Relationships and Faith

[pureinheart]

Lol, H has a very simple faith. He reminds me off Joyce Meyers Husband in terms of his faith. He doesn't complicate anything and means what he says. He spends time with God every morning just being thankful for the day and takes care of the birds in our garden with such affection. He loves the garden and never tires of simply spending time looking out for people in the community. He has shown me simplicity, which I so needed. My life has been full of people who have let me down, time and time again.

 

I feel for you. You remind me off my favourite brother who has been single now for over 10 years. He wants someone so much to share his life with. I lead him to the Lord in two parts. Last year he accepted Christ but still was trying to do things his way. Now he has accepted the covering of Christ and understands how important it is to connect with God I feel his love will appear shortly. He is at peace now - taken Christs rest and has finally stopped looking. We prayed together for his wife and he is a changed man.

 

Watch this space.

 

I really think that the changes that you are going through are happening all over the body of Christ. All of my family have been saved in the last year! Even my sister, who was previously unable to have children has had THE most beautiful baby girl in the last year and is seeking God with all off her heart. God is doing a mighty work right now. He is preparing us for something. I know He is.

 

I will certainly keep you in my heart and prayers - but remember, it's all about resting in the Lord. Pray for your future spouse. I do believe these things have an appointed time.

 

I am happy for you that you have kept going, even after all the let downs. God is dedicated to the broken hearted.

 

Pray for my favourite brother please. He is the male version of me and is seriously going to make some woman a fine fine Husband.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Again, your Husband sounds like a doll!

 

Eve, want to throw this in there- as I was typing the sentance above, my mind went directly to the thought process, "all of the good ones are taken, give it up, there's no one for you"...man girl, I had to call that devil a liar right there! That devil and his cohorts lie so much...

 

As your Husband, your brother sounds like an absolute doll and I will pray for a helpmate for him- it is not good for man to alone, He will create a helpmate suitable..did I mess that scripture up? Oh well, you know what I mean:)

 

Praise God for your sister! God is doing a mighty work in this day and hour- the heavens are definitely open! Eve thank you for the prayers- man I just can't believe what God is doing right now..you know obedience is better than sacrifice.

 

At one point I realy thought it was hopeless and asked God that I accept things I could not change...I could see no one around me suitable, but the simple fact was, is that I was not suitable. I am suitable by the Blood of Jesus- YES and AMEN!

 

Your Brother will run right into her in Jesus name! Get ready now!

 

I have to get up and freak out in the Lord! Yes!

 

GBU love!!!!!

[M30USA]

Has anyone given you a word from the Lord concerning this matter?

 

A very wise man about eight years ago told me that God was going to drop someone in my lap, and that I would have to do nothing. Not to mention the power when he spoke those words, of which he repeated several times, but that coincides with my personality too- my "knower" knew it was the truth.

 

Ok, now you've read this book already ...what does it suggest for people like me who absolutely will not under any circumstance, make the first move?

 

Do you believe in these kinds of prophetic words? I'm not sure what I think. When I was 12, the pastor at my old, small church in the middle of service pointed to me and said I would do "mighty works" for the Lord. I got so embarrassed my face turned bright red.

 

I'm still waiting for this to happen, lol.

 

I tend to view prophecy as less personal and more about God's plan.

Edited April 12, 2013 by M30USA

[pureinheart]

Do you believe in these kinds of prophetic words? I'm not sure what I think. When I was 12, the pastor at my old, small church in the middle of service pointed to me and said I would do "mighty works" for the Lord. I got so embarrassed my face turned bright red.

 

I'm still waiting for this to happen, lol.

 

I tend to view prophecy as less personal and more about God's plan.

 

Actually, this one has already come to pass and is in operation. That Paster saw the anointing on your life- I see it too:D

 

I believe "words" from the Lord when my spirit bares a witness, and I usually ask for confirmation from the Lord. I don't like getting my ears tickled, and know when it's happening.

 

M30, this might be one of the only things I'm not naive in, and have seen the prophet for profit in operation and have seen the real deal. When it's the real deal there is power, unmistakeable/undeniable.

 

I'm more inclined to stand on the knowledge that prophecy and words of knowledge (which can be one in the same in certain circumstances/utterences (sp?) ) can be personal leading to the perfect will of God concerning the individual- which ultimately leads or is Gods plan...hope that makes sense:D

[pie2]

When I was 12, the pastor at my old, small church in the middle of service pointed to me and said I would do "mighty works" for the Lord. I got so embarrassed my face turned bright red.

 

Awww

 

I'm still waiting for this to happen

 

Wait, you mean in addition to UAP evangelism?

 

I tend to view prophecy as less personal and more about God's plan.

 

Everything is part of God's plan. But why wouldn't a personal message be significant?

[M30USA]

Wait, you mean in addition to UAP evangelism?

 

Hey, I never said UAPs can save people!

[M30USA]

happiest couple i have ever met are of different religions.

 

How serious are they in their respective faiths? I suspect that they are examples of people who were born into a religion/faith but don't put a lot of weight on it. This would be true of anything, not just religion.

