Got talking to a girl on Okcupid, she's now deleted her account!!

[soccerrprp]

I had a couple of ladies delete their accounts after initial contact. Strange. Don't think they were comfortable, certain about OLD in the first place and when they got contact, they freaked and bolted. Eh, that's fine....

[salparadise]

I can only repeat. You're not just getting the situation. You're not reading these people or their intents and it's so commonplace on here it's not even funny anymore. How are guys just so social CLUELESS????

 

It's actually not a bad site at all if you're aware of and accept the givens- attractive women women get hundreds of messages and they get so tired and bored with all the boorish idiots that they may start generalizing that to all men. You have to stand out somehow and be refreshing both in the profile and in the way you communicate. Men are a dime a dozen, so don't expect to automatically be taken seriously or respected. However, every woman expects to be treated like gold and you won't get anywhere if you don't make them feel special and valuable. Women want relationships and are put off by sexual innuendo and such, so don't do that unless they start it, and even then don't be explicit.

 

A lot of the women on there are flakes and it's not immediately apparent which ones are and are not, so you have to give them the benefit of the doubt until they give you the clues. It's a numbers game, so you'll have to go through many, many prospects to find a good one, and even then there are no guarantees because men are a dime a dozen and they'll switch their interest to another guy in an instant and without notice. When you connect and get some rapport going, don't hesitate. Get their number, email and ask them to meet because that's the only way to not be just another guy vying for their attention the site. Communication needs to be light and interesting. There is no surer way to make a woman go away than to write a long, serious message.

 

Profiles are labeled as either, responds frequently, responds selectively, or responds very selectively. Don't even bother sending a message to the latter because the odd are so low that you're just waisting your time. I get a fair number of initial messages from the very selective women, but they almost never respond if I send the first message.

 

I've actually found it much more productive to have a well written profile and just wait on women to contact me. That way I at least know the ones I'm investing my time and energy on have some level of interest in me and I save myself the frustration of the ten percent response rate.

[CryForNoOne]

I created a thread about how to get women who respond very selectively to reply. You can get your success rate way above 10% if you message when they are online. I agree with almost everything else you said EXCEPT I don't think the women are really flakes. Most of them are quite normal. Imagine how you might seem if you had 100 messages each week, and 10 women you are actively corresponding with at any given time...

[salparadise]

I'll look up your thread on getting the very selective ones to respond. I'm interested to know what works because I really had little success messaging them. I've had fair success rating them 4 stars, knowing that they'll be notified of that, but not messaging them. I think they are more intrigued by men who aren't pursuing them.

 

I didn't mean that all the women on there are flakes, or even the majority, but just as there are a lot of low quality men there are low quality women too. By flakes I mean those who will engage, pretend to have some interest, and then just disappear for no particular reason and without saying a word.

 

I'm sure this is also due in part to the numbers, as in real life, where they have their choice of a seemingly endless number eligible men and just see it as their prerogative to toss people, not bothering to follow social protocol, because there's always more where he came from. And if they ever wish to reengage they figure that door will always be open. They're cavalier and many of them seem to feel that's just something they're entitled to.

[Estate]

I have yet to see you address somebody in an even remotely constructive manner.

 

Let me tone it down a little then to be advice which might actually get through to these guys:

 

"Don't message girls online and ask them to be **** buddies and expect a positive repsonce."

 

How was that?

 

 

 

@Bob... Given, it's a tough love approach, but the posts on here are so ridiculous sometimes I lose faith sometimes. If guys looked through some of the shock in my responces, there's actually some decent advice in there from a guy who actually gets and understands women a little better than these guys. Sad thing is, it's rare anyone here actually takes advice given to them, they ignore good advice which might actually change their situation and post 7 more threads about the same crying story.

Edited April 16, 2013 by Estate

[Estate]

It's actually not a bad site at all if you're aware of and accept the givens- attractive women women get hundreds of messages and they get so tired and bored with all the boorish idiots that they may start generalizing that to all men. You have to stand out somehow and be refreshing both in the profile and in the way you communicate. Men are a dime a dozen, so don't expect to automatically be taken seriously or respected. However, every woman expects to be treated like gold and you won't get anywhere if you don't make them feel special and valuable. Women want relationships and are put off by sexual innuendo and such, so don't do that unless they start it, and even then don't be explicit.

