower of someone, yet if they disobey that person's teachings so blatantly, then are they truly a follower? Let's say for example someone who claims to follow Buddha does something totally un-Buddhalike. Is that person then truly a Buddhist? Well, it's possible they are just a Buddhist in name/tradition but not in heart and soul. A true follower follows the leader.

The same can be said of Westboro, for instance. By definition, they -are- christians, and -will- go to heaven. I cannot accept that type of ideology, demagoguery, in anything I am affiliated with. I won't have it. But christians everywhere, afraid of the broader implications of Westboro's practice, will claim "They aren't acting out of love, and thus, are not christian."

 

My beef with that is simple; the book they follow says they are. The book I've read says they are. And thus, they are, christian.

 

Jesus made it clear to love one's neighbor as oneself (Matthew 22:39), love each other (John 15:12), and even love one's enemies (Mathew 5:44; Luke 6:27-37). That hardest one of course is to love one's enemies.

 

He also said that those who keep his commands love him (John 14:21). While the Westboro "Christians" call themselves that, they are not loving either their neighbors or enemies by hating those who believe differently than they do. So, are they truly obeying Jesus Christ? Nope.

 

It's important to note that Jesus Christ is the founder and leader of Christianity. His teachings and example, as well as those who walked and talked with him, and those who walked and talked with those who walked and talked with him, are the basis for seeing if someone is truly a follower of Jesus Christ (a Christian) or not.

 

Now, Jesus Christ was not a pansy when talking to people who believed differently than him. He didn't use all nice and compassionate words when talking with people who opposed him, but he didn't kill anybody, and he didn't tell his followers to kill anyone. Rather, he allowed himself to die for all people, and he rose again.

 

Jesus showed Love by his actions. If he had killed people, then yeah I would understand people thinking oh Christians are supposed to kill. However, Jesus said to love one's enemies and he didn't kill his enemies. He himself was killed. His followers who walked and talked with him also did not kill others. Rather, they boldly told people about Jesus and those who wanted to became Christians. Many of the early Christians were killed for their beliefs, not for killing others.

 

In some countries still today, Christians are being killed and persecuted for their beliefs as well. One reason why freedom of religion is so important is so no person is killed/persecuted because of their belief or lack of belief in God. It's sad and wrong when anybody is killed because of their belief or lack of belief.

[angel.eyes]

Cherrypum, thanks so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. There is a lot of wisdom in what you say. You really put things in perspective. I'll try to address some of the issues you raise.

 

Are you a converted christian?

Like all believers, I made a conscious decision to believe in Christ's salvation of my soul. In that sense, I'm a converted Christian.

 

I suspect, you are getting at how firm my beliefs are. They aren't going to change. But you are right. In some ways it's easier to be focused on being the best Christian I can be with another Christian. Things like praying together are automatic with another Christian. So is supporting each other as we try to keep Christ at the center of our lives. Still, my boyfriend makes me want to be a better person...to be the selfless, loving person God wants me to be.

 

I think being with a non believer will bring a lot of struggles with it.

Especially on the spiritual level.

Cause they often dont see why something is important for you and there is not

always the respect level for your GOd.

Very true.

 

Beside if you are especially converted Christian, when you try to

be good, they may bring the bad around.

My boyfriend has such high integrity, that he's not going to lead me astray. But you are right in the sense that if I were to lose my sense of priorities and not place God first in my life, he wouldn't gently nudge me back on the right path. Support is important. I had a Christian boyfriend as a freshman in college, and I am very grateful for that. He supported and encouraged me when I wavered or was tempted to make choices I might later regret. I am more mature in my commitment and faith now. But support is always important.

 

Its not just a issue. Its a spiritual battle that you try to reunite.

While the bible say, 2 that are not agree with each other cant walk together.

 

And what i often see is that , the Christian one often ends up away from God.

Instead of they convert and become a child of God, they convert you to the world.

They often act like they are okay with your believe but once married

you will see the real deal.

I didn't see this with my parents. Nor did my mother's faith ever waver. She has stayed true to her interpretation of God's Word over the years. Granted her walk would have been much easier if my Dad shared the same commitment to faith.

 

You need to ask yourself what is more important for me?

What i feel strongly for a men or what i have with God.

We are called to place God above all else.

 

I think if you really love God and have a relationship with Him, you

should talk to Him in prayers and let him guide you/. Even when you have doubts about Him or His word. Tell Him.

And study His word. and while " waiting" for the one, Work on yourself and educate yourself on things like marriage, and how to recognize " right" guys, child education, happy home, and issues you know you have deep down. Socialize in the kind of people

you would like to meet someone.

Just socialize, you dont have to date or get into relationships,kiss, have sex etc. Just socialize get to meet different kind of people. If you see somone that you see have the quality's pray about Him and ask God what He thinks about that dude.

 

God will let you know when its the right one for you that He choose for you.

Cause often a dude can seem to be all that good. While its a nice package send by the devil to get you away from God true romance and emotions etc.

 

Christian life is not something you do while you are on this earth to keep you busy.

Its a serious thing. Its about eternal life. Working on yourself to have eternal life at the end. Preparing yourself for heaven.

 

Its having faith also when things are going hard. And keep your faith even when you

dont understand or know what to do.

