Boyfriend Stole Money From My Wallet?

[TKizz]

Hi all, I'm new to this site! I have a horrible habit of Googling my life problems, and this website kept popping up for relationship things, so I thought I'd give it a go!

 

Okay, so...this morning, I had found that $20 was missing out of my wallet. Now, this has happened before...quite a number of times. Unfortunately, since my boyfriend now has only a part-time job, I've taken to counting my money in my wallet before I go to bed and then counting it in the morning because it has gone missing before. It's a horrible feeling to have to do that! When I came up $20 short, I was upset, but I checked my boyfriend's wallet on the table, just in case. My heart sank when, next to his own $10, a separate $20 bill was folded into the side. It wasn't hidden, but it was separate, i.e. it went in at a different time than the 10.

 

I was heartbroken because that seems PRETTY evident. I was sure that he didn't have any cash earlier in the week because he'd been using his debit card for gas.

 

When I was leaving for work, he asked me what was wrong, and I told him that $20 was missing from my wallet. He just kind of said, "Oh, no..." until I told him that I checked his and found the $20 in there.

 

"Yeah, I have a $10 in there too. My dad gave me money when I went over there yesterday because he knew I was having a hard time." Weird...his dad is out of work right now (construction), struggling, and HATES loaning money, especially to my boyfriend, because he believes you should earn everything by yourself and not ask for help. He has NEVER given him money before that I know of. And why wouldn't you say anything about it until JUST then??

 

He works nights and has to write a report about his day before he goes to bed, so he absolutely would have had time to do this. And then, he offered for me to take the $20! SUSPICIOUS. In the past he's done that, I'd be short money and he'd conveniently have a $10 or $20 or whatever was missing in his pocket and offer to give it to me. All my cash is from tips, so it's not possible to put it into the bank immediately, but I do when I get my paycheck if I haven't spent it. My boyfriend knows that I have a hard time keeping track of my cash too, and sometimes he'll ask if maybe I just counted it wrong, or suggest I spent it...and sometimes he's right, but sometimes it just doesn't add up.

 

ANYWAY, it's making me feel crazy! I'm 99% certain he stole that $20, and that he's done it before, though he always acts so sympathetic that it's missing, even when I accuse him (which, by the way, the magical missing money stays in my wallet for a few months afterwards with absolutely no incident when I've called him on it in the past). I feel that total, there have probably been about 5 times that I've suspected he took money from me. What do you guys think? How do I broach this in a way where I know 100% what happened, and how can I get him to admit it?

 

And...what do I do? I mean it's not like it's a lot of money, but it's MY money that I EARNED and that he can't even ask me to borrow! The fact that he won't fess up to it makes it even worse, but we can't talk about it if he won't even admit he's done anything!

 

P.S.: I'm 23 and he's 21, I work full-time and pay about 70% of the bills, plus groceries. He works part-time and nights.

Edited April 15, 2013 by TKizz

[Art_Critic]

I happen to have a zero tolerance for stealing and lying.

 

If you caught him, then confront him...If you don;t know for sure then file it and do nothing and I would start looking for another BF, this one lies and steals from you, that isn't cool

[StarsOnFire]

If you want proof, then I'd just mark all of my bills all the time, that way you can look and see if it has the mark or not. Not the best way to go about it, but you'd get proof. Seems like even when you ask him he lies, unless it's really you just miscounting.

 

Either way, it sucks you think your boyfriend would steal from you at all. That's not good.

[Treasa]

Ok, I probably wouldn't even be living with him, but if you really want to continue with him, you could ask him to email you or write down how much money you have each night. You can even say, "OK, I have $123 in my wallet right now. I'm going to write it down on this whiteboard right here, because we both know I'm forgetful about this kind of thing."

[tbf]

If you want proof, then I'd just mark all of my bills all the time, that way you can look and see if it has the mark or not. Not the best way to go about it, but you'd get proof. Seems like even when you ask him he lies, unless it's really you just miscounting.

 

Either way, it sucks you think your boyfriend would steal from you at all. That's not good.

When it comes to theft, an erroneous accusation could be the end of the relationship for no good reason besides miscounting. Get proof, then end it.

[KatZee]

P.S.: I'm 23 and he's 21, I work full-time and pay about 70% of the bills, plus groceries. He works part-time and nights.

 

So you're basically dating a freeloading little kid, who has no qualms stealing from you and then playing you and lying right to your face.

 

Exactly why are you with such a loser?

