Am I crazy, or could he be cheating?

[inloveandlost]

Okay, I have been dating the same guy for going on a year now. We have had a wonderful relationship, and I care about him more than anyone Ive ever dated. I honestly see a future with him, and would love for it to reach that point. But, for the past month or so, I have been getting these uneasy feelings...and I cant seem to shake them.

 

For starters, we have almost stopped having sex all together. To begin with, we were having sex about 3 or 4 times a week. Now, it might happen once a month, twice if I am really lucky. But I still find porn movies in his DVD player all the time....which really makes me feel like he still wants to have sex, just not with me.

 

Next....I work about 30 minutes from where he lives. He came to see me a few times at work, but he wasnt coming from the main highway like he would normally be coming. And, when I just casually asked him why he was coming from the other way (I was only asking in a "what did you do today" kind of way...in no way accusing him of being somewhere he shouldnt have been...just curious) he would stall, and just say he had been riding around. He wouldnt answer my questions directly until later, which made me think he had had time to make up an excuse.

 

Next....my boyfriend, his best friend, and I all went out last week (a very regular occurance). His best friends cell phone rang, he looked at it, and handed it to my boyfriend saying, "its for you." My boyfriend answered it, spoke normally, and said, "okay well I will just call you when we leave here." I didnt think anything of it at the time, just figuring we were going to another bar later and meeting more friends there. Well, about twenty minutes later, he decides he's tired and wants to go home. Mind you, its not even 10 on a Friday night, when we normally stay out till about 1. Thats when I started thinking that he wanted to meet someone else without me there, thus the lying about going home....

 

He has also been ignoring a lot of calls on his cell phone, which also happened before I thought this and was no big deal....so I am probably just trying to incorporate an old habit into a new found suspicion.

 

Plus, he has been going out with his best friend (a single man the same age as my boyfriend, who loves to go to bars and drink) a lot by himself lately, while I am at work or busy.

 

I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and want so badly for my suspicions to be wrong...but not knowing is driving me crazy, not to mention putting tension in my relationship. If anyone has any suggestions, even just to tell me Im crazy....it would help.

[neptoon]

I'll have to admit that it does sound fishy -- but suspicion is often about perception, as well.

 

Have you also been having very deep doubts about him that you're not voicing here? Possible things on your own end that can arouse suspicion is if you have someone else you're interested in. A lot of women will do this (myself included) -- find things to be suspicious about if you're curious about seeing other people.

 

The other point of view if your suspicions are correct is to have this state of mind: loosen your grip on him completely. If he is cheating, remember there are about a billion men in the world. Turn off that television that tells you that there is a shortage on men -- there isn't. If he's cheating on you, then he's garbage -- regardless of how much you might believe you "love" him. Love is a two-way street -- someone who lies to you and cheats on you will not make a good lifelong partner. It's better that you know at this stage of the game than to spend 20 years with someone only to have them stab you in the back after all that time without you ever seeing it coming. I've seen it happen to many couples.

 

My friend and I have noticed a phenomenon in friends of boyfriends -- there is sometimes an archetype around your guy that my friend and I call "The Brian Guy". This friend will put ideas in your man's head -- I've seen many of these guys in my previous relationship. They will drive a wedge between you and your man and interfere in things that are absolutely none of the friend's business. They will pretend to be your friend but they're really not -- to your face, they'll be civil but behind your back, watch out ... these guys are jealous of the fact that their friend has a gf and they don't and they'll say little things to your man that add up and make you sound (to your man) like you are being a tyrranical b*tch.

 

I say ease your grip on him and make some new guy friends. I am confident you'd reel him back in -- but the real question remains -- whether or not you want to be with a weak minded individual who can easily be influenced by another woman or his friend -- in other words, the lack of independent ability to decide whether or not he loves you or even knows what he has.