My life: Dad, fiancé. Looking for kind words/

[Lovely.Lady]

I will forewarn you that this is quite lengthy but if you can finish it and are maybe in a similar situation or have words of wisdom.... Well that's why I'm here.

 

First off, my mother is an alcoholic and basically tore my family apart when I was 3. My dad ended up getting a job transfer and we moved to another state at age 5 when the custody was finalized. She came back in my life at age 8 and my kindhearted dad allowed me to see her on breaks even though I hardly knew this woman. Anyhow, my point is that he has been my rock my whole life. He does travel a lot for his job and our kind elderly neighbor who happened to run a home daycare became my "grandma" as she was basically my second guardian.

 

My dad met my stepmom around age 7 and her daughter was 3 years old at the time. I can't tell you why, but the girlfriend and I never got along, fighting for daddy's attention, mostly ignoring each other. Fast forward 11 years, they have purchased a home and we've been living together 3 years. By then, I was 18, my stepsister 14 and we got along like real sisters I love that girl! But my stepmom is very particular about her home and has weekly cleaning rituals (like I do now, and I honestly thank her for that) but at the time I was working nights in fast food and trying to get graduation over with so we clashed heads about the schedule when it really shouldn't have been a big deal.

 

So while I was in between finals and graduation, all I had to do was work and spend time with friends! So my best girl friend introduced me to my now fiancé who was 27 at the time. (Here you see the new rising tide)

Being the "big bad adult" and all, one day I decided that I didn't have to deal with dad's bitchy wife and I am independent. A "you'll never make it" was said, responded with an "F!@# you, I'm out of here" and I moved into my girlfriends spare room in her apartment.

 

Dad calls me, I hadn't said bye, and told me that I chose a man I hardly know over him and I told him he chose his wife over me. Didn't talk for 2 months. But the fire died down and he agreed to pay for my first semester of college as long as I was willing to do the work. I agreed also. Wasn't for me and completed 1 year.

 

2 years later I am 20 and my fiancé and dad have spend a good 7 days of "quality" man on man time. Since my man is a bit older, he is very educated, mature, and has had conversations with my dad that are very intellectual.

 

Background: although my dad and I have always had each other, he is very to himself and even now as an adult, I honestly don't know how to converse with him other than the work, school, blah blah BS. Also I speak to my mom as a best friend as we have established that trust more as far as advice and her life experiences because she never really parented me.

 

But my man and I moved 6 hrs. away for his job and my dad visited us andsaid he is really happy for us!

In recent months, my department was closed and my fiancé is slow at work so money is tight. We are investing in a home business that I will NOT be specific about, just that my dad disproves and wants me to go I school and get a BS job I hate. Call me a brat but I am done dealing with people for $12/hr when this new industry involves just my fiancé and me for ten times the money!

When it does start paying I do plan on going to school again because I do love learning but it will not be as soon as my dad likes.

 

MAIN POINT: My dad and fiancé are doing a skeet shoot next weekend in our hometown and we will be there the whole weekend. I really want to have a heart to heart with my dad just to explain that I am me and want to make him proud and happy but only feel like a disappointment. He also told a close relative that he thinks that my man is going to leave me.... I'm too young to get married he thinks but come on he knows this guy is dependable so why the hurtful comment? I think he thinks my fiancée doesn't care about school which is COMPLETELY untrue! It was my choice and mine alone to abandon studies. My fiancé has a 6 yo daughter my dad has met also so why would he say this man will probably leave me?? The REASON I love my man so much is because him loving his daughter reminds me of how much my dad loves and cares and wants the best for me no matter what. Hence "We marry our fathers".... in my case anyway. My man is successful and established in his career and has and never will let us starve. Heck we have 2 dogs and just bought a mountain home!

 

Nervous but want to be brave! I want to show my dad I'm still everything he wants in his daughter. Thanks I'm drained.

Edited April 15, 2013 by Lovely.Lady
Additional critical info

[Weathergirl]

Hi.

If it was me, I would talk to my dad calmly and tell him exactly how you feel. I fell-out with my mum over something trivial a few years back, and we didn't talk for 3 months. It's possibly the biggest regret I have in my life, having now lost her. You dad just wants what is best for you, to this day. Ask him why he made that comment if you can't understand where it's come from, you will feel better for getting your thoughts and feelings out. All the best.

[WhoreyBull]

I think your dad is probably very worried because you are a young girl who got herself into a bit of an "instant life" situation over an argument.

I personally think you are, indeed, too young to marry and probably have not dated or even interacted with enough men to know what you want in a life partner. I know nothing about you when I say that of course, I am just going by straight up "20 years" is not enough time to know what you want in life. And if you found what you want now, that means you found it when you were a teen and, well, maybe you just want it now... I think your life goals/expectations/hopes will change dramatically in the next 5 years.

But anyways, ok, so you are ready to settle down.... now wait, REALLY, are you ready to settle down? The way I see it, if you guys don't even have a solid life set up (i.e no set careers) but are already trying to live a "family life" that's a scary thing. Especially to a parent watching you do this.

This man has a child, and with the financial pressures of a new home business, a little girl, and a wedding can you see how tensions could be running very very high if left un-noted? If you aren't looking at the love you can see little problems bubbling under the surface. You need to make sure that pressure doesn't build.

I know you have "2 dogs" but people have left a lot more for a lot less. And a child doesn't mean someone will sty. If anything, being a parent of a young child from another marriage is a good reason not to get married in my opinion.

 

Have a heart to heart with your dad and your fiance. See your father's points. Be realistic.

Edited April 21, 2013 by WhoreyBull