Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 I am trying to not get an infraction. I am just letting you know that I hope you find him. aaawwwww :cool: thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 you're quite wrong about what you're saying but if you see it that way then i can't change it.. but what i put on these forums is simply the problems, its not like im going to post all the good stuff.. yes fair enough i do analyse and ask people why he is that way but only because he's been my friend for four years. i DONT CHASE anyone. im just re-iterating this. if this was not a two way thing..i would have left it years ago.. he calls me, he messages me, he says he wants to marry me.. when it comes to my behaviour im the opposite of clingy... i might think about these things a lot..but i never show it clingy would be if i called him twenty times a day every day..you know how often i contact him? and even that would be a message..once every two weeks right now i'm just concerned as to where hes gone, simple What you mean is that you don't like what TaraMaiden wrote. It doesn't mean she's wrong. I desperately want to marry you. See how easy that is? The fact that you're asking this same thing again and again is very telling. This "friendship" is so one-sided it's not even funny. You're a backup to this guy. That's all there is to it. And he does have the power by the simple fact that you care so much. If he had died or something, I'm sure you would have found out. If he was hurt, I'm sure someone would have told you, as SOMEONE clearly read your FB message to him. I'm willing to bet it was him, and he just doesn't want you around right now. It'll probably change when he's feeling lonely again and doesn't have anyone else around. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 I think you need to post the "good stuff", so we can try to understand why you're so invested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 What you mean is that you don't like what TaraMaiden wrote. It doesn't mean she's wrong. I desperately want to marry you. See how easy that is? The fact that you're asking this same thing again and again is very telling. This "friendship" is so one-sided it's not even funny. You're a backup to this guy. That's all there is to it. And he does have the power by the simple fact that you care so much. If he had died or something, I'm sure you would have found out. If he was hurt, I'm sure someone would have told you, as SOMEONE clearly read your FB message to him. I'm willing to bet it was him, and he just doesn't want you around right now. It'll probably change when he's feeling lonely again and doesn't have anyone else around. i see what you're all saying, i do get it. but my point is..you can all see that i am bothered enough to post on these forums,but he doesn't know that i am what im trying to say is..i don't show this in my behaviour..and do you know how i know he doesn't think i CARE?? He's called me before..and i've taken a whole week or more to get back to him (im not saying this proudly but thats how it is ) he's then said to me "why did you take so long?" "were you testing me or something?" like he's described about my behaviour that he thinks I don't care. therefore im thinking it is the same right now and he just maybe doesn't think I care enough to have known what is going on in his life..because whatever had happened happened a long time before i decided to contact him Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Ok, but you've tried calling him, sending him a message on FB...hell, you've almost sent smoke signals. If this guy is all pissy because you don't drop everything to be there at his beck and call, then he's a loser. The dude told you how hot another girl was and how good of a kisser she was. That isn't nice behavior. I remember telling you THEN that he was a dick. My opinion definitely has not changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 With all due respect, why is this post on the dating forum? You are not dating, correct? Is this a FWB situation? I'm not understanding the parameters of this friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 It didn't take a lot of searching for me to see that you have a bad track record as far as getting back to him in a timely fashion. Why are you surprised that he's done the same? ("I'll call you tonight, but if I don't, it's because I got home late") etc, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 He's done a good job making you feel like things are all your fault. If I were you, I'd be annoyed and wouldn't even consider him a friend anymore, and I'd lose his number and all other ways of contacting him. Dude is gaslighting you, sending you one signal and then sending you another one, and then completely avoiding you. Is he 16 or something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 I think you need to post the "good stuff", so we can try to understand why you're so invested. ok good stuff will take hours and hours lol but i'll shorten it ok basically we met six years ago now..and at the time i knew he liked me..he asked my friends about me..but I didn't really know him at the time we just became friends later.. some how he managed to get in contact with me a year or so later and he said.. his heart broke when he realised (or thought he wouldn't see me again).. and how every moment when we were not in contact he was thinking about me and wishing i was there with him.. fast forward..four years later we are still really good friends... i know he still has those feelings for