Casual Relationship Do I tell?

[meat department]

I am new here. I posted this on another topic but I think this one applies too.

Here is my story:

I met a guy 7 months ago and we hit it off. We decided that we would have a exclusive sexual relationship and so we did. It was fun. I found out this week that he is married. I have tried to text and email him but I have heard nothing.

I am not sure what to do in this situation? I feel bad and I can't really tell many friends about this.

[Summer Breeze]

I am new here. I posted this on another topic but I think this one applies too.

Here is my story:

I met a guy 7 months ago and we hit it off. We decided that we would have a exclusive sexual relationship and so we did. It was fun. I found out this week that he is married. I have tried to text and email him but I have heard nothing.

I am not sure what to do in this situation? I feel bad and I can't really tell many friends about this.

 

What are the things you feel bad about?

 

My advice is this. He lied to you. No matter what he did with his W, he lied to you. That's direct and deliberate. For 7 months--210 days, 5040 hours, 302,400 seconds HE LIED TO YOU. He duped you into a R with him and now he'll be doing everything to get you to come back and take on the role of OW. If you feel bad now can you imagine how bad you'll feel in another 7 months when he's lied to you yet again or gets tired of you.

 

You deserve more than that.

[meat department]

I feel bad that I had fun with another person's spouse. I feel bad that I miss him. I feel bad that he won't respond to me. I also am worried that he will tell her out of some quilt and I will end up in the middle of a mess I didn't want. I also really feel bad for her.

[psm04]

I feel bad that I had fun with another person's spouse. I feel bad that I miss him. I feel bad that he won't respond to me. I also am worried that he will tell her out of some quilt and I will end up in the middle of a mess I didn't want. I also really feel bad for her.

 

Hi there, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have to say that it is one thing for two people to get into an A fully knowing that both or one of them are married, but it is another thing for one party to completely lie about it. He was manipulative and sounds like a scumbag. Please don't waste your time thinking of him. Plus, I sincerely doubt that he will tell his wife. From his actions, I feel that he is not the type of person to feel guilt. You were not aware of his marital status so please DON'T feel bad! Hang in there and hope you feel better.

[Realist3]

The rest of the story might be pertinent.

 

Hi I am new here and this is my story:

I met a guy online 7 months ago and we agreed to have casual sex once a week and that is what we did. It was not an affair, just a sexual relationship (a really good one). I found out this week that he is married, apparently happily (well the spouse is happy).

I have tried texting and email him but he won't respond. I am in the middle of a divorce from someone who cheated on me so I am concerned that this could hurt my divorce. I am also shocked that someone could have sex with me for 7 months and have a secret wife.

My question is this: What do I do? I am at a loss and I can't really ask to many friends because admitting this is embarrassing.

[meat department]

That is the story. I don't have other details.

[Realist3]

I know. You should move on since he seems to want to have no contact. Telling his spouse doesn't serve much of a point.

 

Since you are getting divorced, you may want him to as well, but don't count on that happening.

[Turtles]

That is the story. I don't have other details.

 

Because "casual sex once a week" is very different from "exclusive sexual relationship", in my mind the former actually implies a non-exclusive relationship, so maybe that's how he took it as well. Since you were in it just for the sex (and hopefully using safe sex practices), I don't see why it makes a difference whether or not he was married, in fact one might argue it is none of your business.

 

If you want to say, "well he told me I was the only one", honestly I don't know what you expected, you are just having sex with a stranger after all.

 

It's not my usual position because I hate to see a woman (or a man) taken advantage of, but I don't think this is what happened here, you both got what you were looking for. Yeah, you were just a piece of meat to him, but guess what, that's how he thought you saw him too. No strings attached.

 

So, I don't see why you would tell his wife (unless you were not using condoms, because then she has the right to know he is putting her at risk, that's a different story altogether)

 

I think maybe you started falling for him, because it's hard to keep the emotions out (I can't, personally - I tried but it just isn't for me, for exactly this reason) and now you are a bit heart broken. I can totally empathize and feel sorry for you, but I don't think it will help to hold him responsible for it. Just get over it - chalk it up as a learning experience, and at least you got some fun action out of it so it's not a complete loss.

[meat department]

Turtles thanks for the response. I think I was just too trusting and while I don't want to date him and such I was under the impression that we were exclusive.

My two main concerns were

Should I tell the wife after my divorce is final (I can't until that happens)

And if he will not be found out until my divorce is final.

I think the overall impression is that I should not tell since it was just casual.

Thanks for all the opinions that is what I came here for.

[Turtles]

I think the post came out a bit as defensive of him, that was not my intention, he was still wrong to be lying to you.

 

You don't have to tell the wife, because I think that would be very unfair to you to be thrown in the drama - you did nothing wrong, had no idea he was lying and were only taking this relationship on a casual basis. Basically, not your problem, so you can just wash your hands of it and move on. Yeah, I would want to be told if I was her, and if I was personally in your situation I would tell, but I don't have to fear any repercussion for telling. I'm sure if it was that easy you would have told her already.

 

If you were having unsafe sex I feel there is a moral obligation to tell her because her health could be at risk (it's safe to assume he is probably seeing other women and using the same sex practice with them). You could always do it anonymously.

[meat department]

We practiced safe sex and I got tested this week just to be safe.

Thanks for your insight. I am divorcing a man who cheated on me with men so I know what would happen to her world, not sure I can do that to her. Seriously thanks I feel better.

[meat department]

I guess in my need for reassurance that my current divorce wouldn't be affected by him suddenly feeling the need to come clean to his spouse. I had no idea negative communication could be twisted as positive. Thanks for the tip.