 

A lot of the women on there are flakes and it's not immediately apparent which ones are and are not, so you have to give them the benefit of the doubt until they give you the clues. It's a numbers game, so you'll have to go through many, many prospects to find a good one, and even then there are no guarantees because men are a dime a dozen and they'll switch their interest to another guy in an instant and without notice. When you connect and get some rapport going, don't hesitate. Get their number, email and ask them to meet because that's the only way to not be just another guy vying for their attention the site. Communication needs to be light and interesting. There is no surer way to make a woman go away than to write a long, serious message.

 

Profiles are labeled as either, responds frequently, responds selectively, or responds very selectively. Don't even bother sending a message to the latter because the odd are so low that you're just waisting your time. I get a fair number of initial messages from the very selective women, but they almost never respond if I send the first message.

 

I've actually found it much more productive to have a well written profile and just wait on women to contact me. That way I at least know the ones I'm investing my time and energy on have some level of interest in me and I save myself the frustration of the ten percent response rate.

 

But you as saying this all like it is fact.

 

It is opinion, not fact.

[Confusia1]

I'll look up your thread on getting the very selective ones to respond. I'm interested to know what works because I really had little success messaging them. I've had fair success rating them 4 stars, knowing that they'll be notified of that, but not messaging them. I think they are more intrigued by men who aren't pursuing them.

 

I didn't mean that all the women on there are flakes, or even the majority, but just as there are a lot of low quality men there are low quality women too. By flakes I mean those who will engage, pretend to have some interest, and then just disappear for no particular reason and without saying a word.

 

I'm sure this is also due in part to the numbers, as in real life, where they have their choice of a seemingly endless number eligible men and just see it as their prerogative to toss people, not bothering to follow social protocol, because there's always more where he came from. And if they ever wish to reengage they figure that door will always be open. They're cavalier and many of them seem to feel that's just something they're entitled to.

 

I messaged about 3 girls earlier, got 3 replies back. One of them is a real feminist (says it on her profile), tried a joke with her, but I think she is a serious feminist!

 

Another one is was very vague with her reply.

 

The cutest one who is an Australian girl living here in UK, she was most receptive. I made a joke about something on her profile, so she responded with a "haha" and a sentence to follow that up. She seems friendly, but the Problem is, I'm reluctant to keep messaging as not sure if it's worth it after the previous situations.

Edited April 16, 2013 by Confusia1

[CryForNoOne]

I'll look up your thread on getting the very selective ones to respond. I'm interested to know what works because I really had little success messaging them. I've had fair success rating them 4 stars, knowing that they'll be notified of that, but not messaging them.

 

Here ya go.

 

I thought greentree's post on what men should not say was very insightful: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/336060-consolidated-discussion-online-dating-42.html#post4726930

 

A common complaint I've heard is that men find it nearly impossible to get replies from women that are in their "league" or "tier" IRL. Therefore OLD is worthless for guys unless you are a player. Not true! I'm good looking but the compliments I get are cute or handsome, not hot or studly. I do have a well written profile but I'm landing dates with women that are starting to top what I attract IRL. So I figured I'd share some of the techniques that I have found to be highly successful for me. I've been having increasing success on OK Cupid, to the point where I'm now getting almost a 50% reply rate from my first messages. This is way up from virtually nil my first few weeks. Just tonight I scored 3 dates from 8 messages I sent last night. I'm actually going to take a break from messaging any more girls for a while because I've got as much as I can handle. I’m assuming you are looking for a LTR and not a ONS, also this advice is specific just for OK Cupid as it’s the only OLD site I’ve tried. If you just want a ONS, I suspect the spam technique is more efficient than the system I'm suggesting below:

 

1. I use Quickmatch to view profiles as I get to see several close-up pics at a glance. This is so much faster than Matches or Quiver. I only read their profiles if I find them physically attractive. If I like their profile I rate them 4 or 5 stars.