[Eve]

Wow! I wasn’t sure what to expect when I asked my question. In fact, it took me a couple of days to get up the courage to post it. I’m so glad I did!

 

All your responses are so helpful. Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. I’ll try to address each poster individually, but if I don’t, please don’t feel slighted. Understand that I took something from your post and it’s helping me with my internal debate!

 

Glad you are finding responses helpful. I just wanted to say that my prayer, which I believe lead me to my H was based on the Issac and Rebekah story in the Old Testement. They were lead to be together and from the moment they saw each other they were one. This happened in spirit with my H but we still had to go through many changes together - but that initial connection was .. h'mmm.. I need to find the words ...

 

In total, I think the primary difference within our marriage is that our communication (even when talking about simple things) is not institutionalised. It is flexible and each of us seeks God away from each other as well as together. Previously because there was no root in the other person it was like I was carrying the relationship and myself. They could not see the parts where they needed to seek guidance, pray for me.. it was about what they wanted it to be about. Although they could be seen to hear The Holy Spirit at times it was like things of the faith were optional. The Lord knows I am not perfect but I know when God is speaking and I do my utmost to follow - so this is where I felt an incompatibility. I suppose our destinys were not connected.

 

I prayed for God to give my future H and I a love that could unite us and we feel this as a real force between us, even when we are apart. This has taught me to respect love even more because really what we generate is not the only presence between us.

 

I am very grateful for this as I can be quite untrusting and can doubt myself.

 

Your BF sounds like an open person. I do believe that praying together opened my H and I to what I have tried to explain. Previously I had considered that going through things together could also create something akin to such a bond but it this did not happen for me. This nearly trapped me in some pretty dire situations.

 

Really hope you both receive speedy clarity and that God can bless you both with his love and free your hearts to be responsive to each other in ever new ways, by His Grace, Truth and Love.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[angel.eyes]

Thanks everyone for the continued dialogue and advice! It's very helpful to hear others views and experiences as I try to figure out what path to take.

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for your time. Sorry, I am posting on a mobile, so this is not as well thought out as I would like. But I hope it provides you with some assistance...

No worries. What would we do without our phones? Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.

 

Definitely! I know many couples in the same situation as your parents. All I can say is, that is something that works for them. For me, I would not marry to an unbeliever; even if it means I remain single (John 13:37-38).

I had to think a little bit about why you cited those particular verses, but I think I get it…or at least I got something out of it, as it might apply to my situation. I guess, one issue is few things in life are ever guaranteed when it involves another human being--Christian or not, even one as close as Peter was to Jesus.

 

People change and evolve, misrepresent themselves either intentionally or unintentionally. We have to pray for guidance that we are led to the right decision.

 

Peter was a key disciple both before and after Jesus’ betrayal. No one (other than God) in Jesus’ inner circle could have predicted that he would deny him when the chips seemed to be down. As humans, we can’t predict what others do. That’s why we have to have faith that God will guide us to make the right choices. The challenge, as Eve mentioned, is to make sure that we are indeed following His wishes, rather than just doing what we wish.

 

 

And like you said, not just being a Christian, but also sharing a common vision, theologies, ideas about raising children, financial philosophies, communication styles, etc. There are a lot of areas that are fundamental, that I do not desire to compromise in. No, I do not expect someone perfect (I'm not haha), but I need to be in agreement with my wife on the essentials. Too many marriages end due to finances and communication issues, so to me those are just as critical.

Exactly! Having agreement on these are all critical in a successful marriage. I guess my concern is at what point do you compromise on certain things. If you don’t, by the time you get through your mountain of criteria, there will be no one left to date let alone marry. As my friends frequently point out to me, by the time I get to just my third or fourth criterion, there is practically no one out there for me. I don’t want to be one of those people who is so set in their ways and uncompromising on areas where give and take should be reasonable. I also don’t want to have such blinders on that I miss God’s will because it didn’t come in the precise way I expected. I don't know.

 

She was a very staunch Calvinist and I am just...not.

Nor am I. I believe very strongly in conscious choice when it comes to salvation. My small group leader has Calvinist leanings on a few things. Unfortunately, since he has a doctorate of divinity, and I just have what I vaguely remember from reading the Bible from time to time, I’m can’t be anywhere near as coherent or convincing in providing counterpoints to predestination. Still, it’s useful to have dialogue and healthy debate. It forces you to examine why you believe what you believe. To make sure that you are studying the Scripture and following its precepts closely as you are led to believe God meant. Sometimes it even opens your heart to a new perspective.

 

I study independently and rarely ever agree with any pastor more than 90%.

It’s useful to actively study yourself rather than blindly following someone else. Humans after all are fallible. Look at the Peter!

 

I don’t agree with everything my pastor says. In fact, I’ve initiated quite a few chats with him on areas where we disagree. Still, I respect and am blessed by my interactions with him and my fellow church community. They are smart, educated about the Bible in a way that I am not, committed to living God’s Word (most anyway), and I learn something from each and every person when we have a discussion.

