Overwhelmed.

[LindaSmiley]

I met my boyfriend on twitter a few years ago. We instantly became friends, we have so much chemistry. We've been "together" for almost 2 years. I see him every month. He's only a 2 hour drive away. Every time we're together we have so much fun. We're planning on moving in with each other this fall. I honestly love him & I want to marry him one day but we have a few issues.

 

In the beginning I was very insecure, I still have some insecurities but I think that it has to do with the distance but I can honestly say it's gotten so much better & I feel confident in us but I can't say the same for my boyfriend.

He's constantly checking through my facebook & my emails. He ALWAYS finds something. I know I've made mistakes but I have never cheated. I know how it feels & I would never.

In the very beginning I was still talking to this guy I went to school with & he was very vulgar/sexual.. I didn't do anything to stop it. (I know I was completely wrong) I felt so guilty even tho I never did anything with this guy. - we got through it but he'll never give up the chance to use it against me because he knows how guilty I felt.

Last year he was texting some girl & lied to me about it. When I found out it hurt me because he lied.. plus i felt even more insecure because she was skinnier, she showed so much skin. I felt ugly compared to her & since then I've dropped it because he'll bring up things that I've done.

After that we got into this huge fight because my ex messaged me over facebook (i ignored it) He saw it & flipped out. Yelled at me for not blocking him.

A few months later I searched for my ex to get in contact with his sister because she has a few books of mine. He completely blew it out of proportion. All he kept saying was that " I want him back" Which is absolutely not the case. I just wanted my stuff back. I let it go. I didn't get my books, I dropped it for the sake of my boyfriend.

 

After that happened EVERY little thing that has to do with other guys means that I'm cheating or that I'm "looking for something new"

He went through old emails found an old email from some guy months ago that I ignored. After that he's ALWAYS going through everything. I get so angry because I hate fighting. I do everything I can to show him that I'm faithful. I deleted my twitter account, deleted almost all my friends on facebook except for family & close friends. I let him check my phone. I don't even text anyone except for him.

 

He has an issue with the relationship I have with my step-dad. He says it's weird how close we are. He doesn't like that I hug & kiss him. (This man is the only father figure I have!) I'm close with my male cousins.. they're like my brothers & they are very vulgar, immature & inappropriate but those are my family members! I'm a very loving person. I always hug my family & kiss them that's just me but I feel like I'm changing for my boyfriend & it puts a strain on all my other relationships.

He even goes through conversations I have with my best friend & my mom!! I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I need to just talk to my best friend about certain things.. not I'm trying to hide anything but I wanna have the relationship I have with my best friend.

I don't know what to do.

All my friends tell me to break it off but I wanna be with him. I love him. He doesn't let me go out. He doesn't let me drink & go to parties. I honestly don't mind not going out but I just wish he would at least trust me. I feel like he thinks I'm gonna sleep with every man i encounter. I'm so committed to this relationship. I want to fix us. I just need help.

 

The fact that we're so far apart is an issue but these insecurities distance us so much more. I keep telling myself that things will get better when we move in together because he'll be able be around but at the same time I want us to be good before we take this big step forward. Everyone is telling me to find better but that just isn't an option for me. I gave my heart to this man & I don't wanna take the easy route.