waterwoman Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Anyone else play this? It's a corker isn't it? In the wee small hours of the morning when you can't sleep and all the bad thoughts come sneaking back.... What if you hadn't found those texts/emails/calls? What if they HAD had sex.?What if her H had walked out on her? What would have happened then? Would the relationship have gone from strength to strength, would he have found it impossible to end, would he have chosen to be with her and cast you aside like last year's clothes? What if? Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Anyone else play this? It's a corker isn't it? In the wee small hours of the morning when you can't sleep and all the bad thoughts come sneaking back.... What if you hadn't found those texts/emails/calls? What if they HAD had sex.?What if her H had walked out on her? What would have happened then? Would the relationship have gone from strength to strength, would he have found it impossible to end, would he have chosen to be with her and cast you aside like last year's clothes? What if? I am sure I did play it, and it's normal, but not necessarily healthy. I just kept asking myself IF I was where I truly wanted to be, (and somedays, no I wasn't) and did I see consistent evidence from him that he was where he wantted to be (with me). I did. I too discovered and was not confessed to, as are the vast majority of BSs. In retrospect, I have concluded and come to learn that many a cheater slides down that slippery slope quite easily, but maintaining the deception begins to eat away at them and, like a child longing to end it without hurting ANYONE's feelings ---GOD FORBID the AP stops mirroring back to them how wonderful they are---they subconciously set themselves up TO GET CAUGHT. Think on that and think on why. The BS now effectively forces the conclusion of the affair by demanding it end or the marriage will. The WS can now end the affair and NOT be the total bad guy, because, yep, you guessed it, he has to save his marriage. I mean really? How convenient. It's a wonderful way to end the affair and not be blamed, but it still is conflict-avoidant and poor communication, no? I believe my H wanted to get caught because she had started to hint, cajole, suggest, imply, commitment to HER, and reality was starting to intrude on his NSA fantasy. Plus the guilt....TONS of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author waterwoman Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 H said he reckons he wanted to get caught, in his heart. He wasn't used to keeping secrets from me. She wanted him to herself. He had made it clear that it wasn't happening but she tried lots of little manipulations to persuade him. The affair was draining the energy from our M and I don't know, if I am totally honest, whether he would have stood up to it for ever. There are questions and gaps that I guess no-one will ever be able to answer. So the what-if game is pointless, painful and, yes spark, unhealthy, but hard to resist at my lowest moments. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 H said he reckons he wanted to get caught, in his heart. He wasn't used to keeping secrets from me. She wanted him to herself. He had made it clear that it wasn't happening but she tried lots of little manipulations to persuade him. The affair was draining the energy from our M and I don't know, if I am totally honest, whether he would have stood up to it for ever. There are questions and gaps that I guess no-one will ever be able to answer. So the what-if game is pointless, painful and, yes spark, unhealthy, but hard to resist at my lowest moments. I only have older brothers and this is WHAT I do know about men. They love the nice girl around the corner who laughs at their dumb jokes, smiles sweetly, flatters them with attention and makes them feel like all that. The male ego can't resist that. But when each and every one of my brothers met THE ONE, they moved mountains to be with her. They felt THE ONE was a prize they were at risk of losing or never attaining at all; usually a resourceful, independent woman who did not fawn all over them or giggle after every joke. Men are truly always where they want to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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