 

It was going to cause drama with child rearing and I just decided, no, she would be better for someone else.

Ah, yes. Things like infant baptism, etc. I didn’t realized how passionate my friends were about certain positions and beliefs until they started having kids. Even those who were non-observant and/or agnostic surprised me with the depth of their conviction and insistence on certain observances and beliefs. Eye opening indeed.

 

No, I have dated someone like that. I know what you mean by the selfishness and I know what you mean about second guessing yourself. I got out just like you, and I know God basically said "this is done, cut it off" (I prayed for a clear sign and got it; I would actually recommend this. It was something I felt prompted to pray for a while, but waited to do so because of fear that I would end up never getting married).

Thank you so much for saying this! You have no idea how much it means to me. Whether it was the right decision has really weighed heavily on me for a while now. At the time it seemed like an obvious choice to end it. I just couldn’t see myself continuing to deal with someone like that for a few years let alone a decade or a lifetime. It felt like the right decision and obvious at the time. But since he continues to ask me to reconsider (years later), I have second guessed myself and wondered if I was being too nit picky and whether in fact I made a mistake.

 

 

I do not know you well enough to answer that, but I do not that I have been in the same spot. Absolutely smitten by an unbeliever. But I knew deep down, something was missing. It was a real test of faith to let it go (faith in God is always easy when things are going great, until our deepest personal desires are being asked to be placed on the altar). Looking back, I am 100% confident I made the right choice. I pray that whatever you decide, it will be the right choice for you.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I pray I make the right choice too.

 

True faith is what we believe when fully challenged, not what we say when being faithful is easy and works to our advantage. Job is the perfect example of that. Peter’s response after Jesus was crucified is another. Thanks for reminding me of that example.

 

Me either haha but just something to think about, if God did have it for you to remain single, would you accept it?

You don’t have a choice if he doesn’t want something for you...lol. It just won’t happen…no matter how hard you try. You generally can’t refuse to do God’s will when he has a plan for you. Just ask Jonah how that worked out for him!

[angel.eyes]

I feel like, deep down, you know the answer to your question...

 

 

Thank you so much for having such confidence in me. I have to admit, I don’t know the answer, at least not yet. Marriage for me is a lifetime commitment, so I want to ensure I make the right choice.

 

My BF is not that type of person I would have predicted being with. He’s not part of my social circle. He’s not the type of guy I ordinarily date or would even meet. We met through a strange set of circumstances, and I wonder if there is a reason that we were brought together. I don’t know.

 

So no, unfortunately I don’t know the right answer at the moment. I’ll have to listen to what is in my heart and hope that God is leading me to make the right choice.

 

Eve made the point of making sure that we are being led by God, rather than by what we want. That really spoke to me. It’s my struggle at the moment. Trying to discern whether what I feel is God’s will or something else.

[angel.eyes]

Has anyone given you a word from the Lord concerning this matter?

As in prophesied? No.

 

A very wise man about eight years ago told me that God was going to drop someone in my lap, and that I would have to do nothing. Not to mention the power when he spoke those words, of which he repeated several times, but that coincides with my personality too- my "knower" knew it was the truth.

I don’t think this is in the book, but it just popped into my head as I read this. Hopefully, I can repay your kindness in giving me such great questions and helpfully encouraging me to think about my motives, by giving you a little food for thought in your own journey on dating, especially in light of the guidance you received from this man eight year ago.

 

You made me think of Ruth.

 

Ruth gives up the comfort and security of being with her own people after she is widowed and lands as a foreigner in a strange country that she had never lived in (Israel). She’s a widow called to follow her elderly, widowed mother-in-law. No close male relatives for either woman when they land in Israel. A pretty dismal, hopeless position in that time and place.

 

Ruth was destined to remarry and bring glory to God in many ways. She took a very active role in bringing about God’s will for her life, even though it was uncomfortable to do so at times. She was humble. She did what she was called to do. She didn’t worry about appearances, her reputation, or her pride.

 

She went out into the fields and did the back-breaking work of scrounging for the few barley grains occasionally dropped by harvesters so that she and her mother-in-law would have something to eat. At night, she listened and went and slept at the foot of a distant in-law. She didn’t protest and say that the appearance of her behaviour would ruin her reputation, which it would have. She had faith in God’s grace, mercy and wisdom and actively sought to do what she was called to do rather than waiting.

 

Orpah, her sister-in-law, was in the same boat and faced with the same calling. Orpah, unlike Ruth, ultimately opted for her comfort zone. Ruth was humble and put her faith in God. She was active in her own life’s journey, had an open heart, had faith, and because of her faith, agreed to do what she was called to do even though it entailed choices that seemed like bad decisions all around. She even ignored the obvious choices when it came to “dating” prospects in her new surroundings (Ruth 3:10) and instead remarried a kind man that she was called to pursue.

 

Orpah, her sister-in-law, is lost to history. Ruth is not. She is the great-grandmother of King David. Her life is tied to David, Solomon, and ultimately Jesus. Her istory remain instructive to us over 3000 years after she lived.

