bried88 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years. We've had rough patches in the past -- like last summer. Things weren't going well (too much arguing, work stress) and we broke up -- though I didn't want to at the time. I took the breakup very hard (could barely get out of bed, lost 15 lbs) and he basically cut me out of his life. Fast forward 2 months and I was finally feeling better and he calls me. We ended up getting back together. Things have been going fairly well since getting back together, but I've had a lot of trouble dealing with feelings of abandonment (he technically ended it the first time). While we were broken up he also slept with his married neighbor (I wasn't celibate either). I asked him never to speak to her again. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable that she was so close by. Fast forward a few months. We hit a another rough patch -- lots of arguing again, life stress (we're young and fairly emotional people). We broke up for a day after a fight. We got back together as we usually do. What I didn't know was that he made an online dating profile while we broke up and had started talking with a woman on there. A couple of weeks later I found out (snooping through his text messages). I freaked out. He apologized, said he never met her in person and that he kept up with it just as an ego boost because things hadn't been going well. I tried to forgive and forget..until a few days later when the neighbor he'd previously slept with texted him while we were sitting together. I got very upset. He said he had know idea why she'd texted and that they hadn't spoken in months. I wanted to believe him but I just couldn't, so while he was sleeping I went through his phone records online and found out they'd been texting for months. A lot of texting. I confronted him about it and he said it meant nothing, just friendly text messages. I'm trying to forgive him, but I'm just so incredibly angry and humiliated. He's lied to me and I have no idea if he was having an actual physical affair with her. I'm having trouble containing my anger and I feel explosive every time I think about it. I should note that he has given me complete access to all of email accounts/phone etc to 'prove' that he's never going to do anything like that again. Edited April 11, 2013 by bried88 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 So what do you want from us? It sounds like you have all the information you need to make a decision, now just make it. Here's your 3 options: 1. Stay with him. He screwed up but you forgive and forget it. Put it out of your mind and move on in a happy relationship. Don't bring it up again, even when you are searching for cannon fodder whenever a future fight starts. 2. Leave him. Say this is the straw that broke the camel's back and call it off permanently. 3. Stay with him, but let this issue be a sore that kills your relationship. Pick at it every chance you get. Throw it in his face when its convenient. Never trust him to even go outside to get the mail. On paper its easy to see that two of the choices are better than the 3rd. However, I'm guess you, like 75% of people will choose #3. Prove me wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bried88 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Thank you. You're so right. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 and tell the neighbour's husband...surely you can't be alright with her texting your man Link to post Share on other sites
TaserTag Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 It seems like the two of you have a pattern of breaking up and taking breaks from each other, and it sounds like your boyfriend is keeping girls and options on the side for whenever that happens. I wouldn't be able to get over the lying.. like him saying he hadn't talked to that woman in months when they were texting frequently. None of this seems like a good setup for a real, honest, committed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
reaver Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Where are the women who actually have self esteem and self repect? I honestly cannot fathom why you are even contemplating forgiving him. Do you want to be treated like dirt for the rest of the time you are with him? What makes you think after all of these emotional cheating instances he will change? he has shown you who he is. Either accept it or get out He is going to continue to see you as a "temp girlfriend" This is when guys cant be alone so they date one girl and look for others on the side, then dump you when they find one. Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 A guy wouldn't put up with this that's for sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Well you are both young and under stress. Why don't you both get involved with some relationship books, counselling, support groups to expand your skills of dealing with each other. And then see if he is still interested in this neighbour. Lots of men lie under pressure, though are honest usually. Link to post Share on other sites
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