Is it true that you only attract people on your level in looks?

[samsungxoxo]

I know I'll never be a 8-10 in looks woman (I'm between 5-7/10, depending on what I'm wearing and my hairstyle) and this might sound hypocritical but I'm tired of getting hit on or asked out by only unattractive - average looking men. Or guys that aren't into books nor smart.

 

For many years I've been humble and would careless but now as I'm getting older, this is not enough for me. My ideal man is a handsome looking (above average in looks) European that's smart. I can't stand boring conversations anymore.

 

Ok so maybe I haven't been myself but this is how I feel now. I feel like when it comes to dating, in my younger years I would have been satisfy dating a C average man as long as he loves me and all that nonsense talk (not enough anymore). Now I'm focusing on an A. This is the same as when studying for an exam and aiming for an A, not a B nor C.

[samsungxoxo]

Don't mean to sound conceited (this is new awakening to me... have never felt so picky in my life) but I'm kind of frustrating. It's like I'm either single or have to settle with an average man.

 

Then again, I don't know what's gotten into me. Ever since I went back to college in mid October of 2011, I've changed.

[anne1707]

Samsung

 

I don't mean to be off with you but when you see threads started by men who post about wanting a "hot" girl when they admit they are only average in looks, how do those threads make you feel? What do you think about the attitude of the posters?

[samsungxoxo]

Aiming for an A while you are a b/c student?

This was a comparison. I'm really an A-/B+ student.

 

 

Men are even more superficial than women when it comes to the look department so if you aren't on the attractive scale what you are aiming for than you better have some quality that can make up for it.

I'll go out of my way to fix my teeth wearing braces for a while (then off course take them off), undergo lazer treatment, possibly have a nose surgery, straighten my hair more often, wear more make-up and try wearing contact lenses.

 

If that's what it'll take me to find that great looking and smart guy ok. Lastly, I may have to get out of my country and travel to Europe.

[USMCHokie]

Generally speaking, you are only as attractive as you can attract.

 

What can you say to someone who values looks? They get what they sign up for when they value superficial crap like that

 

Are you implying that looks are mutually exclusive of personality? You can only have one or the other? Or that when looking for one, you aren't also looking for the other...?

[samsungxoxo]

Samsung

 

I don't mean to be off with you but when you see threads started by men who post about wanting a "hot" girl when they admit they are only average in looks, how do those threads make you feel? What do you think about the attitude of the posters?

Actually I don't blame them now. At some point, you really get tired of getting hit on (and not too often) by those either in your same exact league or below you.

 

Like stated, I've never felt this frustrated before. I've changed. Isn't it natural for anyone to find someone better than them?

[USMCHokie]

Actually I don't blame them now. At some point, you really get tired of getting hit on (and not too often) by those either in your same exact league or below you.

 

Like stated, I've never felt this frustrated before. I've changed. Isn't it natural for anyone to find someone better than them?

 

Yes, it is natural. And people don't believe market theory...

[anne1707]

For every person who finds someone "better" than them, there is a person who finds someone "not as good" as them. Does that sound good to you? Do you want to feel as if you are not good enough?

 

Apart from the fact that looks are just not that important when compared to the real things that matter in a long-term relationship like values, compatibility, mutual support, commitment, honesty, friendship,.....

[USMCHokie]

Apart from the fact that looks are just not that important when compared to the real things that matter in a long-term relationship like values, compatibility, mutual support, commitment, honesty, friendship,.....

 

This has always mystified me...why exactly are looks not valued as highly as those other traits...?

[samsungxoxo]

For every person who finds someone "better" than them, there is a person who finds someone "not as good" as them. Does that sound good to you? Do you want to feel as if you are not good enough?

I must not be that great in looks if only average-below average men (some being non career-oriented also) hit on me.

Apart from the fact that looks are just not that important when compared to the real things that matter in a long-term relationship like values, compatibility, mutual support, commitment, honesty, friendship,.....

But it's also possible to have this man I'm looking for.

