Desire for simplicity vs being driven/tenacious

[Emilia]

I'll probably need help to flesh this out.

 

I want to understand what drives you, what makes you tenacious.

 

A lot of the time I would like a much simpler life. My life is not emotionally complicated but as soon as it settles into a pattern, I need to seek the next thing that makes me feel I make the most of it. Until I find that solution, I feel very anxious that borders on fear - quite possibly what people call fear of failure.

 

I always feel I should make the most of my career and/or the assets I have. Made a very recent decision to get a biggish property project on the go and even though I don't feel my job is secure, the fact that I'm doing something to move myself forward has made me feel relaxed straight away. I don't mind the amount of work or responisibily that comes with the property project.

 

I know once it's over, I will start looking for the next thing and I'll stress again, simultaneously dreaming of living in the country having a simple life. Yet I can't make myself do that.

 

Can you relate to this at all?

[Crusoe]

I'll probably need help to flesh this out.

 

I want to understand what drives you, what makes you tenacious.

 

A lot of the time I would like a much simpler life. My life is not emotionally complicated but as soon as it settles into a pattern, I need to seek the next thing that makes me feel I make the most of it. Until I find that solution, I feel very anxious that borders on fear - quite possibly what people call fear of failure.

 

I always feel I should make the most of my career and/or the assets I have. Made a very recent decision to get a biggish property project on the go and even though I don't feel my job is secure, the fact that I'm doing something to move myself forward has made me feel relaxed straight away. I don't mind the amount of work or responisibily that comes with the property project.

 

I know once it's over, I will start looking for the next thing and I'll stress again, simultaneously dreaming of living in the country having a simple life. Yet I can't make myself do that.

 

Can you relate to this at all?

 

I think so. I hate the thought of a wasted life, of not trying my best.

 

There's a distinct pattern in my life of pushing myself too hard, either burning out or getting injured, deciding to chill for a while, ending up bouncing off walls in almost a cabin fever kind of thing, then taking on another project and pushing myself too hard again.

 

Have always had the same dream, simple life in the country and to be honest, I'm pretty much in a position where I could do it but there's a nagging thought "what the f*ck do I do after that?". Got to have a bunny to chase.

 

Not so bad nowadays, enough knocks and bumps taught me find a better balance. My golf helps too, I enter various regional or national tourneys each year and they are my bunnies. Love the routine of practise and the concentration of mind required. Love preparing myself mentally and physically for a big event. Love the anticipation and then stress, pressure and test of competing at that level, even though it's a level at which I no longer truly belong. In fact, I think I enjoy it more now it's no longer easy. The kicks I get out of that allow the rest of my life to be more tempered.

 

I don't look too deep at why I'm like this, as far as I am concerned if I'm thinking too much it's a sign I need to get off my arse and get busy.

 

My Mother always used to say if I were a dog I'd be a border collie. That'll do for me, no need to know more, just let the dog see the rabbit.

[lavenderlove]

I think I can relate to this.

 

I feel like I am not even alive unless I am tackling some major challenge. This attitude has pushed me to try and do amazing things and not settle with mediocre solutions, it drained me completely many times and gives me constant drive. Physiologically it is not even about success or what ethical purpose I am working towards, I can't live without the sense of striving and cannot just settle in for the easy times.

 

But it makes me wonder why can't I just relax and be like most people I know. They have more time, freedom and peace. And often better finances, because they don't risk so much. And I sometimes envy them.

 

I am not looking for having a "simple life", I know it is impossible. I would just be happy with some more balance.

[Emilia]

Love the anticipation and then stress, pressure and test of competing at that level, even though it's a level at which I no longer truly belong. In fact, I think I enjoy it more now it's no longer easy. The kicks I get out of that allow the rest of my life to be more tempered.

 

[...]

 

My Mother always used to say if I were a dog I'd be a border collie. That'll do for me, no need to know more, just let the dog see the rabbit.

 

That's smart and probably true about finding your balance.

 

I get compared to a rotweiler but I see myself more like a jack russell that keeps snapping at ankles and doesn't let go

[Emilia]

But it makes me wonder why can't I just relax and be like most people I know.

Me too.

They have more time, freedom and peace. And often better finances, because they don't risk so much. And I sometimes envy them.

 

Don't you feel that financially (even if long term) you are achieving? Or better career prospects? Or something else measurable?

[lavenderlove]

If I look at my work long term it is very promising, a little could take me a long way. It is still is the investment stage, just starting to look after itself.

 

When I say I envy stability I mean when people go to work, go home, forget about it. The company goes down, they may lose their job, but not investment and half their life.

It's like when I look at my dad, a really amazing entrepreneur, he gains a lot, loses a lot, gains a lot loses a lot. Now he did end on a relatively high note (not the top) now that he has retired but it has been snakes and ladders.

Our old neighbour, now a very good family friend is an entirely different kind of person. He works long hours as an employee, and made smart low risk choices on the way, gaining more step by step little by little. Constant growth.

So this is the kind of security I sometimes crave, but then I know I can't do it.

 

Career prospects are looking very good, as a byproduct of doing my own business I could get exciting jobs and this is a good plan B, which hopefully I will never have to take.

