Ex wrote an e-mail after BU - Need

[number122]

Hi guys/girls!

 

Recently broke up with my gf, exactly 5 days ago. Since then I deleted her from everything, unfollowed etc etc. Strict No Contact rule. I only saw one twitter message, when she was dumbfounded and was angry at the me, that I deleted/unfollowed her.

 

Today I received a friendly e-mail from her asking how am I, how's work, how's weather (I live in a different country as of now). Then talking about how some other people spreads rumours about us and who started spreading them. Normal stuff, like nothing happened last week.

 

The BU was friendly, the relationship simply went cold, she doesn't love me anymore as her bf, but only as a friend, not to mention we are in LDR and she's quite young! So we concluded that we can't keep up the relationship like this.(see link below for whole story). She wanted to stay friends with me, talk, go to places together, etc etc etc.

 

So what should I do? Answer her normally? Answer her coldy? Ignore the whole e-mail altogether? I am at quite a loss on what to do...

 

 

 

My story from old times:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/363236-need-tips-more-experienced-people#post4467246

Edited April 12, 2013 by number122

[cavalier99]

Just go NC. No response EVER until your 100 percent indifferent.

 

You need to heal. And she will learn that when you BU with someone you cant stay buddies. She wanted out so give it to her 100 percent. Dissapear like a ninja! Cav

[number122]

Just go NC. No response EVER until your 100 percent indifferent.

 

You need to heal. And she will learn that when you BU with someone you cant stay buddies. She wanted out so give it to her 100 percent. Dissapear like a ninja! Cav

 

 

Hm... Well I'm pretty much indifferent already, but not enough yet it seems. Thanks for the help.

[cavalier99]

Hmm if your indifferent and she isnt it is still best to stay NC. I dont know what is the point of being friends now either way?

 

Just move on and check in with her in 6 months or so if you want. Makes it easier on everyone.

[number122]

Hm...but not answering? Woudn't that make me a douchebag? I mean, okay, I'm not planning on writing a novel, just once sentence:

 

"Ok, thanks for the info."

 

That's it. I "answered" her, but at the same time its cold like the North Pole...

[TaraMaiden]

Why do people not listen???

Why bother posting the question if you're just going to ignore the responses and do what you want anyway???

 

The whole point of No Contact is to give a complete phukk about how they feel. Who cares??

you didn't care the first time you blocked her off, and she got good and mad with you!!

She wrote you an email to get you to respond to her.

 

There was absolutely no reason for her to send that mail, she had no valid point to make, she was just fishing and wanting to get your attention.

Well, look at that, missy dangled the hook, and in spite of advice to the contrary, you took it, line and sinker.

 

Who cares what you wrote back?

She got you where she wanted you! Replying!!

 

Off the 'Ignore' sheet!

 

Now you will get another reply.

 

"Why so cold? Why so distant? What's the matter? Are you ok?

I don't know why you deleted me, I really care for you, I miss you, I wanna be friends...."

 

Basically, she just wants her ego stroked.

 

And your replying told her she's still within a chance of getting you to stroke it.

[number122]

Why do people not listen???

Why bother posting the question if you're just going to ignore the responses and do what you want anyway???

 

The whole point of No Contact is to give a complete phukk about how they feel. Who cares??

you didn't care the first time you blocked her off, and she got good and mad with you!!

She wrote you an email to get you to respond to her.

 

There was absolutely no reason for her to send that mail, she had no valid point to make, she was just fishing and wanting to get your attention.

Well, look at that, missy dangled the hook, and in spite of advice to the contrary, you took it, line and sinker.

 

Who cares what you wrote back?

She got you where she wanted you! Replying!!

 

Off the 'Ignore' sheet!

 

Now you will get another reply.

 

"Why so cold? Why so distant? What's the matter? Are you ok?

I don't know why you deleted me, I really care for you, I miss you, I wanna be friends...."

 

Basically, she just wants her ego stroked.

 

And your replying told her she's still within a chance of getting you to stroke it.

 

Erm... I did not reply to her? I was just thinking of replying her in one short and cold sentence. So I am not a douchebag? But it seems that ignoring her totally is the best option so far.

[TaraMaiden]

Hm...but not answering? Woudn't that make me a douchebag? I mean, okay, I'm not planning on writing a novel, just once sentence:

 

"Ok, thanks for the info."

