StanMusial Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 ...the only thing you quoted was the drug part? Or was it the stealing it from his mom part? I'm not making excuses especially given the nature of why I posted this thread, but that kind of behavior during an addiction is not unheard of. I've had many friends make horrible choices because of an addiction that doesn't reflect on their person...not to say that this ISN'T the case (I'm just hoping it's not), but I just was saying because you only highlighted the part about the addiction... Both are bad obviously. My point is this kid has issues. Maybe unresolved drug addiction issues.
Imajerk17 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) These are the facts as I see them: OP is with a guy whom either she DOESN'T trust and respect (she is suspecting him of stealing her money without proof) or she SHOULDN'T respect (he actually did steal her money). Or both--most likely. The signs were there from the beginning that he isn't trustworthy. No ambition freeloader lack of integrity... So it is pretty clear that the OP exhibited horrible judgement moving in with this guy. But when I point that out a few of the "facts don't matter its all about feelings!" women got all upset. Thats messed up. Now I read thst this guy stole from his MOTHER. A lot of hardened criminals don't do that.Really OP you can't do any better? What a disgrace. Edited April 16, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
Minneloa Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Both are bad obviously. My point is this kid has issues. Maybe unresolved drug addiction issues. I think this is an important point. OP, how long has your boyfriend been off drugs? At the risk of overstepping here, have you considered the possibilty that the missing money is a sign that he is using again? 1
veggirl Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 girl, just mark your money tonight and every night til you notice some missing. You'll have your answer. for some reason you seem hesitant to even do that, you said you would consider it....why just consider it, why not do it? are you afraid of what you'll discover? 4
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Have you considered dating a guy that (*GASP*) has a job and (*DOUBLE GASP*) isn't a drug addict? Yeah, you get no sympathy from me. Your bad choices have led you to this situation. 4
MidwestUSA Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Is he still taking Klonopin? It has the longest half life of the benzos and could be contributing to his lack of motivation. It would also help him to remain calm while lying to you, if indeed he is. 1
Author TKizz Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 I think this is an important point. OP, how long has your boyfriend been off drugs? At the risk of overstepping here, have you considered the possibilty that the missing money is a sign that he is using again? No problem, it's a good question and I have considered it, but I don't think he would purchase it; he would just ask his mom for more. She is a HORRIBLE INFLUENCE and has even OFFERED him pills for stress! He doesn't visit her very frequently as a result. Anyway, he has been drug-free for a little over 2 years, but he did relapse twice, and told me about each time, as well as telling me about when his mom offers them (one of which was responsible for the relapse). These slip-ups were only one time each, but they were still hard on the trust factor and each time I became a little less forgiving. I know I'm not making a great case for the relationship here...BUT ANYWAY. I'm fairly certain that it's not because he's using because he acts different when on it, but I think if he is taking it then it's because he's now working part-time and would feel worse asking me to loan him money repeatedly than if he just took it? I don't know... ._. The marking the bills will have to wait a bit though because I did already confront him...just for all the suggestions to do so, which have been noted. =3
Author TKizz Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Have you considered dating a guy that (*GASP*) has a job and (*DOUBLE GASP*) isn't a drug addict? Yeah, you get no sympathy from me. Your bad choices have led you to this situation. I wasn't asking for sympathy, but thank you for your enormous contribution to this thread. If I could give you a medal, I would!
amaysngrace Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I don't think it matters why he steals. Just only that he steals. He sounds like a loser.
veggirl Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Why does marking new bills have to wait just cause you confronted him? I don't get why you don't want to do the obvious? Would you actually even dump him if you found out he stole from you? Do you really think you are that bad at countin money that you continually miscount yours? 1
Author TKizz Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Why does marking new bills have to wait just cause you confronted him? I don't get why you don't want to do the obvious? Would you actually even dump him if you found out he stole from you? Do you really think you are that bad at countin money that you continually miscount yours? Because he won't mess with it for a while if I've confronted him, as I said in my first post. When I do tell him that money has gone missing and suggest that he might know why, then nothing will happen with it for quite a while, magically. Same thing when money went missing and we lived with his mom...I'd confront them both about it (I'm 99% sure that his mom DID steal money from me one time when we lived there), and then it'd be fine for months, even when I left my wallet in an obvious and tempting location. It is true though that I probably wouldn't know what to do if I caught him in that way...how I would confront him, if I would just break it off then and there, or if there was some kind of counselling...I really don't know. Both are reasons why I can't feasibly take action...for a sensible reason and then a silly emotional reason. =3
Imajerk17 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 (edited) Outta curiosity TKizz, what attracted you to this guy in the first place? I mean from your avatar you have a cute face and a pretty smile so I imagine you have more than your fair share of choice as to whom you get to date. Are you attracted to people with issues? Some people are, makes them feel noble and deep sticking with someone despite (because of?) their problems. You don't seem that willing to catch him stealing and even if you did, you don't seem to be willing to do much about it. Nevermind his lack of ambition and so on. Unless you change your modus operandi, I don't see this ending well for you. Edited April 19, 2013 by Imajerk17 2
Drseussgrrl Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 (edited) Outta curiosity TKizz, what attracted you to this guy in the first place? I mean from your avatar you have a cute face and a pretty smile so I imagine you have more than your fair share of choice as to whom you get to date. Are you attracted to people with issues? Some people are, makes them feel noble and deep sticking with someone despite (because of?) their problems. You don't seem that willing to catch him stealing and even if you did, you don't seem to be willing to do much about it. Nevermind his lack of ambition and so on. Unless you change your modus operandi, I don't see this ending well for you. Yep. This. Exactly why I'll always be going with my gut from now on. You don't deserve someone who steals from you, and on top of that, SO DOES HIS FAMILY. Come on girl get a grip and dump this pill-addicted thief! Can you really see yourself having a family with someone like this? Edited April 19, 2013 by Drseussgrrl 1
mortensorchid Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I'm sorry to read this. It's a terrible when you find out that a person you trust or have otherwise trusted is doing something like this. I assume you have proof that he has taken this from your wallet. If not, then you better get proof before you do something drastic. Once you get proof that he has, in fact, stolen money from your wallet, then you must tell him that you caught it. Ask him why he did it. When he gives you the explination (whatever it is), then you have to leave him. It's painful, but you have to because he will never regain your trust completely. I hope you pull through this.
