How to improve my outlook?

[Swansea]

K well im smart enough to know what some of the good things to do are but it seems to be a case of easier said than done in my case.

 

Im introverted/shy, im confident in many ways id say but i like to keep more to my self so im not among the best when it comes to socializing. As it turns out i have asked girls out before but they have ended horribly and quickly so it hasnt helped much in experience. The bottom line is that the lack of experience in socializing has provided a form of social anxiety in me.

 

I think i can honestly say i am more scared (when thinking of asking a girl out) for the girl to say yes, than to get rejected!

 

I tend to go for girls i seem to visualize as being a bit like me, a bit more lonerish, introverted, i get the thought of me that if i go for someone "quieter" it will be easier for me and this has made it so that even if i ask a girl out that follows "my requirements" im scared of asking them out because of the thoughts of failure that may come to mind such as..

 

- How will i be able to charm her?

- How do i keep her entertained and wanting for more

- How do i make sure im at my coolest

- An etc..

 

I put this pressure on my self, and then i think about the social possibilities of her having alot of friends, and being very social, and putting me into angles in society i dont feel comfortable or familiar with..

 

So my question is, what are some tips u may have, or ways u can think of i can get away from this. Like i said, im aware enough from a 3rd perspective of what im doing wrong, what im thinking wrong, but its not so easy to feel comfortable in something that might cause u anxiety..I feel like im gonna go to a pool with a life preserver im not sure will work ( consider i dont know how to swim to understand the simile).

 

Thats why for example theres a chick in college im interested in, shes quiet in class, and i found her facebook and despite having it for 1 year and being active she only has 20 friends, and they all dont look as people id call " very social" i have 50 and i thought i was a loner! So this has made me feel secure to ask her out, but then i worry about the actual dating and how i could ruin everything in one second...

 

Anyway to help aliveate social anxiety?

[Vogeltron]

Do you wake up every day thankful for another day on earth. Do you wake asking everyone you see with a smile on their face how things are going and how life is. To be honest I have Social Anxiety it will always be there it will never go away. I understand that stuck on one girl thing completely. The best thing you can do is just get out and learn to talk to as many people as possible. That is really what made the difference for me. It is still hard to talk to women I am attracted to etc. But if you learn to be more personable and take the right outlook on life. Learn to love life for better or worse no matter how bad the situation. As far as we know we only get one shot on this planet. Might as well make the most of it. If you get the balls to tell a girl she is very pretty and you would be honored to take her on a date then good for you. If you don't, it isn't the end of the world. You have to getter better at you weakness. I know you probably take it personal I always have. But you always have to keep take the hopeful and optimistic approach. Nobody is ever attracted to an Eeyore the super negative donkey in the Winne the Poo cartoon. If she denies you it is her dumb fault you are going to find someone better. Even if you don't believe it make yourself believe it. There is something like 3 Billion women out there odds are you will land one. If you take a my life sucks, I am helpless there is nothing I can do about it but sit here and cry. To be honest it may never get better. The only thing you can do is figure out what your strengths are and your weaknesses. Try to showcase what you are good and while also working your azz to get better at what you are horrible at. Even if you aren't sold. Come up with a plan tell yourself I am going to bust my azz for a year to become the best person I possibly can be if it doesn't work out after that. I will go back to being miserable. If that is the case than it is what it is but make sure you put the time and effort in to be what you think you need to be before you throw in the towel.

Edited April 13, 2013 by Vogeltron