 

It’s a short book, but every verse is rich with wisdom that’s relevant to our lives today. If I may, perhaps add the Book of Ruth to your reading.

 

I love how the Bible provides guidance and numerous examples for every aspect of life that we might encounter. There are others, but Ruth just jumped out at me as I was reading your post.

 

I am certainly not as knowledgeable as others on Scripture, nor do I mean to offend, but these two passages really speak to me--Matthew 25:1-10 and Matthew 25:14-28. Am I prepared and am I doing my utmost, to the best of the talents and gifts I’ve been given to carry out God’s will in my life? Am I doing my part to sow (an active verb) the mustard seed through my life? (Matthew 13:31-2). I can’t be passive given my interpretation of God’s Word.

 

Ok, now you've read this book already ...what does it suggest for people like me who absolutely will not under any circumstance, make the first move?

 

It suggests that you should read the book!

 

All kidding aside, it’s not about gimmicks. It’s about making sure that you have the right mindset to let the right people into your life. It’s about being clear about what you want and the steps that you need to take to make sure you are allowing yourself to have opportunities to meet someone (supported by scripture). It’s about making sure you are open and receptive to opportunities when these present themselves, etc. We can be our own worst enemies on this front sometimes.

 

Anyway, it’s well worth reading the book.

 

I would encourage you to open your heart and do what you are called to do by God’s Spirit.

[pie2]

Eve made the point of making sure that we are being led by God, rather than by what we want. That really spoke to me.

 

angel.eyes ~

 

I think Eve's words are very wise; praying for God's guidance is really important .

 

It’s my struggle at the moment. Trying to discern whether what I feel is God’s will or something else.

 

As a woman, I know ALL about feelings!! Trust me, lol And I know how fickle our feelings can be. Feelings can sometimes make it hard to tell which decision is best. That's why we rely on the wisdom found in the bible. And the bible is very clear about marriage: believers are not to be unequally yoked.

 

Marriage for me is a lifetime commitment, so I want to ensure I make the right choice.

 

I pray that you're able to reach clarity in this. Following God's plan will help you have the life God wants for you. Ultimately, you have to do what's in your heart. Whatever decision you make, God knows and loves you.

[TheFinalWord]

No worries. What would we do without our phones? Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.

 

No problem-o.

 

I had to think a little bit about why you cited those particular verses, but I think I get it…or at least I got something out of it, as it might apply to my situation. I guess, one issue is few things in life are ever guaranteed when it involves another human being--Christian or not, even one as close as Peter was to Jesus.

 

That's a good point! Didn't think of that. The main reason I listed that verse was for this portion:

 

"Peter asked, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me?"

 

When things are going our way, we are very quick to claim Christ. But when it means putting something we value most on the alter (in this case Peter's life), we often compromise.

 

Really, Christ could ask a similar question of any of us...

"Lord, why can't I follow you now? I will even lay down my relationship for you." Then Jesus answered, "Will you really lay down your relationship for me?"

 

Our faith will determine our answer.

 

Not picking on you, because we all have to face that at some point. If you consider the parable of the sower, when the time of testing comes, those seeds on the rocky ground have no root and decay. I find testing often comes during the rocky uncertain times in life, when we have to face our fear, i.e. "I know the bible says not to be unequally yoked, but if I don't compromise I will spend the rest of my life alone!"

 

Jesus faced a similar temptation:

 

"A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me."

One thing I love about Jesus, He knows the fears we face. And unlike us, He had complete faith in God and overcame all temptations. But he knows what it's like, which is why we can come to him about these issues

 

Exactly! Having agreement on these are all critical in a successful marriage. I guess my concern is at what point do you compromise on certain things. If you don’t, by the time you get through your mountain of criteria, there will be no one left to date let alone marry. As my friends frequently point out to me, by the time I get to just my third or fourth criterion, there is practically no one out there for me. I don’t want to be one of those people who is so set in their ways and uncompromising on areas where give and take should be reasonable. I also don’t want to have such blinders on that I miss God’s will because it didn’t come in the precise way I expected. I don't know.

 

When it comes to marriage, I believe you should never comprise God's Word and also never compromise your own conscience.

 

In the case of considering marriage with another believer, I believe the Holy Spirit will witness to our spirit and tell us if it is the right person. I do not believe God will let you miss it. The entire act of marriage is a miracle to begin with. God will show us If the person is not a believer, I believe we already know the answer because the Word of God elucidates this issue and provides straightforward counsel. Now, I know unequally yoked marriages that have worked (by the grace of God), but I do not believe we should willingly (in a premeditated way) enter those relationships, and put God to the test. In that same line of thought, I also know many Christian couples that have had sex before being married. Thankfully, God is gracious. But I want God's best and refuse to compromise in those areas.