 

I agree with dropping it for now. Play stupid. Mark all your bills with a black permanent marker on the top corner somewhere on the bill, like a small dot. Wait for it to happen again, check the bills in his wallet if the dot is there, you have your proof. And then you can end this relationship.

[TKizz]

If you want proof, then I'd just mark all of my bills all the time, that way you can look and see if it has the mark or not. Not the best way to go about it, but you'd get proof. Seems like even when you ask him he lies, unless it's really you just miscounting.

 

Either way, it sucks you think your boyfriend would steal from you at all. That's not good.

 

You know, I thought about marking my bills when we lived with his mom too...I was ranting to him about it because ONE of them was taking from me, and then his mom got super offended...WEIRD. Sometimes I DO miscount, like the other day I asked him "I thought I had more money than this, do you know where we might have spent it?" and it was on drinks.

 

SO, when it DOES mysteriously go missing, I'm always second-guessing myself. ._. I do hate that I can't trust him about it, but I might keep the bill marking idea in mind. The only way he'd get upset about me doing it is if he looked into my wallet anyway I suppose!

[love1336x]

Oh nooooo!

You should DUMPED his LOSER self.

Sweetie, do you have children together? Is he paying your rent? If you answer both to no, then I strongly if not SUGGEST you DUMPED his sorry BUTT.

STEALING IS A BIG NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Should ALWAYS be a BIG NO NO.I put stealing same as raping, lying, and other awful things.

He's YOUR man. Him stealing from you is so LOW. C'mon now is he some homeless man wanting some food && shelter?

You're wayyy to nice to this man, and for what? Because of "love". Stop being blinded by love, and seriously dumped him.

 

What kind of relationship is this where you can't even have 20 dollars in your own purse because you will be afraid he will steal. Pshh, you can do WAY better then that.

[TKizz]

So you're basically dating a freeloading little kid, who has no qualms stealing from you and then playing you and lying right to your face.

 

Exactly why are you with such a loser?

 

I agree with dropping it for now. Play stupid. Mark all your bills with a black permanent marker on the top corner somewhere on the bill, like a small dot. Wait for it to happen again, check the bills in his wallet if the dot is there, you have your proof. And then you can end this relationship.

 

Haha, well...I have my reasons which I'm sure I'll discuss on here sometime, but you're right. If he IS taking it and doesn't feel bad about it, I don't know what to do...D=

 

The rest of our relationship has been pretty good up until about I'd say 4 months ago, but this is a big deal and it's going to take some thinking once I know for sure.

[CryForNoOne]

PRESUMING HE IS GUILTY,which sounds like all but certain...

 

How are you guys living together yet $20 is such a big effing deal??? I mean it doesn't seem to be to you, but evidently it is to him because he doesn't even ask to borrow he just steals??? The whole thing doesn't even make sense to me. By the time I live with someone, our finances are so co-mingled that anything under several hundred dollars is irrelevant... So this situation is utterly foreign to me. But it seems like there are some serious underlying trust issues.

 

1) How is there not enough trust (no blame here) that he can't even bring himself to ask you to borrow $20?

2) Why is he lying about it? That's really bad if he is doing it repeatedly. I've found in almost EVERY instance, little white lies like these are the tip of the icer berg and usually lead to the discovery of HUGE lies later. You wish it isn't so at the time so you have blinders, but that's why the say love is blind...

[TKizz]

Oh nooooo!

You should DUMPED his LOSER self.

Sweetie, do you have children together? Is he paying your rent? If you answer both to no, then I strongly if not SUGGEST you DUMPED his sorry BUTT.

STEALING IS A BIG NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Should ALWAYS be a BIG NO NO.I put stealing same as raping, lying, and other awful things.

He's YOUR man. Him stealing from you is so LOW. C'mon now is he some homeless man wanting some food && shelter?

You're wayyy to nice to this man, and for what? Because of "love". Stop being blinded by love, and seriously dumped him.

 

What kind of relationship is this where you can't even have 20 dollars in your own purse because you will be afraid he will steal. Pshh, you can do WAY better then that.

 

Lol! I like your sass... We don't have children, and he does contribute to the rent, but I could support myself without his contribution. This may sound ridiculous, but...we do have pets. xD NOT the same a children, but still! I dunno...I have a horrible habit of giving the benefit of the doubt. ._. I'm working on it, I know it can really blind you in a relationship setting or ANY type of interaction, really, if you're -too- forgiving.

[TKizz]

2) Why is he lying about it? That's really bad if he is doing it repeatedly. I've found in almost EVERY instance, little white lies like these are the tip of the icer berg and usually lead to the discovery of HUGE lies later. You wish it isn't so at the time so you have blinders, but that's why the say love is blind...

