Boyfriend Stole Money From My Wallet?

[tbf]

Lying, stealing, being deceitful, lack of motivation etc.

This presumes that her accusations are valid or are you relying on past behaviours again?

[tbf]

I'm relying on her catching him stealing. And yes, sometimes our past actions can be a good barometer from which to judge our present actions.

Which makes absolutely no logical sense when it comes to confirming that he's currently using.

 

"Because he was using in the past, he must be using now so that's why he's stealing and lying about it."

 

It's a possibility but is pure conjecture.

[Dudesmobile]

-sigh- Well...that's kind of one of the things I wonder about that maybe I could also get advice for on here. He broke my trust BIG TIME when we first started dating...he was addicted to Klonopin that he was stealing from his mom (who is the reason he tried them anyway, she freaking OFFERED him her prescription drugs and he got hooked) and was that way the whole time I knew him...then he told me about 3 months in, and said he'd understand if I left him for it, etc.

 

I chose to stay. I didn't immediately forgive, but I told him that it would take work to get the trust going again. I'm wondering if maybe my initial forgiveness set him up to think that he could continue lying, because then he wanted to join the military and lied about how long he had to decide, and by the time I was ready to talk about it the deadline was long passed. He resented me for this, but said he lied about it to avoid the confrontation. He's lied about small things from then on, but I always remember those incidents and I wonder if there's any way I can go back from that.

 

I REALLY want this relationship to work, but can you eventually build up trust after that if both parties are truly willing?

 

I'm sorry you have to go through this I hope your relationship works out! I am in a relationship with a wonderful girl right now and I have learned that being honest is 100% what every girl expects and if the guy can't be honest then he doesn't deserve you. If I were him I would feel miserable for not being the one with the money and making my girl support us. I have learned so much and one thing I have learned is the girl likes the man to be supporting both of them even when the girl is paying her share sometimes. He should really step up his game and contribute more into the relationship. If hes not doing it money wise, he needs to be telling you that you are beautiful every single day, creating poems for you, creating coupon books, and opening doors for you etc. A real man does all of this plus contributes financially. I know I maybe old fashioned but I hate duchebag guys who do not feel like their women is number one in the whole entire world because i think they could deserve someone who does do those things for them.

 

Not calling your boyfriend a doughbag because i don't know what exactly he does for you, but I'm just saying. I truly think you deserve much better and need to find a guy who actually thinks your number one and wants to give up drugs alchohol and everything just to be with you. I gave up all my toys that i had when i was a kid and that showed my girlfriend a lot about how i wanted to be with her and only her.

[anna121]

OP, you said his Mom offered him the K-pin, but then you said he was "stealing" it from her. Later you said that, according to him, his Mom continues to "offer" him the drug, leading to at least one relapse.

 

So, does his Mom knows about his addiction and not care, going so far as to try and get him re-hooked?

[TKizz]

Outta curiosity TKizz, what attracted you to this guy in the first place? I mean from your avatar you have a cute face and a pretty smile so I imagine you have more than your fair share of choice as to whom you get to date.

 

Are you attracted to people with issues? Some people are, makes them feel noble and deep sticking with someone despite (because of?) their problems.

 

You don't seem that willing to catch him stealing and even if you did, you don't seem to be willing to do much about it. Nevermind his lack of ambition and so on. Unless you change your modus operandi, I don't see this ending well for you.

 

Aww, that's very nice of you, thank you...=3

 

Ummm...yes. Yes, I am attracted to people with issues. I CANNOT HELP IT. This sounds stupid, but normal people just aren't as interesting to me, most likely because I have my own set of issues. I've always been strange and I like strange people. xD

 

What attracted me to my boyfriend in particular though is that he was kind of the 'bad boy' sort when I met him (because I'm a cliche tard). He was very spontaneous, something that I SEVERELY lack, and I admire that in him. He was always on the same page with me emotionally and was one of few guys that didn't just want to get in my pants; we were friends for about 3 months before we dated.

 

OKAY ALL, I have accumulated more money and I've marked them, subtly, so that if he is taking it, he wouldn't notice the marks. I AM willing to catch him, but you're right, like I said I have no clue what to do if I do actually catch him.

[TKizz]

Next time, and you seem to know there will be, don't ask any questions at all.

 

I give to you and in return you steal from me. This part of my life is over.

 

That's a really good way of putting it, I'll keep this in mind...=3 Thank you all who are helping me out with this!

 

Not the "DURP I DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR YOU I COME ON THESE FORUMS TO JUDGE LOLZ" people, but the actual HELPFUL people, of which there are many. xD

[TKizz]

You'd be amazed at some of the lies I've told with a straight face and looking somebody dead in the eyes.

 

xD Wow...I read this and was like "That was...pretty honest there."