KungFuJoe Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Op, He's stealing your money. You don't need to mark any bills to know for sure. Let me put it this way. If he WASN'T stealing your money, that first time you accused him of stealing it...he wouldn't have been sympathetic and then offered to give you the $20. He'd be pissed and fuming that you would DARE accuse him...or even FATHOM the idea that he would steal from you. He's guilty as can be without being caught on video. 1
2sure Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Next time, and you seem to know there will be, don't ask any questions at all. I give to you and in return you steal from me. This part of my life is over.
KatZee Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Let me put it this way. If he WASN'T stealing your money, that first time you accused him of stealing it...he wouldn't have been sympathetic and then offered to give you the $20. He'd be pissed and fuming that you would DARE accuse him...or even FATHOM the idea that he would steal from you. This is actually not true. A liar, when being confronted, and who is GUILTY will often lash out and create an elaborate display. This is what happens when cheaters are confronted. Those who feel guilt often go overboard with the defense mechanism. Those who are innocent tend to be sympathetic, caring, and try to reassure their partners.
tbf Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 This is actually not true. A liar, when being confronted, and who is GUILTY will often lash out and create an elaborate display. This is what happens when cheaters are confronted. Those who feel guilt often go overboard with the defense mechanism. Those who are innocent tend to be sympathetic, caring, and try to reassure their partners.I wouldn't necessarily say that liars or innocent people react in particular ways. Better to get proof through marking bills. Unfortunately she's alerted him through confrontation so it's unlikely he'll steal in the near future, although it's worthwhile to mark bills anyways, just in case he has to steal for his possible addiction. But any jewelry or pocket sized valuables should be removed to a safe location with trusted family members, to ensure he doesn't try to pawn them. The above suggestions are forms of preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I happen to have a zero tolerance for stealing and lying. If you caught him, then confront him...If you don;t know for sure then file it and do nothing and I would start looking for another BF, this one lies and steals from you, that isn't cool The next thing you know, he's going to be cheating behind your back too.
tbf Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Also, let me make something perfectly clear: You cannot change an addict. You cannot make them stop. You have NO control over them. Until they're ready to stop, nothing will stop them. Trust me...Maybe I missed something which is quite possible but has it been proven or confirmed that he's currently on drugs?
tbf Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Anyway, he has been drug-free for a little over 2 years, but he did relapse twice, and told me about each time, as well as telling me about when his mom offers them (one of which was responsible for the relapse). These slip-ups were only one time each, but they were still hard on the trust factor and each time I became a little less forgiving. She said he was hooked on K-pinsNo. The above is what she said.
tbf Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Yea... And everything about his behavior screams active user.Can you list these behaviours?
KatZee Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I wouldn't necessarily say that liars or innocent people react in particular ways. Better to get proof through marking bills. Unfortunately she's alerted him through confrontation so it's unlikely he'll steal in the near future, although it's worthwhile to mark bills anyways, just in case he has to steal for his possible addiction. But any jewelry or pocket sized valuables should be removed to a safe location with trusted family members, to ensure he doesn't try to pawn them. The above suggestions are forms of preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. I mean no, not ALL liars get super defensive, and not ALL innocent people become supportive. However there IS a trend among people to behave that way and there are definitely behaviors that liars encompass. Signs Of Compulsive Lying - Signs & Symptoms Of A Compulsive Liar "Compulsive liars are the most defensive people you can find anywhere. They will do something and when caught or questioned, they will become defensive and will always have a different story to narrate. You will notice them changing the topic whenever questioned about a particular action." "Also, pathological liars can turn overly defensive, if countered." "A guilty person will get defensive, whereas an innocent person will often go on the offensive" 15 Tried And True Ways To Catch A Liar - Business Insider 1
KatZee Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 You'd be amazed at some of the lies I've told with a straight face and looking somebody dead in the eyes. That's not amazing at all. You're an accomplished liar. I can do this if I have to as well. I'm not saying EVERYONE acts that way but my above post just contradicts what that other person was saying, that if an honest person were accused, he'd freak out all over the place.
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