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Dear self...

Treasa

By Treasa,
in Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

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Treasa

Treasa

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Yes, I am in a relationship with myself. :laugh: So I'm posting it here.

 

Six months ago today I was crying. I was so sick, had been to the ER twice in a month, was coming close to losing my job, and I hated everything. I hated my boss, I hated my job, I hated my boyfriend, I hated myself. I had gone to HR with complaints about my boss, whom no one seems to like. I bitterly asked my mom how she could not care what people thought about her, and yet still have freaking everyone love her.

 

I couldn't do the try to be happy thing anymore. That had failed several times. I was tired of waiting for my life to get better. I was tired of being envious of happy people. I liked myself an awful lot, and didn't have anything to feel bad about, but I didn't exactly love myself either, unless I accomplished something. I kept making lists of the same things over and over again, the 120 pounds I lost, the half-marathon I ran, the fact that I....oh, whatever. All the same crap.

 

Six months ago I made a decision. A decision I thought was going to be stupid. "I'm just going to be happy. When my boss tells me something, I'm just going to smile, even if it kills me, and say I'll happily do it. I can't change HER, but I can change how I react."

 

I read the book Go Suck a Lemon: Something something something Emotional Intelligence. I started changing my thoughts. I started asking myself, "Ok, so this thing that makes you afraid is true, what does that mean?

 

I became like a five-year-old, asking why about everything until I got to the root of everything I was either scared of or depressed by, and...I discovered there was no basis to my fears or unhappiness. Nothing except what I was creating.

 

My thoughts started to shift. Criticisms which previously would have had me sobbing at my desk were now opportunities to listen to others and see where I could improve myself. Tasks that before had overwhelmed me were now challenges. In those first difficult days of faking it, I discovered I'm a really good actress when I need to be.

 

The less I started to care what others thought, or the more positively I took things, the more people started to want to be around me. Ahhhh. This is why my mom has so many freaking friends,and yet doesn't go crazy trying to make them all happy. I finally got it.

 

I still struggle some days. I still have my moments. They relieve me. They're a reminder that I haven't become Skynet. :laugh: And I keep becoming more alive.

 

Here's to the first six months of your life that you lived for you, Traci. :love:

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tbf

tbf

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Good post, Treasa. As long as you balance consideration for loved ones with a strong sense of self, it can only get better.

 

As far as having ups and downs, everyone has them, regardless of how optimistic a person. Reality bites sometimes so instead of trying to be "perfectly " happy, be reasonable and resilient. :)

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Treasa

Treasa

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Good post, Treasa. As long as you balance consideration for loved ones with a strong sense of self, it can only get better.

 

As far as having ups and downs, everyone has them, regardless of how optimistic a person. Reality bites sometimes so instead of trying to be "perfectly " happy, be reasonable and resilient. :)

 

Agreed on all counts. :) And yes, I am better to my loved ones (and even my colleagues) than ever before. It's that whole taking care of yourself so you can assist others thing at work. :D

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Treasa

Treasa

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This post deserves waaaaay more likes.

 

Kudos on the enlightenment, Treasa. It really shines through. :)

 

Thank you!! It's people like you and tbf that I look to when I'm feeling weak. :love:

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Cutiepie1976

Cutiepie1976

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So happy for you!:) We all deserve an epiphany like that sometimes. Ana0pera just posted a similar thread yesterday. It would be great if these two could be pinned and required reading when you register on the site.

 

FWIW, you're one of my favorite posters...without even trying...so there!

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Treasa

Treasa

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So happy for you!:) We all deserve an epiphany like that sometimes. Ana0pera just posted a similar thread yesterday. It would be great if these two could be pinned and required reading when you register on the site.

 

FWIW, you're one of my favorite posters...without even trying...so there!

 

Aww, ditto!! And thank you! :)

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xxoo

xxoo

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Agreed on all counts. :) And yes, I am better to my loved ones (and even my colleagues) than ever before. It's that whole taking care of yourself so you can assist others thing at work. :D

 

It's the oxygen mask analogy! You must secure your own oxygen mask before you can help those around you.

 

When you truly accept it, and understand it for what it is, it's freeing!

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Roadkill007

Roadkill007

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There is just so much that is awesome about this post... Thanks for sharing :D (there needs to be a "moved" emoticon)

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Radu

Radu

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Wow, awesome post Treasa, and i'm happy it's working for you.

 

Only 2 months along on the EQ thing [i read Daniel Goleman's book], there are some changes, but some things are still far from even decent. :(

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Emilia

Emilia

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Very good post Treasa, thank you for sharing. I think it might be a book I should read. Just wanted to say I really enjoy your contribution here, your posts are level-headed and very honest. :)

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Treasa

Treasa

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I love you guys so much. :love:

 

And the book seems to be hit or miss. For me it was obviously a hit, but that's because the missing link was how I thought. Those very first initial thoughts that occurred almost before I would blink. When I learned to catch those and change them, that's when everything else started to change.

 

I try my best, but still fail a lot. It's cool, though. :D

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soccerrprp

soccerrprp

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Dang, I missed this thread from it's inception. Sorry.

 

Hey, I'm one of the most optimistic, happy people you'll ever meet. But under it all is a little depression and antsy-ness that never seems to settle for me. It's strange how, when you just sit back and tally-up all that is going right in your life, just how things are NOT SO BAD. Of course this is not for everyone, I know. But how we define our own paradigm, whether based on reality or mere perception seems to be more influential in our lives than what is really happening around us.

 

How we react and act makes a huge difference. There have been studies that show that body language, response greatly impacts our psyche and mood. Really.

 

I think half the time I'm smiling and laughing b/c it makes me feel better...despite the small crap that's going on in my life.

 

Sorry. Don't know if any of this made sense. But I'm still smiling! :)

 

I'm with you Traci!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know that! :)

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Treasa

Treasa

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Dang, I missed this thread from it's inception. Sorry.

 

Hey, I'm one of the most optimistic, happy people you'll ever meet. But under it all is a little depression and antsy-ness that never seems to settle for me. It's strange how, when you just sit back and tally-up all that is going right in your life, just how things are NOT SO BAD. Of course this is not for everyone, I know. But how we define our own paradigm, whether based on reality or mere perception seems to be more influential in our lives than what is really happening around us.

 

How we react and act makes a huge difference. There have been studies that show that body language, response greatly impacts our psyche and mood. Really.

 

I think half the time I'm smiling and laughing b/c it makes me feel better...despite the small crap that's going on in my life.

 

Sorry. Don't know if any of this made sense. But I'm still smiling! :)

 

I'm with you Traci!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know that! :)

 

And I'm one of your biggest fans. But...not in the Annie Wilkes, ankle-breaking way....Er, I'm gonna be quiet now.

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Emilia

Emilia

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And I'm one of your biggest fans. But...not in the Annie Wilkes, ankle-breaking way....Er, I'm gonna be quiet now.

 

:laugh::laugh: I hate that story

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soccerrprp

soccerrprp

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And I'm one of your biggest fans. But...not in the Annie Wilkes, ankle-breaking way....Er, I'm gonna be quiet now.

 

[chills...] I hope not. :)

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Treasa

Treasa

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Why in the world did you guys all Like this? I just read it for the first time, and it just sounds like something dropped my vocabulary all over the floor. :lmao:

 

Well, as long as you understood what my rambling meant. :love:

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