 

Anyway, he WAS addicted to Klonopin, for a long time before I met him and until about 3 months into our relationship, which I of course didn't find out until afterwards. He was honest with me, assumed I would leave him, and even though it was scary and felt like a betrayal, I felt understanding because a lot of my friends have had drug issues and no one ever comes clean about it right away. I was thankful that he told me and I told him we could continue dating as long as he stopped IMMEDIATELY, which he did. I was proud because he did it all by himself; but I'm an idiot because he wanted to do the 28-day rehab and I vouched against it (I'm one of those 'I don't need any help from anyone' people)...I should have been more supportive at the time.

 

REGARDLESS. He has slipped up three times in the past 2 years, only one day each time, and each time either at his mom's or after visiting his mom. He has come clean about each incident within 1-3 days of its happening, and I believe that it was only these times because after he was clean, I noticed the difference in behavior and I could see when he had slipped up, but didn't confront him because I wanted him to tell me himself. Since his mom started OFFERING THEM TO HIM, he has since stopped visiting unless absolutely needed, like holidays or to borrow something from her roommate, etc. You'd think she would be more supportive that he quit, she herself was a heroine addict for MANY years during and after college.

[TKizz]

I'm sorry you have to go through this I hope your relationship works out! I am in a relationship with a wonderful girl right now and I have learned that being honest is 100% what every girl expects and if the guy can't be honest then he doesn't deserve you. If I were him I would feel miserable for not being the one with the money and making my girl support us. I have learned so much and one thing I have learned is the girl likes the man to be supporting both of them even when the girl is paying her share sometimes. He should really step up his game and contribute more into the relationship. If hes not doing it money wise, he needs to be telling you that you are beautiful every single day, creating poems for you, creating coupon books, and opening doors for you etc. A real man does all of this plus contributes financially. I know I maybe old fashioned but I hate duchebag guys who do not feel like their women is number one in the whole entire world because i think they could deserve someone who does do those things for them.

 

Not calling your boyfriend a doughbag because i don't know what exactly he does for you, but I'm just saying. I truly think you deserve much better and need to find a guy who actually thinks your number one and wants to give up drugs alchohol and everything just to be with you. I gave up all my toys that i had when i was a kid and that showed my girlfriend a lot about how i wanted to be with her and only her.

 

You are awesome. xD Do you actually do all those things you say? Because if so, people should start taking your advice more frequently. How long have you and your girlfriend been together?

[TKizz]

OP, you said his Mom offered him the K-pin, but then you said he was "stealing" it from her. Later you said that, according to him, his Mom continues to "offer" him the drug, leading to at least one relapse.

 

So, does his Mom knows about his addiction and not care, going so far as to try and get him re-hooked?

 

She absolutely knows, we all had a few talks about it together when my boyfriend came clean about it; she, as an ex heroine addict, was trying to explain to me why addicts do the things they do while under the influence. Ironic. That's a VERY GOOD QUESTION though about whether or not she cares, I absolutely loathe that he came so far as to quit on is own, which was a grueling experience for him, and she acts like it means nothing.

[Feelin Frisky]

Hi TKizz, welcome to Love Shack. It's probably all been said by now. Just sayin' hello. The dude's a weasel for not asking. I mean it's $20. If you can't ask and pay that back, weasel. Kick his weasly ass to the curb. You're a young woman of 23--that's a babe in swaddling clothes. There will be a man or men for you that treat you right, you don't "need" this barely legal to drink weasel.

[tbf]

OKAY ALL, I have accumulated more money and I've marked them, subtly, so that if he is taking it, he wouldn't notice the marks. I AM willing to catch him, but you're right, like I said I have no clue what to do if I do actually catch him.

This isn't a difficult problem. If you catch him stealing, it's time to move on.

[Estate]

These threads weird me out.

 

I've had relationships that have just not worked out for seeminly small or silly reasons. Sometimes people just want different things or have different ideas or outlooks and while it's sad that things have to end, sometimes it's just for the better, even if the reasons seem small and silly in the greater scheme of things.

 

Yet on the other spectrum... relationships like this...

Your boyfriend actively opens u your wallet and takes money... on a regular basis and you let him get away with it, even look for reasons to justify it and find reasons to continue a relationship like this as if it can be turned around or is somehow normal and ok.

 

The logic just defies me.

[Drseussgrrl]

These threads weird me out.

 

I've had relationships that have just not worked out for seeminly small or silly reasons. Sometimes people just want different things or have different ideas or outlooks and while it's sad that things have to end, sometimes it's just for the better, even if the reasons seem small and silly in the greater scheme of things.

 

Yet on the other spectrum... relationships like this...

Your boyfriend actively opens u your wallet and takes money... on a regular basis and you let him get away with it, even look for reasons to justify it and find reasons to continue a relationship like this as if it can be turned around or is somehow normal and ok.

 

The logic just defies me.

 

^^^ This. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that there are people out there who are so ok with open and blatant disrespect. I'd rather be single any day.