somedude81 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I rarely ever get hugs from girls. So far this entire year, I've only been hugged by one girl and that was a few months ago. It's depressing seeing girls I know hug other guys when I've never hugged her. It makes me wonder that something is wrong with me, that nobody cares about me. Last night was a big social dance party on campus that is a required event for everybody taking a dance class. I spent most of the night hanging out with 3 to 4 girls, and I talked and joked with them. But none of them gave me a hug at any point in the night. I saw one of the girls go up to to a couple of guys over the night and give them hugs, so it's not like she was against hugs. From what I can tell, cross gender hugs are almost always initiated by girls but once the first one has been made, it's OK for the guy initiate them with that girl from then on. What I've been realizing is that girls seem to be excited to see other guys and they are extra touchy friendly with them. I've never felt that anybody has been that happy to see me. Sure girls smile and say hi when I come to them, but it's never more than that. When it comes to initiating hugs with girls I haven't hugged before, I feel awkward and not knowing if it's OK with her or not, so I don't do anything and instead I wait for her to make the first move, telling me it's fine to show affection. Something tells me that if a girl isn't happy to see me and doesn't initiate hugs, I wouldn't have any chance being able to date her.
january2011 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I wouldn't hug anyone I didn't like. And if I did, the hug wouldn't last very long and I wouldn't do the "little squeeze." And I tend not to initiate hugs, except with family and my SO. I suggest you try to initiate a few and see how it goes. If you know she is a hugger then just go for it - after you've had a decent conversation and detect that she reacts warmly towards you. 1
xxoo Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 A single girl who initiates a hug with a single guy is most likely flirting. FWIW, men have often initiated first hugs with me. In fact, closer to always. 2
soccerrprp Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Well, I ALWAYS get hugs from the ladies I date. It's part of my culture and i do tell the ladies I date that I am a hugger and kisser (cheeks) before we even meet up. All in all, I get hugs and kisses daily from friends and acquaintances. Again, a cultural thing. Yeah, I think it's a form of flirting and these girls were just not interested in doing that with you.
Els Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I suspect that most girls hug guys only if: 1) They are interested in them and trying to flirt, or 2) They are positive that the guy is a completely platonic friend and could not possibly misinterpret the hug. In your case, girls probably know #2 isn't true, and they're not interested in flirting with you. I wouldn't stress about it. I bet you weren't by a long stretch the only person that night who wasn't hugged. Do people REALLY hug that much at parties? 1
CarrieT Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 A single girl who initiates a hug with a single guy is most likely flirting. Disagree. Some people - like myself - are natural huggers. I hug a lot; men and women. Heck, I hug trees. 1
carhill Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I rarely ever get hugs from girls. So far this entire year, I've only been hugged by one girl and that was a few months ago. Women hug me all the time. Heck, last night a 4yo girl hugged me and she had never met me before. Do they like me? Ha!, just not in the way you want to be liked. It's OK with me though. Mostly, they like that I like them. A few are close friends and I presume they love me because they say they do their actions reflect it. That's fine. Life is less complicated that way. Overall, I see hugs as an expression of the moment, whatever that is. Life has billions of moments. Here now, gone later. Good luck.
iris219 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 People hug people they are happy to see. You also have to be someone who seems open to being hugged. Do you have closed off body language that says "don't hug me?" If so, that may be why girls you're friendly with don't hug you. Or it may that they simply don't know you well enough.
Author somedude81 Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 A single girl who initiates a hug with a single guy is most likely flirting. FWIW, men have often initiated first hugs with me. In fact, closer to always. I don't really see hugs as flirty, but more of a sign that shows that there is precursor to something. Like a said before, I doubt that a girl who doesn't hug me, would accept a date. It's interesting that you said men mostly initiated hugs first. Is that the same for anybody else. Generally I have always let the girl. That way I don't have to "ask for permission" to hug her. I can try to initiate them but I'm confused on the meaning when I start it. For some reason, I see it when a girl hugs first it's platonic, when a guy does it first, it means something more. One of the girls basically kept me company for most of the night while the other ones came and went. I'd say I talked to her the most in class over the semester. She has a boyfriend, who didn't come with her to the dance. For some reason I feel that if I try to hug her on Tuesday, she'll push me away and say, "No, I have a boyfriend." Which is a weird thought as it would just be a friendly thing and I've danced with her a lot doing some close moves. People hug people they are happy to see. Yes, I understand that. But the question is how happy does the person have to be. You also have to be someone who seems open to being hugged. Do you have closed off body language that says "don't hug me?" If so, that may be why girls you're friendly with don't hug you. Or it may that they simply don't know you well enough. I hope I'm not giving off "don't hug me" signals. Maybe they can tell that I'm a bit awkward with with female contact? I could also be self-conscious. My main problem is that I'm trying to look for signs that it's OK to hug a girl when they are just waiting for me to make the first move. And only the extrovert girls hug first. I don't know.
Pompeii Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I've been hugged by a lot of girls. I'm still a virgin.
iris219 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Yes, I understand that. But the question is how happy does the person have to be. I hope I'm not giving off "don't hug me" signals. Maybe they can tell that I'm a bit awkward with with female contact? I could also be self-conscious. My main problem is that I'm trying to look for signs that it's OK to hug a girl when they are just waiting for me to make the first move. And only the extrovert girls hug first. I don't know. Since you're asking this question, I suspect that you are a bit awkward around women and giving them a vibe that prevents them from hugging you (because they think you don't want to or your nervousness makes them nervous). Also, you are over thinking this. It's always OK to hug your female friends. There are no signs to wait for. They aren't waiting for you to make the first move. No one thinks about hugging that much. It just kind of happens. I have never in my life, thought, "Gosh, I really wish he'd hug me." I hug my guy friends and I would hug a guy I went on a date with if 1. I liked him 2. I didn't like him, but he was nice. I would not hug a guy I barely knew no matter how I felt about him and I'd would wonder why he was hugging me if he initiated. Do you think maybe they just don't know you well enough? 1
TheGuard13 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Hugs don't usually mean anything other than that someone likes you. It's not generally a sign of attraction.
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I suspect that most girls hug guys only if: 1) They are interested in them and trying to flirt, or 2) They are positive that the guy is a completely platonic friend and could not possibly misinterpret the hug. Bingo! I hug pretty much everyone without thinking about it. The exceptions are guys who might misinterpret something completely benign and harmless as flirting or interest. 1
Nyla Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I'm an affectionate woman, so I hug freely and easily. They are a safe form of physical contact. Hugs can mean anything and if a woman hugs you, she could think of you as a brother or a lover. It all depends on context. 1
zebracolors Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I'd agree that it can be a sign of affection and possible interest. Nyla has a point but as she said it depends on who it is. If its a guy that is just an acquaintance then the hug will be short and she might subconsciously keep her body below the arms at a distance from his. However, if its a guy trusts and and with whom she might want more with, she might try to give a full body touching hug, and perhaps linger in her embrace. I know thats what I'd like to do with a guy I'm into:love: 1
MissBee Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I love hugs...just said that to a friend like an hour ago. I'm a hugger. I hug friends and family and depending on the person and if it feels right, I will hug someone upon first meeting them. For me, it is not flirtatious at all. It can be...but generally it isn't, but simply a friendly thing I do to people I am fond of. But there are different types of hug and you can feel if it's simply friendly or a lingering embrace because someone has romantic interest or simply the tight squeeze of a friend.
ThaWholigan Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Yeah, likely if you are awkward with female contact or self-conscious about it (I.e. Asking permission), girls won't initiate hugs with you. It took a while getting used to hugs and kisses because it was uncomfortable sometimes. As I got older, I became very cuddly, and I find it easy to just hug girls and occasionally give them a peck on the cheek. I got used to touching women as a result. Initiate some hugs occasionally, get acquainted with the contact. It will become less awkward. 1
Author somedude81 Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Thanks for the replies so far. Is there a way to tell when a hug would be acceptable and when is the right time to do it? And yeah, I'm asking about the platonic mean-nothing quick hugs. Would a girl that I've known for a while think it weird if I suddenly pull a hug out of nowhere?
cerridwen Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Thanks for the replies so far. Is there a way to tell when a hug would be acceptable and when is the right time to do it? And yeah, I'm asking about the platonic mean-nothing quick hugs. Would a girl that I've known for a while think it weird if I suddenly pull a hug out of nowhere? Not if you've known her for awhile, no. Again, it depends on the girl but the stronger or more established the rapport, the less weird/unexpected it would be, provided she's single. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 ch Not if you've known her for awhile, no. Again, it depends on the girl but the stronger or more established the rapport, the less weird/unexpected it would be, provided she's single. agree with this post by cerri, the longer you have known her the better..... If she Actually likes you it shouldnt be awkward at all but pleasant...from experience i asked for a hug from a guy which made me feel like a goof,so just hug and think later.......much better..good luck....deb 1
Star Gazer Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Disagree. Some people - like myself - are natural huggers. I hug a lot; men and women. Same here. I'm a hugger. I hug dates, platonic friends, guys who are somewhere in the middle... and I get annoyed at little, half, or one-armed hugs. Give me a big hug with a tight squeeze, or none at all.
Els Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Depends a lot on the culture and the girl herself. If you know her well and/or you've seen her hugging randomly a lot, then probably would be okay. Personally I was raised very traditional, so the only males I've hugged have been relatives and guys I was dating (though I've hugged lots of females). So yeah, I'd be very weirded out if a platonic male friend tried to hug me, even though I'm currently in a place with a pretty huggy culture. Hence the need to know the girl if you're gonna initiate hugs as a guy, IMO.
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