 

2. I usually need to view about 100 profiles to find about 10 candidates. I click on the “You’ve Rated” tab and add the 10 or so profiles I just rated 4 or 5 stars to my favorites. This allows me to see if they are online at a glance. VERY important.

 

3. I now go through each profile and spend a minute or two coming up with something witty or interesting for my first message. Keep it short. 3 sentences MAX! I used to sometimes write long messages. Bad idea. It might increase your odds slightly with some women, but more often than not, you come off as needy and it’s a colossal waste of time. You’ll get more responses on average with brief messages to 4 different women than one novel to your dream girl. A few general suggestions:

 

a. Keep it positive. Never say anything negative!

b. Avoid complimenting their looks or making an overtly sexual remark.

c.

Clearly demonstrate you read their profile.

d. It’s not funny if you need to add an LOL.

e. Double check your grammar!

 

4. Your first message should always accomplish at least one of the following:

a. Get them to laugh.

b. Say something thought provoking.

c. Make them curious - get them to click on your profile.

 

5. I NEVER send the FIRST message unless they are online. IF THERE IS ONLY ONE THING YOU TAKE AWAY FROM THIS THREAD. IT'S THIS. If they are offline I save the message in the private note section that OKC creates for each favorite. This is CRITICAL so that I can quickly cut and paste it when they are online. Attractive girls get so many messages that you can literally get lost in all the noise. If you send them the message while they are online, not only is it at the top of their inbox, but a little notification pops up that they’ll almost always notice. Once I started sending messages this way, I’d often see them visit my profile within minutes, sometimes seconds. When I saw this happening time and again, I realized my profile was being visited much more than when I sent offline messages. Profile being visited means message being read. My response rate has gone WAY up since I started doing this.

 

6. Once they reply and you have a conversation started, it’s OK to reply even if they are offline. As a matter of fact, it might be creepy if you’re there waiting to message them every time they go online... EXCEPTION: One girl I recently went on a date with took like 3 days to reply when we first started messaging. I figured she just wasn’t that interested, but after I switched to messaging her only when she was online, she’d get back to me sometimes in minutes.

 

7. I always take note of the style of their reply and usually follow their lead. If they keep things light hearted so do I. If they write me a book, I usually send them an equally lengthy reply. Invariably though I start dropping hints about us meeting. Things like “We should order that when we go to that restaurant…” or “What song would you like me to play for you…” Never too presumptuous, just suggestive. Also don’t become pen pals. Cut to the chase. Exchange no more than 3 long messages or 5-6 short messages before asking them out. Be direct and confident. Never use the words “maybe” or “sometime” or “consider”. If you can suggest a specific place or day even better. I try to get some sense of the places they like and when they might be free to meet up beforehand. One of the dates I scored tonight actually ended her last message with “I will cut to the chase. Drink? Dinner? Adventure?” I liked that.

 

8. Another important thing to gauge is a woman’s comfort level with meeting strangers. Some seem fine with just exchanging a few messages online and then meeting up (the girl above). Others want the process to take days, text message for a while, talk on the phone, or even friend you on Facebook. I’m fine with that as I’m sure there are a ton of creeps out there. If I sense some apprehension, I don’t straight ask them out, I’ll suggest taking the convo offline and give them my cell phone number, then let them contact me. They usually will if you stay within their comfort zone throughout.

 

Finally in closing I figured I'd share 3 opening messages that worked. I got enthusiastic replies from each and ultimately they resulted in dates.

 

1) In her profile she mentioned flash mobs make her cry.

I replied: “Why do flash mobs make you cry? People cry for many reasons - anger, laughter, joy?”

 

2) In her profile she said to message her if you’re a white guy. For some this might be a deterrent but I didn’t care.

I replied: “I'm half white but my friend, who is blond, told me she is more Asian than I am. Does that count?”

 

3) In her profile she listed a current passport as one of the six things she could never do without.

I replied: “I noticed you wrote CURRENT passport. I actually like to flip through my expired passport from time to time. I reminisce about all the interesting places I’ve been and the date stamps take me back to different stages of my life.”