 

And to put myself on trial, I have done the whole missionary dating haha "Oh I won't have sex or let myself get attached, I will only date her and lead her to the Lord and then we can get married"...NOT. I don't think that is a wise thing to do, looking back. God's never asked us to do that b/c he knows we're not strong enough. It leads to heartache and also it is deceiving the other person because we have an ulterior motive up our sleeve. These days, I'm not going to work on converting a woman I have a romantic interest in. She is already equally yoked from the get go, or it's not an option. haha

 

Nor am I. I believe very strongly in conscious choice when it comes to salvation. My small group leader has Calvinist leanings on a few things. Unfortunately, since he has a doctorate of divinity, and I just have what I vaguely remember from reading the Bible from time to time, I’m can’t be anywhere near as coherent or convincing in providing counterpoints to predestination. Still, it’s useful to have dialogue and healthy debate. It forces you to examine why you believe what you believe. To make sure that you are studying the Scripture and following its precepts closely as you are led to believe God meant. Sometimes it even opens your heart to a new perspective.

 

Very good points. I agree

 

It’s useful to actively study yourself rather than blindly following someone else. Humans after all are fallible. Look at the Peter!

 

I don’t agree with everything my pastor says. In fact, I’ve initiated quite a few chats with him on areas where we disagree. Still, I respect and am blessed by my interactions with him and my fellow church community. They are smart, educated about the Bible in a way that I am not, committed to living God’s Word (most anyway), and I learn something from each and every person when we have a discussion.

 

One thing about you, is I can tell you have a genuine search for truth. You are humble and consider others opinions. That is a great gift to have

 

Thank you so much for saying this! You have no idea how much it means to me. Whether it was the right decision has really weighed heavily on me for a while now. At the time it seemed like an obvious choice to end it. I just couldn’t see myself continuing to deal with someone like that for a few years let alone a decade or a lifetime. It felt like the right decision and obvious at the time. But since he continues to ask me to reconsider (years later), I have second guessed myself and wondered if I was being too nit picky and whether in fact I made a mistake.

 

Well, if that door is closed and you continue to allow it to stay ajar, I think you will always have those doubts. IMHO, some things you just have to finalize. If you know this isn't the right man for marriage, you might want to consider cutting contact. You had feelings for him at one time, and even though you know deep down he isn't the right one for you, when he talks to you it can rekindle those feelings. Plus, overtime we tend to accentuate the good things, and downplay the negatives, which can deceive us and leave us second guessing ourselves. Only you can know for sure, but if you know in your heart of hearts, he isn't the one, you may have to remove him from your life. I have had to do that on a few occasions. Even as much as a month ago a girl I was seeing a few years ago wrote me. I know she isn't the one so I don't even respond anymore. It doesn't edify me or build my faith, it only confuses me and I know God is not the author of confusion. And that brings me to my next point...

 

 

You don’t have a choice if he doesn’t want something for you...lol. It just won’t happen…no matter how hard you try. You generally can’t refuse to do God’s will when he has a plan for you. Just ask Jonah how that worked out for him!

 

I agree, but I think we can put our foot in the door when God tries to close it tight. If we insist on leaving it ajar, we can end up inviting all kinds of troubles into our lives. For example, the girl I mentioned before that was similar to the ex you described...God was shutting the door and I agree that if I had kept going on with it, eventually it would have ended (probably in divorce). But I do believe that if I ignored God and decided to do my own thing anyway, and willfully ignore the bible and the Holy Spirit, God would have let me have my way and go through with my plans to marry her (prodigal son type of thing haha).

 

The problem is when you're dealing with marriage, you're dealing with a relationship that not only affects the couple, but also the couple's families and future children. The more I thought about it the more I knew that doing things my way was selfish. To my family, my future kids, and to God. God has the right path for my life. My life is his. And the wife he has for me will be the right one for accomplishing what he wants to use me for. So, those are just other things to think about and some of the thoughts that made it easier for me to let go, and put on the alter what needed to go on the alter...and do it with the peace of God that passes understanding. Knowing that, it was hard for my carnal man to let it go, but my spirit man felt peace from God. In life I have found nothing compares to the peace God gives from walking in his mentorship and wisdom.

 

Bless you.

Edited April 19, 2013 by TheFinalWord

[M30USA]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand he's back!

[TheFinalWord]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand he's back!

 

Did you miss me? Looking forward to reading your new thread in the next couple of days!

[pureinheart]

As in prophesied? No.

 

 

I don’t think this is in the book, but it just popped into my head as I read this. Hopefully, I can repay your kindness in giving me such great questions and helpfully encouraging me to think about my motives, by giving you a little food for thought in your own journey on dating, especially in light of the guidance you received from this man eight year ago.

 

You made me think of Ruth.

 

Ruth gives up the comfort and security of being with her own people after she is widowed and lands as a foreigner in a strange country that she had never lived in (Israel). She’s a widow called to follow her elderly, widowed mother-in-law. No close male relatives for either woman when they land in Israel. A pretty dismal, hopeless position in that time and place.

 

Ruth was destined to remarry and bring glory to God in many ways. She took a very active role in bringing about God’s will for her life, even though it was uncomfortable to do so at times. She was humble. She did what she was called to do. She didn’t worry about appearances, her reputation, or her pride.

