Here is my story

[quietlyboiling22]

Hey everyone. I just joined, and here's my situation.

 

I met the MM when I was on a school trip overseas. He's a law student at the college I am currently attending. Anyway, we met, and I developed a crush on him almost immediately. I thought he was single, and he gave no indication otherwise. So I acted on my feelings, and we started a sexual relationship. I would not have done so if I had known he wasn't single, and no, I didn't ask. I was naïve.

 

So we had an A for a month or so, while we were overseas together. We spent almost every day together, talking and just sitting together for hours. I found out that he had a girlfriend about 2 weeks in. I was going to confront him about it, and then I found out that his girlfriend was actually his fiancé. I have never felt so awful in my life. I have never felt so used. I confronted him, asking him why he hadn't just told me. He said some crap about how he'd not intended to hurt anyone. He also said that he believed that if you had an affair overseas, it didn't count (remember this). I should've broken everything off then, but I have honestly never felt the way I feel about him with anyone else. I know it's stupid. But part of me didn't care about his fiancé, or about his lies. He said so many things to me that I'd been longing to hear, made me feel special and sexy and beautiful.

 

Anyway, so at the end of the trip he asked me to stay in touch. We e-mailed back and forth for the 6 months or so that he was still overseas and I was back in the states at school. I assumed that the sexual part of our relationship was over, and that we were just going to be friends. His e-mails were always friendly, and flirtatious, and sometimes with innuendo. When he got back to the US, he told me he wanted to see me the first week I came back to school. We didn't get together for a month or so, because he cancelled on me several times. We finally got together for coffee, and I had no expectations that anything would happen. It went great, and he asked to see me again. We saw each other again the next week, and he dropped me off at my place. I invited him upstairs, like an idiot, though I didn't think he was interested in starting up sex with me again (remember the whole "overseas" clause mentioned earlier). He kept asking me what I wanted, and I said "there's a difference between what I want to do and what I should do." We kissed. We didn't do anything else that time, but we met up again the next week and resumed our sexual A.

 

He spends several hours with me, one day a week. He holds me, talks about how much he enjoys spending time with me, and he compliments me a lot. Sometimes he says things that make me think he feels something deeper for me, but I don't want to let myself get my hopes up.

 

Anyway. I know I need to end it. It can't go anywhere. But I have deep feelings for him, and it's so hard. I've tried once to end things, by just cutting off all communication, but finally I gave in and texted him back. After that he became very attentive and said that he would be very upset (devastated) if I didn't want to "talk" to him anymore. I know he's using me.

 

Please help me.

[TaserTag]

You know that this guy is a liar, that he's using you, and that he's a cheater who rationalizes his bad behavior with stupid sayings like "cheating on my fiancee with you doesn't matter when it's out of the country ." I don't know how you can even stand to be around him. He sounds like a real jackass.

 

The compliments and attention he gives you are lies, just like everything else. He doesn't respect you, or else he wouldn't lie to you and use you as his girl on the side. You meet him on his terms, when he wants to sleep with you. It's a relationship that doesn't have trust or something deeper... Even if he told you that he wanted to be your Real Boyfriend, how are you going to ever trust a guy who has rules made up in his head for when cheating isn't really cheating for him?

Edited April 15, 2013 by TaserTag

[Spark1111]

want to know how beautiful, special and sexy he REALLY thinks you ARE?

 

STOP having sex with him. See how often he continues to call and compliment and blah, blah, blah.

 

Men will DO and SAY anything to get laid. Didn't your Mama teach you that?

 

The man WHO TRULY LOVES YOU is the one who will not only wait a long time for physical intimacy, he would NEVER put you in a position of jeopardizing

Your integrity.

[Summer Breeze]

Hey everyone. I just joined, and here's my situation.

 

I met the MM when I was on a school trip overseas. He's a law student at the college I am currently attending. Anyway, we met, and I developed a crush on him almost immediately. I thought he was single, and he gave no indication otherwise. So I acted on my feelings, and we started a sexual relationship. I would not have done so if I had known he wasn't single, and no, I didn't ask. I was naïve.

 

So we had an A for a month or so, while we were overseas together. We spent almost every day together, talking and just sitting together for hours. I found out that he had a girlfriend about 2 weeks in. I was going to confront him about it, and then I found out that his girlfriend was actually his fiancé. I have never felt so awful in my life. I have never felt so used. I confronted him, asking him why he hadn't just told me. He said some crap about how he'd not intended to hurt anyone. He also said that he believed that if you had an affair overseas, it didn't count (remember this). I should've broken everything off then, but I have honestly never felt the way I feel about him with anyone else. I know it's stupid. But part of me didn't care about his fiancé, or about his lies. He said so many things to me that I'd been longing to hear, made me feel special and sexy and beautiful.

 

Anyway, so at the end of the trip he asked me to stay in touch. We e-mailed back and forth for the 6 months or so that he was still overseas and I was back in the states at school. I assumed that the sexual part of our relationship was over, and that we were just going to be friends. His e-mails were always friendly, and flirtatious, and sometimes with innuendo. When he got back to the US, he told me he wanted to see me the first week I came back to school. We didn't get together for a month or so, because he cancelled on me several times. We finally got together for coffee, and I had no expectations that anything would happen. It went great, and he asked to see me again. We saw each other again the next week, and he dropped me off at my place. I invited him upstairs, like an idiot, though I didn't think he was interested in starting up sex with me again (remember the whole "overseas" clause mentioned earlier). He kept asking me what I wanted, and I said "there's a difference between what I want to do and what I should do." We kissed. We didn't do anything else that time, but we met up again the next week and resumed our sexual A.

 

He spends several hours with me, one day a week. He holds me, talks about how much he enjoys spending time with me, and he compliments me a lot. Sometimes he says things that make me think he feels something deeper for me, but I don't want to let myself get my hopes up.

 

Anyway. I know I need to end it. It can't go anywhere. But I have deep feelings for him, and it's so hard. I've tried once to end things, by just cutting off all communication, but finally I gave in and texted him back. After that he became very attentive and said that he would be very upset (devastated) if I didn't want to "talk" to him anymore. I know he's using me.

 

Please help me.

 

Bolded. And he is using you. As KS said he lied to you. He drew you into a false world and fed you probably more lies than his then GF. He wasn't falling for you. He never intended to leave for you. He says he'll be devastated if you don't talk to him anymore. I ask you to go and read some of the threads here about closure and OW who have MM that almost disappear off the planet when they have a dday. He won't care that you're devastated because he won't talk to you anymore.

 

Your last line says it all. I know he's using me. Honey, he can't use you if you don't let him.

 

It's tough. You will be devastated. You'll probably break NC a few times. He'll probably chase you down and look for ways to keep things going. And he will still be using you if you give into him. If you can't say goodbye right off then get some of your power back. You see him once a week? The next day you're supposed to be meeting you tell him you can't make it. You have plans. If he asks what they are tell him they are none of his concern. If you normally have a few calls a day, don't pick one of them up. Let him come second in your life. He shouldn't be your priority if you're not his.

 

Keep writing here. You may not be able to end things for months but you may find the strength here to figure out how to do it and then how to stick by it.

 

Good luck.