candy 87 Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I've literally been friends with this guy for four years now..there is so much to say and so much that has happened that I wouldn't be able to fit it all in... I know for a fact he likes me and he's talked to me about being in a relationship to getting married, he's told me his deepest darkest secrets (as far as i KNow)..he basically tells me everything. When we talk it can go on for up to eight hours..he'll call me frequently and message me back. All of what I have said makes it quite hard to understand what is happening right now. The last time i spoke to him was about a month back :(.. and it was only a five minute conversation. I don't know whether this is contributing to it or not but in that week i was very busy and he called me more than a couple of times without me being able to return his call, and when i finally did we only spoke for five minutes. Looking back on it and given the situation now i wish i did have more time to call him back quicker and actually had bothered to call him myself... After the five minute conversation, I didn't speak to him again..I contacted him probably a week and a half after via text message. Every text I sent came back as undelivered and at first my friends all said its probably to do with his reception or something..but my instincts told me that something wasn't right. Therefore I called him and straight away there was no ringing and no voicemail and the calls kept being automatically disconnected, to which I concluded his phone must be disconnected. I then decided to facebook and ask him what has happened to this phone and that I couldn't get through..and he actually read the message a week back but chose to ignore it Since then he hasn't rung me even once..or emailed or messaged me in any way, and of course I can't seeing as I don't have his number. He knows i've tried to contact him so why has he not facebooked me back or at least explained anything/GIven me his new number? Its not like him at all, as before when i would message him he would call me straight away and would not make me wait to speak to him... It doesn't make any sense given our history and friendship, If he had a new number or even if he didn't I would have thought I'd be one of the first group of people he would contact. :confused: We have in the past stopped talking for a few months..but that would be because of an argument but we always somehow managed to get in contact and plus he hadn't ever changed his number since the time i knew him so it would be easy to..but now :confused: Of course as his number is disconnected he doesn't know that I have tried my hardest to reach him..as far as he knows its only the facebook messsage three weeks after we spoke last.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Also another thing..his name isn't on his work website anymore.and he told me he got made permanent at his job very recently .I only checked because I was wondering what had happened to him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 It like someone being really in to you and being like your close friend for four whole years and then next thing..you get nothing from them it doesn't make sense Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Sounds like drugs. lol what? he's on drugs? hahaaaa Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 lol so the first response i get is something as stupid as that loool no offence Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Well, you not getting back to him seemed to be a trigger, but you said that you didn't see his name on the work website, so maybe he's going through some stuff with work and keeping it from you. Trying to figure things out. I have a friend that literally shuts everyone out when she's under stress. I think you've been blocked. Not certain, but would imagine if the number is not active that you'd get a message indicating that? At first read, i was thinking that it may not have been an argument, but your lack of response was significant enough that he's treating it with some considerable weight. Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Does he suffer from depression or anything? This might sound weird but are you even sure he's okay? Could have been someone else on his FB...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Well, you not getting back to him seemed to be a trigger, but you said that you didn't see his name on the work website, so maybe he's going through some stuff with work and keeping it from you. Trying to figure things out. I have a friend that literally shuts everyone out when she's under stress. I think you've been blocked. Not certain, but would imagine if the number is not active that you'd get a message indicating that? At first read, i was thinking that it may not have been an argument, but your lack of response was significant enough that he's treating it with some considerable weight. ye it was really weird and quite disconcerting to suddenly not see his name under the staff section :s..especially when it was only his name i couldnt see..i mean he could be stressed its possible... but then he manages to log on to facebook lol and read my message??he read it seven days ago now no i haven't been blocked because other people tried contacting him and they all get the same strange beeping sound.. i was thinking surely he must have given his new number or actually spoken to some of his close friends right? its just weird that im excluded from that but :(do you think there is hope and he will contact me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Does he suffer from depression or anything? This might sound weird but are you even sure he's okay? Could have been someone else on his FB...? interesting that you came up with that term :/ because in the four years i have known him he has said to me he's been depressed a couple of times..but then most of the time he's a very bubbly and funny guy.. but then i guess i took the "im depressed" as something that everyone feels once in a while...not like something clinical no its not weird at all..because i've had those exact thoughts myself.. before i saw he logged on to facebook actually.. hes such a private person that i doubt he would give anyone his facebook password though :/ so who would have logged on?? i mean thats when i stopped worrying that he could be in trouble..the moment he signed on to facebook but ye as i said it has been a whole week since he read my message and now a month since we spoke last :s Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 will he come back though thats the question Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I don't think anyone here can answer that, as we're not psychic, but the bigger question is would you still want to be friends with him? I've had the occasional friend just flake out completely on me like this, and after giving it thought, I realized I didn't want people like that in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 I don't think anyone here can answer that, as we're not psychic, but the bigger question is would you still want to be friends with him? I've had the occasional friend just flake out completely on me like this, and after giving it thought, I realized I didn't want people like that in my life. wel he's usually very reliable, calls me when he says he will and messages me frequently which is why this is out of character for him. Im assuming something has happened which is why his number has been disconnected.i mean he has had it for years and years now. But i could be wrong and he is simply ignoring me for reasons i can't explain. I know he has feelings for me..and he has had for a long time so i can't really see him wanting to cut me out of his life.. Even more so because recently he said he never wants to argue with me again and life is unxpected..because not too long ago he stopped talking to me for half a year..but we both got over it and he was never going to do that again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 another idea I had was that this is payback or something for me not returning his calls a month back..and now he's got the upper hand and the opportunity to dealy getting in to contact with me and its like some kind of power trip because there is no way I can get in to contact with him now. THe week that he called me last,(a month back) ..he called me four times in total for four days..and i was unable to call him back till much later and even then we hardly got to talk..and then of course i left it for another two weeks before messaging him..by which time he'd disappeared i.e numbers dead Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 delay** :eek: Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 He's found someone else. That would be my first thought, frankly. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 another idea I had was that this is payback or something for me not returning his calls a month back..and now he's got the upper hand and the opportunity to dealy getting in to contact with me and its like some kind of power trip because there is no way I can get in to contact with him now. THe week that he called me last,(a month back) ..he called me four times in total for four days..and i was unable to call him back till much later and even then we hardly got to talk..and then of course i left it for another two weeks before messaging him..by which time he'd disappeared i.e numbers dead If this is the case, he's a creepy douchebag and you're better off not having him as a friend. My friends are all adults, and we don't do **** like this to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 You posted this exact question about him in November last year. Every thread since, has been to ask about an aspect of his behaviour. I hate to sound harsh, but I think you need to pick up your heart and move on. You seem to have become dependent on his attention, and it sounds to me, as if you're a little clingy. He clearly isn't as invested in you, as you are in him. he pops up and disappears again, as he sees fit. Rather than worry about what he keeps doing, I would concern yourself more with your responses and behaviour, and think carefully about why, exactly, you spend so much time focusing on someone who clearly makes himself unavailable, periodically, and has no qualms about doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
venusianx13 Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 (edited) Do you live a ways away from each other? I mean, if someone I cared about were to just disappear with no trace, especially if they had a history of depression, I'd go to their home to make sure they were okay. I'd be pretty worried. Let him know you care. If you can, drop by his home or get in touch with a parent or relative of his. Edited April 12, 2013 by venusianx13 Link to post Share on other sites
venusianx13 Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I read through your other threads about him just now. I didn't know the back story. I really don't know... he just sounds flaky and perhaps he has met someone else. In which case, there's nothing you can do but wish him well and carry on with your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Do you live a ways away from each other? I mean, if someone I cared about were to just disappear with no trace, especially if they had a history of depression, I'd go to their home to make sure they were okay. I'd be pretty worried. Let him know you care. If you can, drop by his home or get in touch with a parent or relative of his. we live about an hour and a bit away from each other. But the thing is he logged in to facebook about a week ago now.and read my message .and so i assumed he must be fine if he can do that? therefore my question was more why is he not getting in touch now.. , before that however i was considering checking in on him somehow Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 I read through your other threads about him just now. I didn't know the back story. I really don't know... he just sounds flaky and perhaps he has met someone else. In which case, there's nothing you can do but wish him well and carry on with your own life. true but my point is he's been friends with me for four/five years now lol how can someone be dropped like that.. if i am just a friend to him then ther'd be no problem.. so why ignore me..you know what i mean? im not professing my love im asking as a friend who only spoke to him four weeks back whats happened to you? although anything is possible i just don't see that happening seeing as it was only recently he said he never wants to lose contact with me again as life is too short and he wants to marry me..i know that for a fact.. so do u see how none of it makes any sense if i was just a little crush or something..someone he found hot for two minutes then yes i'd understand..but theres a lot more to the story and i know he has real feelings.. and therefore im putting it down to him testing my reaction to his disappearance Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 "It's the person who cares the least who Controls the most." he has you dancing around like a puppet on coals.... I really think you're giving too much of yourself in this. You have become reliably consistent in your attention, and he, frankly, can take it leave it. He cares less than you do. Actions speak a whole lot louder than words, dearest. From here, it looks decidedly one-sided.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 we live about an hour and a bit away from each other. But the thing is he logged in to facebook about a week ago now.and read my message .and so i assumed he must be fine if he can do that? therefore my question was more why is he not getting in touch now.. , before that however i was considering checking in on him somehow Because he is not interested in you, will probably contact you again when he needs a backup (in other words, when he isn't banging another girl and wants female attention), and is a total flake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 You posted this exact question about him in November last year. Every thread since, has been to ask about an aspect of his behaviour. I hate to sound harsh, but I think you need to pick up your heart and move on. You seem to have become dependent on his attention, and it sounds to me, as if you're a little clingy. He clearly isn't as invested in you, as you are in him. he pops up and disappears again, as he sees fit. Rather than worry about what he keeps doing, I would concern yourself more with your responses and behaviour, and think carefully about why, exactly, you spend so much time focusing on someone who clearly makes himself unavailable, periodically, and has no qualms about doing so. you're quite wrong about what you're saying but if you see it that way then i can't change it.. but what i put on these forums is simply the problems, its not like im going to post all the good stuff.. yes fair enough i do analyse and ask people why he is that way but only because he's been my friend for four years. i DONT CHASE anyone. im just re-iterating this. if this was not a two way thing..i would have left it years ago.. he calls me, he messages me, he says he wants to marry me.. when it comes to my behaviour im the opposite of clingy... i might think about these things a lot..but i never show it clingy would be if i called him twenty times a day every day..you know how often i contact him? and even that would be a message..once every two weeks right now i'm just concerned as to where hes gone, simple Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I am trying to not get an infraction. I am just letting you know that I hope you find him. Link to post Share on other sites
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