Husband has Low Testosterone

[indianwife]

This is my first post to the community. I have been married for more than 5 years and have known my husband for 7 years now. We were having a long distance relationship before marriage.

 

After 1 year of us being married, I felt his lack of interest in intimacy. It started with having intercourse only when he wanted and never when I initiated. It got to a point where he started losing erections.

 

I was concerned reacted in all possible ways... anger, love, frustration, but nothing worked and my husband blamed me for his impotency.

 

After an year of fighting, I gave up and thought it is a good idea to stay away for while and started with my master in a different city. It helped me shift my focus and gave my husband a chance to think. We met once a month...but my husband wasnt as interested to get intimate as one would expect.. It got worse when gained more weight and was not able to get an erection even when we met once a month.

 

At this point he decided to see a doctor and we got the result that he suffers from low testosterone. He did not work on it even after that and it got me even more frustrated. Last year I told him that I wanted to leave because I do not want to live like this and then he begged me to stay and said he would work on his low T.

 

I havent seen much improvement with his T. He is trying to loose weight but he gets distracted all the time. we have not had sex with me initiating it or him talking a Cialis. He has to take cialis pretty much every time we have sex.

 

I forgot to mention..he is 33 and I am 27 years old.

 

I am depressed and want to separate but then he begs all the time.

I am not sure if I have given him enough time...and if it is the right decision to move on with our lives..

[GuyInLimbo]

He's acting like a child. Low T is something VERY easily treatable (with gels, pills, etc.). He's clearly not taking it seriously. Given him enough time??? How many more years of your life are you going to waste?

 

Call it quits now and I'm sure you'll find someone much better who won't have ANY problem getting it up for you.

[indianwife]

Thanks for your opinion.

 

I want to leave him..but I also feel bad for him.. he is the man that I fell in love with..

I do not want him to be miserable after we separate..

 

I want some more insight and need to know if someone has been on a similar situation.

[GuyInLimbo]

You need to stop feeling responsibility for him. He's a grown man (acting like a child). It's HIS responsibility to deal with his emotions. Remember, HE is the one that created, or at least perpetuated, this situation.

[trippi1432]

My take on this, sex is a necessary part of a marriage, and at your young ages I can understand how this would worry someone about what type of future you both have. How are other parts of the marriage though? It seems that it's reached frustration, how have you been able to talk to him about it before it got to this level? What about the other levels of intimacy in the marriage, the emotional intimacy, how is that?

 

Now, I agree with Guy...your husband does need to take some responsibility and take it seriously. I would say the same thing for women too. If your husband is unhappy with himself, he's not going to be able to perform either, that's something that he needs to work on as well. Not saying this as backup to say it's all his fault, what level of compassion do you share with each other?

[seibert253]

I'm currently on TRT and it's FANTASTIC. I have more energy than I've had in years, and I feel 10 years younger. My confidence level has also soared.

 

Low T is easily managed.

[JD1977]

Believe me when I say, I know how important "being together" is in a marriage! But if he is trying, even if its not as fast as you want, I wouldn't want to throw away a marriage if it can be fixed. There is something to be said for a man who is willing to work/fight for his marriage. Obviously I seem to be the minority in this group, but it's what I think. How are other aspects of your marriage?

[indianwife]

Our relationship was pretty bad in the early years... he blamed me for cheating once (which is obviously not true). His family doesnt like me much and he never takes a stand for me. He had said and done loads of things like calling oral sex disgusting(obviously the part he has to do), pushing me in anger and stuff..

 

But recently..since I asked him for separation, things have improved. he cares for me..takes a stand for me...tries different things to improve out relationship

 

He is trying right now but my biggest fear is that he is doing all this just to keep me from leaving him.

 

He has done this in past and then reverted back to original ways..

[GuyInLimbo]

Our relationship was pretty bad in the early years... he blamed me for cheating once (which is obviously not true). His family doesnt like me much and he never takes a stand for me. He had said and done loads of things like calling oral sex disgusting(obviously the part he has to do), pushing me in anger and stuff..

 

But recently..since I asked him for separation, things have improved. he cares for me..takes a stand for me...tries different things to improve out relationship

 

He is trying right now but my biggest fear is that he is doing all this just to keep me from leaving him.

 

He has done this in past and then reverted back to original ways..

 

You need to break the cycle. Any instance of physical violence...inexcusable and immediate grounds for divorce. What a coward he is.

 

And performing oral sex is disgusting? Sweetheart, you need to find a guy like me who thoroughly enjoys pleasing a woman that way.

 

You know what to do. You just need to muster up the courage.

[trippi1432]

Great advice there iwilsmar and especially at 33, this guy could do something about it. Even if not for his marriage, at least for himself on down the road.

[indianwife]

Thanks iwilsmar

 

My husband is trying to loose weight since more than an year but havent had much success.

 

It makes me think that he might loose some weight now and increase his T but what about our future... what if he stop exercising and stops caring about my needs..

 

He has done that in the past...

[GuyInLimbo]

He will. Stop thinking things are going to change. He's made it pretty clear he doesn't care enough to change much at all.

[seriously-let-down]

This happened to me, I lost my sex drive for 5 years. Mine was psychological, a trauma that happened prior to meeting my ex, but something snapped inside me and brought my sex drive back. But unfortunately it didn't save my relationship. It screwed my ex's head.

 

I don't know what to say, but its just my experience. Nothing my ex could say to me could make me snap out of it and i was selfish towards sex.

 

Hope it works out for you.

[jf2good]

There are lot's of sport supplements that boost testosterone naturally and block estrogen, when combined with exercise (yes getting started is the hardest part) reverses the effects of Low-T as men age. I am surprised that someone in their 30's have Low-T there has to be some underlying cause and all the prescription testosterone products pushed by big Pharma make it worse by reducing your own bodies hormone production.

[adelia]

My friends in the sane predicament. Her and her hubbie have nit had sex in years. She has struggled with whether to leave or stay. To stay means being ok with no longer having intimacy or cheating. She is not the cheating type but she does not want to leave her husband so she is in limbo.

My only advice is this... Don't leave this man, the man you fell in love with unless you've exhausted all avenues and you think it through very carefully. It's a huge decision which I'm sure you're aware of. You love him and you will hurt him. You deserve to be happy though. Can he make you happy regardless of no intimate closeness? Some people are ok with that.

[indianwife]

What can be the underlying cause ?

[indianwife]

Adelia - It isnt so bad in my case... We get intimate with help (cialis/viagara)

It is a big decision and it affects my family as well.

 

I am not happy for sure and have been trying for years now..

 

I guess I am too intolerant to stay and too emotional to hurt or leave him.

[dichotomy]

There is some information and misinformation on TRT, I won't bore you or others with T, E2, LH and other debates.

 

First it sounds like a doctor has confirmed your husband has low T. You don't give values but when a doctor says its low - it probably WAY low. This sounds like a medical condition. Maybe hypgonadism, maybe disease or injury, or failure in one. I assume he has seen a urologist to check his boys out ? Cancer is a possibility.

 

It is possible exercise and diet to slightly boost his T, or specifically Free T.... it may not be a huge swing. It will help with Estridiol control.

 

If he continues with low T beyond his sex drive.... he will face a host of long term health issues, muscle loss, heart attacks, and so on - lower quality of life and he will likely die earlier with low T. ED is not always directly related to T levels, but more to overall health.

 

What he likely needs is a minor supplementation - probably best through androgel. Add in exercise and diet. Androgel is easy to use, and adds a nice boost for most.

 

Are you sure he is taking testosterone supplements?

Edited April 17, 2013 by dichotomy

[pink_sugar]

I am female and haven't had the desire for sex in awhile either. Not sure if it's because of depression, anxiety or other issues, but something is wrong. I know my brother was diagnosed with low T.

[trippi1432]

There is some information and misinformation on TRT, I won't bore you or others with T, E2, LH and other debates.

 

First it sounds like a doctor has confirmed your husband has low T. You don't give values but when a doctor says its low - it probably WAY low. This sounds like a medical condition. Maybe hypgonadism, maybe disease or injury, or failure in one. I assume he has seen a urologist to check his boys out ? Cancer is a possibility.

 

It is possible exercise and diet to slightly boost his T, or specifically Free T.... it may not be a huge swing. It will help with Estridiol control.

 

If he continues with low T beyond his sex drive.... he will face a host of long term health issues, muscle loss, heart attacks, and so on - lower quality of life and he will likely die earlier with low T. ED is not always directly related to T levels, but more to overall health.

 

What he likely needs is a minor supplementation - probably best through androgel. Add in exercise and diet. Androgel is easy to use, and adds a nice boost for most.

 

Are you sure he is taking testosterone supplements?

 

The fact is...all she can do is point these things out...if he is not willing to explore his options and take some initiative....what are the alternatives? If this couple were in their 60's, yes, makes sense...what are the alternatives? But in their 30's..he is hurting himself.

 

IndianWife...what is YOUR patience level?

[indianwife]

Trippi1432 - I am highly frustrated... I think I have sacrificed a lot in last 3-4 years

 

he is on a weight loss program right now and I am hoping that his testosterone increases... but the point is what if it slightly increases..should I wait another 5 years for him to be in shape ??

 

I am 27 right now.. with age..my prospects of meeting a match would decrease..

 

He tried androgel for 7-8 months but then stopped because it harms natural testosterone production...

 

one of the doctors prescribed it but the other two said it was harmful in 30s..

 

I am emotional drained out and I feel like ive given him enough time 3+ years since we are facing this issue...I am thinking this time (14-15 may) when he goes for his T test and it comes out low...I need to take a firm decision..

 

but I am sure he would beg me to stay and try other options..

 

my concern is..why does he wait till I tell him that I want to leave.. why couldnt he do things earlier when I was unhappy..

[Feelin Frisky]

I'm for you going your separate way. Your husband probably is more concerned with appearances in his family than you since he has shown such little willingness to deal with something he knows is lacking in him that he can do something about. You are still young and don't owe you future to anyone--marriage vows be damned.

[trippi1432]

Trippi1432 - I am highly frustrated... I think I have sacrificed a lot in last 3-4 years

 

he is on a weight loss program right now and I am hoping that his testosterone increases... but the point is what if it slightly increases..should I wait another 5 years for him to be in shape ??

 

I am 27 right now.. with age..my prospects of meeting a match would decrease..

 

God, I hope not!! For one, you do need to not look at it that way. The divorce pool is vast and you never know if you might be divorced with the next one at a later age...and the next one, and the next.

 

He tried androgel for 7-8 months but then stopped because it harms natural testosterone production...

 

one of the doctors prescribed it but the other two said it was harmful in 30s..

 

I am emotional drained out and I feel like ive given him enough time 3+ years since we are facing this issue...I am thinking this time (14-15 may) when he goes for his T test and it comes out low...I need to take a firm decision..

 

but I am sure he would beg me to stay and try other options..

 

my concern is..why does he wait till I tell him that I want to leave.. why couldnt he do things earlier when I was unhappy..

 

This goes back to initiative, which sounds like something he has trouble with. In a good marriage, two people should be able to talk about something that they are unhappy with and come to a resolution to both work on it. Waiting until you are threatening to leave, he's only going to put in a half-hearted attempt because he is doing it FOR YOU, not for himself. If he is not working on these things for him, nothing will take hold.

[indianwife]

I have an update to post which increases my conundrum...

 

I spoke to my parents a while ago about this situation and they were kinda supporting me with the decision to get a divorce..

 

so my husband lost like 12 pounds and 4 inches off his waist...His total testosterone increased by 291 to 327 which is still very low..

 

The doc said that low T and ED are not usually related and in his case probably not.. he said my husband's ED is more psychological ... I was pretty disappointed to hear that...

 

I asked my husband if he could get it to work with porn and he said yes... I was kind of devastated to hear that... This is too much to handle..

 

All these years.. I thought he had a physical issue and felt bad for him..but now..it feels weird.. he knew he could get hard with porn and not with me..still he didn't put any effort to get it right...

 

Now he begs to be with me and promised to use cialis all his life...that doesnt look like a solution to me..this means sex has to be planned forever...I cannot just feel horny and expect something to happen because of his so called "ED" plus the fact that he can get everything to work with porn annoys me even more...

 

 

What is going through his mind... why cant he perform with me...its been 3 years...what is wrong...(I am 5'7 150 pounds fair dark haired.) I am pretty proud of my assets too...

 

Why is he able to do it with porn... I remember asking him to watch porn together and he ignored it completely...I asked him to go to a strip club and he didnt agree... Maybe he felt guilty..

 

I am so baffled..I feel like dying...I gave this man 7 years of my life and it sucks now...

[trippi1432]

IndianWife - I completely understand how you are feeling right now and I know it feels horrible, but do keep in mind, it is a psychological issue. It's not you, how you look or your body.

 

Your husband's use of porn has probably desensitized his ability to get aroused...and that can be around any woman, not just you. I know it's impossible not to take it personally.

 

Low T and ED do go hand in hand, but the fact that he can get an erection with porn even with the weight and low T indicates a porn addiction. If you can click on that link, you can read more info about that issue.