 

That's it. I "answered" her, but at the same time its cold like the North Pole...

 

Erm... I did not reply to her? I was just thinking of replying her in one short and cold sentence. So I am not a douchebag? But it seems that ignoring her totally is the best option so far.

 

Now I'm confused.... I thought you said you answered her....?

 

Or - wait - was that a hypothetical 'answered' her....?

As in - "If I were to reply, this is probably all I would put...."....?

 

Okay, that being the case, pardon my jumpiness.... but it has happened that we get questions, 101 people say "No, don't do it!!" The OP then says 'Oh, okay then....' and goes and does the exact opposite!!

 

Sheeesh! Why do we bother???

 

The best and most favourable policy in this case, is to maintain No Contact and ignore her.

 

Have you read the No Contact Guide in my Signature? I ask, because others also carry it as their signature....

Read it (It's the first main post) and it explains what breadcrumbs are and why they throw them.

 

The remainder of the thread consists of posts from others mainly on the perils of breaking No Contact!

[number122]

Now I'm confused.... I thought you said you answered her....?

 

Or - wait - was that a hypothetical 'answered' her....?

As in - "If I were to reply, this is probably all I would put...."....?

 

Okay, that being the case, pardon my jumpiness.... but it has happened that we get questions, 101 people say "No, don't do it!!" The OP then says 'Oh, okay then....' and goes and does the exact opposite!!

 

Sheeesh! Why do we bother???

 

The best and most favourable policy in this case, is to maintain No Contact and ignore her.

 

Have you read the No Contact Guide in my Signature? I ask, because others also carry it as their signature....

Read it (It's the first main post) and it explains what breadcrumbs are and why they throw them.

 

The remainder of the thread consists of posts from others mainly on the perils of breaking No Contact!

 

 

Thank you very much! ^^ I'll be sure to read it.

[fancy feast]

Hm...but not answering? Woudn't that make me a douchebag? I mean, okay, I'm not planning on writing a novel, just once sentence:

 

"Ok, thanks for the info."

 

That's it. I "answered" her, but at the same time its cold like the North Pole...

 

Silence is colder.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

May I ask why exactly are you concerning yourself with what she'll think of you if you won't reply?

 

I think any polite/neutral reply will just encourage her to keep trying to talk to you instead of leaving you alone. She'll think - "aha, he's still talking to me", "we can still be "friends"", "he still misses me" and all that jazz.

 

You mentioned in one of your first posts:

"She presented the "will you be my friend if we would break-up?" question, which I answered with a simple no, saying that I would cease any contact with her if that would happen."

 

You've already told her what would happen if you guys break up. I hope you meant it seriously. You've already told her what would happen, so your conscience can be calm if you ignore her till the end of time (especially, given what you've written in your posts, you treated her way too kindly).

 

Also, having read your previous posts, it's my opinion (with limited information etc.) that you're better off without her & without talking to her anymore. Find someone who will appreciate you and who will be willing to work on the struggles each relationship faces and her problems as well.

 

And now, try to work on yourself, on addressing your own issues and learning how to be happy for yourself. If you want to talk more about how, let us know:)

 

Best wishes, hope to hear from you soon

[number122]

Hi!

 

May I ask why exactly are you concerning yourself with what she'll think of you if you won't reply?

 

I think any polite/neutral reply will just encourage her to keep trying to talk to you instead of leaving you alone. She'll think - "aha, he's still talking to me", "we can still be "friends"", "he still misses me" and all that jazz.

 

You mentioned in one of your first posts:

"She presented the "will you be my friend if we would break-up?" question, which I answered with a simple no, saying that I would cease any contact with her if that would happen."

 

You've already told her what would happen if you guys break up. I hope you meant it seriously. You've already told her what would happen, so your conscience can be calm if you ignore her till the end of time (especially, given what you've written in your posts, you treated her way too kindly).

 

Also, having read your previous posts, it's my opinion (with limited information etc.) that you're better off without her & without talking to her anymore. Find someone who will appreciate you and who will be willing to work on the struggles each relationship faces and her problems as well.

 

And now, try to work on yourself, on addressing your own issues and learning how to be happy for yourself. If you want to talk more about how, let us know:)

 

Best wishes, hope to hear from you soon

 

 

I didn't contact her, nor I'll do it. For the next few months atleast...then I'll see...Thanks for the help and advice! I'll hold on and make myself anew.