what do you think?

[loquita1]

I'm gonna be short and to the point. please help.

H and I have been separated since July 2012. This entire time we have been civil to eachother, still do family things together. We have kept our separation from everyone except our close family and our bosses. We wanted to try to work on it w/out 3rd parties getting involved. We went to therapy, we seemed to go in circles and it really didn't get us anywhere. We went to a weekend retreat with other couples and it was ok. when it seemed liked it was getting better we started it up again. We have then had post sessions. He you can tell does not want to attend them. he works part time and so we missed a couple.

I still consider him my h and i have attempted to do everything to get our family back together. the last week ive felt him distant and well we hit a really really bad place.

This Friday he was unavailable to me, and i was very upset. On Saturday i gave him the silent treatment because i didn't want to deal w/it. After picking up our son (we have a 4 year old that he sees daily and also lives near by) i was very cold with him. i thought of the worst. i thought he was w/someone else.

i received a text 1hr after i picked up my son that said " I apoligize about last night, I am sorry i let you down. When you are ready i will explain my actions to you but i will give you your space until you are ready to talk" I became super upset and told him off. i told him he ruined our family that all he thought was about himself. and in the txt wars back and forth i said "no one believes in you, you never let anyone truly in. get help!" i didn't mean that no one believed in him. what i meant to say was that he believes no one truly believes in him, that his family doesn't love him and that everyone in general doesn't like him. he isn't the easiest person to get along with. he has taken this and ran with it.

the next day he explained he went to this guys house and drank and passed out. this guy is also a neighbor of his mom whom he doesn't speak to. as he tells me the story i believe him. one of the couples that went to the weekend retreat was there. now i feel bad.

he wants a divorce now.

all i want is my family back. i love him but did i go to far? help.

our problems have been

money, sex, family (he not having any coming into a very transitional family)

this morning he picked me up to go to work and he told me he is almost sure he knows he is done. i held back and didn't say much.

ive always been a very strong person but i find myself so weak at this time in my life. why!?

[Gunny376]

I would suggest you pull back and re-group and quit trying so damn hard to fix something so quickly that didn't come about over-night and that's going to take time to fix.

 

I think you need to employ the 180's and I think you need to quit being "a fool and get back into school' and start seriously educating at least yourself about what it takes to make any marriage/relationship.

 

I think you should seriously give him the gift of missing him.

 

I think you should quit imagining things out of thin air. Letting your immagination run amok.

 

I think you should seriously give some thought to whether you can continue to function with this man ~ let alone live with him an stay married. (Sounds like to me he has emotional maturity/committment/communication issues)

 

Just a couple of thoughts of mine off the top of my head?

[aMguilts]

separated since july 2012?

 

but still married?

and still together?

 

i`m confused

 

you are either married and together or you aren`t

One of you needs to start being the adult and except thats its OVER

 

as you are the 1 posting here i`ll suggest that it be you

 

he`s told you he wants a divorce?

say to him ` ok , i agree with you, our marriage isn`t going anywhere. we should get a divorce. i`ll await your petition`

 

aM

[loquita1]

thank you both for the honest opinion.

 

I understand you opinion and will take it into consideration.

its very difficult being in this position.

my feelings feel like a roller coaster and i guess i just need others advice and read others stories on how they dealt with the separation.

i am still in love w/my h and that is why i'm having such a hard time with this.

[Shocked Suzie]

thank you both for the honest opinion.

 

I understand you opinion and will take it into consideration.

its very difficult being in this position.

my feelings feel like a roller coaster and i guess i just need others advice and read others stories on how they dealt with the separation.

i am still in love w/my h and that is why i'm having such a hard time with this.

 

As I said to you in your previous post in coping...you need head space, your confusion is because you aren't allowing yourself time to think, look at the situation from the outside in...as has already been said, one of you needs to let go. Your dragging yourself through daily turmoil and have been doing this for too long, yes you love him still, yes you want him back....that's not gonna happen while your letting him walk in n out of your life the way he is atm, that's proved itself already because it's not working....ground rules, get tough for YOU xxx

[aMguilts]

thank you both for the honest opinion.

 

I understand you opinion and will take it into consideration.

its very difficult being in this position.

my feelings feel like a roller coaster and i guess i just need others advice and read others stories on how they dealt with the separation.

i am still in love w/my h and that is why i'm having such a hard time with this.

 

your feelings will feel like that, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and so on...

 

i have NO doubt at all that you still love him, and probably always will

 

bottom line? he wants a divorce

give it to him

 

hugs

aM