Is this a sinking ship?

[Dragonflys]

Hi Everyone

 

I'm interested to know your opinion whether this approach is worth trying.

 

I have known this very lovely lady at work for about 3 to 4 months. I met her (she works on the same floor) soon after I broke up with my ex (she does not know about her), so I took it easy and just got to know her, enjoying coffee breaks with her and talking in the corridor.

 

She is 27, Lebanese, and has a very strong work ethic and family ethic which I like. She invited me over to her house an hour away for thanksgiving where she lives with her sister, and there were about 3 other couples there, a very relaxed atmosphere.

 

However, other than that, although we go for the occasional coffee together, she seems to me to not have all that much enthuisiasm to see me. She works very hard, and when we do get together we have great conversations...and I think we get on really well.

 

Anyway, it has been a few months and my subtle hints to do things outside of work just do not seem to be taken on, so its hard to make much progress getting to know her properly and to see how we get on outside of the work situation.

 

Because of this, I am considering letting her know that I think she is a wonderful person and I would love the opportunity to get to know her better as close friends, to see if there is any chemistry between us. I feel the need to let her know, maybe to get things going a bit, but in turn I don't want to pressure her.

 

Is this a good idea?, or am I boarding a sinking ship?

 

Is there a better way to put this to her so I don't sound corny?

 

I'd love you input because she is great girl and a keeper.

[Nic]

I don't think you could do any harm in letting her know how you feel.

 

the only thing that may pose as a bit of an obstacle in this situation is her strong family values. i know a lot of lebanese people, and while most of them i know are lovely people who are worth dating, it is part of their culture that they marry into their culture. arranged marriages are still common in todays society.

 

islam allows a man to marry either a muslim, a christian or a jewish woman, but does not allow women to marry a non-muslim. you will have to somehow ascertain if her family stand strictly behind their ethics, or if they are accustomed to the western ways of the world, and either way, you will have to respect that. a lot of this will ultimately boil down to her family.

 

but if she is unable to pursue a relationship with you on these grounds, you have still found a great friend in this girl. and you should hold on to that. don't be afraid of being corny. what you said isn't corny, it is honest. and if it does come out corny, don't worry. as a girl, i think corny is good. it is flattering!

 

try and find out if a relationship with you is a possibility, but try and do that in the least intrusive way possible. and above all, respect that, no matter how hard it might be for you to accept.

 

Hi Everyone I'm interested to know your opinion whether this approach is worth trying. I have known this very lovely lady at work for about 3 to 4 months. I met her (she works on the same floor) soon after I broke up with my ex (she does not know about her), so I took it easy and just got to know her, enjoying coffee breaks with her and talking in the corridor. She is 27, Lebanese, and has a very strong work ethic and family ethic which I like. She invited me over to her house an hour away for thanksgiving where she lives with her sister, and there were about 3 other couples there, a very relaxed atmosphere. However, other than that, although we go for the occasional coffee together, she seems to me to not have all that much enthuisiasm to see me. She works very hard, and when we do get together we have great conversations...and I think we get on really well. Anyway, it has been a few months and my subtle hints to do things outside of work just do not seem to be taken on, so its hard to make much progress getting to know her properly and to see how we get on outside of the work situation. Because of this, I am considering letting her know that I think she is a wonderful person and I would love the opportunity to get to know her better as close friends, to see if there is any chemistry between us. I feel the need to let her know, maybe to get things going a bit, but in turn I don't want to pressure her. Is this a good idea?, or am I boarding a sinking ship? Is there a better way to put this to her so I don't sound corny? I'd love you input because she is great girl and a keeper.

[Dragonflys]

Thanks Nic

 

Great response from a fellow Aussie...and Sydneysider I believe?

 

I know one thing, I will respect her feelings. I have not fallen in love with her or anything...so if she says its not possible I still would like to be her friend as we have been, and at least rest my mind of any doubts..