me.. and he even said to me once "me and you should just get married right now" he did want a relationship aswell..obv before the marriage thing... but that hasnt happened yet but mostly because of me..but thats a whole other story Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 i see what you're all saying, i do get it. but my point is..you can all see that i am bothered enough to post on these forums,but he doesn't know that i am what im trying to say is..i don't show this in my behaviour..and do you know how i know he doesn't think i CARE?? He's called me before..and i've taken a whole week or more to get back to him (im not saying this proudly but thats how it is ) he's then said to me "why did you take so long?" "were you testing me or something?" It's a Control thing. It's ok for him to go weeks and weeks without responding to you, but the moment you do it, he's jumpy. He has you exactly where he wants you. And that's the way he wants to keep it. I'm sorry, but look at all your threads, look at all your posts, look at all the questions you keep asking. But take those rose-tints off before you do, like he's described about my behaviour that he thinks I don't care. therefore im thinking it is the same right now and he just maybe doesn't think I care enough to have known what is going on in his life..because whatever had happened happened a long time before i decided to contact him You need to fall off his radar and just not jump so much..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Six years. Have you dated him? Had sex? I am having trouble following here. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 ok good stuff will take hours and hours lol but i'll shorten it ok basically we met six years ago now..and at the time i knew he liked me..he asked my friends about me..but I didn't really know him at the time we just became friends later.. some how he managed to get in contact with me a year or so later and he said.. his heart broke when he realised (or thought he wouldn't see me again).. and how every moment when we were not in contact he was thinking about me and wishing i was there with him.. fast forward..four years later we are still really good friends... i know he still has those feelings for me.. and he even said to me once "me and you should just get married right now" he did want a relationship aswell..obv before the marriage thing... but that hasnt happened yet but mostly because of me..but thats a whole other story He say a lot, but... he don't 'do' much, do he.....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 He say a lot, but... he don't 'do' much, do he.....? loolll thats because of me though because i haven't jumped on him yet ok ill explain in a bit Link to post Share on other sites
s-ss Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 (edited) The reality is that friends do these sort of things all the time. They get busy, stressed or in a relationship and stop contact. Never ever think you know someone completely. You don't. People can change in an instant-and make empty promises, even those that you've known for years or said they want to marry you. As harsh as it may sound this is reality. All you can do, (and have already done) is reach out to them and let them know you're there. I have to agree with everyone else that he isn't as invested in you as you think he is. If he wants to I'm sure he'll contact you. If something had happened to him you would know - or perhaps he doesn't want to tell you - in which case you need to respect this and let him be. If he reaches out to you for help-great - if not you can't do much since you've already tried in so many ways. In the mean time just focus on your own life and go towards your own goals. Edited April 12, 2013 by s-ss Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 The reality is that friends do these sort of things all the time. They get busy, stressed or in a relationship and stop contact. Never ever think you know someone completely. You don't. People can change in an instant-and make empty promises, even those that you've known for years or said they want to marry you. As harsh as it may sound this is reality. All you can do, (and have already done) is reach out to them and let them know you're there. I have to agree with everyone else that he isn't as invested in you as you think he is. If he wants to I'm sure he'll contact you. If something had happened to him you would know - or perhaps he doesn't want to tell you - in which case you need to respect this and let him be. If he reaches out to you for help-great - if not you can't do much since you've already tried in so many ways. In the mean time just focus on your own life and go towards your own goals. I understand that people can change and all of that and you never know when someone is just gonna leave your life..but this guy always comes back no matter what, we've argued and stopped talking to one another so many times yet he ends up coming back around and its as if his feelings are still the same and have not changed one bit. Thats why if that ever did happen i'd find it difficult to accept. I mean look how long its been, about five years since i met him and he still speaks to me the same way this many years later. There are reasons why we never got together but thats to do with me and is another story altogether. I mean my friends know everything from day one and none of them have ever said to me to forget him only because he seems quite clearly in to me. About whats happening now their opinion is that he will get back in to contact with me and he's delaying it for two reasons 1. he is busy/stressed or 2. he's giving me a taste of my own medicine seeing as i'm always like that i take a long time to return his calls etc.. but the difference is i always let him know via a quick message that i am busy but that i will speak to him.. whereas he saw my facebook message and point blank decided to ignore it. I think he is invested..and thats not me trying to make myself feel better..but because of what i have already mentioned and also everything i know. I just don't see how you would want to marry someone for a whole year..and then cut them out forever. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 Really, I'm asking - are you absolutely 1000% sure, that he doesn't have (an)other girlfriend(s)....? This sounds like the kind of guy who's busy juggling women around... If this guy was anywhere into you as you might hope, would he not be a bit more forthcoming? I think you both have a platonic relationship and that there is far less in this thing than you imagine. Truly, you're quite persevering. I would have tossed him to the kerb after 6 months......! What's in this for you, by the way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 Really, I'm asking - are you absolutely 1000% sure, that he doesn't have (an)other girlfriend(s)....? This sounds like the kind of guy who's busy juggling women around... If this guy was anywhere into you as you might hope, would he not be a bit more forthcoming? I think you both have a platonic relationship and that there is far less in this thing than you imagine. Truly, you're quite persevering. I would have tossed him to the kerb after 6 months......! What's in this for you, by the way? im 1000% sure honestly! he's not that type, he's at the age where he wants one person and wants to settle down he's said it to me time and time again. he has been really forthcoming, but I couldn't take it any further at those times... trust me I know he's not taking it further with anyone else and waiting for me... he will spend like hours and hours on the phone to me, a playa will always make excuses and be busy... he will always make time for me thats why im saying this time is the exception but as i said my friends are puttin it down to him getting his own back whats in it for me.. well he's a really good mate with potential later.. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 (How much 'later'.....? ) Really, what is it going to take to clear your mind, so that you can see precisely what the future holds? or are you willing to dance this dance for another... what is it.... 4 years? Really? Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 (How much 'later'.....? ) Really, what is it going to take to clear your mind, so that you can see precisely what the future holds? or are you willing to dance this dance for another... what is it.... 4 years? Really? hopefully the near future, its more to do with my family not believing in dating they're quite religious... so they would rather me get married but anyway... i don't know whats happened to the guy now so that might never happen anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 (edited) You say that you envision him making a good partner someday in the future. But you haven't even kissed this person, let alone dated him. How do you know that you would be even remotely compatible as a couple? I worry that you might be caught up in wishful thinking and a fantasy image of him here. Plus, as Creedence Clearwater Revival once sang, Someday never comes. What about now? Edited April 12, 2013 by Minneloa Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 You say that you envision him making a good partner someday in the future. But you haven't even kissed this person, let alone dated him. How do you know that you would be even remotely compatible as a couple? Plus, as Creedence Clearwater Revival once sang, Someday never comes. What about now? instincts plus we're compatible at least as friends...like we agree on most things./think the same way/find the same jokes funny that kind of thing its about everything Link to post Share on other sites
Author candy 87 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Share Posted April 12, 2013 You say that you envision him making a good partner someday in the future. But you haven't even kissed this person, let alone dated him. How do you know that you would be even remotely compatible as a couple? I worry that you might be caught up in wishful thinking and a fantasy image of him here. Plus, as Creedence Clearwater Revival once sang, Someday never comes. What about now? anything is possible..so who knows... i've no way of contacting him so maybe hes gone for good.. and someday really will never come Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 12, 2013 Share Posted April 12, 2013 What the heck does 'my family doesn't believe in dating' mean....? What - you meet someone and decide, right away - 'let's marry RIGHT NOW!!"....?? I don't get this. Either you are from a culture that habitually engineers arranged marriages (hope this is the case), or you are way too accommodating.... If you live in the Free west, and are over 21, TbH, your family actually has no say in what you do.... And permitting yourself to be influenced by/use that as a viable excuse, is just ridiculous.... Honestly, 'near future' could be anything between 6 weeks and - well, 4 years, I guess..... In your shoes, truly, sweetheart, I would just cut my losses, and run.... Link to post Share on other sites
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