 

1) Great looking

2) All of those qualities you've mentioned

3) Career-oriented just like me

 

Overall: awesome in looks, personality and ambition. Is this really asking too much?

Edited April 13, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[USMCHokie]

Apart from the fact that looks are just not that important when compared to the real things that matter in a long-term relationship like values, compatibility, mutual support, commitment, honesty, friendship,.....

 

And what is so not real about looks...?

[anne1707]

This has always mystified me...why exactly are looks not valued as highly as those other traits...?

 

Because looks will change. We will all get lines and wrinkles, for many of us our hair will go grey. Some will lose their hair. Things will beging to sag a bit (and that includes you men). It gets harder to keep the weight down. Bodies change as you get older.

 

But that does not mean you are not attractive to your partner. It's just how someone looks in their 20s is not going to be exactly how they will look in their 50s.

[anne1707]

And what is so not real about looks...?

 

That's not how I meant it

 

Looks are of course "real" but I think the other things I listed are more important. If you had to choose between someone who had the looks but not the other things I listed, would you be interested in them long-term? Or would you forego the perfect looks for someone who hit the mark with all those other things?

[samsungxoxo]

And what is so not real about looks...?

That's the first thing that attracts you on a date.

 

Long ago, I was asked out by a guy who was studying culinary arts (yes, smart and good personality) but ulgy in the looks department. On top of that, he also had a case of moderate acne and I didn't know how to turn him down. That guy had problem finding a date. Eventually I told him I liked him as a friend but after about 2 weeks later. Needless to say, I heard from my female friend that he was kinda hurt.

 

Looks is important too on a date.

[USMCHokie]

That's not how I meant it

 

Looks are of course "real" but I think the other things I listed are more important. If you had to choose between someone who had the looks but not the other things I listed, would you be interested in them long-term? Or would you forego the perfect looks for someone who hit the mark with all those other things?

 

I prefer not to look at it in such black and white terms...just like with the penis size debate over size v. motion of the ocean, why must people always treat these as one-or-the-other characteristics? Why must you give up one for the other? If I choose someone who had looks, does that mean they can't have those other things? Or if I'm looking for someone with those other traits, I shouldn't be considering looks?

[USMCHokie]

I'm implying looks have very little bearing on the quality of a relationship, moreover they are transient and so to ascribe them great importance is rather self defeating when seeking a long term relationship.

 

Do you include quality of sex within the quality of the relationship? Do physical characteristics not play a part in quality of sex...?

[USMCHokie]

That's the first thing that attracts you on a date.

 

Long ago, I was asked out by a guy who was studying culinary arts (yes, smart and good personality) but ulgy in the looks department. On top of that, he also had a case of moderate acne and I didn't know how to turn him down. That guy had problem finding a date. Eventually I told him I liked him as a friend but after about 2 weeks later. Needless to say, I heard from my female friend that he was kinda hurt.

 

Looks is important too on a date.

 

They are indeed important.

 

Looks get you in the door, but personality keeps you in the house.

[USMCHokie]

Sex is yet another quality of a relationship that is transient. Many males have a hard time performing as the age due to heart and prostate problems.

 

Indeed. And physical appearance often is very reflective of one's health and personal values towards his health. If someone does not appear healthy, then more often than not, they aren't healthy. So choosing a partner without regard to looks can often come to backfire.

 

Sex, basic attraction is important, but it should NOT be the pinnacle of a long term relationship.

 

How can one seriously expect to marry or have kids with someone who first and foremost don't share their goals, values and have common intellectual capacity?

 

It might not be a pinnacle, but it's still a component. You need all the ingredients for a relationship just as you'd need all ingredients for a cake. Looks might not be the most important thing, but it's definitely still important.

[Eternal Sunshine]

People want to trade up so you will attract lots of guys that are less attractive than you

 

It really depends on how you weigh other traits besides looks. Men are even more visual than women so they will place greater emphasis on hotness. I found it harder to get/keep a man that is average looking but has a good career and is intelligent, than a man that is quite attractive but has not much else going for him.