 

That's what I'm kind of afraid of...otherwise yeah, it wouldn't be a big deal. If he said, "I'm sorry, I really needed it for gas this morning and you were asleep" or something like that, I could understand. And he normally has no problem asking for money, so he just says every time anything goes missing that he would ask if he needed it, which EXPLAINS NOTHING...

[CryForNoOne]

Well you hate to end a relationship if you are actually wrong right? So sadly, the best thing for you to do is to downplay (or drop it entirely), then mark you bills etc, bait him and get proof. Then if you need to confront him and end it, you can do it with no doubt or regrets.

[miss_jaclynrae]

It wouldn't be about the money for me, it would be the stealing.

 

 

 

Get solid proof, and then I would personally ream the **** out of him.

Sealing and lying are deal breakers for me.

[TKizz]

It wouldn't be about the money for me, it would be the stealing.

 

 

 

Get solid proof, and then I would personally ream the **** out of him.

Sealing and lying are deal breakers for me.

 

Ugh, me too...WHICH SUCKS. I really love him and we do have a great time together, we make decisions together extremely well (which, despite his epic failure with finances is why I agreed we should live together), but at what point can you expect that the behavior will not change?

 

ALRIGHT. I agree with the advice here and will have to try it, thank you all!

[KatZee]

The rest of our relationship has been pretty good up until about I'd say 4 months ago, but this is a big deal and it's going to take some thinking once I know for sure.

 

What exactly is so great about the relationship? I see you as a mother to this guy. Not a girlfriend, not a partner. He doesn't seem to have any incentive to actually get a full time job, and doesn't really see any issue living with you, and only chipping in 30% for the bills.

 

Of course he's going to act however you want him to act in order to keep the cash cow going.

 

Mark your bills with a black dot. Set the bait. Make it really easy for him to be tempted. Leave your wallet out and slightly open. Leave it on the kitchen table, or somewhere he would spent significant time in. Then just go to bed. Check the wallet in the morning. You may have to do this for a little while because you already called him out and told him you went through his wallet. He may lay low for right now, but keep doing it.

[xpaperxcutx]

Ugh, me too...WHICH SUCKS. I really love him and we do have a great time together, we make decisions together extremely well (which, despite his epic failure with finances is why I agreed we should live together), but at what point can you expect that the behavior will not change?

 

ALRIGHT. I agree with the advice here and will have to try it, thank you all!

 

Worst thing you can do is live together with someone who can't even afford to pay the bills. He's freeloading off of you!!

[TKizz]

What exactly is so great about the relationship? I see you as a mother to this guy. Not a girlfriend, not a partner. He doesn't seem to have any incentive to actually get a full time job, and doesn't really see any issue living with you, and only chipping in 30% for the bills.

 

Of course he's going to act however you want him to act in order to keep the cash cow going.

 

Mark your bills with a black dot. Set the bait. Make it really easy for him to be tempted. Leave your wallet out and slightly open. Leave it on the kitchen table, or somewhere he would spent significant time in. Then just go to bed. Check the wallet in the morning. You may have to do this for a little while because you already called him out and told him you went through his wallet. He may lay low for right now, but keep doing it.

 

He was working full-time until about 2 months ago; he's been in the security guard field for probably about 6 months now and THANKFULLY it seems like he wants to stay on track with it. He quit his full-time job for this "promising" other security job that was armed and offered hands-on experience as opposed to observing and doing paperwork at the other place. The new job turns out to have a lot of illegalities that are...interesting to say the least, and he's starting to regret his decision, but I told him at the time to do what would make him happy because he was absolutely miserable at his other job (which was affecting our relationship), and I knew I could support us if the new job was part-time.

 

SO, some of your presumptions are correct, but there were quite a few there from one post on my part. I don't mind that he's working part-time, and I don't mind when he borrows money because he pays it back when he gets his check.

 

The STEALING part though, I mean it makes no sense to me! If you know I'll let you borrow the money and you have no problems asking, why take it? Part of me thinks it would be a pride thing, or maybe just to make me feel like I'm losing my mind...who knows? It's unacceptable though.

[Imajerk17]

Hi all, I'm new to this site! I have a horrible habit of Googling my life problems, and this website kept popping up for relationship things, so I thought I'd give it a go!

 

Okay, so...this morning, I had found that $20 was missing out of my wallet. Now, this has happened before...quite a number of times. Unfortunately, since my boyfriend now has only a part-time job, I've taken to counting my money in my wallet before I go to bed and then counting it in the morning because it has gone missing before. It's a horrible feeling to have to do that! When I came up $20 short, I was upset, but I checked my boyfriend's wallet on the table, just in case. My heart sank when, next to his own $10, a separate $20 bill was folded into the side. It wasn't hidden, but it was separate, i.e. it went in at a different time than the 10.

 

I was heartbroken because that seems PRETTY evident. I was sure that he didn't have any cash earlier in the week because he'd been using his debit card for gas.

 

When I was leaving for work, he asked me what was wrong, and I told him that $20 was missing from my wallet. He just kind of said, "Oh, no..." until I told him that I checked his and found the $20 in there.

 

"Yeah, I have a $10 in there too. My dad gave me money when I went over there yesterday because he knew I was having a hard time." Weird...his dad is out of work right now (construction), struggling, and HATES loaning money, especially to my boyfriend, because he believes you should earn everything by yourself and not ask for help. He has NEVER given him money before that I know of. And why wouldn't you say anything about it until JUST then??

 

He works nights and has to write a report about his day before he goes to bed, so he absolutely would have had time to do this. And then, he offered for me to take the $20! SUSPICIOUS. In the past he's done that, I'd be short money and he'd conveniently have a $10 or $20 or whatever was missing in his pocket and offer to give it to me. All my cash is from tips, so it's not possible to put it into the bank immediately, but I do when I get my paycheck if I haven't spent it. My boyfriend knows that I have a hard time keeping track of my cash too, and sometimes he'll ask if maybe I just counted it wrong, or suggest I spent it...and sometimes he's right, but sometimes it just doesn't add up.

 

ANYWAY, it's making me feel crazy! I'm 99% certain he stole that $20, and that he's done it before, though he always acts so sympathetic that it's missing, even when I accuse him (which, by the way, the magical missing money stays in my wallet for a few months afterwards with absolutely no incident when I've called him on it in the past). I feel that total, there have probably been about 5 times that I've suspected he took money from me. What do you guys think? How do I broach this in a way where I know 100% what happened, and how can I get him to admit it?

 

And...what do I do? I mean it's not like it's a lot of money, but it's MY money that I EARNED and that he can't even ask me to borrow! The fact that he won't fess up to it makes it even worse, but we can't talk about it if he won't even admit he's done anything!

 

P.S.: I'm 23 and he's 21, I work full-time and pay about 70% of the bills, plus groceries. He works part-time and nights.

 

Great, another woman on this site who "can't find a better man". I blame this all on you. You bring home a snake don't be surprised if you get bit....

[carhill]

Nothing like having some fun with ultraviolet ink and a black light. Good luck.

[TKizz]

Great, another woman on this site who "can't find a better man". I blame this all on you. You bring home a snake don't be surprised if you get bit....

 

Do I sound like I'm seeking pity or that I'm regretful of my decision? Just because you know how to quote a whole post doesn't mean you know how to read it.

[Imajerk17]

Do I sound like I'm seeking pity or that I'm regretful of my decision? Just because you know how to quote a whole post doesn't mean you know how to read it.

 

I read this thread fine. If you're living with a dude with no ambition who steals money from you, then you OUGHT TO BE regretful of your decision. That you aren't says something sad about you and your people-picker.

 

Seriously, can't you get yourself a better man?

Edited April 15, 2013 by Imajerk17

[TKizz]

I read this thread fine. If you're living with a dude with no ambition who steals money from you, then you OUGHT TO BE regretful of your decision. That you aren't says something sad about you and your people-picker.

 

Seriously, can't you get yourself a better man?

 

Perhaps, but like I said, I have a bad habit of giving the benefit of the doubt.

 

For example, your posts seem kind of douchy (as implied also by your username), but I bet you give sound advice...

[Imajerk17]

Perhaps, but like I said, I have a bad habit of giving the benefit of the doubt.

 

For example, your posts seem kind of douchy (as implied also by your username), but I bet you give sound advice...

 

 

 

Well, I actually DO give sound advice. 1080 "likes" can't be wrong.

 

You need to look at yourself and ask yourself why you go for losers. Don't you meet any decent guys?

[tbf]

I read this thread fine. If you're living with a dude with no ambition who steals money from you, then you OUGHT TO BE regretful of your decision. That you aren't says something sad about you and your people-picker.

 

Seriously, can't you get yourself a better man?

Before jumping the gun, it's best to await hard evidence that her b/f is stealing.

 

Even then, have you never misjudged anyone before? Don't make me link prior threads of yours...