She dumped me but I still love her

[loco_love]

My heart is broken just like many of yours are, and I don't know what to do. I was dating this most wonderful girl for two years. It started just as we graduated from college. We both had the same goals in college. In other words, we have the same major. So, we spent tons of time together.

 

As you spend tons of time with someone, you sometimes get "bored". Oh, did I so. I hate to say this but I was a typical guy. Did not show her the love that she deserved. She did so much for me, and I still had the guts to basically spit in her face. I didn't mean to. I was more of like not appreciative of her. She was my first real girlfriend, and I made many mistakes. Mistakes like saying "I'm sorry" when I was supposed to, and telling her how beautiful she looked and I loved her. I was being a dumbass.

 

When she broke up with me, she said it was something that she was dealing with for six months already. I knew it. I screwed up six months prior to that and I never made an attempt to fix it. I kept blaming my mistakes with the divorce of my parents. I was all screwed up, and didn't pay attention to her. I thought that she will understand.

 

Six months was around January. As the semester ended, we both got internships. However, mine was in Oregon and hers was in Chicago. That was going to be a true test for both of us. The first week away from home is always the toughest. She left before me, so I was still home during her first week in Chicago. She left with two other friends of hers. She would call me all sad and wanting support. I was busy with my stuff, and basically told her to be tough and things will get better.

 

So, then it was my turn. I was in Oregon. It was not the ideal situation at all. No car, small town, and crappy apartment. So, I naturally got depressed. I tried calling her. She was already accustomed to Chicago, so she said she couldn't talk to me that much because she was "busy". What she was really doing was deciding whether being with me was healthy for her. During this time, I was realizing how much I really did love her and needed her. How much I screwed up and was angry with myself. I wanted to say I'm sorry and show her as soon as possible how much I loved her. I love her! She has been the best thing that has happend to me in my life, and I treated her like ****.

 

A week passes by without any calls or anything, and she calls me and says we need to talk. That is never good. She gave me the story that I just gave you. She had been feeling like this for six months already and finally realized or had the guts to leave me. Just as I realized how much I needed her, she realized how much she didn't need me.

 

I was devastated. All I wanted to do all summer was to go to her. Try to somehow be with her. I wrote her letters telling her how much I loved her and the realizations I made. I asked her to be with me again but she kept saying that once it is over it is over. She didn't want to give me another chance.

 

We kept a friendly correspondence during the summer. As we finally came back home, I wanted to see her. She kept coming up with excuses to meet up with me. So, the first time I saw her was in class. Damn, how beautiful did she look. I tried to give her her space, but having many classes together and activites together, we still had to interact quite a bit. I tried not to make it uncomfortable for her. I tried talking to her about all this about three times. Everytime in private and we both agreed to talk about it. The same results, she didn' want me back.

 

During this time, I start seeing something. One of the guys she left with to Chicago has become very close with her. You get these instincts, is she seeing this guy? I didn't want to say or do anything because I felt that maybe it was just a jealous ex-boyfriend thing going on. However, it just kept getting more and more obvious. All she talked about was things they did together and stuff they talked about. I finally confronted her about it, but didn't demand answers or anything. She said they were close friends, and I believed her. But the more and more I see them together, it is hard to believe.

 

I love her and want to be with her again. We talk really good. Yet, when I try talking to her about us, she just says no. What should I do? Her love is all I want. I am afraid she will end up with this guy. She probably already is. any advice. Thanks.

[prevch]

let it go.

It sucks majorly I am going through the same thing. Agree with her that the break up was best act like you don't care and move on. This will do one of two things

 

 

1. She will have time to be away from and realize she wants to be with you

2. You will eventually get over her and move on with your life

 

I wish u Heaven

[Splatty]

loco_love,

 

Your young still, I know you may not believe it right now but you will have another love. I dealt with my first love the same way, I wanted to get back together so bad and I waited for her for a year. You can hope to get back together but don't put your life on hold as long as I did.

 

It is totally natural to take the person closest to you for granted, learn from your mistake.

 

Another thing is that if you continously talk about "us" as a couple with her, she will never feel her space and knows you are just around the corner waiting to get back together. Also you making realizations about the relationship is great but she is the one who really needs to make the realizations. Another thing I found with me is the more I talked, email and saw the ex the hard it was for me to let go.

 

Hopefully some of my mistakes will help you out.

 

Good luck to you. Hopefully her new "friend" won't last long and she will see how special you were.

[backspn]

I agree with splatt and of course prevch....u have to let go to move on. When soldiers were in war...they had to realize that they were already dead before they could deal with everyday life on the battlefield. We are in a battlefield too.....you have to come to the realization that you will NEVER be with her again then you can move on and have the chance with her again.....make any sense? Once you do this you can move on and it is VERY liberating.....like being realeased from the chains of bondage. The bondage is the hold she has on your life. I know this cause I have come to the realization that I might only ever be just her friend and nothing more....and I am now starting to do things again FOR ME!!!! I promise you....do this and in 30 days you'll be 100% better than u are now. Remember....you CANNOT have her back. The sooner you realize this the better you'll be...right Prevch??

[prevch]

agreed.

Live life with the assumption that she is never coming back. There is nothing you can do to change her mind at this point so you may as well let it go.

 

Sorry man it sucks

[loco_love]

Thanks for helping me see that, she is more than likely not coming back. thanks, guys. I knew that all along, but I didn't want to believe it. I still care and all, but I want to move on. Which means I want to meet new people. Yet, I don't want to hurt another girl while I might still have feelings for my ex.

 

As you all know, I broken heart puts somebody into a big depression. I don't want to feel like this anymore, and I feel that by meeting some new people I can get some happiness back. So, my question is, should I tell the girl that I will hopefully meet about my ex and my feelings? I would not like to keep things from her. I am going to be faithful and all, but I feel like I will still have some thoughts about my ex. I am trying to keep away and forget, but seeing her every other day makes it hard.

 

Again, thanks for the advice.

[backspn]

Im not saying she is NEVER coming back....dont give up on love. Im just saying that you have to move on in order for her to come back. Get what I mean? But by then you might be over her....oh well....her loss.