Your salvation is more important then any men.

So marriage should be united in Christ. It have to be someone that you can

pray with and that together you go for Jesus.

Cause if its not, the person can bring you far from God.

 

Cause his focus is not on heaven or God. Or Christian values.

But on the things of earth , having fun doing everything the earth have to offer.

What you say is spot on.

 

Maybe you can read the book : We have only just begun . Writer: Nancy van Pelt.

Its a Christian writer. she also have other books about dating and marriage life etc.

Thanks for the book suggestion. I love to read, and dating is something that I've been giving a lot of thought to lately. I just picked up Mars and Venus on a Date. I'll order this book and read it too.

 

Again, thanks. You really put things in focus.

[angel.eyes]

You have also people that had a christian education but

are not into God anymore,..

But they still act like they are Christians so they can get a nice church lady.

 

Be aware of those also. Thats why i think if you are a real Christian you need to put

everything you want to do before God. To let Him show you who is who and what to do. And do your part. Cause sitting and waiting for a men to fall out of heaven will not help. Thats why the socializing etc part.

 

While that can be true of some guys, my boyfriend isn't with me because he wanted to trick a nice church lady into being with him. I'm not defending him nor am I trying to be defensive. Just clarifying.

 

We didn't meet in church. It just happened. I met him out and about on a Saturday night. He's a Catholic who attends mass at Easter and Christmas. That's the extent of it for him, and all other things being equal, I suspect he would have preferred and picked someone with his views. It was probably around our third or fourth date, when he wanted to spend an entire Sunday with me, that it became obvious that we differed when it came to faith. He would prefer to have Sundays uninterrupted with me, I'm sure. But he's supportive.

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for sharing your experiences. There are definitely benefits to marrying a fellow Christian. But having seen both good and bad Christian marriages, I think it's important to make sure that the person shares your values and goals, not just your commitment to your faith. All the other "relationship" things, like kindness, still matter too I think.

 

My faith has been up and down. I met my first wife, an atheist when I was on a down and thought it did not matter to me. I was hurt badly in that marriage.

 

When I sought to get married again, I thought I might benefit from choosing a devoted christian as I had begun my return to the faith.

 

I assumed this would meant a person less likely to be flawed or broken in their life, relationship or marriages. In other words I assumed they would be "better" as a partner than non Christians

 

Of course I learned that being a Christian has little to do with being better or sinning less, or being more faithful or devoted. Christians are just as flawed as others. There can also wife differences of opinions among Christians as how to live and love under God. However, I still believe it was the right choice for me as it at least provides some frame of reference for us.

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for sharing how you came to your belief system. From the responses of yours I've read, you seemed very familiar with the content of the Bible, so I was curious. It's interesting to see how we are each impacted differently by the same information.

 

 

It was an active realization. After trying the whole born again christian thing, and finding that every step of my life was to be overseen by someone I myself could never see, I became disenchanted. Coupled with the lack of evidence and a few other things, and I bailed out. This was around 10 years ago.

 

I found that it's an insidious and deeply obfuscating practice, and I didn't want any part of it.

[angel.eyes]

It is interesting how people have different experiences. I have found having a relationship with my Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ to be wonderful and extremely precious to me.

 

I do not find that it is "an insidious and deeply obfuscating practice" but rather I find my relationship with God to help me with all my other relationships, including with my parents, sisters, husband, friends, and even strangers. Why? Because Love is important to God, and it is important to God that people love each other!

 

I agree. It's made me become a better version of me in my life and in my interactions with others. Of course, there's still plenty of room for further improvement!

 

My relationship with God has also brought me joy and given me tremendous peace.

[aj22one]

I’m curious. When dating, do you (or did you) limit who you dated to those who share your faith? Or did you not care? Do you think it makes a difference?

 

I’ve gone through different phases--sometimes focusing only on guys who share my faith, sometimes being open to everyone. Ideally, I would like to date and marry someone who shares my faith and is serious about living by its principles. Not sure if that will happen though. I’m at the stage where I'm ready to get married, but I meet (and date) far more non-believers than believers who are age-appropriate, single, etc. Many non-believers are otherwise wonderful, caring, considerate partners. I wonder if limiting myself based on faith is practical.

 

I’m looking for guidance and opinions from those who take their faith seriously. If you’re now married, I’d be interested in what impact, if any, it’s had on married life. I'm Christian by the way.

 

I'm a Christian, my faith has ebbed and flowed over the years (haha I'm 26 so it ain't too many years haha). But I'm married to a Muslim woman. Neither one of us wanted the other to convert just to get married haha. We love each other, encourage each other (even though I hate getting up early just to eat breakfast before Ramadan haha). We're not having any kids so that's not an issue.

 

I've only ever dated Indian and Middle Eastern women. I've dated many faiths (haha my first gf was Indian Catholic and I also dated an Iranian Jew) and if I'm ever single again I'll probably stick to abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity, Islam). It's just easier to understand and have frame of reference ya know.

 

Its also been easier 'cause I've been to the middle east, traveled a lot over there. Not military or none o that haha just volunteering or being reckless (like that time I went to the NWFP) so it makes understanding different peeps easier I think haha.