sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 What is this? As some of you may know, I have been NC with xMM. However, we work together, so it's limited NC. We haven't really spoken for several weeks now, aside from professional stuff. But he keeps looking at me?? Why is he doing this? When we do actually speak, there is barely a flirtation, at least compared to what there used to be, but he flirts in how he ooks at me - and still looks me up and down. Why is he doing this? What would be the best way to ignore it? I know I can't control him, only me, but it's hard to ignore someone blatantly staring at you as you walk towards each other. Should I just be rude and blatantly walk past him looking the other direction? Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 tell him. 'please stop staring at me, it's unprofessional and it's making me uncomfortable'. done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 tell him. 'please stop staring at me, it's unprofessional and it's making me uncomfortable'. done. Nope. Tried this. He always goes back to it eventually. I've even acted completely disinterested thinking he would lose interest if he thought I had. He doesn't talk to me or approach me, just with the looking/staring all the time. Often blatant. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Two suggestions: 1. Choose to process the interaction differently. You have no control over him and complete control over you. 2. Accept that his staring and other behaviors are one potential cost of a workplace relationship. Why is he doing it? Because he can. However, if he's careless, and your job is subjected to a toxic workplace lawsuit, it might not go well for him. So, one other choice is document, document, document, in a business-like manner. This presumes you wish the affair to remain over and to continue in your career/job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Nope. Tried this. He always goes back to it eventually. I've even acted completely disinterested thinking he would lose interest if he thought I had. He doesn't talk to me or approach me, just with the looking/staring all the time. Often blatant. he's doing it because he can see it bothers you, even if you try not to show it. would you be able to go to HR/somebody in management about it? can you say 'if you don't stop this, i will consider taking further steps'... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 he's doing it because he can see it bothers you, even if you try not to show it. would you be able to go to HR/somebody in management about it? can you say 'if you don't stop this, i will consider taking further steps'... I would risk trouble for myself if I did this. I'd rather not have to get to the point of threats, especially b/c I'd be very unlikely to follow through because of the consequences. I just want to get to a point where I'm indifferent about the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I would risk trouble for myself if I did this. I'd rather not have to get to the point of threats, especially b/c I'd be very unlikely to follow through because of the consequences. I just want to get to a point where I'm indifferent about the whole thing. that would be your best option, indifference. you would know best what he would accomplish by doing what he's doing, but to me it seems like an act of aggression... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 that would be your best option, indifference. you would know best what he would accomplish by doing what he's doing, but to me it seems like an act of aggression... Can you explain more, Lillyfree? Feel free to PM me. I've thought a bit of the same thing... but it's weird. Why would he feel the need to be aggressive? Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Can you explain more, Lillyfree? Feel free to PM me. I've thought a bit of the same thing... but it's weird. Why would he feel the need to be aggressive? i tried to go back through your posts, not sure who initiated no contact.... but seems to me that you showing indifference and keeping everything on the professional level has been a bit of a wallop to his ego. being a weak loser, he's responding by staring at you - because that's not something you can easily call him out on. my thoughts anyway - i've known a couple of people that would do that sort of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 i tried to go back through your posts, not sure who initiated no contact.... but seems to me that you showing indifference and keeping everything on the professional level has been a bit of a wallop to his ego. being a weak loser, he's responding by staring at you - because that's not something you can easily call him out on. my thoughts anyway - i've known a couple of people that would do that sort of thing. I initiated. And yes, until this past week or so, I'd been in a pretty good place... Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I initiated. And yes, until this past week or so, I'd been in a pretty good place... well there you go. i can't stand passive aggressive people don't allow him to get under your skin. go back to the good place and leave that loser to stew! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lynn1954 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I agree with everything Lillyfree said. Continue to ignore him, act disinterested, as if you haven't noticed and have no clue that he's staring/flirting. Always carry a folder or piece of paper or something that you can look down at whenever he's approaching you. Stay in your happy place. He'll stop eventually. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Make yourself not care. Fake it until it happens. You have no control over how he is, if he looks at you, flirts with you.. It's how you handle it. I say, ignore him and stop looking at him PERIOD. When he walks by you, don't look at him. And of course he isn't going to flirt with you like he did before, the A is over and you two are in NC mode. Try not to over think this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Why? He wants to have sex again. This is not rocket science. I did not have sex with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 I did not have sex with him. He was the one that said there would never be any intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
lynn1954 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Okay, Pierre made an assumption, but his point is accurate along with the great points that all the rest of us made. The guy is still attracted to you (sex or no sex doesn't matter), and he's ogling. Just play it cool like all the suggestions said, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I initiated. And yes, until this past week or so, I'd been in a pretty good place... What do you mean? you flirted first? Or you put NC into place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 What do you mean? you flirted first? I initiated NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Does he know that you see him looking? Or are you catching him looking out of the corner of your eye? If its the latter- just ignore it. He can't help it. Whatever. If its the former- he's just playing a game. He wants you to wonder what he's thinking. Maybe its an invitation for you to cross boundaries and start up the A again. Then he can say it was YOU not him when he's done with the ego stroke. Or maybe you just look too cute. Lol. Where do you guys sit? Is this an all day thing or just during meetings or in a break room? I'm a visual person Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Does he know that you see him looking? Or are you catching him looking out of the corner of your eye? If its the latter- just ignore it. He can't help it. Whatever. If its the former- he's just playing a game. He wants you to wonder what he's thinking. Maybe its an invitation for you to cross boundaries and start up the A again. Then he can say it was YOU not him when he's done with the ego stroke. Or maybe you just look too cute. Lol. Where do you guys sit? Is this an all day thing or just during meetings or in a break room? I'm a visual person It's very blatant. He will even turn around and walk backwards if he knows I'm behind him sometimes. Just to stare me down. He's all about eye contact. I agree it's a game, but the reason we went NC is because it wasn't going anywhere. Neither of us wanted to cross our boundaries for the other. He does not talk as if he's interested in starting back up, but his actions in this way say opposite. That's why I ask: What. Is. This.!? I do often look cute It's walking past a lot en route to different areas of the building. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 MAny say that. It is a technique to make you comfortable and to make himself look honorable. I don't know, Pierre... How can I tell the difference? He won't ever get it from me. ESPECIALLY not after all this bullshyt Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Another 'why', based upon further information offered: Because it works, for him. He sounds practiced and proficient, one sign of past success. He likes it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Another 'why', based upon further information offered: Because it works, for him. He sounds practiced and proficient, one sign of past success. He likes it. Absolutely, he likes it. And he's convinced my feelings are still as strong. His ego is BIG. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Another 'why', based upon further information offered: Because it works, for him. He sounds practiced and proficient, one sign of past success. He likes it. Why do you say he sounds practiced, Carhill? Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Why? He wants to have sex again. This is not rocket science. i often get looked at by men - and i understand that they're looking at me because they find me physically attractive and maybe because they'd like to have sex with me. staring is different. when someone stares at me i see it as aggressive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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