 

Love preparing myself mentally and physically for a big event. Love the anticipation and then stress, pressure and test of competing at that level, even though it's a level at which I no longer truly belong. In fact, I think I enjoy it more now it's no longer easy. The kicks I get out of that allow the rest of my life to be more tempered.

 

I hate competition and stress. I work the best calm, and undisturbed by the outside world. Hence my craving of stability and peace.

It is interesting how we all deal with pressure differently.

 

Right now I am in a bit of a ditch actually, because I left an 8 year relationship and it is a bit of an effort to function in daily life.

So posting under this thread helped me to regain my composure by reconfirming the priorities in my life. Thanks guys!

 

Emilia, have our posts been helpful?

[Emilia]

It's like when I look at my dad, a really amazing entrepreneur, he gains a lot, loses a lot, gains a lot loses a lot. Now he did end on a relatively high note (not the top) now that he has retired but it has been snakes and ladders.

Our old neighbour, now a very good family friend is an entirely different kind of person. He works long hours as an employee, and made smart low risk choices on the way, gaining more step by step little by little. Constant growth

So this is the kind of security I sometimes crave, but then I know I can't do it.

 

I don't think it has to be one or the other. I know people who have worked their way up as entrepreneurs steadily rather than in the 'boom and bust' fashion that your father seemed to - but still with excitement on the way. I'm steadily employed but have bits going on on the side, my mother runs her own business (have done so for about 20 years) and she hasn't had major downs so far (touch wood).

 

I'm with you on competition too: I don't always enjoy it. In some cases I do. I think I'm probably a bad loser.

 

Right now I am in a bit of a ditch actually, because I left an 8 year relationship and it is a bit of an effort to function in daily life.

So posting under this thread helped me to regain my composure by reconfirming the priorities in my life. Thanks guys!

 

Emilia, have our posts been helpful?

 

That's good that it's helping! Yes it's helping me too thank you. It's good to read different perspectives from like minded people. Though what I'm concluding is that simplicity will probably remain a fantasy

[january2011]

I do want more simplicity, but in terms of processes and my environment. If I had a house in the country, I'd still want an apartment in the city because I love the vibrancy, cultural-richness and pace of city life.

 

I read somewhere that when all you've got in your head are memories, then you're life is pretty much over. So I don't want to think that I have nothing to look forward to. I'm the kind of person who wants to try nearly everything and can flit from one project to the next, learning as much as I can before I hit a plateau of either boredom or ability.

 

Agree that you should make the most of your career while you have the energy and opportunity to do so. But yes, you do need something other than work to sink your teeth into. If you have access energy, whether emotional, mental or physical, it needs to be channelled somewhere. So why not something tangible and productive that will improve your quality of life?

[Emilia]

So why not something tangible and productive that will improve your quality of life?

 

Does it always improve your life though? Or if your character was different, would you enjoy what you have more rather than keep striving and feel the frustration that's inevitable sometimes?

[january2011]

Does it always improve your life though? Or if your character was different, would you enjoy what you have more rather than keep striving and feel the frustration that's inevitable sometimes?

 

I believe that any experience where I'm learning something new improves my life. I guess that I am indeed a person who is half empty and I'm constantly trying to fill that other half. That is, things are never good enough. But I think the world needs people like me, otherwise there wouldn't be frequent and big leaps in innovation.

 

Yes, I do feel that it's frustrating to keep striving and fighting the good fight. And while I complain, often and loudly, I mostly accept that it's par for the course.

 

Admittedly, I do envy people who are just happy with their lot and don't want to be stretched. But then there's also a sadness about them. When something devastating happens to them, they almost never recover because they don't have the resources, experience or wisdom that comes from battling nearly every day of their lives to make things better.

[Emilia]

But then there's also a sadness about them. When something devastating happens to them, they almost never recover because they don't have the resources, experience or wisdom that comes from battling nearly every day of their lives to make things better.

 

I've never thought of it this way before.

[lavenderlove]

Admittedly, I do envy people who are just happy with their lot and don't want to be stretched. But then there's also a sadness about them. When something devastating happens to them, they almost never recover because they don't have the resources, experience or wisdom that comes from battling nearly every day of their lives to make things better.

 

This is very true.

Some people are just resting deep inside and turn their back on the mental and emotional challenges that they need to resolve, so when the problems start to hit them harder in their face they don't have that many coping skills.

 

Although being happy with your lot means that you are capable of gratitude, which is a real blessing.

I think a half full glass attitude is the best, especially when you recognise that having it half full is great, but there is still more space in there.

 

When I look at my life from the perspective of what I achieved and what I learnt on the way often the mistakes that I was brave enough to make give me the most value. Instead of than having these ideas in my mind, that I wish I could do but it's too risky or hard, I jump in there, and it's feels so true and meaningful as a process. If it turns out that it wasn't the way to go, it was probably a milestone towards knowing how to do it next, and eventually things work.

 

I don't think it has to be one or the other. I know people who have worked their way up as entrepreneurs steadily rather than in the 'boom and bust' fashion that your father seemed to - but still with excitement on the way. I'm steadily employed but have bits going on on the side, my mother runs her own business (have done so for about 20 years) and she hasn't had major downs so far (touch wood).

 

I agree with you on this point, and merging the two somehow is the kind of balance I am aiming for. I am naturally becoming more careful with my decisions, more so than in the beginning.