 

Sure, you can want it all but be prepared to stay single for a very long time and likely forever. That's kind of like saying that you will count on winning the lottery to pay the bills.

 

And I agree than you are only attractive as what you can attract.

[Woggle]

If you are not willing to bring to the table what you demand of others then it does make a person sort of hypocritical. It doesn't make sense to refuse to settle for what you want others to settle for in you. I would say this to anybody.

[anne1707]

I prefer not to look at it in such black and white terms...just like with the penis size debate over size v. motion of the ocean, why must people always treat these as one-or-the-other characteristics? Why must you give up one for the other? If I choose someone who had looks, does that mean they can't have those other things? Or if I'm looking for someone with those other traits, I shouldn't be considering looks?

 

I actually think you are taking what I am saying as black and white whereas that is not the case at all. I guess I would prefer to say that attraction is more important than looks. Looks to me suggests the hideous 5/10 or 8/10 stuff you see on LS whereby it almost seems people are being measured against some perceived scale of the ideal face/body. I however see it as what is attractive to one person is not always attractive to another. I see it that as a relationship develops and grows, the attraction and desire for one another can grow, that just because someone does not have stereotype good looks, it does not mean they can never be found attractive and sexy by another person.

 

Does that sound black and white to you?

[USMCHokie]

Sure, you can want it all but be prepared to stay single for a very long time and likely forever. That's kind of like saying that you will count on winning the lottery to pay the bills.

 

And that's where people have to begin making concessions, or "settling"...are they willing to be with someone with less looks just to have someone...? Or are they willing to forego other qualities for the looks? Neither is right, as it depends on the individual's own values and priorities for a relationship. This is why you often see the more attractive woman/less attractive man combo...

 

Women are more likely to "trade down" on looks than men are, while men are more likely to "tolerate" a more attractive woman who might be lacking in character or personality.

[USMCHokie]

I actually think you are taking what I am saying as black and white whereas that is not the case at all. I guess I would prefer to say that attraction is more important than looks. Looks to me suggests the hideous 5/10 or 8/10 stuff you see on LS whereby it almost seems people are being measured against some perceived scale of the ideal face/body. I however see it as what is attractive to one person is not always attractive to another. I see it that as a relationship develops and grows, the attraction and desire for one another can grow, that just because someone does not have stereotype good looks, it does not mean they can never be found attractive and sexy by another person.

 

Does that sound black and white to you?

 

When I made the black and white comment, I was referring to the common debate tactic used when comparing two things...focusing on the opposite polarities of each thing to try to make a point that one isn't important.

 

In other words, this is a VERY common logic pattern:

 

(1) You have two things, looks and personality.

 

(2) I'd much rather have someone with a great personality and poor looks than someone with great looks and poor personality.

 

(3) Therefore, looks don't matter.

 

It's simply not a logically supported conclusion.

[Eternal Sunshine]

And that's where people have to begin making concessions, or "settling"...are they willing to be with someone with less looks just to have someone...? Or are they willing to forego other qualities for the looks? Neither is right, as it depends on the individual's own values and priorities for a relationship. This is why you often see the more attractive woman/less attractive man combo...

 

Women are more likely to "trade down" on looks than men are, while men are more likely to "tolerate" a more attractive woman who might be lacking in character or personality.

 

Yes, I completely agree.

 

I am aware of concessions I need to make with men...I value intelligence more than looks so I am willing to forgo some hotness to get a more intelligent man.

 

Still, there is a certain physical attractiveness threshold that I can't go below. Below that threshold, a man won't be given a chance even if he is the smartest man in the world.

[anne1707]

When I made the black and white comment, I was referring to the common debate tactic used when comparing two things...focusing on the opposite polarities of each thing to try to make a point that one isn't important.

 

In other words, this is a VERY common logic pattern:

 

(1) You have two things, looks and personality.

 

(2) I'd much rather have someone with a great personality and poor looks than someone with great looks and poor personality.

 

(3) Therefore, looks don't matter.

 

It's simply not a logically supported conclusion.

 

I have never said looks don't matter. I just think other things are more important in a long-term relationship. Simple as that.