 

She went out into the fields and did the back-breaking work of scrounging for the few barley grains occasionally dropped by harvesters so that she and her mother-in-law would have something to eat. At night, she listened and went and slept at the foot of a distant in-law. She didn’t protest and say that the appearance of her behaviour would ruin her reputation, which it would have. She had faith in God’s grace, mercy and wisdom and actively sought to do what she was called to do rather than waiting.

 

Orpah, her sister-in-law, was in the same boat and faced with the same calling. Orpah, unlike Ruth, ultimately opted for her comfort zone. Ruth was humble and put her faith in God. She was active in her own life’s journey, had an open heart, had faith, and because of her faith, agreed to do what she was called to do even though it entailed choices that seemed like bad decisions all around. She even ignored the obvious choices when it came to “dating” prospects in her new surroundings (Ruth 3:10) and instead remarried a kind man that she was called to pursue.

 

Orpah, her sister-in-law, is lost to history. Ruth is not. She is the great-grandmother of King David. Her life is tied to David, Solomon, and ultimately Jesus. Her istory remain instructive to us over 3000 years after she lived.

 

It’s a short book, but every verse is rich with wisdom that’s relevant to our lives today. If I may, perhaps add the Book of Ruth to your reading.

 

I love how the Bible provides guidance and numerous examples for every aspect of life that we might encounter. There are others, but Ruth just jumped out at me as I was reading your post.

 

I am certainly not as knowledgeable as others on Scripture, nor do I mean to offend, but these two passages really speak to me--Matthew 25:1-10 and Matthew 25:14-28. Am I prepared and am I doing my utmost, to the best of the talents and gifts I’ve been given to carry out God’s will in my life? Am I doing my part to sow (an active verb) the mustard seed through my life? (Matthew 13:31-2). I can’t be passive given my interpretation of God’s Word.

 

 

 

It suggests that you should read the book!

 

All kidding aside, it’s not about gimmicks. It’s about making sure that you have the right mindset to let the right people into your life. It’s about being clear about what you want and the steps that you need to take to make sure you are allowing yourself to have opportunities to meet someone (supported by scripture). It’s about making sure you are open and receptive to opportunities when these present themselves, etc. We can be our own worst enemies on this front sometimes.

 

Anyway, it’s well worth reading the book.

 

I would encourage you to open your heart and do what you are called to do by God’s Spirit.

 

Amen AE! What wonderful and thoughtful post, and will take your advice and actually read the Book of Ruth- I've seen the movies and teachings, but have never read the Book! I know my Boaz is coming, and in fact is already here:D (speaking of Jesus).

 

Thank you so much love for bringing this book to my attention- you have sparked my desire to spend countless hours in my favorite book store, Barnes and Noble, and I will check it out. I think it's important to make oneself aware of all perspectives. Oh Lord gf, you have no idea on how I am my own worst enemy where relationships are concerned.

 

I know I need a lot of work in this area. The last relationship was worse than a disaster and gave me much grief. He was the type of person who could never give of himself fully, and this always left me feeling unwanted and uncared for. I strongly believe this to be manipulation on his part, purposefully holding back. It has long passed (THANK YOU JESUS), although it caused me to take a good look at the type of person that would be best suited for me. I have a history of molding myself into what "they" wanted, and then in turn trying to mold them. It either is or isn't. Period.

 

Bold- what wonderful encouragement! Hey, I really hope you find LS appealing for the purpose of sticking around:D...you are really good people...

Edited April 19, 2013 by pureinheart

[BetheButterfly]

he primary difference I have experienced in my marriage is that Hubby and I really are one - with God being our centre. I can trust him completely and he me. Previously it was about maintaining biological needs. There was no spirit in the relationship.

 

This is beautiful Eve and very important!!! I agree; that is how my husband and I are. You stated this so eloquently.

 

That's one reason why it very much helps to walk together in one's spiritual journey with one's mate!

[BetheButterfly]

 

Anyway, while “unequal yoking” can be very successful, as Eve points out, those marriages miss a level of depth..."of spirit"...

 

Agreed. I almost married a wonderful Muslim man once, but we didn't walk in the same path. It hit me one day when I was listening to the song Isaiah 6 by Todd Agnew. It's one of my most favorite songs but he didn't like it because he didn't believe the same. That's when the "unequally yoked" verse hit me and I realized, "What am I doing?" I knew he wanted to raise our future children as Muslims but it didn't sink into me until that moment that I don't want to raise my children as Muslims. I want them to have the freedom to choose whether to follow Jesus Christ or not. I don't want them being pressured by their Dad to follow a man (Muhammad) who I don't follow or have any desire to follow.

 

taken from that can only occur within a truly Christian marriage. That's something I've started to realize since I'm suddenly around a lot of models of strong Christian marriages.

 

That's beautiful and I'm so glad that you have a lot of strong Christian marriages around you!!! I do too, though I am a natural rebel and have learned the hard way sadly that being a Christian is a daily journey and that it's really important for people to walk together on a journey, not apart yet married together.

