sdboneil Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 But the problem is I didn't really caught in a compromising position nor in the act. They were sitting on a table and seem to talk about stuff. She kept saying it's her long time male friend but it didn't seem like she expected me to stop by. However, there are things that don't really add up: 1) In our 2 year-old relationship, I have never been introduced to this ''guy friend'' of hers. I asked my close relatives and they don't know him either. 2) Why the look of surprise in her face? However, she quickly regained composture and explained me about her friend and then the guy started talking to me normally. Is this all scripted? 3) There have been certain arguments in our relationship lately, followed by her declined towards intimacy 4) I can't find any evidence on her facebook nor her yahoo account. Usually if someone cheaters, they communicate with the third per on their primary account and always leave evidence. Is she using a different sn? 5) What was her ''friend'' doing at her house at 11 PM? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdboneil Posted April 14, 2013 Author Share Posted April 14, 2013 (edited) What significant other brings home a long-time friend of the opposite sex so late at night?? I'm seriously considering dumping her because that's too weird. Even if my a chance, she didn't really cheat, why wasn't I introduced to him? I have female friends but they all know my gf and relatives. I have nothing to hide. She keeps telling how he is undering some serious family and financial crisis and was only helping him by giving him advice. I don't know. This doesn't add up. Edited April 14, 2013 by sdboneil Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your girlfriend would have bought such a story? All the points you brought up and especially the lack of intimacy seems to indicate something that is not good. I am sure if you had come over at 1 am he still would have been at her home. I think she is sending you a clear message and it seems that she is just that much into you anymore. I wish you luck. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdboneil Posted April 14, 2013 Author Share Posted April 14, 2013 If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your girlfriend would have bought such a story?No, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure she would have reacted and called me a liar. But yes this doesn't seem good at all. This is making me wondered if I was close to catching her cheating but just came at the wrong time by either moments earlier or later. Should I dump her through phone, text or show up at her house and tell her what a liar she is? Thing is, she is going to go all her way of again explaining me about her guy friend. I wasn't totally convined but it's the way both her and guy talked to me that it made me believe her at that moment. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 You're right to suspect something inappropriate is going on. Have you asked her flat-out why, if he's such a close friend, you've never met this guy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 It's all about trust and boundaries. You've been going out with her for 2 years yet never heard of this friend *Red Flag* How many guy friends does she have and does she bring them round to her house ..just a compare and contrast because if she's not doing it with normal friends then why should she with this guy. The time..it's 11 at night, you don't bring men to your house just to talk..you can do that over the phone, obviously the face to face means there is something deeper going on She didn't tell you about it. No doubt you probably conversed during the day and she never told you he was going to drop by...had you not shown up you probably would have never found out. If her explanations dont match up then how you handle her will go a long way in how she proceeds from this point forth... You except the BS explanations and sweep it under the rug and try to forget about, if she has something going with this guy or any other guy then in the future she'll most likely act on it..why? She got away with this one without any consequences. You deal with it firmly, demand the truth she either comes clean or its over. She either confesses to something inappropriate or over stepping the boundaries and shows she's committed to the relationship, means she wants to be with you and respects you and you will put up with nothing less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 Sounds like cheating to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
troubadour Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 I think it would be wise to just end the relationship. The signs seem to be all there that she has been already cheating or is about to start doing it. Just save your dignity and cut her off. I would send her an email or text message.... it will send a clear, strong message. It's hard to let go and I can perfectly understand if you go to her house to talk face to face but most likely you will just get a ton of BS from her so why bother? If you want to get a real reaction from her, send her a short email or text message and just cut her off. Ignoring her calls and messages will take away all power from her and it will be the hardest thing for her to accept. No, you won't see any of it but it will punch her hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 (edited) It does sound pretty suspicious. It's possible that right now she's just having an emotional affair with this dude, but it's probably only a matter of time before she physically cheats (if she hasn't already). The only thing I would say though is that she brought this guy back to her house, and clearly you have acess to this house. So regardless of whether or not she expected you to be there, I would think that if she was cheating then she would want this guy as far away from you. Bringing him to her house when you could come by isn't sneaking around...which is what cheaters do. If you feel something is amiss then talk to her...but I wouldn't tell her she can't hang out with you. Personally, if you feel the need to prevent your SO from hanging out with someone then there is a HUGE problem with your relationship. Partners shouldn't have to control each other in that manner. Edited April 14, 2013 by Lauriebell82 Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 You've been with your girlfriend 2 years and never heard about this guy who she is close enough to to bring home and be his shoulder to cry on? Nah dude, there's something going on, especially if you have dwindling intimacy. You're best dumping her now. Walk and walk NOW!! Tell her you cannot except her explanation of what happened. Also tell her she crossed your boundaries and broke your trust. Do not under any circumstance allow her to weasel an excuse in there. But remember to tell her that you didnt want to do this and if she wants to come clean she needs come contact you. That way you leave the door open in case she desires to be honest in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 If my girlfriend brought home ANY guy friend (much less some mystery guy) I'd throw her ass out the door. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 But remember to tell her that you didnt want to do this and if she wants to come clean she needs come contact you. That way you leave the door open in case she desires to be honest in the future. If she comes clean just say yeah, I knew that already, thanks anyways. Do not let a cheating woman back into your life unless you are okay with this sort of drama on a regular basis. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 While it does sound awfully suspicious, I'd hesitate about jumping to conclusions. I'd keep my thoughts to myself and just ask her to explain what's going on. Ask short, open-ended questions which require her to do the talking. Hopefully you'll be able to figure out a lot, both from what she says, and her demeanor as she speaks. When people are lying they fidget, blink excessively, provide more detail than is necessary and generally have trouble making normal eye contact. It takes a very smooth operator to overcome these tendencies. If you're getting the wrong vibe from her then your options would be to draw conclusion at that time based on what little you know, or play it cool and keep your eyes and ears open. If she's carrying on with this guy it will become apparent very soon. If it was a one-time hookup it may not be so easy to figure out, but it's still likely you'll see changes in her behavior. Good luck- Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Sorry, I'm not buying her story either. You've got 2 yrs invested so I'd at least give her a chance to come clean. If she comes clean, you may have a chance to work through this. But, if she sticks to the same story, done, dump her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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