Male insight needed! Guy best friend...

[BCW]

Essentially, I need some male insight regarding the way my best friend (male) thinks of me.

 

We've known each other for four years- we're in university together. While we didn't instantly click- I gave him the cold shoulder because I considered him rather arrogant- we joined study groups together and he began to initiate conversations in class, study groups, and on Facebook. We started hanging out on the weekends; he'd ask me what "we" were going to do. He was pretty flaky the first year, and I had to express to him that that was not acceptable to me. He improved mildly.

 

Second year

He pursued a few girls (he's extremely picky) but never got serious about any of them. He told me that if he saw me starting to hang out with another guy, he'd think, "What are you doing?" Still more flakiness to deal with, and at the end of the year, I had to break off our friendship because I did not think he considered me a priority: we barely spent time together on the weekends. Whenever I asked him what he was up to on Monday, he simply said that he was chilling in his dorm. I never understood why he didn't just text me and ask me to get together. After our falling out, we didn't speak for five months.

 

Third year

I initiated putting our friendship back together, though, later, he told me that he came back to school knowing that he a) wanted to reconcile and b) would not let us go on not talking to each other. Our friendship got quite stronger. He told me he wants me in his life for a long time, even in his wedding as his best-- woman? He wants to be in mine. If we land in different states post-uni, then we'll fly to see each other every once in a while, etc. No serious girlfriends still for him and no boyfriends for me thus far.

 

Fourth year (present)

Our friendship has never been stronger. He has a girlfriend now that he met last summer. She comes to town almost every weekend and during that time, we don't talk, not even text. He usually texts me when she's gone, or if he's out of town, texts me on the road to arrange to meet up as soon as he's back. We see each other almost daily on campus and at his house. This year, he wanted to do weekly outings where we'd have a tradition: dinner and a movie every Monday.

 

Other notes

I've always been attracted to him and knowing him for four years, I've developed feelings for him. I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship. My friend is a standout guy who has a ton to offer (insanely smart, good looking, bright, bright future, etc.) and he wants his girlfriend to have specific attributes (speak Italian, his family's language; be highly intelligent; beautiful- a tiny thing), etc. I'm not sure I fit the bill entirely, and that makes me think that I'm not good enough for him, which is why he's never tried anything with me- never, not even a kiss or holding my hand. We keep hugging to a minimum and physical contact is at a minimum. I'm not entirely sure- it's just this unspoken thing we have where we know not to cross any lines- and it's been this way since we've known each other. There might be sexual tension. I'm definitely feeling it. He has a saying, "Don't s**t where you eat."

 

Anyway- is it possible that he hasn't made a move because he truly does see me as just his best friend? How do I know if he simply isn't yet aware of his feelings for me?

Edited April 12, 2013 by BCW

[sunrise24]

Hi BCW. Welcome to LoveShack.

 

Can you elaborate on the nature of his relationship with his girlfriend? For that matter, what's your relationship with her like?

 

The most relevant issue here is that he has a girlfriend; based on what you've disclosed thus far, it's not appropriate for either of you to pursue anything romantically with each other at this time.

[ses]

As another poster stated, he already has a girlfriend. He's off-limits. You can't make a move on him because he's already involved with someone. Considering that you're not sure whether you're ready for a relationship I would distance yourself from the situation, as painful as that may be. He is your best friend but you need to understand your feelings better before pursuing him. You have to respect your friendship, as well as his own intimate relationship.

[kamani]

I'm not male but I feel he never intended to move on to further relationship with you. He had enough time to make a move but he didn't. Instead he was telling you what type of girl he liked as his wife.

 

But he hides seeing and texting you from his current gf sometimes, that means you are not 'just a friend'. I feel he is using you to feed his ego, knowing your feelings. Or else, he has feeling towards you and is lyeing to himself that he hasn't. Anyway not suitable to carry on any sort of friendship at the moment. Protect yourself first.

[Silly24]

Seems to me he needs to keep you "hanging on" to boost his self esteem and ego. That's all you are and will ever be.