 

As many times as I had read Ephesians 5:22-33, it wasn’t until a couple of years ago, that I fully appreciated what it was saying and how it gets lived. Until then, I had interpreted it from a fairly secular mindset and my reflex reaction, was: Why would I ever carte-blanche submit to some guy who might selfishly take advantage of that? Who chooses to be a doormat? But that’s not at all what the passage is about. It’s not about power or power struggles in a relationship. Quite the opposite in fact. It’s about love, trust, and respect for each other. Ephesians 5:25 and 5:28 in particular, have an entirely different meaning when you put it in the context of what Christ did out of pure love for the Church and what we as Christians are called to do ourselves. It’s about servant leadership in a way.

 

So beautiful and true!!! Eloquently put!!!

So now, I’m faced with additional criteria to consider in picking who to date and marry. It’s the reason I’m torn. It's not that I wouldn't be successful. It's whether I'm truly following God's will for me. It's also whether I would be cheated out of a deeper relationship if I married a non-believer.

 

I will pray for you. I know it pleases God that you care about His will for your life.

[elplague]

Being an Atheist, I generally find I cannot date someone of specific faith. Reason being, they always want to "save me" or "convert me."

 

I keep an open mind, but the reality is, christians, muslims, and anything that relies on strict dogma generally aren't my cup of tea. I won't ever go to church with you, I won't be married in a church with you, I won't ever alter my beliefs for you. IMHO, it's not worth the frustration, to date someone who has these beliefs.

 

Thankfully, the GF is a Unitarian, and thus, doesn't have dogma. They accept anyone of any belief or unbelief. Although I'll never go to the church with her, she doesn't heckle me about it, because it accepts everything as valid.

[angel.eyes]

There are some truly inspiring love stories in the Bible, Isaac and Rebecca among them.

 

You are indeed blessed to have found a husband who had ears to hear and now bears fruit many-fold…who has helped you grow in your walk. I'm glad you were able to trust when called to do so.

 

The bolded part reminded me of the following two passages-- Matthew 13:18 – 23 and Mark 4:3-9. It’s hard not to get disillusioned when you encounter those without roots. I have encountered that occasionally. Disappointing when it happens.

 

I pray I am open to being with the right man for me. Hopefully the signs will be as clear as they were for Isaac and Rebecca, and I will behave as Rebecca did.

 

 

Glad you are finding responses helpful. I just wanted to say that my prayer, which I believe lead me to my H was based on the Issac and Rebekah story in the Old Testement. They were lead to be together and from the moment they saw each other they were one. This happened in spirit with my H but we still had to go through many changes together - but that initial connection was .. h'mmm.. I need to find the words ...

 

In total, I think the primary difference within our marriage is that our communication (even when talking about simple things) is not institutionalised. It is flexible and each of us seeks God away from each other as well as together. Previously because there was no root in the other person it was like I was carrying the relationship and myself. They could not see the parts where they needed to seek guidance, pray for me.. it was about what they wanted it to be about. Although they could be seen to hear The Holy Spirit at times it was like things of the faith were optional. The Lord knows I am not perfect but I know when God is speaking and I do my utmost to follow - so this is where I felt an incompatibility. I suppose our destinys were not connected.

 

I prayed for God to give my future H and I a love that could unite us and we feel this as a real force between us, even when we are apart. This has taught me to respect love even more because really what we generate is not the only presence between us.

 

I am very grateful for this as I can be quite untrusting and can doubt myself.

 

Your BF sounds like an open person. I do believe that praying together opened my H and I to what I have tried to explain. Previously I had considered that going through things together could also create something akin to such a bond but it this did not happen for me. This nearly trapped me in some pretty dire situations.

 

Really hope you both receive speedy clarity and that God can bless you both with his love and free your hearts to be responsive to each other in ever new ways, by His Grace, Truth and Love.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[angel.eyes]

@pie 2 and TheFinalWord:

 

Thank you both for you words of wisdom and truth. It's reassuring to know that others have been in my shoes.

 

Haha at missionary dating! I have never done that, but I have been "missionary dated" by a Mormon and a Muslim. Both were pretty upfront from the start that if things got serious they would expect me to convert. I wasn't interested in anything serious at the time, and I certainly wasn't about to give up my beliefs...although they were free to consider mine.

[angel.eyes]

I agree, but I think we can put our foot in the door when God tries to close it tight. If we insist on leaving it ajar, we can end up inviting all kinds of troubles into our lives. For example, the girl I mentioned before that was similar to the ex you described...God was shutting the door and I agree that if I had kept going on with it, eventually it would have ended (probably in divorce). But I do believe that if I ignored God and decided to do my own thing anyway, and willfully ignore the bible and the Holy Spirit, God would have let me have my way and go through with my plans to marry her (prodigal son type of thing haha).

 

I did want to clarify this by the way. I haven't kept the door ajar. I ended things and didn't look back. I moved on and started dating others, including my now boyfriend.

 

At first, when my ex continued to contact me and ask me to reconsider, I was nice but firm about never changing my mind. Eventually, I just started ignoring his messages, texts, calls, etc. Then he started showing up at events he knew I would attend because he thought I wouldn't publicly ignore him. At first I didn't, but eventually I started to do so because he wouldn't stop trying.