 

Oliver

[Victoria]

Dear Oliver,

 

I wish you well! This is just my opinion. You have to pay attention to her body language. Do you think she is physically attracted to you? Is she involved with anyone? Are you the same religion, race or caste as her? Some Middleeasterns adhere to these requirements, it depends on how liberal she and her family is. Based on what you said her family is important and most likely they dictate. She could have you as a friend but, not as anything more due to religion or personal belief. I do not want to sound stereotypical but, I have close friends who are from these regions and all of these factors have been major issues in their love lifes. Intermarriage is usually not accepted. Family is an important factor. I am glad you are taking it slow since you just got out of a relationship. Continue to take it slow. One suggetion, subtly bring up going to dinner and analyze her response. Respect her and her feelings. You don't want to come across to strong. Beware of office romance. Are you ready for it? If things turn out bad or good, you will always see her face.

 

Think about it and goodluck!

Hi Everyone I'm interested to know your opinion whether this approach is worth trying. I have known this very lovely lady at work for about 3 to 4 months. I met her (she works on the same floor) soon after I broke up with my ex (she does not know about her), so I took it easy and just got to know her, enjoying coffee breaks with her and talking in the corridor. She is 27, Lebanese, and has a very strong work ethic and family ethic which I like. She invited me over to her house an hour away for thanksgiving where she lives with her sister, and there were about 3 other couples there, a very relaxed atmosphere. However, other than that, although we go for the occasional coffee together, she seems to me to not have all that much enthuisiasm to see me. She works very hard, and when we do get together we have great conversations...and I think we get on really well. Anyway, it has been a few months and my subtle hints to do things outside of work just do not seem to be taken on, so its hard to make much progress getting to know her properly and to see how we get on outside of the work situation. Because of this, I am considering letting her know that I think she is a wonderful person and I would love the opportunity to get to know her better as close friends, to see if there is any chemistry between us. I feel the need to let her know, maybe to get things going a bit, but in turn I don't want to pressure her. Is this a good idea?, or am I boarding a sinking ship? Is there a better way to put this to her so I don't sound corny? I'd love you input because she is great girl and a keeper.

[Victoria]

Wow Oliver,

 

Thank you for such sound advice! Goodluck with your scenario.

I don't think you could do any harm in letting her know how you feel. the only thing that may pose as a bit of an obstacle in this situation is her strong family values. i know a lot of lebanese people, and while most of them i know are lovely people who are worth dating, it is part of their culture that they marry into their culture. arranged marriages are still common in todays society. islam allows a man to marry either a muslim, a christian or a jewish woman, but does not allow women to marry a non-muslim. you will have to somehow ascertain if her family stand strictly behind their ethics, or if they are accustomed to the western ways of the world, and either way, you will have to respect that. a lot of this will ultimately boil down to her family. but if she is unable to pursue a relationship with you on these grounds, you have still found a great friend in this girl. and you should hold on to that. don't be afraid of being corny. what you said isn't corny, it is honest. and if it does come out corny, don't worry. as a girl, i think corny is good. it is flattering! try and find out if a relationship with you is a possibility, but try and do that in the least intrusive way possible. and above all, respect that, no matter how hard it might be for you to accept.

[Nic]

don't worry. i'm not even going to consider the "oi, oi, oi". i think i heard it enough during the olympics.

 

are you a sydneysider too oliver?

 

Thanks Nic Great response from a fellow Aussie...and Sydneysider I believe? I know one thing, I will respect her feelings. I have not fallen in love with her or anything...so if she says its not possible I still would like to be her friend as we have been, and at least rest my mind of any doubts.. Oliver

[Deejette]

Be aware of the way different cultures treat the dating situation. In some cultures, going out with a man unchapperoned is a no-no. In many cultures it is considered wrong for a woman to show interest in a man.

 

So read up on Lebanese culture before you invest too much emotion into this woman.

Dear Oliver, I wish you well! This is just my opinion. You have to pay attention to her body language. Do you think she is physically attracted to you? Is she involved with anyone? Are you the same religion, race or caste as her? Some Middleeasterns adhere to these requirements, it depends on how liberal she and her family is. Based on what you said her family is important and most likely they dictate. She could have you as a friend but, not as anything more due to religion or personal belief. I do not want to sound stereotypical but, I have close friends who are from these regions and all of these factors have been major issues in their love lifes. Intermarriage is usually not accepted. Family is an important factor. I am glad you are taking it slow since you just got out of a relationship. Continue to take it slow. One suggetion, subtly bring up going to dinner and analyze her response. Respect her and her feelings. You don't want to come across to strong. Beware of office romance. Are you ready for it? If things turn out bad or good, you will always see her face. Think about it and goodluck!