I feel a jerk for posting this

[Adunaphel]

....have you ever learnt that a friend of you was victim of a rape and -after a while- started to suspect she was lying about it?(making the rape story up)

 

Could anybody ever possibly fake having been a rape victim???

 

I feel horrible for even posting this.

Today I met this girl who was a good friend of mine a few years ago(hadn't seen her in 4 years). I got to know from her she got raped by a stranger one month before she moved in this town with her family. Of course I believed her but as time progressed I got to think that she actually *might* be faking it, that she was very probably faking it. It was partly a feeling I had and (expecially) a bunch of other people who had the very same feeling (only stronger)and talked me into believing she had faked the whole story.

Never mentioned to her what was going through my mind.

Then she moved to another town, we lost contact.

 

After meeting her...well, I am in an emotional turmoil.

What if I was wrong all the time? If she was actually raped and I ended up not believing it I am a total sh*t*.

 

(I forgot to mention I was taken being taken advantage of by this friend, even if at the time I didn't realize it. And that's why those other people told me that in their opinions she was pretending to have been raped. )

 

I apologize to any rape victim that I might have offended with this post.

[Fayebelle]

Why do you think she was lying? Did her story change? Did she ever file charges? Do you know anyone in the town she moved from?

 

Most importantly- was she in therapy? Either she's a rape victim or a person w/ a serious lying prob- therapy would help w/either situation and perhaps the counceler could steer her better than you.

[Adunaphel]

Thank you very much for your reply!

 

Originally posted by Fayebelle

Why do you think she was lying?

 

I think that, *if* Clara (her name) was lying, she used the fact she was raped to get personal advantages. Like graduating in school (school for people aged 14-19, I'm not sure if it is called college or high school) -she would have failed her final exams if most teachers hadn't got to know she had been raped and she was still hurting-, getting away with things like cheating on her boyfriends or 'stealing' her female friends'boyfriends, getting a lot of attention from boyfriends/friends.

 

She also used this fact to send people into guilt trips.

 

She once -just an example- called an ex bf (knowing he was having dinner at her new gf's place) and asked: 'come and see me now, I feel lonely and I feel bad'. She insisted he came at her place using the 'guilt trip technique'and he finally gave in.....leaving her new gf (who was understandably very jealous of Clara and pretty much hated her)alone in front of the dinner table!

 

Clara is *extremely* beautiful....sweetest and prettiest face you could think of, she could be a model except for her height-but she could have never made her ex bf leave her gf like that had she not been raped.

And she didn't really *need*his company that evening....it was more like a whimse. I heard the story from her...and she was sort of *bragging* about it...she mentioned that "his stupid jealous gf could not compete with her"(I told her I thought it was horrible behaviour).

 

Did her story change?

 

She never gave a lot of details about it - I think I'm the one who got the most.

She had just exited a phone box (she just made a call) at night , wearing sport clothes (of the bad-looking, baggy, absolutely not-revealing ones), a guy raped her using physical strenght.

She got home crying, her family didn't even realize that something was wrong with her.

 

There were a slight change. The guy was a stranger in a version of the story and in another version she knew who he was and she knew no one would believe her.

Also, I never saw her wearing clothes like the ones she was supposed to wear that night.

 

Did she ever file charges?

 

No. She said she didn't because they would not believe her. She didn't even tell her family. Even when everyone asked her to tell her family, she refused to. She said her mother and sister would not believe her(basically she hates both of them).

 

Do you know anyone in the town she moved from?

 

No, it is about 5 hours of car away.

 

Most importantly- was she in therapy? Either she's a rape victim or a person w/ a serious lying prob- therapy would help w/either situation and perhaps the counceler could steer her better than you.

 

She never was...not when we used to be friends at least.

She would not go at the time even if we suggested/asked her to.

[HokeyReligions]

There is no way to know the truth about her alleged rape. Rape screws much more than the twat. Sorry, a friend of mine (a rape victim herself) told me that line and humor is her way of dealing---but anyway, it gets the point across.

 

A rape victim comes away with emotional and mental damage that take a lot longer to heal than the physical damage (in most cases). You'll probably never know if her personality quirks? problems? disorders? existed prior to the alleged rape, or if they are a result of the emotional damage.

 

All the heresay is just opinions and interpretations from others. They have filtered what facts they know (if any) with their own perceptions and with how things were told to them. Just as you are doing now, only you are at least questioning!

 

If you want to be friends with her, then be honest and tell her that you are concerned about her behavior and how she reacts to others, and how she treats others. Suggest rape counseling and even offer to go with her if you are so inclined.

 

Being a victim of a crime does not excuse bad behavior. It can explain it, but it does not excuse it. There is help available to her when she is ready. If she ever admits that she was not raped (and it's not unheard of at all to have women claim to be raped when they were not) then perhaps you can suggest other forms of treatment/counseling to make a proper diagnosis and get her into the right kind of therapy.

 

 

--------------

PS: Ad, Your avatar is a trip!

[lydiamarie]

don't worry about offending with this post

 

if you believe that being a victim doesn't excuse future bad behavior (as hokey stated) then whether or not you believe her is irrelevant.

 

should you ever meet up with her again, then offer her support and offer to help find support groups-but don't let her take advantage of you.

 

from personal experience: there were a few people i told who didn't believe that it was rape. it's a bit different because they believed that i had sex, but that it was consensual. just because they didn't want to deal with it, i think. all i needed from anyone was a hug, a shoulder to cry on, and maybe an ear or two to talk off. but everybody deals with traumatic events in his own way. incidentally, hokey, i tend to use humor too.