 

Aside from being selfish and self-centered, he really is a perfect guy. So, I started to second guess whether I was being too nit-picky and missing a clear message from God. It's not as if I don't have my own laundry list of flaws and imperfections. Anyway, I can't see myself possibly putting up with selfishness and self-centeredness for a lifetime. Why would anyone? But, his continued reappearances really make me wonder if I am being deaf to a message I'm being given and just stubborn.

 

Good to know others would react the same way I did and handle it the same way. Seems obvious, but not so much when you are repeatedly forced to revisit a decision...for three years now.

[angel.eyes]

pureinheart,

 

Sorry to hear your last relationship brought you such grief. I'll pray that you find happiness and love in a healthy relationship soon.

 

You have a wonderful spirit! I hope you enjoy the Book of Ruth and the dating book. I suspect you'll find both worthwhile.

 

Amen AE! What wonderful and thoughtful post, and will take your advice and actually read the Book of Ruth- I've seen the movies and teachings, but have never read the Book! I know my Boaz is coming, and in fact is already here:D (speaking of Jesus).

 

Thank you so much love for bringing this book to my attention- you have sparked my desire to spend countless hours in my favorite book store, Barnes and Noble, and I will check it out. I think it's important to make oneself aware of all perspectives. Oh Lord gf, you have no idea on how I am my own worst enemy where relationships are concerned.

 

I know I need a lot of work in this area. The last relationship was worse than a disaster and gave me much grief. He was the type of person who could never give of himself fully, and this always left me feeling unwanted and uncared for. I strongly believe this to be manipulation on his part, purposefully holding back. It has long passed (THANK YOU JESUS), although it caused me to take a good look at the type of person that would be best suited for me. I have a history of molding myself into what "they" wanted, and then in turn trying to mold them. It either is or isn't. Period.

 

Bold- what wonderful encouragement! Hey, I really hope you find LS appealing for the purpose of sticking around:D...you are really good people...

[KatZee]

I was raised in a very Reform Jewish household. Not particularly religious. Also, my family is mixed religion, my grandfather being Jewish my grandmother and her family being Catholic. Same with my aunt/uncle. Same with my mother and her ex husband.

 

I consider myself spiritual, not religious. I believe in God and have a relationship with God but I don't particularly live life according to the Bible, I just live to be the best person I can be.

 

That being said, I've only dated Catholic/Christian people. For some reason I've never come across a Jewish person to date. People I do however stay away from because it rubs me the wrong way, are athiest/agnostic people.

[TheFinalWord]

I did want to clarify this by the way. I haven't kept the door ajar. I ended things and didn't look back. I moved on and started dating others, including my now boyfriend.

 

At first, when my ex continued to contact me and ask me to reconsider, I was nice but firm about never changing my mind. Eventually, I just started ignoring his messages, texts, calls, etc. Then he started showing up at events he knew I would attend because he thought I wouldn't publicly ignore him. At first I didn't, but eventually I started to do so because he wouldn't stop trying.

 

Aside from being selfish and self-centered, he really is a perfect guy. So, I started to second guess whether I was being too nit-picky and missing a clear message from God. It's not as if I don't have my own laundry list of flaws and imperfections. Anyway, I can't see myself possibly putting up with selfishness and self-centeredness for a lifetime. Why would anyone? But, his continued reappearances really make me wonder if I am being deaf to a message I'm being given and just stubborn.

 

Good to know others would react the same way I did and handle it the same way. Seems obvious, but not so much when you are repeatedly forced to revisit a decision...for three years now.

 

I can see what you are saying. Yeah, we are all imperfect, but there are some personality characteristics that carry more weight than others. For example, I can not tolerate an unforgiving person. That's just one trait I do not want to deal with in another person (Matt. 6:15; 1 Peter 3:7; 1 John 4:20). That's also one that is high on God's list; and someones ability or inability to forgive is a good indicator of their spiritual growth. I don't care if they have the whole bible memorized, if they are unforgiving, they don't have the love of God in their heart. Forgiveness is important to me because there will be disagreements and the last thing you want in a relationship is someone that holds grudges and you have to walk on egg shells.

 

One of my fav parables about forgiveness

 

 

Selfishness is another one. Being in a relationship with someone like that is draining b/c it is always about them and their wants and needs. The other person always puts you last and it makes you question your value. Giving of yourself is never reciprocated and makes you wonder why even be in a relationship? I've been there haha

 

Good for you for sticking to your guns! For me, I refuse to compromise. But I have never minded being single so maybe it is easier for me. I would rather wait for the right person and remain single until then. It's less stress and you can be more productive. I trust God 100% and in the area of relationships I will wait for his guidance. I pray that God will show you what is best for you. If you feel comfortable, please keep us updated!

 

PS: What does your moniker mean? Any reference to Lee Van Clef haha doubtful, but I had to ask

Edited April 20, 2013 by TheFinalWord