merli12743 Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Hi all i am a newbie here and am not sure if i posted in the right place but oh well here goes. I have been with my wife for 16 years and have a few questions. I have been trying to get her to open up to me about sex,but just seems she wont talk to me.I have been with her since high school.If i ever talk to her about masturbation,or orgasms,she just shuts me out.I know she mastubates so thats not the problem.I wanted her to do it with me.she said i was sick.that it is personal and not something she wants to talk about,so i left it alone.I always ask her what i can do to make the sex better for her,and her answer is shut up.She doesn't like me going down on her and fore play well lets say it is non existent. It has been this way for a long time.I know she has cheated on me in the past.We have got over that.But i have to wonder if that is the reason she doent feel comfortable with me.she says it was a mistake when she was very young (18) and i can understand that.I wasn't the best boyfriend either at the time.I guess i am looking for advice on how to get her to open up to me.And by the way we have gone to a marriage counselor,(was a female)and also said my wife was very hard to talk to.(they did have sessions alone).So i geuss in the long run is what I'm trying to say is should i look at separation?The sex only happens once every couple of weeks.and i am to young for that,i need it more often.Am i wrong or what? Link to post Share on other sites
dnm1010 Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 i am very closed up too... but i try hard with my boyfriend- to talk to him and not hold things inside... with us it is a two way thing- we both want to share our thoughts... i think the best thing you can do with your wife is talk to her and tell her how you feel. she might think youre just trying to please her when in reality you want this for yourself as well as her. i think honesty is the most important in a relationship and you need to tell your wife that it hurts you when she does not open up and it worries you... i know if my boyfriend said that to me i would immediately work on the problem. when we started dating i made it very clear that he has a choice- he can have a relationship with me but i will not start dating him if he will go to strip clubs. i know some people are ok with this but i am not. he never really went in the first place but i figured i would tell him right off the bat the things that get to me so that this wont come up later... no surprises. ANYWAY, so he said thats not a problem BUT he wanted to know why. (he likes to have reasons)... i tried to explain it but i did not know why... i just said no and shut him out... (sound familiar?) well slowly after some time (i really worked hard on it) we tried to talk about it.. abotu what my reasons are... and its been good. the key thing was that we talked about it- even abotu the fact that we didnt know what i had against it at first. i really hope things get better for you two, i do think she needs your support and your unconditional love and acceptance. beat of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 I'm not sure what your wife's sexual history is, but maybe she has some problems from her past which affect her feelings about sex and her sexual relationship with you now. You said she cheated on you when you were dating, did you ever discuss why it happened? If she can't talk about sex at all with you maybe she can get some private councling/sex therapy which might eventually include you and which could help her to be able to open up to you and to help you both to have a better sex life together. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Not every one has hangup problems as suggested here. Perhaps over time, he/she felt that competition overwhelmed him/her with the current CONSTANT issues at hand, literally impassable to just. If this approach that was missing per se' did either EVER initiate some pleasureable moments that would ease a worry soldier into more? Even if rarely? So, if one or other steps to pleasure or receive, I assume it was conforting and satisfying enough to do it again and why not? Or has these issues been a sad mis understanding. Do it! E ffort completely forgotton? Men do this purposely, ok not all... I know I worked for them for 27 years. Rest my case. New or how to? don't evr have to try that path to pleasure, especially in love. But instinct when may be lost. I iterate, YOU try! Or find your lost way back to home. But then we hear good-bye... Link to post Share on other sites
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