A cheater's ultimatum

[RomanceLow]

So my ex never actually cheated, but he attempted to cheat by sexting other girls and looking to hook up. When confronted he said he cared deeply over me and he was seeking more attention. It's a terrible excuse, but iLove him and he's military and I understand that military men tend to be cheaters and they see nothing wrong with it. I'm in love and my judgment is unclear. I sought help from a relationship counselor and she told me my heart feels one thing, yet my brain tells me I shouldn't. I guess I have to options with this guy... Listen to plan then judge. I'm suppose to hang out with him in a couple of days, i'll tell him how i feel bcs my therapist said it is not good to bottle up feelings. This is what i'll say... I still like u.Then i'll ask him How do u feel?And if he still likes me i'll continue. With that said I'm still dating I'm still sleeping with ppl I'll give him options: We can be friends and just friends. If we try it again we can only try it bcs u want to change u can't do it cause I want u too.We must see my therapist before all this.And it doesn't have to be right now it can be months from now, but My feelings might have changed or stayed the same,but If u do change ill b happy whether it b for me or the other girls in the future.

And if we do try the relationship and u end up with ur old habits ill never want to talk or hear from u again.U choose I'm happy with any choice. What's your guys thoughts?

[2sunny]

I don't believe in going backwards.

 

Especially if a person hasn't given me complete nd solid evidence that they've changed.

 

Sleeping with numerous people is a health risk, why are you doing that to yourself?

 

 

I know many military men that don't cheat!

[BetrayedH]

Reconciling with someone that has cheated on you is one of the hardest things in life to do. You're not married? You have no children together? Walk away. This is no the time to make decisions with your emotions; use your brain.

 

By the way, I'm sorry to say it but all I heard in your list of options (which you call an ultimatum) is how desperately you want this cheater back. Be prepared to be walked on for life.

[Summer Breeze]

So my ex never actually cheated, but he attempted to cheat by sexting other girls and looking to hook up. When confronted he said he cared deeply over me and he was seeking more attention. It's a terrible excuse, but iLove him and he's military and I understand that military men tend to be cheaters and they see nothing wrong with it. I'm in love and my judgment is unclear. I sought help from a relationship counselor and she told me my heart feels one thing, yet my brain tells me I shouldn't. I guess I have to options with this guy... Listen to plan then judge. I'm suppose to hang out with him in a couple of days, i'll tell him how i feel bcs my therapist said it is not good to bottle up feelings. This is what i'll say... I still like u.Then i'll ask him How do u feel?And if he still likes me i'll continue. With that said I'm still dating I'm still sleeping with ppl I'll give him options: We can be friends and just friends. If we try it again we can only try it bcs u want to change u can't do it cause I want u too.We must see my therapist before all this.And it doesn't have to be right now it can be months from now, but My feelings might have changed or stayed the same,but If u do change ill b happy whether it b for me or the other girls in the future.

And if we do try the relationship and u end up with ur old habits ill never want to talk or hear from u again.U choose I'm happy with any choice. What's your guys thoughts?

 

Bolded. You say he never cheated but he actively sought out women to hook up with. IMHO that's cheating. He has it in his head and is being very calculated about seeking anyone out, lying to you while doing it, and gaslighting you when he's been caught. I agree with BH that you have limited ties now and it's best to end it now rather than wait till there are kids and other things that make your decision harder.

 

And I agree with the poster that said that there are a whole lot of military personnel that don't cheat. I'd probably guess he spun that yarn for you. I think the thing that concerns me is this. Even if most military men do cheat do you want to live with someone who does?

[jnel921]

That's how it starts. If he needs to do that, why not with you?

 

You may need to walk away from this guy.