Is it true that you only attract people on your level in looks?

[SensitiveTJ]

You want a good looking guy?

 

Here's some tips.

 

Learn to smile...I've seen other pics of you and you never smile.

Hit the gym, improve your diet. You could stand to lose a few pounds.

Your wardrobe needs major improvement. I'm not a chick so I can't recommend anything, but coming from a guy, what you are wearing would be a turn off.

Probably could do something different with your hair...let it down...or something.

 

You're not ugly and you have the exotic look going in your favor. You have potential, but just to be completely straight up with you, I would NOT date the woman that is in that pic.

 

I have to agree with KFJ. I would not date you either. I can't rate you any higher than a 5. I think if you're expecting very attractive men to pursue you, it's not going to happen.

[xxoo]

OP, do you feel good about t yourself? Do you like they way you look?

 

If you are happy with yourself, why can't you be happy with a guy whose looks match yours? If you believe you are attractive, why don't you view men on a similar level attractive?

[samsungxoxo]

So even average looking women want only hot men these days which is why i dont approach women

If you were in a car race and knew your car doesn't brand new, would you say ''I'm going to fight to at least win 3rd place'' or would you still aim for 1st place regardless.

That's the same exact feeling. I already know I'll never be on the top level in looks but that doesn't mean I don't want something better.

 

And yes KFJ, I'll be working on myself. Hopefully that'll get the guy I want.

Edited April 15, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[samsungxoxo]

OP, do you feel good about t yourself? Do you like they way you look?

Yes, but there is always room for some improvements.

why can't you be happy with a guy whose looks match yours? If you believe you are attractive, why don't you view men on a similar level attractive?

That to me is the same as if someone told me ''give up already, go for someone on your level, not higher''. I'm not willing to give up.

 

It's the same as when I'm taking my exams. I walk into the room aiming for an A, not a B nor C.

[xxoo]

Yes, but there is always room for some improvements.

That to me is the same as if someone told me ''give up already, go for someone on your level, not higher''. I'm not willing to give up.

 

It's the same as when I'm taking my exams. I walk into the room aiming for an A, not a B nor C.

 

Why would having someone like you be the equivalent of "giving up"?

 

What's so wrong with you, in your eyes, that someone like you isn't good enough?

 

Why isn't someone like you a prize? If you don't think so, who will?

[samsungxoxo]

Why would having someone like you be the equivalent of "giving up"?

 

What's so wrong with you, in your eyes, that someone like you isn't good enough?

 

Why isn't someone like you a prize? If you don't think so, who will?

If he was the only single guy on Earth ok but while the very attractive ones are still available, why not go for that??

 

Going for a guy like me on looks level just because it's the equivalent would be like me telling myself ''I can't get better, why try and instead go for average Joes''. That's giving up because you aren't aiming for more.

[xxoo]

If he was the only single guy on Earth ok but while the very attractive ones are still available, why not go for that??

 

Going for a guy like me on looks level just because it's the equivalent would be like me telling myself ''I can't get better, why try and instead go for average Joes''. That's giving up because you aren't aiming for more.

 

Not just because it is the equivalent, but because you would open your pool of men up enormously and have a better chance of making a true connection and finding a partner.

 

I don't understand how you can think so low of yourself (being with someone the equivalent is giving up), and also expect to attract some very hot guy. It makes no sense to me. Is he giving up in this scenario?

[samsungxoxo]

I don't understand how you can think so low of yourself (being with someone the equivalent is giving up), and also expect to attract some very hot guy. It makes no sense to me. Is he giving up in this scenario?

No, he isn't giving up because he already knows he's handsome looking and knows he can get better but decided to try something different. It's different when the high level in looks person seeks the lower level than vice-versa.

[Mme. Chaucer]

This has always mystified me...why exactly are looks not valued as highly as those other traits...?

 

How could they be - in a long term relationship?

 

I agree that physical attraction is pretty important to get things off the ground, but in a long term relationship almost everything else becomes more important.

 

If you married a very hot person but found out during your marriage that he/she was mean spirited, ungenerous, selfish, stupid, one dimensional, did not share any of your values or joys, was completely lazy, was dishonest … or the two of you just plain did not get along, I assure you that you would not be hanging in there after a few years because they're so hot.

[Mme. Chaucer]

And this is precisely why looks do matter, and I would argue, matter more than personality before you have met a person. Looks give you a reason to get to know someone better for dating.

 

Well duh! How are you supposed to know how great someone's personality is if you have never met them?

 

But I'm sure that most of us who've been in school, a job setting or had a well established group of friends have witnessed people falling for each other just because of how well they were hitting it off. I'm sure if one found the other very unattractive, that could have hindered anything from happening - on the other hand, a person you are really starting to like begins to look more and more attractive you you.

 

This even happens to me with women friends! (No homo) The more I like them, and the dearer they become to me, the more beauty I see in them, physically.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Looks are important in two ways. First, they are a tangible manifestation of physical attractiveness that affects how we view as person sexually, as well as socially, i.e., keeping up with the Jones'.

 

Are you saying here that you think it's important to have a partner who looks a certain way in order to have elevated status among your social group?

 

Yikes.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

To me, "looks" are about the face and the body as a whole. I doubt you would say somebody is a 8 or 9 if they have the body of Kelly Brook yet the face of Janet Street Porter (google her if need be!).

 

Well, be fair! Janet Street Porter is twice the age of Kelly Brook!

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP:

 

I think rating people on a numerical scale based upon their looks is dumb.

 

I think rating them that way and then deciding to target a certain "number" from the scale is misguided, a very backwards way of approaching relationships.

 

Tell me - if you ended up with mr. super hot guy but he felt like he was not doing his best by being with you (that is, his values were pretty superficial like yours appear to be), how would you like that? Would you not be concerned that he was always going to be seeking somebody who was "A TEN" like he was?

 

How about going out with guys who you find attractive - without going into the weird zone where you're comparing them with all other guys and figuring out whether they're at "THE TOP" of the fictional looks scale?

[SteveC80]

So even average looking women want only hot men these days which is why i dont approach women

 

Which is why you should just hit on good looking women you are attracted to rather then average women just becasue you think they might be more desperate and say yes.

 

Average looking women arent gonna be anymore attracted to you just because theyre average themaslves so if youre gonna get shot down anyway you might as well go down shooting high and going after women youre very attracted to rather then an average looking women who thinks shes too good for you.

Edited April 15, 2013 by SteveC80

[xxoo]

No, he isn't giving up because he already knows he's handsome looking and knows he can get better but decided to try something different. It's different when the high level in looks person seeks the lower level than vice-versa.

 

Have you ever met a very desirable man who expressed that point of view?

[hppr]

Which is why you should just hit on good looking women you are attracted to rather then average women just becasue you think they might be more desperate and say yes.

 

 

This. Took me a long time to learn that. The bad relationships I've had in the past happened solely because I went for the 'average looking' girls whom I thought that I had a much better shot with. I figured that they would be nicer/more easy going because lots of guys weren't hitting on them. Big mistake.

[hppr]

OP:

 

I think rating people on a numerical scale based upon their looks is dumb.

This and she doesn't say much about the sort of character she looks for in men, or the sorts of relationship she wants to have (but hasn't gotten yet). Makes me think that she wants an object rather than a partner.

[Woggle]

This and she doesn't say much about the sort of character she looks for in men, or the sorts of relationship she wants to have (but hasn't gotten yet). Makes me think that she wants an object rather than a partner.

 

Exactly. Attractiveness is subjective anyway so one person's 5 can be another person's 10.

[DannyMason]

The ''But if he cares about you, that should be good enough'' isn't what I'm willing to settle anymore. I want him to have all 3 qualities: looks, personality and ambition.

 

He definitely has got to be somewhere out there.

 

He's out there, but he's not interested in a 5-7.

[DannyMason]

So even average looking women want only hot men these days which is why i dont approach women

 

And you not approaching women is why you're so lonely.

[samsungxoxo]

Have you ever met a very desirable man who expressed that point of view?

It was just a guess. No, I have yet to meet that guy I'm looking for who possesses all those 3 qualities.

 

I'm sure I can find him if I fix myself more. I need phony, average looking guys hitting on me just because they had bad luck in relationships and doing it out of sympathy.

[samsungxoxo]

He's out there, but he's not interested in a 5-7.

Contact lenses, nose fix, eyelashes extention, hair cut, lazer treatment, braces, etc.... and I might be able to meet him.

 

True, he's not gonna meet my real physical me but a changed one but at least I'll be aiming for what I want.

[samsungxoxo]

This and she doesn't say much about the sort of character she looks for in men, or the sorts of relationship she wants to have (but hasn't gotten yet). Makes me think that she wants an object rather than a partner.

I already said it. I want man that has all 3 traits:

1) Great looking

2) Good personality at the same time

3) Is career-minded

[samsungxoxo]

This. Took me a long time to learn that. The bad relationships I've had in the past happened solely because I went for the 'average looking' girls whom I thought that I had a much better shot with. I figured that they would be nicer/more easy going because lots of guys weren't hitting on them. Big mistake.

Maybe some but it has done nothing but get me even more irritated.

 

BTW I just rejected a below average in looks guy today. After the second text send out, I had enough (turns out he confused friendship with wanting something more). I was straight forward and just said ''I don't feel that same way, I didn't responded because I didn't want to get your hopes up, I only see you as a friend, nothing more''.

[KungFuJoe]

I get what USMCHokie is saying. It sounds shallow, but I think there is a lot of truth behind it

 

I mean, if any of you ladies were dating a guy that looked like Ryan Gosling...wouldn't you be telling all your friends about the new hot guy you are with? You can't tell me you wouldn't have a sort of "self pride" about the fact that you were capable of snagging someone that looked like that.

 

Looks are VERY important. VERY. Sometimes I think aspects such as sex and looks are thought of as shallow because they don't last, like personality supposedly does. It's not "forever" so you're supposed to take it with a grain of salt.

 

But it definitely doesn't take away from the importance and value that someone places on it.