roseark19 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 My boyfriend is 26. We've been together for a little over a year now. 6 months into our relationship he broke up with me, for numerous reasons that didn't really make much sense to me. Like a crazy ex-girlfriend, I went on his facebook and discovered that he had been chatting with another female during our relationship. They met online and never in person. He admitted to me that he talked to her only because she sent him pictures and he would be bored at work and it was something to do. Not that this justifies it at ALL. Anyway, he begged and begged for me to forgive him and said he'd change his number if I'd take him back. I did, and all I did was fight with him about it. Sure enough, a month later, he broke up with me again. To make a long story short, we got back together and he did the same thing again, except he received a picture from a girl we both knew and worked with. Apparently she was bragging about her tan lines, and he asked to see. And that's all there was to it. I believe he didn't physically cheat either time because I made him confront both of the girls himself and have the situation explained. I left him, for good this time, or so I thought. It was a month. I know that doesn't sound long, but it was for us. He was NOT used to me ignoring him, that's for sure. It seemed that the tables had turned. He begged and begged and pleaded and continuously tried contacting me, non stop, for a month. For whatever reason, I contacted him a little after a month had gone by. At that point, I was okay, and I could have been fine without the guy. Sometimes I regret ever contacting him again, because I wouldn't be where I am now (stressed and worrying). Anyway, after contacting him I agreed we would hang out, but nothing more than that. We hung out for a good month before he officially asked me to be his girlfriend again. In that time I saw that he was truly making an effort, and to this day, four months later, he is. I admit I'm a little crazy, and the situation drives me INSANE. Everyone in my life tells me I need counseling, and I agree that I do. I bring up the past with him daily, and it never fails to blow up. I never intend to fight daily, but I can't help my racing thoughts and I just always feel the need to bring it up. Nevertheless, he has been patient and deals with my crazy behavior because he knows he deserves it after what he did, and he's willing to put up with it because he loves me. But, this is very unhealthy for the both of us, and I don't want to continue living like this. Any advice/input? I'm just constantly so hurt that he did what he did. He says he never had any intentions of physically seeking out these girls, and I do believe him. He is very insecure. I often get angry that he did it a SECOND time and that he will never change because one chance is all that should be allowed, and I feel like an idiot for allowing this THIRD chance. Sorry this was so long..... if you read, thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 You need to learn to say no...He knows that he can wear you down and eventually you will take him back. Based on what you have typed here, it sounds very obvious that he's a user and is/has been cheating on you, probably for the entirety of you're relationship with him. I'll tell you straight up...Things are not going to get better with him if you keep caving and letting him back into your life...The same crap is going to keep happening to you and no one will be at fault but yourself. I think counselling would be a good thing for you. You can talk to someone about these issues and get professional advice. But my advice is simple. Leave him, delete him out of your phone, and never EVER contact him again. It sounds harder than it really is...I'm speaking from experience. The longer you stay away, the less you will think about him and eventually you will come to a point where you look back on this whole fiasco and think to yourself...Why didn't I get out of that sooner? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 My honest opinion is that he WILL do it again. You've taken him back each time, so what would stop him now? It's causing too much anxiety to have a healthy relationship. He created that situation, not you. Get rid of him before you have to find out the hard way that he's done it again. Mark my words, it will happen again. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I mean he has a very clear history of cheating on you, I'm not sure why you think it would stop now. I bet there is even more girls you never found out about. This relationship is a mess, at no time was it stable because he always had someone else in his back pocket. Even after getting caught once, he did it again! And for some reason you think he has magically changed? Cmon. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 You sound so earnest and loving. here goes: Stop suffocating him. Let him have friends (male/female). You don't need to monitor his chat online. Just ask to see it once every couple weeks until you start relaxing about it and forgetting to ask to see it. and i would only get concerned if he doesn't turn to you every night and want to tell you all about his day. And if he has an admirer, maybe tease him about it (nicely). Make sure he is taking you out for dinner, buying you flowers etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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