Is he Jealous or Insecure?

[gurlybecca]

Ok so this guy I am dating calls me like 5 times last night because I was supposed to come over but I ended up falling asleep and didn't hear my phone. So I woke up this morning for work and there were 5 messages from him, the first one was casual telling me he was leaving the fire station and for me to bring a movie, the second one was a hey call me back I am waiting for you, the third, fourth and fifth was um I hope you are ok and didn't get into an accident on the freeway or some thing else bad happened to you call me back! So then I get to work this morning and I was waiting to call him because I didn't want to wake himup but he calls me instead at like 9 am and he was like are you ok? I told him what happened and he told me that he figured I was asleep after the fact of it being almost 1 am and not answering my phone, he said because you usually call me back or answer it. So then he told me that he tossed and turned all night and he was having nightmares because he was worried about me! Then we start talking more and I just reassured him that I was home and asleep and he told me well if you were at some other guys house I wouldn't care because we arent exclusive and he said that if I was to go on another date then he wouldn't care. Then I asked him if he was going to date other girls and he said that if the situation happens to come about then he probably would but he wouldn't hook up with him because he is already sleeping with me, then he said right now he is just dating me. Then I brought up the fact that he was the one that said when he first met me he was looking for a realationship and he told me yes that is still true but I am easing myself into one with you and I don't want to rush it! Ok so I am really confused was he just telling me he didn't care about me dating other guys because he didn't want to seem whipped on me? Was he saying that to act like he doesn't care all that much? Or was he saying that to find out if I would tell him that I was only planning on dating him? Everytime I go out too he says hey lets make a bet about how many guys hit on you! Then I ask why? And he says its funny to him and he likes hearing it! Is that another insecurity? PLEASE HELP!! Thanks Rebecca

[Merin]

Rebecca, to answer your question, YES! LOL Ugh!

 

To begin with IMHO when you start sleeping with someone then it NEEDS to be understood that the relationship IS exclusive.... sorry, that is my opinion.

 

Secondly, IF he didn't care IF you were at some other guys house.... yeah okay, well why is it that he called you 5x and then told you he didn't sleep out of worry for you.... not to mention IF he really didn't care IF you date someone else, then what the hell is the point in saying anything at all!

 

He likes to see how many guys hit on you.... agh! I've heard this same crap from my boyfriend who is jealous like that, and even though he says he is okay with it, it never fails to piss him off. I don't know I think in one way your guy likes that other guys think your attractive, but it is also the thing that makes him crazy.

 

Last thing here.... what an a**h*** for saying he WOULD meet other ppl if he had an interest... UGH! I mean at least he see's that sleeping with someone else wouldn't be a good idea, but for real!

 

Easing himself into a relationship with you is he? Hmmmmm I don't think so! LOL Listen if he is afraid of committment, then okay that is something that he can work on...... but seriously I just really believe that once you become intimate with someone then the relationship needs to be exclusive OR the sexual aspect of the relationship either ends or doesn't get started to begin with.

[Barby]

Okay don't flame for me my reponse..(i hope i read your thread right)

 

You didn't show up when you were supposed to meet him (VERY inconsiderate on your part) you didn't answer when he called cuz you "didn't hear" the phone...another very inconsiderate thing (especially if you'd plan to see him).

 

reassured him that I was home and asleep and he told me well if you were at some other guys house I wouldn't care because we arent exclusive and he said that if I was to go on another date then he wouldn't care. Then I asked him if he was going to date other girls and he said that if the situation happens to come about then he probably would but he wouldn't hook up with him because he is already sleeping with me, then he said right now he is just dating me. Then I brought up the fact that he was the one that said when he first met me he was looking for a realationship and he told me yes that is still true but I am easing myself into one with you and I don't want to rush it! Ok so I am really confused was he just telling me he didn't care about me dating other guys because he didn't want to seem whipped on me?

 

Okay how can you not see (from what I'm getting) that he's fishing around to see what you'll say. You DIDN'T mention re-assuring him that you didn't date other people (which I'm gathering you don't since you said you thought you two would be exclusive). You didn't tell him that you would rather not date others and hope that he would do the same. He IS obviously insecure but is trying to cover it up by saying that he'd be "ok" with it and that maybe he'd do it if the situation would come up. He made it clear he wouldn't be intimate (I doubt he'd date others if you said you wouldn't). I can't believe you two have slept together but haven't communicated about something so important.

 

Everytime I go out too he says hey lets make a bet about how many guys hit on you! Then I ask why? And he says its funny to him and he likes hearing it! Is that another insecurity? PLEASE HELP!! Thanks Rebecca

 

Maybe he's looking for an "ego stroke" (ie you saying, I don't want other guys attention, I am with YOU and only want you hitting on me, ect). Of course you should only say these things if you mean them. If you do you should let him know and see how things go from there. IMHO