Iamyoungjuan Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) Me and my wife have been together for 8 years we have 4 kids together two girls and two boys im 28 and shes 23 I love my wife and kids with all my heart and soul and they mean the world to me.Me and my wife have been through alot of ups and downs I do my best for her and our kids I pays half the rent every month or sometimes all the rent plus I pay our 200 dollar cabel bill every month I take her out to eat alot we go out and party together I take her to the movies I do alot for our family I tell her I love her and she mean the world to me all the time. Now my wife dont no how to talk to me about things because she thinks im gone get angry at her which I used to do the first couple years of our relationship I have grown so much from then and she still scared to talk to me I beg my wife to talk to me if anything is bothering her or i did anything wrong but she just wont do it... So yesterday i asked her why was she following her ex on twitter and I told her I didnt like that because it make me think she still likes him so she said she didnt dat she didnt like no one else and that i was the only man she want to be with then I asked her to delete him she got mad at said she will so when I saw that she got mad I left.I come back home and I asked her did she wanna go over her mom house for a lil while she said her mom was already on her way so i asked her was she leaving me she said naw she just wanted to calm down so she goes over her mom house and then text me saying she cant do this anymore can I bring her and all the kids stuff so I said ok Its seem like everytime she gets around her family she always got to tell me things im doing wrong but she wont ever talk to me face to face I love my wife and kids and dont wanna lose my family I amit she cheated o me 3 years ago u she tol me the next ay because she sad it was ating her up she leaves everytime we get into it sh brokeup with me over 25 times then come back this time she took all her things Edited April 11, 2013 by Iamyoungjuan Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Sorry dude. But, it seems like she's been trying to leave the marriage for quite some time. Friends with Ex's on FB, cheating on you three years ago, always pointing out your faults.... Apparently, you're more into this marriage than she is. You need to start doing the 180 on her. Maybe it will wake her up and if not, it will help you to start to distance yourself from her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Whats the 180? I amit that i always ask her the samething over and over and she hates that she say it pisses her off but I only ask because I know she lieing to me Also she say im controling and i dont see how I always let her do what she wanna do but its seems when things not going her way and I dont do what she wants me to she gets mad and wanna leave I want her back so I dont wanna do anything to mess that up she havnt call or text me and I havnt called and texted her when shes mad she mad aint no talking to her Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I have to ask, who is taking care of these four children in the midst of all this drama? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 I have to ask, who is taking care of these four children in the midst of all this drama? I will always do my part for our kids with or without her but as of now I havnt heard from her or my kids and I miss them so much right now I would guess her mom and sisters are helping her with the kids Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 This is doing the 180. So here's the list: Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.No frequent phone calls.Don't point out "good points" in marriage.Don't follow her/him around the house.Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS.Don't ask for reassurances.Don't buy or give gifts.Don't schedule dates together.Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable.Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them!Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!Don't be overly enthusiastic.Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW." By doing these things, you make yourself out to seem to be a fun guy to be around and that you're moving forward with your life without them. Sometimes, it wakes them up and they realize that they don't want to be left behind. And sometimes they don't care. If this is the case, by doing the 180, you've already disengaged yourself from the marriage and it should help you to move forward with your life even if she isn't in it any longer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Infnitysign Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 This is doing the 180. So here's the list: Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.No frequent phone calls.Don't point out "good points" in marriage.Don't follow her/him around the house.Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS.Don't ask for reassurances.Don't buy or give gifts.Don't schedule dates together.Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable.Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them!Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!Don't be overly enthusiastic.Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW." By doing these things, you make yourself out to seem to be a fun guy to be around and that you're moving forward with your life without them. Sometimes, it wakes them up and they realize that they don't want to be left behind. And sometimes they don't care. If this is the case, by doing the 180, you've already disengaged yourself from the marriage and it should help you to move forward with your life even if she isn't in it any longer. This is the kind of information you need to be succesfull in any relationship and if you do all this to the teeth she will surely come crawling back 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 She came over early today to get the rest of the kids stuff but said nothing to me at all just got what she came for and left... I dont understand just two days ago she told me im the only man for her and im the only man she wanna be with fast foward to today and she wants nothing to do with me Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 4 kids @ 23? Damn.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 yeah we was gettin it on Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 This is the kind of information you need to be succesfull in any relationship and if you do all this to the teeth she will surely come crawling back ^^^ That bold part? Um, not necessarily so. Don't build up false hope. The 180, as has been said by countless others, is designed for you. There's no magic formula to win back a disinterested/disillusioned spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 4 kids @ 23? Damn.... too late to delete now but i see no harm in that? or am i missing something?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 ^^^ That bold part? Um, not necessarily so. Don't build up false hope. The 180, as has been said by countless others, is designed for you. There's no magic formula to win back a disinterested/disillusioned spouse. i agree 180 is not to be `used` to `win` a partner back its to stop the brown stuff hitting the whirlly thing in your life acceptance is the key aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 too late to delete now but i see no harm in that? or am i missing something?? aM Just a major handful at any age.... No real harm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tethys Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 This is doing the 180. So here's the list: Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.No frequent phone calls.Don't point out "good points" in marriage.Don't follow her/him around the house.Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS.Don't ask for reassurances.Don't buy or give gifts.Don't schedule dates together.Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable.Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them!Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!Don't be overly enthusiastic.Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW." By doing these things, you make yourself out to seem to be a fun guy to be around and that you're moving forward with your life without them. Sometimes, it wakes them up and they realize that they don't want to be left behind. And sometimes they don't care. If this is the case, by doing the 180, you've already disengaged yourself from the marriage and it should help you to move forward with your life even if she isn't in it any longer. Wow, great list. I would think this is the best thing to do when someone is stringing you along. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 She came over early today to get the rest of the kids stuff but said nothing to me at all just got what she came for and left... I dont understand just two days ago she told me im the only man for her and im the only man she wanna be with fast foward to today and she wants nothing to do with me hi Iamyoungjuan theres a term for what she is doing it`s called gaslighting, google it worse thing you can do now , is reflect on what she has said to you read the 180 write it out , pin it to a wall where you will see it often.. but stick to it start planning things to keep you busy, sounds a bit cliche i know , but it works keep a journal and write in it every single day keep posting hugs aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Wow, great list. I would think this is the best thing to do when someone is stringing you along. so true check out the 360 list thou which is what we ALL do in the beggining until we learn to `get a grip` aM 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Thanks for the advice she just texted me asking if she got any mail but I didnt text back Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I discovered the 180's kind of ~ sort of by accident with an old GF. It wasn't that I intentionally was trying to put them into place. But I tend to be overly analytical ~ "analysis to the point of paralysis" and like a lot of men "Cave" i.e. withdraw in and off myself, when confronted with a problem, issue, etc. I have PTSD, DSS, Survivor's guilt, and when it gets really bad I just want to be left alone on the back forty with just me, myself and I ~ an old dog, and a pit fire. Its just the way I deal with it sometimes when I just need to get off by myself and my lonesome. I did this with her, and as she put it? "Its like you just feel off the face of the Earth for three weeks!" I went silent and deep? Like a nuclear submarine under the Polar Icecap. Of course, she was in a panic, with a hundrend million different willd azz thoughts running through her mind. The 180's are not to be mistaken as a tool for necessarly re-engaging someone in your life? That's a potential side affect. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't! They're there for YOUR healing process. So you can extract yourself from the "Fog" that your caught up in. So that you can take the time to get off of your dead azz, get your head out of your azz, get your head and azz wired back together, get verticle and up and walking around again out from under "tha' bus" you've just been thrown under! They're there to give you time, to re-focus, work through the Five Stages of Grief, work through the grief, the sorrow, the lows, the anger, to learn how to manage the highs, ~ basically pull-back and re-group. Don't mistake them as solely for the purporse of getting her back. That a possiblity although not always probable side effect of the 180's! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Am I missing something or did you two get together when she was 15 and you were 20? This could be a troll Yes thats true we got together at that age I kno what your thinking but she lied to me about her age she was supposed to be 18 her reason was she knew i wasnt gone talk to her if she told me her age so by the time I found out about her real age I was already in love so it was hard for me to let her go So far no calls or texts from her today but on her twitter page she posted that she wasnt in the mood and better days are ahead and on her instragram page she started following alot of male friends she went to school with Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Quick update my wife texted me today said she really miss me and what we can do to work it out so i told her I miss her too and we can work it out then she texted back and changed her mind on working it out...Is she playing games or confused? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Quick update my wife texted me today said she really miss me and what we can do to work it out so i told her I miss her too and we can work it out then she texted back and changed her mind on working it out...Is she playing games or confused? yes shes playing games with you First she texts you that she is missing you and wants to work it out then she doesn`t want to work it out having said that, she probably does miss you, but that doesn`t mean she wants it to work out with you again thou too. aM Link to post Share on other sites
firemanq Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Quick update my wife texted me today said she really miss me and what we can do to work it out so i told her I miss her too and we can work it out then she texted back and changed her mind on working it out...Is she playing games or confused? She is as confused at you are. She is trying to leave you behind, and at the same time, she is trying to keep you as a back-up plan. Time for the No Contact plan. When she calls, be very non-committal, be very bland, do not agree with anything she says, but do not disagree. Don't get pissed while talking to her. When you hang up, go out to the wood pile and split a cord of wood, Mow the lawn at a full run with a push mower, do a century on the bike. That drives them crazy. Get a recorder and record the phone calls. And stop thinking about her well-being, just yours and the kids. When you have the kids, don't bash the bitch to the kids. Show you care for them, and be the best Dad you can. Keep any new woemen in your life separate from the kids. Soon they will realize she is stupid and messing up. When she moves fat fu*ck into the house with the kids, they will be very disappointed with her actions. Take the high road. Fantasize all you want/need about cutting his nuts and cock off and shoving them up her cunt, then sewing the nasty thing up, but take the high road. And if perchance, you do run her over, do not back-up over her to see what you hit. It does get better and there are some great ladies out there who will love the make you feel better. Exercise, eat right, cut back on the alcohol. You will survive. The rest of us have. And keep coming here, we will listen to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts