The Sad Truth

[Kaiten]

Hello,

 

(At the outset i must admit that I am 21 and i have no college degree yet)

 

I was a correctional officer for almost a year last year (2012). I hated my job. And i wanted to quit about six months in. The reason i stayed was because of the money. Working in jail was a major suppressor on every other aspect of my life. I was tired all the time, I was nearly wrecking every day i drove home, I eventually did get into a wreck while i was asleep, and my schedule was locked in indefinitely. I did the same thing week in and week out.

 

To add to all this, when i was at work i was frequently placed in a control tower, where none of the action goes on. It can be the most depressing thing to know you are capable of so much more, yet sit stuck behind a glass wall. I was so underutilized that it nearly killed me. I just could not stand it.

 

I did end up quitting. I wish i had come up with a plan before that. But i was glad to be rid of that job and to have the color in my skin back. I had saved a lot of money so i was straight for a while, but i have had no luck in getting another job. I can go back to the jail, but i wonder if i am prepared for the level of frustration and depression that comes with it.

 

The truth is, I want to be a writer. Since i have been unemployed, I have been writing a book. Im less than halfway done though and it looks to be a long book. My mentor called and told me I shouldnt have quit because i had a job that paid good money. And that i shouldnt work anywhere else. He is like a father figure to me but one thing that has always bothered me is that he has never supported any of my vision.

 

My dream job is to be a motivational speaker/life coach. But right now its hard to give myself a pep talk. Let alone anyone else. I'll get my head straight though. I originally wanted to work at a fast food joint until i finished my first book but my mentor is really disappointed in me right now and he's the only person who shows that they give a damn about me (im an orphan). But it kinda hurts that he doesnt support anything that i love.

 

He recommends that i return to the jail for about a year and a half to get on my feet. I can understand that. But he always says with it "Dont worry about breakdancing, dont worry about martial arts, dreams, or girls, or fun. Only work.

 

I totally understand why he would say this. Im not an idiot. But what is my life apart from these things? Is this all work and no passion template the only model for success? Do you guys have any tips for me as to how to keep my dreams alive as i go about getting on my feet? What can i do besides work? Any ways that you can recommend for me to pay the bills and work towards my dreams? Hey, im all about practical here. But i dont want to go back into such a dreary, directionless existence.

Edited April 13, 2013 by Kaiten
added my age

[dasein]

Sorry for your experience, but wouldn't a control tower type job in a jail be a great place to write? I mean you probably couldn't have your own notebook computer in there, but at least a pen and paper?