 

One last closing thought. There is nothing profound about any of these messages. But they're effective because I don't come off as trying to hard. It's something that came to mind, feels conversational, is not too contrived, and fulfills all the criteria I listed above in #3 and 4. Poetry is lame...

 

Hope this helps and good luck!

[SJC2008]

she said she really wanted to have sex with me, but she wanted a date first. I didn't understand why she would want a date if all she wanted was sex; so I asked her whether she wanted to be a f*** buddy instead, to which she replied "I think we'll leave it".

 

You didn't take the cue. She was saving face for herself instead of going strait to bedcapades and you skipped a step.

[CryForNoOne]

You didn't take the cue. She was saving face for herself instead of going strait to bedcapades and you skipped a step.

 

Be glad that most guys are clueless. It's just means more options for those who do...

[Malia25]

Well sharing from a different perspective....maybe her account got deleted (unwillingly). I was on OKC for a little over a month, and suddenly one day I couldn't log in. I just figured the site was having issues - but after 3 days, someone who I had been messaging texted me asking me if I had deleted my account. He said that my user profile could not be found. LOL. And that was my sign from Cupid to give up on OKC.

 

For the record, I've tried to log back in, make new account, etc...but I think they've banned my IP address, which is strange. I didn't do anything wrong, except tell that one old guy with 5 kids that I wasn't interested! Grr!! So yah, maybe HER account got deleted as well.

[BlackWalker]

Here ya go.

 

I'm a half decent looking guy, yet I get replies quite regularly. The only thing I do is add some humour to the first message, which usually emits a positive response.

 

It probably helps that I have a shirtless photo up too. Women are suckers for a guy with a fit body. Although they claim it doesn't interest them, they always seem to reply...funny that!

[Ordinaryday]

Happens all the time. You have to realise that most girls you are chatting to are more than likely chatting to several other guys at the same time to decide which one she likes best. she obviously went with someone else, and thus deleted her account so other guys would not keep bothering her. get used to it, happens all the time.

[CryForNoOne]

It probably helps that I have a shirtless photo up too. Women are suckers for a guy with a fit body. Although they claim it doesn't interest them, they always seem to reply...funny that!

 

Sorry but that doesn't work at all with any woman I'd be interested in dating nor with 90% of the women on this site...

[phineas]

So you are only interested in sex? Whereas I believe a majority of genuine people bothering to go on online dating are on it for something a bit more serious.

Dating people isn't just to get sex and move on, for god's sake.

 

you havn't been online dating long have you?

join a site for a few months, favorite every hot woman you see.

I promise in 6 months they will still be on the site.

Why? because they really don't want a relationship.

 

Think about it, the odds that a woman cannot find a suitable man for a relationship in 6 months on a site with 100's of men defies logic.

 

Also, do you think these women are going without sex that long?

Just about every one of them has a secret FWB either on the site or off.

Online dating is a joke. You go for them digits in the first few days / 3 to 5 messages.

If she's interested she will provide them.

 

 

 

Mate, I think she was possibly interested in you for a relationship and didn't want to just be a one night stand so wanted a date. Or if not that she wanted a date so she felt less cheap.

 

No, she wasn't. She just didn't want to feel like a slut.

Had op taken her out, bought her a few drinks, flirted with her he'd of closed.

 

 

OP, don't worry, in a few months she will show up on POF & as long as you have a different picture she won't even remember you so you can try again.

[phineas]

Sorry but that doesn't work at all with any woman I'd be interested in dating nor with 90% of the women on this site...

 

oh, well then i'm sunk because the handful of guys I know displaying their ripped bodies in their profiles who can't keep up with the women who just want to sleep with them must just have better profiles & more charm than i.

[CryForNoOne]

oh, well then i'm sunk because the handful of guys I know displaying their ripped bodies in their profiles who can't keep up with the women who just want to sleep with them must just have better profiles & more charm than i.

 

Depends on what you are looking for right? I'm looking for LTR with a career oriented college grad. If you are just looking to hookup then I'm sure it works to show off your six pack. Also reread my post. I was talking about me. and the women on this site who have made their opinion on shirtless pics pretty clear - they hate...